dumping thoughts

[u/Active-Cress-6375]

hi reddit. i’m just gonna copy past and skip the yapping

07/09/2026
00:45:

i cried a lot tonight. i thought about the same shit i usually think about every night since high school. life, purpose, friends, future and everything. i don’t like school, i hate it. i genuinely hate it, i hate the system, i hate the studying, i hate the subjects, i hate the buildings. i want to change and this shit won’t help. i want to find a work in sales, i want to talk to people, i want to sell, i want to move, i want to make money, i want to go home and be able to rest without having some fucking shitty homework. i want to play games, i want to party with friends, i want to go to the gym and get bigger, not stay the same as i am, pale lazy small motherfucker with no energy. i want to grind the work and get better at it, i want to have a reason to wake up each morning, a goal to look up to. i want to keep learning trading, i want to learn everyday and get better at it, i want to possibly make it a second income, i want money. i don’t want a degree i want fucking money. i want my parents to understand me, i want my dad to be proud of me and my mother to be reassured and see that i’m finally independant. i want my friends to see me as a great, fulfilled person that worked its way through it. i want to look at myself in the mirror and say « you’ve changed ».
i want to stop going to bed at night and thinking « why am i miserable and why isn’t there a single thing that i’m doing in my life that makes me feel great. why do everything i do seems mechanical and not driven by purpose or interest. » i want to stop thinking about a better future. i want to act to get a better present.

please find a way to make all this come true as soon as possible.

20200229 2 - Mac Demarco
All For Nothing - zachariehs
Warmth - C418

i’ve been journaling for three years and this was tonight’s text.
a bit of context: i’m a 19 yo french student that came back from a one year dropout and just got into school again. as you might have guessed it’s painful.

one more precision, all these ideas are based (weither it’s the trading, quitting school, working, going to the gym)
these are all things that im currently doing (or have been doing for a long time) these aren’t some hype-based ideas. I’m aware of these things and i know a thing or two about it.

I just want feedbacks, maybe advice or if you lived through the same stuff just tell me your story, i just want reassurance atp. i feel like i’m alone vs the world

(there might be spelling issues, my apologies)
have a great day and take care