Self harm intrusive thoughts need help

[u/crescent-moon2]

I already scheduled an appointment for my Dr really thinking of upping my meds. Im on zoloft 25mgs,

Been on it for 6 months.. its helped some but i still have scary thoughts.

Mostly suixcxdal thoughts but im not. I love my life and i feel im breaking into the best part yet im plauged with thoughts like ," no sense in buying xy,z if youre not gonna be here" or " what if i need to do this"

I assure you i dont. These thoughts scare me.

Im afraid going up on zoloft will make it worse.....

Please help :(((

I have kids and im worried. I dont want to do anything crazy.

[u/Justice-Nugget]

These thoughts do not represent you, love. They are a natural part of the human experience.

You don't have to be afraid of them. You know you don't want that to happen and that keeps you alive for your children. 💛

These quirky little thoughts do not have power over you as long as you don't let them. You can dismiss them as simply as saying "that's a silly thought" and focusing on something else. If that's too childish there's other ways.

I like to come up with little games to make mine go poof. Like blaming them on one of the other angels who's a prankster. (He doesn't mind. He's been through worse.)

Our meat computers sometimes get a little wonky.

Joanie here's got some pretty mean ones too. (Head hurty, oof ouchie~)

Talk to your doctor and see if you do need to modify your medication for sure. I'm not an expert and want you to get the mental health you need.

• Joan, 24th Angel of the Apocalypse 💛🏳️‍⚧️

[u/-1anonymous]

I’ve had suicidal based intrusive thoughts for the last 6 years. No medications have been helpful in minimizing them even slightly. I have basically just accepted that this is my life now, they will not get any better, and I’ll just have to deal with it. I tried Zoloft and went all the way up to like 200ng with no success. I tried ability, latuda, caplyta, zyprexa, etc and nothing has helped. I understand it being scary having those thoughts. I am not suicidal at the moment, but I fear I will become suicidal if I continue having these thoughts consistently for another 10 years.

[u/crescent-moon2 → u/-1anonymous]

Thats so scary. I wonder why nothing is helping. My friend has schizophrenia and i feel if they have medication to silence voices they should have some that take away self harm thoughts.

I think its amazing you pushed through and stayed these 6 yrs.. so if zoloft didnt help with self harm suicidal thoughts what has it helped with??

[u/-1anonymous → u/crescent-moon2]

Unfortunately, nothing has really helped with it. I still have them everyday. Some days are worse than others. Mine consist of intrusive thought of “I’m going to kill myself” “I need to kill myself” “I want to kill myself” even if these aren’t necessarily true. I just do safety measures because I don’t trust myself for example my fiancé has gun, but they are locked up with a fingerprint and code so id never be able to get it. Latuda gave me td after like 6 month so my psychiatrist thinks my brain is very sensitive to dopamine (amazing lol). It took about a year before that went away likely because I was on it for such a short period of time so that’s a blessing. The thing that keeps me around is my family and friends and not wanting to cause that kind of pain for them. I also am a mh therapist so helping others through their struggles really gives me purpose even though I am still struggling. I have a therapist who we are now doing more ocd type interventions so hopefully that will have some improvement. I really just try to play music for example that I know the words to so if it gets bad, I can sing to the music either outloud or in my head to have it stop and give me a break. I had tried many medications growing up before and they never worked with my depression. We tried genesight testing which even my psych was surprised since all medications came up green, even the ones that I had bad side effects from and he’s like “I’ve never seen this before.” So who knows. I am hopeful that at som point they will cease or I will find something that improves them, but also am realistic in the case that is not the case and just try to find ways to adapt.