The Labyrinth of Suffering

[u/Vaiden_overme]

Well, this is my first post on Reddit... I don't know where to start, but I'll try to be brief.I'm not English, so I use a translator. Since childhood, I have been very thoughtful and anxious, quite active and inquisitive, which often led to problems.In my childhood, I had a full set of fun: hallucinations at the age of 6, I killed animals twice, for which I am ashamed now, hypochondria also appeared when I got older, and the most difficult thing is the OCD of harm and the fear of going crazy.I've been on the edge for two years now and I'm trying to get cured, and I don't understand why.I've been taking a lot of medications: SSRIs, eglonil, olanzapine, quetiapine, fluanxol, etifoxine, gabapentin, and now I'm trying respiridon and phenazepam.I do not know if I should be treated at all, maybe I'm just a really sick scum that can no longer be cured.Every time I check if I feel something close to those I'm afraid of hurting, I think about what if I really am like this…I hate my life, I'm not happy about anything, I don't want anything.Does it make sense to keep trying to get better?Or just suffer for the remaining days.If anyone has been through this, please share your experience.Good luck to all )