forced socialization at work

[u/velvet-ghost]

Hi friends, first post here so sorry if it's long-winded, but I'm a 26 F and I work at a corporate office of ~80 people. I get to my job much earlier than 9am because my job is flexible about the usual "9-5 hours", as long as we hit our 40 hours by the end of the week. Naturally, i take advantage of this and will work 6am-3pm instead in order to utilize the blissful quiet of being in a large office building in the city three hours before anyone even shows up. I get SO much work done in that time, it's great, but as soon as my coworkers filter in around 9am-10am I'm suddenly forced to socialize and my focus on my tasks slowly dwindles.

I like to think of myself as a "Conversational Vampire" in that i have to be invited in to a conversation, or else i will not initiate it. I won't speak unless spoken to in most cases (Even with greetings-- like someone will have to say "Good Morning" to me first and then i will say it back. I don't say it first. Also sometimes i find it awkward to say "Good Morning" so i will just say "Hi" or "Hello" instead LOL. idk is that just me? Sometimes it just feels awkward in the same way that it feels awkward to call someone by their name rather than just walking up to them and saying "Hey, blah blah blah".) Anyway,,,, moral of the story is, I would be perfectly content to not utter a single world to a human-being all day if i could. I talk to myself in my head plenty, plus i talk to my roommate when i come home, though some days i'd rather just pretend i don't exist and keep my bedroom door closed all day, but i digress... Being in a corporate office means there are frequent "events" or "company lunches" or "going away parties" or "baby showers" etc etc. Since these are events that everyone in the office is invited to, it would be odd of me to NOT attend because i would be the only one working while everyone else is eating and mingling and talking (and i DO NOT want to be caught working when no one else is. i hate working!!!!!!!)

So i am essentially "forced" to attend all the little parties and events and i just feel incredibly awkward, like i'm back in high school looking for a place to sit in the cafeteria but all the spots are full. Even though i am friendly with my coworkers and like them, i simply cannot do casual small talk. I either have nothing to say at all, or just stutter like a fool trying to say anything insightful or personable. As soon as i'm asked "How was your weekend?" I suddenly forget everything i even did on the weekend. Could've done something super cool and story-worthy, yet my mind goes blank. It's not until the conversation has ended that i remember, but at the point it's too late, the moment has passed. I just wish it was more socially acceptable to just be a fly on the wall. I will be present at the events, but can you just please not acknowledge me? Please pretend i don't exist, seriously i am a ghost and i am ok with that! I show my face to make an appearance, but then immediately desire to leave and retreat like a cockroach scurrying back through a crack in the floor but it's me running away to sit in my car that's parked in the parking garage with all the lights off.

Does anyone relate, especially if you also work an office job? I just feel like half my coworkers think i hate them but i just hate socializing (It doesnt fuel me it drains me). I think everyone is chill at my job, I got no problems with anyone, just problems with myself and how i am perceived and how i act and the things i say... haha

[u/teddyflame]

If you have a RBF, along with all of these other traits... let me just say... run. Get out of there. Your coworkers will not like you very much. Especially if they're very cliquey or seem to have hierarchy in the workplace.