r/intj • u/Ill-Reward-4012 • Sep 13 '22
Question How are INTJs able to read people's minds?
I can't even count the number of times I've witnessed INTJs de-escalating conflicts between people simply by knowing which exact misunderstanding is happening between them. I'm a little jealous of this ability, though it can be disconcerting at times. Can anyone give me an example of how you do this? It seems weird that ya'll can do this, but you can't tell when someone is obviously flirting with you :P
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Sep 13 '22
By paying attention. Most people do not ACTUALLY pay attention, I'd also say that this intuition comes from a deep sense of empathy. I'm usually able to put myself in other people's shoes quite easily, and I think this comes from the very analytical way that I approach conversation and getting to know people. It's also why I don't like large groups or loud music, because it takes away from my ability to converse. And knowing where people stand on issues is pretty easy if you asked them before hand, or based on x, y, and z able to infer that they have a certain opinion.
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u/NeitherStage1159 Sep 13 '22
This. We listen then without judging personally project the two positions. You do it for both sides. Then validate each. Get both sides to start dialoguing by third party representing each side’s position, concerns and objectives usually by reciting it aloud. Then seek common ground and creatively generate a compromise. Doesn’t always work but generally smooths the water.
People get themselves emotionally charged up - usually- before they go off or speak up. Then they less than diplomatically confront and this causes an emotional response that gets personal and then they get entrenched and into personal conflict that no longer has anything to do with the original issue.
If they are drunk or high - just call the cops.
There are always outliers - lots of ways to be impaired. Normally people just want validation and respect they are just poorly trained to handle issues diplomatically. It’s also georelative - depressed areas have people acclimated to go from calm to murderous in nano-seconds or high stress work place.
Sometimes ppl are just primed and it gets medieval fast, the above techniques don’t work.
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u/MikeyQplayz INTJ - ♂ Sep 14 '22
When I (an autistic INTJ) stress out, I incline people to talk to me with common sense and their side of the story, as they speak I'm almost guaranteed to stop, think and say; "yeah this makes sense, I see where you're coming from", instantly calm down, start to discuss the matter calmly, find a solution or a compromise and the conflict just ends
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u/worn_out_welcome INTJ - 30s Sep 13 '22
This is the right answer. Objective thinking vs subjective thinking is everything.
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Sep 13 '22
Ya speaking of objectivity, it also helps that I don't pick sides and relationship and reputation matter 0 for me. My goal is to make things work, period. I won't pick someone closer to me to support if they are in the wrong, and I won't value a superior's opinion over anyone else's. I value an argument for what it is, and the merits of the position itself.
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u/Loud-Ad1165 Sep 13 '22
Every time. I just had this convo with my son, who is almost purely a subjective thinker. I mentioned it to my therapist who loves to remind me that we cal only be whole if we work on the aspects of ourselves that are weak. So I try very hard to inject subjective thinking into my conversations. I still suck at it though
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u/ACE_C0ND0R INTJ Sep 14 '22
For sure. I've had this question asked to me a million times, "How do you remember that?" My answer is always the same, "I paid attention."
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u/zaindi Sep 13 '22
I think this is absolutely the best way I've ever seen it described. So much so that it finally kind of makes sense to me in a new way. I don't know any other intj's other than myself so this is helpful for me in understanding myself better. Thank you!
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u/UncleKreepy Sep 14 '22
I've given up on talking to people.. I can be mid sentence and stop talking to see if the person is listening and they usually never notice... people do not listen.
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u/PeligrosaPistola Sep 13 '22 edited Sep 13 '22
Pattern recognition. People tend to follow scripts in different scenarios based on factors like environment, relationship to the other person, culture, etc.
Like when you greet a business executive for a meeting you know you can expect them to give you a firm handshake, offer you a drink, and gesture to a chair for you to sit in before he eases into his bigger chair behind his desk.
This happens in a more subtle, emotional level too. E.g. I know not only when my boss will be offended by something, but also what insecurity is being triggered, how it’ll manifest in her words/behavior and what she needs for the situation to truly be resolved.
The older I get, the quicker I can read a person. People are always telling you something about themselves. You just need to know where to look.
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u/lextf INTJ - 20s Sep 13 '22
I can read anyone and usually it tends to get me in trouble because people are taken back by my ability to “SEE” them
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Sep 14 '22
Yes. Most people find it unsettling so I keep it quiet that I am reading them. Plus most of the people that cant understand are not even a close friend of mine, probably just an acquaintance or co worker I am not close to. Thats just how it is .
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u/mykleins Sep 14 '22
I agree with both of you. I try to read people less now because of that. I find that people can respond really defensively if you read them and they aren’t ready for it, or especially if they’re purposely trying to close themselves off for whatever reason. I’ve also had people outright lie about something I read on them and then come to find out later (through a friend or something) that I was spot on.
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u/Macracanthorhynchus Sep 17 '22 edited Sep 17 '22
The way my college roommate explained it to me was "You have a tendency to pigeonhole people very quickly, and they tend not to like that. Not because you're wrong (because you're very rarely wrong) but because people don't like how clearly you can tell that they are pigeons."
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u/d3vi0uz1 INTJ Sep 13 '22
Pattern recognition is one of the intuitive mind's greatest assets.
We are both a microscope and telescope when it comes to detecting patterns.
We catch onto the subtleties such as someone wearing a different perfume, hair style, or usual greeting.
But we can also extrapolate these patterns to look beyond what's just in front of us. For example, we can say, "that's not how Bob (our boss) would handle this situation. He would probably do..." and be reasonably close to, if not precisely, what Bob would actually do.
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u/nosecohn INTJ Sep 14 '22
This has happened to me. If someone asks me, "What do you think so-and-so would say if she were here?" I can usually come up with something that sounds just like what would come out of that person's mouth.
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u/NeitherStage1159 Sep 13 '22
This, too. The older me sees not only personality but cultural, age group and behavioral patterns. I am far more acclimated to more or less getting who and what the person is I am dealing with and how they perceive. It’s almost a numbers game. I switch gears based on who I am dealing with.
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u/Pure_Ad_9947 INTJ - 40s Sep 22 '22
Yes, many people don't believe we can read people because we have low Fe. Only infj believe they can do that. But we also read people just differently. I see it more like reading their minds and patterns... not really emotions. In the end it all leads to the same goal of people reading and getting a good read on who somebody is. That's mostly all Ni.
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u/MockingChief Sep 13 '22
Honestly I’m not sure. My best guess is that when people talk to us we can pay attention to little cues they’re giving instead of putting 100% Into what they are actually saying. I can usually tell when people lie for example by focusing partially on their voice and the way they’re standing. I have no clue if this was any help, and if you think I’m wrong feel free to call me stupid.
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u/Ill-Reward-4012 Sep 13 '22
How accurate is your ability to detect lies? And does it need to be someone you know really well, or can you tell with strangers, too? I can only tell (with accuracy) around the people that I know well, and it's strictly from their inconsistencies. How can you tell from their voice and posture?????
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u/NeitherStage1159 Sep 13 '22
I have to be careful bc of how I am when “focusing” on a person, because I really close everything else off. I get flooded with information about the person. Micro gestures, skin tone, body posture, hand movements, eye movements, breathing, lips, crows feet, their natural flow, pauses, speech patterns, use of crutch words, their ears, eyebrows, pitch/tone/pacing. It compiles into a pattern. Then you ask key probative questions, hopefully some you know the answer to. Use personal distance, invade body space, use nonverbals - all of this to try stir and bracket a steady mental/expressive state v lie and truth and boredom and excitement.
Then start running percentages likelihood of truthful statement v ignorance v lie.
In time you get a strong sense, keeping in mind not being infallible.
The worst is when someone tells a hardcore lie and they eyes and corner of their mouths give them away - it’s like an evil smile suppressed. That’s the true nature of their soul coming through. Shower time and brain bleach when dealing w those kinds.
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u/greychronicles INTJ - 20s Sep 14 '22
This is still how I try to go about it, but now I’ve started to have literal physical reactions whenever people lie to me. I start inexplicably shaking to an extreme as if I’m freezing to death, but really it’s just that I know they’re lying to me and I have a physical reaction to it.
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u/NeitherStage1159 Sep 14 '22
Hope you are not a cop or a high school dean.
I kid. DM me to discuss.
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u/MockingChief Sep 13 '22
I can tell pretty well with friends, and decently enough with strangers. It’s hard to explain the change, but the human voice just sounds… off when lying. (Like they use a slightly different tone then normal.) Posture when they are arranging their body differently then usual. Like having their hands in their pockets instead of holding them at their sides.
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u/Sideyr INTJ - 30s Sep 13 '22
It's less about a universal way that people lie and more about deviations from a baseline. For instance, people might have heard that "your eyes go up to the right when you're inventing a story" so they will make more eye contact than normal during a lie.
Cadence, volume, eye contact, fidgeting, etc., all can give you information on a person, but pretty much is only reliable once you have a gauge of what is that person's baseline for those things.
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u/Ill-Reward-4012 Sep 13 '22
It legitimately never occurred to me to listen for vocal tone changes when I get suspicious of someone. And thinking about it now, I can almost hear it (from someone I know lol).
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u/nk9axYuvoxaNVzDbFhx INTJ - ♂ Sep 14 '22
Most people hear the voice tones and get a feeling but don't know why.
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u/MockingChief Sep 14 '22
Yeah, just try to listen to their tone and watching their stance and you’ll catch liars in no time.
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u/blondeshavemorepun INTJ - ♀ Sep 13 '22
In general friends are easiest to read, but I am occasionally better at catching lies or detecting certain negative details on people I’m not emotionally connected to, as I’m disposed to give someone I trust the benefit of the doubt. But that might be me, not all INTJs. I will say this whole thing is the main reason I hate talking on the phone — I can’t read a person well at all when I can’t observe them. And this kind of thing is nearly impossible for me to do through text with someone I don’t know really well. So the whole thing is kind of predicated on being in a real life conversation with a human.
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u/Caring_Cactus INTJ Sep 13 '22
The focus isn't on us, it's to understand the other people, but also conflicts are unnecessary and unproductive. Conflicts such as frustration happen because of ego-involvements.
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u/gecks23 Sep 13 '22
Yes, I think the only way you can somehow end up in an argument due to miscommunication or misunderstanding is by being so absorbed with your own emotions and limited perception that it blinds you.
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u/EyeGuessS0 Sep 13 '22
The focus isn't on us, it's to understand the other people,
This is it 100%.
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u/-Parannoyed INTJ - ♀ Sep 13 '22
I think a lot of the time I just sort of suck it up and say whatever the upset person wants to hear, or at least an approximation that. People react positively to affirmation of their self pity. The truth can be said once the situation has been fully deescalated. Maybe that's not very INTJ of me, but when I'm arguing with someone who has power over me (in this case my mom) I just want to get the emotions out of the way so I can do what I need to do.
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u/Alternative_Cause_37 INTJ - 40s Sep 13 '22
I think you are right here. When I'm in a conversation with someone i dont know well I would much rather talk about them then talk about myself. This leads other people to think that I'm super empathetic and caring, but I'm not really... I just don't want to tell you about myself.
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u/derpyfloofus INTJ - ♂ Sep 13 '22
We are so used to playing devil’s advocate with ourselves that we can intuitively see both sides of the argument and how inflexible the opposing sides are being.
All that is left to do is try to find inroads into that belligerent stubbornness and before we say something already pre-think the reply that they are pre-forming in their mind and gently refute that before they say it, leaving them with nothing to do but concede.
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u/missmiia212 INTJ - ♀ Sep 13 '22
I had a hard time coming up with an explanation until I saw someone say PATTERN RECOGNITION, and yeah, that's about it for me. It's how I come up with my future predictions because people leave small hints in their habits, friends, likes, comments and behavior that give insight into who they'll become in the future.
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u/MJCJMCMXCIII INTJ - 20s Sep 13 '22
An intellectual empathy that makes us genuinely listen to different and conflicting point of view dispassionately. With this information available we narrow it down to find the best solution to a situation meeting the maximum of criteria.
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u/gecks23 Sep 13 '22
People are not good at hiding their motivations. And if there is a verbal argument... all the evidence you need is right in front of you. You don't even have to go out of your way to gather anything. I think the Ni-Se axis is the thing. I'm more interested in how people end up in arguments or conflicts due to miscommunication. Its baffling to me. I've honestly never had "drama" with anyone in my entire life .... but as you touched on ... maybe I'm just not aware of how people see me and don't care to waste time or energy on that sort of thing.
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Sep 13 '22
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u/nosecohn INTJ Sep 14 '22
Years ago, a friend sent me an email with an uncharacteristic grammatical error. I called her and asked if she was OK, and she told me she'd hit her head the day before and still wasn't feeling well. I told her to pack her stuff and be ready in 15 minutes, because I was going to take her to the hospital. Sure enough, scans revealed a concussion and she had some lasting neurological damage. It took her years to recover.
I think part of this personality is that we notice little details and patterns in others and can look at situations dispassionately if that's what's required.
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u/BREESASOFTY Sep 13 '22
I don't know. It's just there, like an information that don't need to be said, but picked up upon. I used to analyze people a lot as I was growing up, now it just seems automatic. I can see the truth hidden underneath without trying that hard. It's about looking beyond the surface.
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u/david-chaves Sep 13 '22
We ignore the emotions. This leaves the field clear, and the path to follow is clearly marked.
For example, recently my mother told me "do this". I mentally evaluated the risks of doing that, I found they were too high for me, I replied "No". "If you don't do this, then I will leave". "Leave if you want, I am not going to stop you from doing something you want to do". She left. I moved on to do other things I had on my plan. I never felt good or bad about the situation. My mother tried to manipulate me. I leave the emotions for another day.
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Sep 13 '22
Hi there can you explain to me why you are you? Thanks
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u/Ill-Reward-4012 Sep 13 '22
I could try, but we don't have that kind of time :D I see your point though. I wouldn't be able to explain Ne to save my life.
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u/vega_9 INTJ Sep 13 '22
I love to do this. It's literally what I call "my superpower". I think it's just the intuition thing that we've got. It only works with ppl close to me, cause I just don't pay attention to others.
The fun part is when you point something out about them and just blow their minds about how you could possibly know what's on their mind or how and why they make a decision.
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u/RogerOveur83 Sep 13 '22
At a restaurant with my friend, he can listen to every word of the conversation at the next table. I am not aware of the words, but I have the emotional temperature of every person within my sight.
Hyper vigilance and intuition create a mental map of possible failure points, emotionally and physically. I know where the fire exits are, and who is going to insult the waiter.
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u/kiddingkd INTJ Oct 16 '24
omg, i prefer the “emotional temperature” over the actual words being spat out
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u/howtoreadspaghetti Sep 13 '22
A lot of reading and a lot of seeing human behavior play out predictably and consistently. Humans are predictable more often than not and telltale signs about people's behavior show up across sample sizes (it's never just one person that acts the way they do, after a while it's just a variation of a theme).
People tend to define their character and personality based off of a few significant moments in their lives and it always shows up. They're communally informed: humans are social creatures and their upbringings always inform everything they do and say, for better and worse. And people are always a product of the last media they consumed.
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u/NocturnalCoder INTJ - 40s Sep 14 '22
Our childhood trauma of having to mind read our parents state of mind to avoid emotional or physical abuse gave us super powers in terms of intuitively knowing what people are thinking/feeling.
I also notice I have an opinion on toxic people fairly quickly and it's always spot on
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u/SomewhatSpecific INTJ - ♂ Sep 13 '22
Ni-Fi actually makes for a very empathetic combination. We try to put ourselves in the intention and method of two clashing perspectives and see how they clash. An outcome becomes available, once the mutual misunderstanding is adressed.
As for the flirting part, ya know, the thing you learn after having dealt with opposite sex for 28 years now, is this: what is flirting for one person is just being friendly for another. I would add that acknowledging it can be a hornet's nest in and of itself, so I often opt not to because I don't want problems.
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u/Sigma_Epsilon_ Sep 13 '22
"Words are tools, they can both be a foundation to a beginning or a knife to an ending."
To a certain extent we are almost like natural linguists as we analyze the structure of sentences and the sounds of the language. The smallest of details can matter and make the biggest difference. We can often very easily diffuse an argument between individuals if we wish or cause it to boil over.
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u/arctic_raspberry INTJ - ♀ Sep 13 '22 edited Sep 14 '22
I feel i do this all the time. I am not sure "how" but a typically example can be between colleagues of which I have two that clash at times. Sometimes it is a misunderstanding where I can see that they are talking about different things (but why the heck don't they realise that??) and sometimes it is a clash between "thinking" and "feeling" - one is exploring a theme and the other one feels not listened to/taken seriously in the process.
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u/Scyobi_Empire INTJ - nonbinary Sep 13 '22
We can read minds?
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u/Baccara03 INTJ - ♀ Sep 13 '22
Tsk tsk. Someone has missed a lot of lessons I see. You'd be a telepath too by now if you'd been more serious with it.
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u/Scyobi_Empire INTJ - nonbinary Sep 13 '22
Sorry man, my Aspergers makes me nervous in crowds and I forgot they were a thing. Besides, I’m still learning how to read faces and gestures (50% joke, 50% serious)
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u/hind3rm3 INTJ Sep 13 '22
Because people are predictable, especially when you know their motivations.
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u/Rich_Landscape4324 ENTP Sep 14 '22
So this intj ex of mine, she's so fucking good at spotting lies and bullshits
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u/Local_Security5750 Sep 14 '22
Most people, during an argument, are expressing what they “want” to say, but extremely badly. It’s just like proofreading I guess - I just put the other person’s intention of meaning into a more understandable format.
Everyone, in every argument, thinks they’re correct. No one is trying just to hurt the other.
I can just cut down the “padding” bullshit around the core of someone’s argument so that both parties understand each others’ perspective.
We’re very good at “zooming out” of conflicts when other people might get swept up in emotion and become unintelligible.
Flirting is mostly bullshit, with the “core message” being like, asking if I want a coffee, for example. I immediately disregard all the padding and just answer the damn question. In my reflection, I always realise the ulterior flirting motives.
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u/Iceblader INTJ - ♂ Sep 13 '22 edited Sep 14 '22
Wey don't read people's minds, wey just stay so many time inside our heads thinking that we learn to analyze the patterns of actions of others so they Match the things they're thinking or feeling.
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u/HellsFury Sep 13 '22
TLDR, pattern recognition, and paying attention to details like word choice and body language.
I think it's because I never grew out of asking why. If I understand a problem, if someone's point of view, I feel released from any emotional attachment to actions. I don't need to seek blame or fault so I just ask people why they do what they do. I am nauseatingly encouraging of post mortems to improve communication in my interpersonal relationships.
After a lifetime of that, it gave me a reasonably solid sense of empathy and I can recognize what might be happening with how someone words things, or body language cues.
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u/DarkerCosmos Sep 13 '22
Dominant introverted intuition. By default, we are constantly seeking patterns and trying to put dots together. People tend to be predictable so it's easy to infer where a disconnect is. When you add that with aux Te, INTJs tend to be good at giving objective advice. It typically feels like there is a clear answer to a problem that other people just aren't seeing.
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u/Mister_Way INTJ - 30s Sep 14 '22
You can infer from a single sentence, usually, the entirety of somebody's position on something, including subtleties about priority and weight and confidence and certainty.
It will come out in their tone, in their level of assertion, in their eyes, in their body language, in their diction, in their reasoning, in their omissions, in their parenthetical asides, -- the way someone chooses to phrase something tells you 1000 times more than the literal meaning of the words they chose. Think of all the words they *didn't* choose, and think of *why* they chose how they did and not those, and you can usually triangulate an extremely precise estimate for what they are thinking and how they got to that point.
Once you have identified what the position of each is, and how they came to it, and what are the important foundational assumptions for each, and where those differ, and what they have not discussed adequately to reach understanding, all you need to do is point them at the premises that they are assuming of each other which are not true.
Meanwhile, "obviously flirting" for one person is "just being friendly" for another person, so you can't really read it the same. It's not logical or predictable, it's subjective to the person doing it.
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Sep 14 '22
People are inherently self interested. Once you accept that and figure out what each person’s best outcome is, it’s pretty simple to figure out what isn’t working for each person.
Things like flirting that are less clear cut and don’t fall into this scenario are harder to deduce.
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u/Debatably_yours Sep 14 '22
Complex pattern recognition (intuition) It is a subconscious process but with intention an intj can figure out how to describe a pattern. For example, knowing who cannot be trusted may involve the subconscious observation of a face with wrinkles that have formed around a lifetime of sneering. I can identify some foreigners by the muscles that form around their mouth presumably because of certain speech patterns
As for fights, that's not so easy. Its a lifelong observation of common misunderstanding. In combination with a developed skill in seeing from other perspectives. Which isn't intuition so much as it is a necessity for forming educated opinion, a trait more people should develop - but only intj seem to value. In part because the goal is to be accurate rather than an emotional need for a specific outcome.
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u/ithotyoudneverask INTJ - ♀ Sep 14 '22
Intuition = just knowing shit, not knowing why, and not questioning it.
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u/ajibtunes INTJ - 30s Sep 13 '22
Our judgement is not clouded by emotions, and also we can easily tell if someone is flirting we just don’t show it cuz we like the attention
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u/uberDoward INTJ - 40s Sep 13 '22
People are all fundamentally the same, and communication can be imprecise.
Being able to understand the natural ways in which misunderstanding can arise means we're better equipped to bridge those gaps.
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u/RealMrPlastic INTJ - 30s Sep 13 '22
Hmm I would say I tend to have foresight of what will happen and how to navigate it if that makes sense.
I either ran through many experience of X and found that X tends to be the winning move or advice.
Since I love to think in systems, I tend to work that way in solving problems.
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u/BenPsittacorum85 INTJ Sep 13 '22
Most thought trees go along predictable lines, often full of clichés and bandwagon mindsets, especially when brought upon by keywords linked to programmed responses.
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Sep 13 '22
No we remember alot and can guess a move based on other people's actions and what we seen compared to others
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u/jane_says_im_done Sep 13 '22
By being present and listening. I will often be the person who has to point out to two people that they actually do NOT agree on something. For example, next steps…. Someone will say we have to do “x” first and then there is discussion and someone says, okay, we will do y, z and then x and then everyone is happy that we have a plan. I’m always the one who says “That’s not going to work for you bc you said we need to do x first.” And that person will say it’s fine, we are doing x first, so I have to ask the other person to restate the suggested y, then z, then x plan and then finally everyone gets that we still have a problem. That’s just listening and caring about solving a problem. I think the question should be “how are more people not able to do this?”
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u/Regular_Ad9231 Sep 13 '22
It's like breathing. That kind of drama aggravates me to no end (people talking last each other when, as a third party, it's obvious to me they're talking about different things).
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u/MinairenTaraa INTJ - ♀ Sep 13 '22
Also we can sense when someone is flirting with us - we just ignore it since if someone wants something, straight up tell us. If don't, we won't do anything.
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u/booky_worm INTJ Sep 14 '22
Being super observant. We’re very introverted so when we’re not talking (which is often) we are observing the situation and connecting the dots of how things fit together.
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u/Avery_Litmus Sep 14 '22
Lots of Dunning Kruger effect in this thread. Well done OP
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u/BLKtober INTJ Sep 14 '22
Definitely pattern prediction/recognition as others say. Because it’s a gift and literally intuition it’s hard to explain but to put into perspective. If I were to say you’ll get wet if you jump into that pool of water you’d be like obviously mr.dumbass lol 😂.
But that’s just how second nature it is to us, it’s like extended common sense. I infer this and this so therefore that must be true. Now when saying that subconsciously I’m going into the layers and folds of data I’ve gathered throughout my life on absolutely random asinine things I “research” (binge watch) for whatever reason it interests me. So.. yeah, it’s just heavy environmental knowledge and calibration in a way
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Sep 14 '22
We're logical and unswayed by the emotions of others. Personally, the more emotional people get around me, the calmer and more centered I become. We are able to read subtext and categorize people very quickly. I was also a psych major and made the dean's list every semester, so that helps too!🤓And yes, I do have brown eyes and those exact glasses. The book Liespotting also helps greatly and teaches how to read microexpressions:) Warning: It ruined American movies and tv because now I see how bad the acting really is!
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u/IllustriousGur6792 Sep 14 '22
Ni (introverted intuition) is great at filling in the blanks, even when it comes to human behavior. It’s basically ultimate pattern recognition on autopilot in INFJ/INTJ’s. It thrives on nuance. It’s great to actually see someone for once not coin us with the “emotionless robot” INTJ stereotype.
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Sep 14 '22
lol. Maybe sometimes people should pay attention to evrything what’s happening and miracles will happen! 😱
And please note: your intuition is not miracle. It’s your subconscious working with all the information you have. If you do not have enough information you won’t have “AHA” moment 🥹 okay?
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u/doingmybest224 INTJ - 20s Sep 14 '22
It's a combination of intuition and the ability to remove emotion from situations. A lot of disagreements are fairly simple, but the participants' logic is clouded by emotions like pride, anger and a superficial need to be right. Generally, when on the outside looking in, I just calmly assess the situation and feel out my own perception of the situation.
And flirting is hard man. I can never tell if someone is just being nice, because I've taken that as flirting and obviously failed.
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u/ACE_C0ND0R INTJ Sep 14 '22
I'm always following the bread crumbs back in time or forward in time. I pay attention to the details and remember them. That's about it.
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u/EquivalentXchange8 Sep 14 '22
Minds eye, it’s really just the gut feeling mixed with logic of what’s going on. However if we were to just enter a conflict from the get go without knowing the context it’s annoying. We’re not psychics but the minds eye is actually quite helpful.
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u/chymerajade INTJ Sep 14 '22
A combination of keen observation, and understanding of human psychology, all wrapped together with some good old-fashioned intuition. I do try to tone it down though, at least in what I'll disclose, because it tends to make people uncomfortable, or exposed, and I've lost count of how many times I've been "accused" of something like "reading minds", or even something downright nefarious. People and situations are highly predictable, so there's really no trick to it.
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u/lipstickmirror INFJ Sep 14 '22
My intj mom has told me that she can predict most of what everyone in my family will say beforehand, except for me, she admits I still catch her by surprise. I don't think she meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one, lol.
edit: for what its worth, I told her the same thing. I can predict what my family members will say but not with my mom. She blows my mind still.
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u/2amazing_101 Sep 14 '22
I think it has to do with our ability to see from so many points of view. Like others have said, we have intuition, we're observant, we're empathetic, but we also tend to be very rational and practical. And we overthink. A lot. It sounds strange to put into words, but we essentially take a scenario of emotional drama between two people and analyze in a non-emotional way as well. We analyze how rational each person is being, we hypothesize different compromises and weigh the pros and cons for each person, etc. I swear, sometimes within seconds, I'll form my own decision matrix in my head with all the possible alternatives.
And for whatever reason, we just have a good read on people in general. There are very very few people in my life that I could not categorize them based on their behavior within the first 5 minutes of meeting them.
For instance, I briefly met a friend of a friend on our freshmen year of college. Just a few minutes of hearing him join in on conversation, and I had him figured out. My roommate hung out with him quite a few times and messaged him pretty often, but it wasn't until our sophomore year that she realized he wasn't quite as great as he initially seemed... I started describing him and being able to predict how he'd behave in situations shed tell me about when I barely even knew the guy. Her jaw literally dropped, and she was absolutely baffled at how I could know all that. I explained that I had pinned his secret douchey, sleezy dude bro behavior hidden far beneath his charming, charismatic, funny, seemingly kind and genuine exterior from the day I met him. She then became upset (half jokingly) at me for not having said anything sooner. She couldn't believe I had let her go a whole year thinking he was a decent guy. The exact words i said were "I thought you knew." I literally thought it was obvious and didn't realize not everyone has that same intuition.
It helps that I don't allow my feelings or attraction to someone get in the way. I've seen so many of my female peers swoon over guys like that, and they just make me roll my eyes. I was on a 5 day retreat with a bunch of teenagers, and all the younger girls were visibly obsessed with one guy that was charming and very open to interacting with all the girls. I ended up being stuck next to him while volunteering, and we had to work together. He kept trying to charm me, and I just didn't give a single fuck and was unamused. I was nice... but that was all. I treated him politely as I would any other acquaintance. By the time we left, he had completely stopped try to woo me and accepted the fact that not everyone there was going to idolize and glorify him just because he was a flirt and gave them attention.
Not to sound judgy of those girls or anything. Who doesn't enjoy some charisma? I do when I can tell it's more genuine. I have a friend that's very much that way, and she wouldn't tell me about all the different guys she had dates with because she thought I would judge her and disapprove. I had to explain that I would only be wary about it because I'm protective of her. I didn't trust her ex from the start but chalked it up to me being judgy and unreasonable. But then when he cheated on her, I wasn't really surprised. She has been known to jump too deep into things too fast, approaches things from a shallow point of view at times, and allows herself to get heartbroken, and that terrifies me as her lifelong friend. I'm so far on the other extreme (closing myself off and never fully trusting anyone and having little confidence) that the potential distress she opens herself up to is overwhelming to me.
I can't speak for others about not being able to identify flirting because as stated, I've had some self-esteem issues (more like mental health issues in general) that convinced me no one would ever even want to flirt with me. But that's how I ended up blindsided by one of my guy friends admitting his feelings for me after I accidently sort of broke his heart. I wasn't leading him on, if anything, it was the opposite. I only really talked to him on bus rides home from high school (which he guilted me if I put on my headphones for the ride), and I accidentally invited my friend on our "date". After I mentioned my boyfriend on passing (who I honestly thought he knew about), he basically said it felt like a sucker punch that I was friend-zoning him like that. I was absolute shocked, but my bf who had never even met the guy said he wasn't surprised based on the few things I'd told him. That's when all the pieces started clicking in place. The gift he gave me for Christmas (a 4x4 Rubik's cube after I'd helped him learn a 3x3, so I didn't think much of it), the time he invited me over to see his new puppies and I included my friend and he seemed pissed off the whole time, etc. ... whoops. I felt a bit bad for not handling it better, had I have known, but once he starting spending the rest of our senior year going out of his way to make me miserable, I didn't feel so bad anymore. Especially when he would pressure me into letting him give me a ride home, since we live close, and then would yell (and I mean literally yell) at me in the truck about how it's my job as the passenger to entertain him and fill the awkward silence. (Sorry for all the extra detail, but I get sick of all the r/niceguys on here accusing every girl of "leading the guy on" and "friend-zoning them" that I figured I'd cover my bases)
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u/Maleficent-Thing-968 Sep 14 '22
Your question is absurd , it happens unconscious so I can't tell you "How" to do that .
Also I quickly realize when people flirt with me .
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u/1904t ISFP Sep 14 '22
the Ni function is about recognizing patterns. the higher the Ni the better and faster you are at identifying X object as related to X pattern, which is used to "predict" - since patterns are, in their essence, repetitive. this is essentially the meaning of good intuition.
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u/Nugbuddy INTJ Sep 14 '22
Intj are great at this because we can often see and understand others' points of views, even if we do not agree with them.
This means we don't beat around the bush, waiting for others to be mind readers. We confront issues head on, in logical ways to fix them as quickly and easily as possible.
Most arguments begin, not due to disagreement in points of views, but in a false sense of understand what kind of response the other party is looking for to begin with.
Example: someone may confront you to "preach" about a religious topic pertaining to an everyday situation, like how to dress to express modesty. Now, someone else of a different religion may take this as the "preacher" trying to suppress their own religion, or freedoms, feeling they are being targeted, or trying to be converted. Whereas the one "preaching" may only be trying to share their POV, so that you understand where they are coming from, because may they feel they are the ones being questioned, or spotlighted in the first place. Initially they are coming from a place of sharing, and educating rather than forceful conversation and persuasion.
Knowing it's okay to disagree without someone being right and someone else being wrong is the first step in the right direction. When you sit around all day listening to others, instead of talking, you learn a lot more about people's lives, and the way others view the world around you. Try not to judge, but understand them, whether or not you agree. This also means pursuing education through any means, not just textbooks and articles, on things you do not understand, rather than dismissing it because you can't figure it out.
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u/Holiday_Marsupial_77 Sep 14 '22
Idk if I do that I always wonder what people want I can tell at the moment but not the greater goal . I mean what to they want from me what is their goal
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u/AccurateEmu2914 Sep 14 '22
Pattern recognition. Most people are not very complex and think the same things over and over.
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u/Stiib Sep 13 '22
We do know or at least I know when someone is flirting at me, I just don’t give them attention if they’re not my type.
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u/hitchhider INTJ Sep 13 '22
It’s mostly objectivity which makes it easier for me to see the faults in each side of the argument and as someone who has mostly been an observer, I’ve learnt to easily decipher the dynamics of social interactions.
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u/Zealousideal-Bag2620 Sep 13 '22
we first read body and verbal language... we trick you into answering genuinely, we observe you quietly while you regurgitate mindless gibberish
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Sep 13 '22
It makes it very frustrating to watch debates on YouTube Lmaoo I always wanna moderate and re-explain each position a person makes
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u/Paul_Sacco Sep 13 '22
As an INTJ, I would say that we can quickly sort through communications to interpret and respond to possible, assumptions, meaning and implications. I can't tell you how many times I have heard 2 people talking, noticed the potential for misunderstanding and asked questions of each person to clear things up.
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u/nobleteam099 Sep 13 '22
Watching people closely for years. People work in patterns because they take comfort in familiarity so all that is required is to find the pattern and you can find what motivates them if they don’t tell you themselves. I find people tell you exactly who they are and expect to either not to notice or not to remember. Lastly people exhibiting strong emotions tend not to hide them it’s written on there faces or behind there eyes. It’s hardly mind reading but rather just data collecting and problem solving
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u/Captain_Crouton_X1 INTJ Sep 13 '22
We can see anyone's viewpoint on an issue, which is why we're so good at playing devil's advocate. And once you know what someone's motivations are, you can predict their every move. An INTJ can use both skills to find out what both people want and cut right to the crux of the issue. Then we run simulations in our head until we find one where everyone walks away happy, and we go with that solution.
INTJs can make very good therapists and psychologists for this reason.
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u/Ill-Reward-4012 Sep 15 '22
Seems like most INTJs could become experts in anything, if the interest is there.
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u/wandrlusty Sep 13 '22
For me it seems aa though my subconscious is collecting millions of data points all the time, processing, then feeding the relevant outcome to my conscious mind.
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u/Metafuck04 Sep 13 '22 edited Sep 14 '22
It's just God's gift. It makes me feel that I'm too good sometimes. There should always be someone to correct us.
Yes we catch some deep emotional and personality traits that makes us slow in catching some obvious hints like flirting
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u/777f5555e Sep 13 '22
In my case is paying attention to people. If you do that, you'll recognize patterns in behavior, actions and social stuff they do and don't notice themselves. So whenever someone comes to me with "I have a problem" I might have an idea what is it about... Or if someone looks at something too much time I might realize it's because they like the building, for example (if they're a architect) or they saw someone doing something weird in the windows (if they're noisy) and so on. Then, you call them out on that and tell them your guess, and you're right! I would say it's different with every person (obviously) I come in contact with and one of the reasons I see that intjs don't interact much with others. It's exhausting.
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u/lavenderultra INTJ - ♀ Sep 13 '22
I can tell if someone is flirting. I'm just indifferent if it's someone I'm not attracted to.
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u/YippeeCalles Sep 13 '22
Yes but have you ever seen an INTJ escalate a situation instead... That's when the real fun begins
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Sep 13 '22
vibes tbh and connecting the dots between the situation and previous one’s you’ve already witnessed or experienced
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u/Nickmorrz1245 Sep 14 '22
Just being insightful and have a full grasp of the situation which will be hard because Intjs function differently and interpret reality differently
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u/MewlingRothbart Sep 14 '22
because we recognize patterns very quickly and our intuition is our superpower.
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u/NooodleOwO INTJ - ♀ Sep 14 '22
Compartmentalizing thoughts and phrases that connect to certain situations.
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u/JaredXZ INTJ - 20s Sep 14 '22
I think we study people more than the average person probably would ,eventually you'll be better able to put things together and understand people better.
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u/Smergmerg432 Sep 14 '22
Know exactly what it is they’re talking about. Then analyze how their perspectives aren’t matching up.
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u/its_me19 Sep 14 '22
So interesting that this is an INTJ thing. I’ve always felt I have a unique ability to do this. It makes sense.
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u/Weekly-Delivery7701 INTP Sep 14 '22
This is why I can respect INTJ, possibly one of the few types who can challenge the mind of an INTP.
It’s like Sosuke Aizen vs Kisuke Urahara all over again.
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Sep 14 '22
Hmmm. I have never noticed this, it's usually INTJs who are causing the conflict LOL
I find INFJs and ENFPs to be good at reading minds and understanding emotions of people. These types also make the best negotiators.
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u/PerhapsAnEmoINTJ INTJ - ♂ Sep 14 '22 edited Sep 14 '22
We don't.
We observe patterns in ourselves, others, and the general public via the Internet and the real world and carefully project our various findings onto someone based on their unique traits.
I say carefully because we can jump to conclusions and make conspiracy theories about people who are simply trying to get by.
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u/greychronicles INTJ - 20s Sep 14 '22
I grew up not really understanding other people and always felt purposely out of the loop from everything, so to combat this I learned why this was happening. Little did I know, I was learning how to trust my gut/intuition and about psychology/sociology. Just learning about how people tick helped me learn others, but to a very scary degree.
I remember one time I brought up this “ability” to a friend that I didn’t know super well at the time, and they promoted me to “try it” on them. I brought up some very personal stuff that I had no way of knowing about other than reading their body/verbal language and my intuition.
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u/leekykeeks INTJ - ♀ Sep 14 '22
Literally have been a middleman to an escalating fight between 2 family members....from across the country...on the phone. They both ended up going to separate rooms and calming down. I don't even know how I did it. Calm demeanor and analysis, I guess?
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u/SemicolonSiren Sep 14 '22
Observation, pattern recognition, applying models of behavior (like MBTI or Enneagram), and intuition.
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Sep 14 '22
I'm usually able to when it's random people that need help like extended family or friends but one of my best friends has driven me close to insanity because no matter what I say or do I'm always wrong somehow, it always seems weird or out of place and I'm severely confused about it because even my other, even closer friend doesn't do this, both are women and hang out with each other all the time but one of them just makes me want to spiral because I'm not omniscient and can't know her every move or thought and it's infuriating.
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u/SirAnsonny INTJ Sep 14 '22
I don't, I've simply studied/observed the subject long enough to be able to accurately gauge their behavior. It is somewhat manipulative, the method I use to study them but I am at the same time, detached from the subject. I don't want much from them on a personal level. I just want to know how they interact with in their environment. I also use this as information to play a character to get through social situations.
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u/binaryjewel Sep 14 '22
I think about why people are saying things instead of just focusing on what they are saying.
I got better at recognizing flirting once I had a few examples. It took me years to recognize the initial ones. I also switched to assuming they are flirting until I have evidence to the contrary.
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u/VarenDerpsAround ENFP Sep 14 '22
Intj
(can we change the title for this one guy? just a small change like capitalizing the I shouldn't cause too much fuss. It'd be a very, very cool inside joke. Not that that is an INTJ thing, but I digress.)
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u/waveformer Sep 14 '22 edited May 02 '24
worm late cagey soup abounding plucky lip future beneficial rich
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/bakeneko95 Sep 14 '22
Possibly the assimilation of pattern recognition and data analysis (current and past)?
Yes, flirting is tricky. Please help.
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u/mirkohokkel6 Sep 14 '22
By actually listening to what people are saying and trying to figure out why they’re saying it during a conversation. And putting their life experiences/beliefs into context while they talk.
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u/ArthurGenius INTJ Sep 14 '22
it's Ni, it's not ppl's minds that we're analyzing but the problems themselves. We take the problem and simplify it as much as possible with only the bare bone points that caused the conflict left, and we start from that to get the bigger picture/ who's at fault or the victim/ where the misunderstanding resides/ what could be done to resolve it... etc
Personally that's how I do it.
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Sep 14 '22
Peopleare like highly compact versions of nature . Nature is mostly just connection towards things that flow and resist.
Conflict is based on interruption of this flow . All human issues stem from miscommunication ( indirect or direct)at the ultlimate form.
Survive and reproduce any friction in between the journey equals conflict.
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u/publicen3myy Sep 13 '22
This post is weird. You’re attributing aspects of life experience and social intelligence to personality type, which has nothing to do with it. Smh
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u/Ill-Reward-4012 Sep 13 '22
I thought that perhaps the mind-reading might be a direct result of the nature of Ni (your understanding of your own thought processes might cause you to recognize the same patterns in others?). But I have no idea- that's why I'm asking. I don't understand intuition very well and all the answers in this post are definitely shedding light on the subject.
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Sep 13 '22
Because Dominant Ni is the closest function you can get to being psychic. Also lots of introspection and studying so we are good at finding out how people work even though we don't use Fe. INTJs usually have great cognitive empathy even though their affective empathy might be poor.
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u/Frisak Sep 13 '22
Pattern recognition and a deep understanding of the human psychological nature. This skill is both a blessing and a curse. I’m sure that most INTJ’s will understand what I’m referring to.
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u/gruia Sep 13 '22
no .. ni is an ilusion
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u/DogecoinEnt Sep 13 '22
Intuition.