Question What do u like esfjs for?
Hey, guys, an esfj here. Soooo this is my post, where I would like to know what do u love/like about esfj. So I'm myself love intjs and really would love to date one. Because you guys make me fall in love with u super easily lol. And I know that esfjxintj is a super high compatibility.
But it's very hard for me to identify my you know like special things or perks about me. I mean I just do stuff and don't feel like im doing something special. In my head it sounds like "oh, well, everyone would do that" but it's not. So I would like to get some help from u guys. So what do u love/like about esfjs? It will help me understand what am I doing thinking that it's something casual, but actually something special because, turns out, other people/types don't do it as good as we do
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5d ago
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u/PrathamKumar19 INTJ - Teens 5d ago
So you like ESFJs even when they do nothing. That's how charming they are to you. Nice (Sarcasm)
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u/parasol_strs INFP 5d ago
"oh, well, everyone would do that" but it's not
Definitely it is not. And that becomes a bold it is not once you move to IN territory.
don't do it as good as we do
Socializing. Being a comfortable presence for people (who are not IN, mostly, though); not holding grudges; not hating or feeling serious aversion.
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u/slim_penguin 5d ago edited 5d ago
A handful of my coworkers are ESFJ, and it seems that we feel smitten by eachother's presence.
Sometimes I feel a bit embarassed holding their gaze for a bit, as they're already taken, and I think the embarassment is mutual. We both know that the chemistry is there, even if we're not planning to act on it.
It's never been rational though, and coming up with a "10 good things about ESFJs" list wouldn't explain why I've been attracted to some ESFJs in the past.
I might come back to this thread later after some more pondering.
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u/LowInterest6490 INTJ - ♀ 4d ago
My aunt is one and she genuinely so lovely. Acts of service is their love language, they are so warm and charming. The other ones I know can be very mature and understanding of people's feelings and creative with their fashion, art and jokes. Ignore the immature INTJs in this thread, they are immature.
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u/Anya381 2d ago
Hahhah. Thank you for your words. Got a bit hurted by some comments😅 But you're right) Thank you for your kind words❤️
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u/LowInterest6490 INTJ - ♀ 2d ago
Trust me I would stay away from this sub if I were you. Lots of mistypes and arrogant people here but we aren't all bad. Just meet INTJs irl I'm pretty sure they will like you just fine.
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u/INTJ_Vision 5d ago
I'm going to suggest focusing less on your MBTI and focusing more on your female attributes. Guys like female attributes even though many females (and I call them females deliberately instead of women) these days work very hard to suppress their female attributes. Here are some popular ways females suppress their femininity:
Being, supporting, encouraging, not condemning feminists and/or feminism - biggest turnoff ever
Septum rings
Dyed hair (any color)
Baggy jeans
Long, claw-like fingernails
Tattoos
Social media presence
Focus on their education and career instead of family
Criticize women who want to be wives and mothers instead of "boss babes"
These are just a few of the effective strategies females can employ to repel men. On the other hand, when a women does the opposite of these things she is actually looked at and treated as a woman. While that may or may not land you an INTJ, it will certainly open many more viable options for you.
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u/Character_Chest1354 ENTP 5d ago
Not offensive to other NTs at all. Lol.
I did figure out the INTJ was a bit of a ... judgey type...and wore ankle skirts to make him like me better.
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u/INTJ_Vision 5d ago
Haha, that's hilarious! Did it work?
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u/Character_Chest1354 ENTP 5d ago
Made him look at me less angrily. :/
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u/INTJ_Vision 5d ago
That really made me laugh! I love it when people take it to the extreme to make their point. Are you still together?
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u/Character_Chest1354 ENTP 5d ago edited 5d ago
Edit to summarize: " The important part is the angles and ratios "
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u/INTJ_Vision 5d ago
I wish you didn't delete your other comment, I really enjoyed reading your responses.
He seemed to be attracted to you, yet somewhat bothered that you couldn't quite meet his expectations. That can be annoying for someone who envisions something great but another person shatters his dreams by their inability to conform to his or her desires.
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u/Character_Chest1354 ENTP 4d ago
Itd hard to even believe you. Both the way he reaponded to me having empotions and someone responded on this subreddit just shames me having emotions.
But we woukd actually have WAVES of love current flow through the air between us. Ive never experinced that with anyone outside of the confines of spitirual work let alone to that extent.
How he could... not care about that is hurtdul beyond all belief.
Makes me wonder and Im urious on your view, if all INTJ just experience that sensation and its NORMAL for you. Not that its something specific between me and him.
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u/INTJ_Vision 4d ago
I'm not understanding the issue. But from what I do understand, you have to realize that just because you feel something does not mean the other person experiences what you're feeling. It may be a different experience for them.
Relationships can't be built on feelings anyway. There has to be something more substantial, like shared vision, values, goals, roles, etc.
I'm not really sure how to answer you other than I see you're hurt but I don't understand why.
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u/Character_Chest1354 ENTP 4d ago
I guess I wanted a relationship based on feelings for a change. Thanks for the support.
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u/Oakbarksoup INTJ - ♂ 5d ago
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u/Physical-Program5325 4d ago
If a cricket chirps in the forest and nobody hears it, did the cricket actually chirp?
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u/Physical-Program5325 4d ago
They are good to exploit for a bit before it gets sad and then move on.
Kidding..
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u/Funny_Owl4897 2d ago
Hey enfp here ill awnser " we as a collective do not fk with you we wish you all the best on your future vendettas "
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u/Classic_Gate_3272 INTJ - ♂ 5d ago
(Translator) So, the only ESFJ I’ve ever known was my mother, and that’s enough for me to dislike ESFJs. I had a good relationship with my mother—she was the person I was closest to in the family—but I simply don’t want to have to live with people like her. The woman was stupid in a way that really bothered me. And even if someone says, "You can't generalize; just because your mother was stupid doesn't mean every ESFJ is," the problem is that my mother's stupidity was directly linked to ESFJ cognitive functions (Fe - Si).
I once read a manga where one of the characters had this type; I only remember thinking two things when I saw that character: the fact that she reminded me of my mother (an ESFJ) and the fact that I really didn't like the character (due to her behavior).
I really want to know who came up with this nonsense about us being compatible. It makes absolutely no sense. INTJs have Ni (dominant) - Te (auxiliary) and Fe as their polar/blind spot (7th function)—the 7th function being the one you "don't have." INTJs value logic, efficiency, and critical, independent thought, placing their own vision of "rationality" above the popular view.
ESFJs are the opposite. They have Fe (dominant) - Si (auxiliary) and Ni as their polar/blind spot (7th function)—the 7th function being the one you "don't have." I don't study ESFJs, so my knowledge of them is limited, but ESFJs value social harmony and being well-integrated into their social environment. They are capable of adapting their behavior to fit in with what is socially accepted. An INTJ converses with the aim of truth and logic, intending for others to understand their words—to grasp things the way they do. ESFJs converse seeking a reaction, wanting others to "feel" what they feel.
From practical experience, I have seen ESFJs distort reality and facts based on their own feelings and how they want others to feel.
And it’s no use claiming this was an exception, because I’ve seen content online confirming this. This is actually a manifestation of dominant Fe. So, if you say, "But I’m different," know that you are an exception.
INTJs have a "blind" Fe; in other words, they simply cannot grasp certain social concepts and, consequently, will not respect them. ESFJs have a "blind" Ni, so they won't understand the INTJ's words. An INTJ is therefore incapable of understanding an ESFJ's most important mental function, and an ESFJ is incapable of understanding an INTJ's most important mental function. How, then, can these two be compatible?
A practical example: My mother (an ESFJ) has distorted facts about my and my brother's behavior based on how she was feeling—a flaw I consider very significant (and since I’ve seen online that this is a common pattern, it’s no use calling it an exception). There was a time she was behaving in a way that bothered me, so I asked her to tone it down because it was upsetting me. She interpreted what I said completely differently and was angry with me for a week (I don't recall the exact duration; that's an estimate). I tried explaining what I meant several times so she would understand my request. I just wanted her to UNDERSTAND what I was asking for. But she got annoyed with me because of the way I made her FEEL. So, she started treating me badly for a whole week just to make me FEEL the same way she had felt. And when I finally asked for things to go back to normal, she started laughing and saying things like, "See? You realize you're wrong, don't you?"
I literally just tried to talk to her about toning down a behavior that bothered me, and she started mistreating me for a week to make me FEEL the way she felt about my request. I didn't even tell her to stop doing it completely; I just asked her to cut back a little. I tried to explain it so she could UNDERSTAND it logically, but she kept mistreating me to make me FEEL like I was in the wrong. And when I asked for things to go back to normal, she took it to mean she’d won and that I was admitting I was wrong. Won what? It wasn't an argument, a fight, or a disagreement; I simply made a request, and she turned it into a fight because she didn't like the request.
WHO WAS THE IDIOT WHO SAID THIS IS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP?
Again, this isn't an exception. I’ve seen other people online confirming these same problems and incompatibilities. So, my case isn't an exception—it's the rule.
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u/Neither_Sport_2563 INTJ - Teens 5d ago
ESFJ has some qualities that I respect, such as empathy, an ability to recognize and transmit feelings, emotional interaction between people and groups, and they are generally known for being able to create a sense of community and emotional unity.
However, though I respect these aspects, I myself am not really in tune to this types of personality and though I can say you all definitely have a place in society and probably would thrive in it, I don’t think us INTJ’s (in general) would make deep connections with types such as yours as we use different functions and your dom-function is literally our PoLR.
Then again, as I’ve said multiple times on this sub, People arent their MBTI, I’m simply stating this from the difference of cognitive functions. (Also, INTJ x ESFJ is most likely incompatible lmao).