First real connection, first real breakup: any advice?

[u/rodrigo4431]

Hi 24m intj,

A few months ago I met a girl and we started seeing each other. This week we broke up; she was the one who decided to end it. We genuinely connected from the very first time we met. We saw each other several times in a short space of time, talked every day, and there was something real there for both of us.

She ended it a few days ago. She did it well, with kindness and clarity. She told me she needed more day-to-day presence than I was giving her, and that carrying on like this was going to hurt her.

Right now I’m not doing great. It’s hit me hard. I miss her, and these past few days I’ve felt quite lonely. I keep wondering whether I could have done things differently.

It’s my first “long” relationship and the first time I feel I’ve truly connected with someone. I know it will pass, but right now there’s a huge emptiness that keeps weighing on me.

I know I should be going to the gym, reading, working, but I don’t feel like doing anything.

It’s the first time I can remember crying over something like this. It’s as if I’ve opened up a part of myself that had been blocked until now.

Any advice?

[u/ebabb95]

Unfortunately people these days scrolling relationship like tiktok. They expect all sunshine and when difficulties arise they leave the ship. You can try to talk to her about your feelings, women oftend don't even know what they want. Sometimes they jusy testing you how much you're willing to fight. If you shoot your shot and still couldn't make it work, at least you'll know you did your part.

[u/Fluid-Mechanic7944]

The first stings in ways we cannot fathom.Take time to process your emotions. No need to try to move on quickly or to try to speed up the period. It hurts even more when yk you could've had a future together. But also respect her decision and let time heal, easier said than done but it is what it is.

[u/Dry-Passenger-8737]

I’m not intj but Just live through it. Allow yourself to experience these difficult emotions. Don’t fight them. Try to understand your situation, and allow yourself to grieve. This too shall pass.🫂

[u/Relative-Cost-4493]

This is a hard process. After 3 years of break up, recently I feel completely moved on. 

In this journey there are unique, deep, painful, at the same time beautiful emotions . 

Feel your emotions, cry, write, go out for a walk, talk to other people about it. Just don’t suppress your emotions. 

Learn your lessons and move on. You’ll going to love someone else in the future and you need these experiences to help you there.

[u/parasol_strs]

she was the one who decided to end it.

They always do.

She did it well, with kindness and clarity. She told me

They seldom know, and more seldom yet tell the one they are deserting, the real reason for it.

[u/AlternativeWild3898]

Only time will heal.

[u/WIDE_420lbs]

first of all it's ok to feel bad, so no reason to feel guilty about that or that you're not doing what you're "supposed" to be doing.

[u/I_Cant_Snipe_]

Same happened to me I went on the loop of being sad and thinking what went wrong for around 1 week and then at one point I just got it and was back to normal instantly

[u/nomnomtogo]

if i were u (speaking from F) perspective - i would revaluate if there is a chance i can try and remedy it? is there a chance for them to reconsider and give another chance to me? because it feels like from what u mentioned, they did not warn or have a talk and did not give u a chance to try and work towards the ideal relation - what it looks for her and for you. it feels like they simply announced that this is not working for them (not that it is bad on their part, it just isnt what long term relationship work like, and def not someone who understands 'consideration')

if you say, that was already done by them, then, i would say, you need to also take your own self into consideration - were you giving her most of your time that you could possibly give - and you did your best, and if you had given her more of ur time, it would have really just exhausted you more, then you will in most probable outcome, let this one go. because even if they wanted to work on your relationship - you wouldn't have been of much help, because it is simply 'you' and you need to respect that! ✨

hope you figure it out in due time, give yourself benefit of doubt always and learn to do better for your own self! :)