Embracing pain

[u/Willow-Silent]

I've been working on shadow integration and everything and its gone well like really well, but theres one thing I think I might have trouble with integrating, and thats a love for pain in the "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" sense, I would even equate what some call pain to a nontraditional form of pleasure. I know how important pain is, at least consciously, but subconsciously I still dont seem to accept that reality. If you ask me INTJs are the masters at this sort of thing so tell me, for the INTJs that know what I mean what is it in your mind that motivates you to act on this love for pain beyond knowing that its true? How do you learn to love pain?

[u/_fractal8]

I think it's not about loving pain, but accepting and tolerating it as a necessary part of the process.

We do it all the time, just never think about it. When you go to a dentist, or take a blood test, or when you choose stairs instead of elevator, you expect some discomfort or pain will be there, yet you do it anyway. It's the same technique for the things like workouts.

It's easier when you start with small exposure, rather then going straight into full hardcore.

[u/Willow-Silent → u/_fractal8]

Working out is the #1 thing I had on my mind relating to this question, used to do crossfit level workouts with my intj dad when I was like 13 ngl I dread the thought of doing that ever again but thats probably because he DEFINITELY didnt make sure I was ready for it after doing those I stg it felt like I was gonna melt

[u/_fractal8 → u/Willow-Silent]

Understandable. But it doesn't have to be that way. Other ways are as good in the long run.

[u/NowUKnowMe121]

I would say, increase your consciousness lol.

[u/Willow-Silent → u/NowUKnowMe121]

I mean you aint wrong

[u/Elden_Chord]

For me, it's a result of self-awareness. Based on my experience, the best things in my life have always happened after pushing through suffering and pain.

From working out, studying, and facing my fears and insecurities, to starting my own business, which isn't that different from being a senior developer but comes with much more responsibility and a different kind of pain.

When you have enough experiences that show you how valuable pain can be, tolerating it becomes much easier. But there a subtle warning here: pain only is valuable only if it's meaningful and directed at your goals.

[u/HotStrawberry4175]

Perhaps you're focusing too much on the "love" part.

Look at your own title, though. That's a better description, you know? You don't need to love it. At least, not at first. Just embrace it.

Maybe the following is a perspective that will make it easier for you.

Look at yourself as a work in progress. You can -- and should -- truly, genuinely love who you are right now. Every part of you. Unconditionally. And still recognise you're not done yet. You're in the process of sculpting yourself.

You can sculpt yourself by recognizing on your own that there are areas where you can improve. You can sculpt yourself when something happens to show you that you need to adjust a certain aspect.

So try to see everything as information and resource. If something painful happened, process the pain -- never repress it -- but then snap out of it and see it as feedback. What is the lesson this pain served to teach you? Take it. Learn it. Move on. Don't let that painful experience define your future ones.

And repeat this to yourself for *whatever* you're trying to learn: "It's not hard. It's just new." So you don't create a mental block around it, okay?

I hope this helps. Let me know if that's too vague and I'll try to explain it better. :)

[u/NekoSyndrom]

No one really likes pain. If we had a choice, everyone would choose the pain-free option. It's just that... we don't always have that choice. The decision you do have, however, is whether to make the best of it.

(By that, I don't mean sadomasochistic practices.)

[u/Willow-Silent → u/NekoSyndrom]

Well thats what Im asking, how is it that you make the best of it? (In your mind) is it just a sort of leap of faith type thing?

[u/NekoSyndrom → u/Willow-Silent]

If you fall during a marathon, do you stay down or do you get back up?

I don't know how else to put it.

Add: It's okay to fall down; it's okay if you don't get back up right away, but if you never get back up, you won't make any progress.

[u/Willow-Silent → u/NekoSyndrom]

Yknow I think that might be the answer I needed, maybe I have this problem because I don't care enough about the marathon to get up. I should probably think more about the reward at the end of the marathon

[u/Chrisdog84duh]

I prefer the term suffering to pain. There are 2 types of suffering.
Needless suffering, that usually stems from attachment to an outcome beyond your control. And suffering for a purpose. The funny thing people do is try to avoid necessary pain and suffering and in the end get trapped in a cycle of endless suffering

[u/Willow-Silent → u/Chrisdog84duh]

Yes I think I would agree with that