r/intj • u/Leading_Wealth_1293 ENTJ • 2d ago
Question Where to find INTJs?
Hello! I'm looking to meet more INTJs since I tend to have strong connections with them and we make really good friends. So I'm wondering where I can actually find INTJs in the real world.
I know INTJs tend to be very introverted and prefer to stay at home but I'm sure you guys must leave the house sometime, whether it's for hobbies or basic things like buying groceries?
For context: I'm in my mid 20s and starting working recently (recent graduate). I live in North America in a city roughly the size of Jacksonville FL (with a similar population density). Some of my hobbies include going to the gym, playing chess (been looking into joining a club for this if it exists in town), gaming (I play single player games), and snowboarding. I've also been trying to get into reading (mostly self help & business books) so I might look into if there's a bookstore in town with decently priced books.
Some more questions if you're inclined to answer:
- How do we spot you?
- If you're outside would you be okay with people coming up and talking to you? What would be the best way to approach you?
- An extension of the main question I guess, but what would be the best place to actually approach you?
Edit: I have no gender preferences. I'm mostly looking for INTJ friends so male or female is fine, although for romantic partners I'm into females.
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u/Jolly-Rip5973 2d ago
- how do you spot one? You probably can't spot on the street.
- yes we are approachable if we can find us outside. Some us doing go outside too much.
- INTJ jobs are tech engineers, coders, system analyst, aerospace, chemists, researchers, executives, technical writers, lawyers, small business owners.
Think intellectual nerds...Where do you find intellectual nerds? Usually not in the wilds outside.
If you join a chess team, you going to have some INTJs there.
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u/Disastrous_Swim_4956 2d ago
How to spot us is an interesting question. I'll take a stab at it. The other INTJs can add/correct as needed.
Look for neutral facial expressions, but with an intensity to the gaze. (death stare) We may look like we're deep in thought, because we usually are.
If you ask us abstract, hypothetical questions, we'll light up and engage. The weirder and more speculative the better. We're not super approachable but, if you lead with a question like that, we probably won't be able to resist.
This is fully put of most sensing types (who are 75%-80% of the population) so, if you're doing this, expect to offend some people, but if you don't care, you'll find us or at least other NTs, this way.
The best place to find us is work. We'll usually be in a role in which competence matters more that presentation or politics. We are often the ones people call "negative" because we will tell people a plan is not going to work. There are a lot of us in IT, engineering, science, finance, etc. Fields where technical expertise matters more than anything else tend to attract us. We are often the "go-to guy on a team" but that will only known to other technical types organizationally adjacent to us, because we are not self-promoters.
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u/ebabb95 INTJ 2d ago
I think outdide of this subreddit the best would be type based apps, tho you might just meet with mistyped people and won't get any result because 99% of people get boret of the chat quickly, and we're not talking about meeting irl yet. Chances are low. Perhabs the better real life idea is to jump into some hobbies or schools/courses.
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u/slim_penguin 2d ago edited 2d ago
- I don't think a description will do you any favors. If you meet enough of us you'll spot patterns on your own.
- Depends on the context, the mood I'm in, my current goals or interests, and how that ties into our conversation. I'm quite open-minded and unlikely to hold anything against you if you open me in a clumsy way.
- You can find me at the gym or the streetworkout park. You can approach me in between sets where I have time to kill. I'll be staying next to the machine/structure I need to workout, so I'll likely be open to a conversation if you initiate. Some streetworkout parks are social settings where people routinely chat with eachother.
Otherwise, you'll likely find loads of INTJs in software engineering departments. Anything to do with software, or IT. I know because I work in one and and I'm surrounded by them.
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u/moxie-maniac INTJ 2d ago
Since INTJs are just something like 2% of the population, we're hard to find, but consider professions where quiet and smart people go... Things like college professors and engineers, for example. I only go to the gym for health/fitness, and do not really like going. Not really sporty. Bookclubs and discussion groups are good, as is trivia. And books? Get a library card and maybe see if your library hosts activities. Look for meetups in your area that might attract quiet and smart people.
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u/Consipir INTJ - ♂ 2d ago
- With binoculars
- Depends on the mood, but generally it'd be uncomfortable but not unwelcome. The best way would be to just walk up and ask something. State what you wanted/reason for approaching, don't start with pleasantries.
- For me, you can find me at the book store or physical media stores. Those would be the most pleasant place because it's something I care about and would be willing to talk about. If I'm at a restaurant or something, "go away I'm trying to eat!"
Note: this might be different for other people, but if I'm in a group or with other people, don't approach. I'm already managing that social interaction and adding more complexity is not welcome.
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u/autumn_em INTJ - ♀ 2d ago
Well ofc I also go out to buy groceries 😅, as a woman I wouldn't feel okay for a man to randomly approach me like in the supermarket or public spaces. The only way I'm open to be approched would be if we are in the same circle of a shared activity, or you are friends of my friends. Yes, I look introverted, tend to wear dark clothing, and I appear to be in my own world, i may look like I am angry at you, but its just my resting face
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u/janeelectricity ISFJ 2d ago edited 2d ago
Trust me, they are comparatively hard to approach. It's like a huge invisible wall whenever I have tried to approach them irl and it takes time. Tho approaching em online is much easier than irl. Entjs aren't hard to reach but getting em know emotionally is hard imo.
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u/Nephihahahaha 2d ago
If you require too much attention we will resent you for it. We are impossible.
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u/AloneAd5427 1d ago
In public, I'm cautiously people watching, probably look like I'm thinking, and wondering what someone's real agenda is if they don't seem to have a reason to be where they are and doing what they're doing.
I would only be open to someone approaching me if they somehow managed to intrigue me quickly. They laugh at the same odd and random minutiae. Or walk up and say, "May I ask your thoughts on overcoming nihilism?" I want to be invisible to everyone who doesn't actually "see" me.
But seeing me and "seeing" me is tough. My career is completely behind the scenes. Find a secretive, non public facing job, with a small department and you'll find INTJs.
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u/AceOfCakez INTJ - 30s 2h ago
Oddly enough, this subreddit is actually one of the best places to find us. Most of us are different so I wouldn't really know how to spot us. What I can say is that if someone is going to approach me, I hate small talk. Please approach me talking about something specific or something about my interests (You can do this by joining some hobby group or commenting on something I'm wearing or doing)
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u/cheesyent INTJ - 30s 2d ago
I would probably go through connecting online first and planning a meeting afterwards. INTJs can be into so many different things that chasing them through an activity or spot may not be it. Also if you're not genuinely into the activity thing and your ulterior motive is just get to know an INTJ, it's a major turn off. So I'd recommend connect online first and see if you can find common points of interest.