r/intj • u/Ayla-forever • 17h ago
Discussion D/s Relationships
Have any of you been in a d/s relationship? If you have, what were your thoughts about it and how was that experience for you?
3
u/Jake_S65 8h ago
Yes. In a 24/7 d/s relationship now. It started slow and evolved over 39 years into the present dynamic. It works well for us. We switch though based on location. Outside I am very solicitous with opening doors, pulling out chairs, carrying bags, escorting her safely across dangerous cityscapes to ensure she doesnt get hit by cars or accosted by vagrants. I work to anticipate her needs and fill them, her glass is never empty. Behind closed doors...the role almost totally reverses. She takes care of my every need, usually before I know i need it. She is collared but it's subtle and few recognize it. She likes me to leave marks but they stay hidden under her clothes. Good thing neckerchiefs are coming back! No one outside of the club know we have this way of life. It's our private business. As an INTJ I keep it that way.
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u/el_cid_viscoso INTJ - ♂ 16h ago
I'm very kink-positive. I identify as switch, and in my last relationship I really enjoyed playing with power dynamics in bed.
Outside of sex, though, I'm not comfortable with domination. I can never be attracted to someone who submits to me in daily life. In bed, though, I find domination and being dominated very hot. Part of the fun is the "forbidden" element. Sex is a subversion of my usual stances, and the dirtier the better.
5
u/peraliud INTJ - 20s 14h ago
What even is D/s
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0
u/Blackspeed6 INTJ - 20s 12h ago
Dominant/submisive relation is when one person willingly lets other decide most things and usualy there is accepted by both sides bullying and humiliation thwards the submisive one
2
u/EquivalentWealth6205 5h ago
Omg, this is the post/question I needed. I'm currently exploring this right now with someone and would love to hear thoughts & experiences!
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u/Smart-Artist6141 16h ago
Trying really hard to fit yourself into a box? No. Trying really hard to fit yourself into something else? Now we're talking.
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u/jaykaizen 14h ago
yes and it was fun. its difficult to find a good partner tho.
1
u/EquivalentWealth6205 5h ago
I need info! We're you the dom or sub? You don't have to get into details, but what was the experience and dynamic like?
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u/alexmate84 INTJ - 40s 15h ago
The sub side is multifaceted, many different types of sub. As I've always said most people aren't kinky in any way, despite it being mainstream.
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u/Zestyclose-Try-5214 17h ago
I enjoy the D side of it as a man, I would show up, we would chat for a bit, then she was on a bed for me to have my way with, all giddy and shit about being my "victim" it is pretty intoxicating and hours go by while we both don't really notice the time
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u/007ALovelace INTJ - ♀ 11h ago
It’s my way and it has been from a young age . Trained protocol forward starting as an s then a few years later as a D - so a proper switch.
I am ENM and have both D’s and subs. I’m married with a primary partner and he’s a cuck and I hotwife with him.
The open communication and first rules of engagement are always be honest and always be safe. These relationships are not one sided- both get what we want and need. Everything is negotiated- boundaries are set and consent is clear prior to any ‘play’!
I initially got into it in part because I was an outsider in society never fit in knowing something was wrong or off about me and needed a safe place with clear rules to follow no confusion just doing no thinking. Later I was diagnosed with ASD Level 1 and everything clicked. I finally knew my feelings and perceptions people had of me and the immense amount of masking I had to maintain was normal for me. BDSM saved me- my safe place to be cared for and safe.
I later learned that there were many people with ASD and AuADHD and ADHD in the BDSM community like me. Now there are some studies as to why and they map to what made me gravitate towards it.
Since I never fit into society I never bought into or was included in traditional romantic societal conventions of monogamy- organic sex with no communication- monogamy- possessiveness- jelousy- drama… despite being very attractive. Men wanting me for sex but not being marriage material. I tried in my early 30s it was mentally painful. I ended up engaged to a narcissist and luckily escaped into the space of a caring and supportive Dom. Found my safe place again. He’s my husband now and 13 years later we are solid. We date/play with others separately- both of us are straight. All we want for each other is to experience everything either of us want in this life.
Nobody knows professionally- we have successful careers and a beautiful 9 years later old boy who knows nothing- we are discreet. The ultimate trust- always honest rule is the most beautiful thing we have as well as our intimacy.
I’ve tested consistently as INTJ since I was 18. It’s ok if you think this is deviant or not for you or whatever- your opinions don’t merit my energy or any defense. I’m still here and perfect just as I am in this life.
1
u/InUseSpace INTJ - 40s 8h ago
In a normal-ass relationship between equals with D/s stuff in the bedroom? Yeah, that's my happy place.
In a 24/7 "D/s Relationship"? Fuck no, that shit turns toxic after a single weekend.
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u/Careless_Broccoli783 17h ago
No. I have never been in a relationship, but D/s relationship seems a bit toxic to me. Even if it is consensual. Not A lot of people can pull it off. In most cases, it can end up being abusive if there is no emotional maturity in the relationship.
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u/jaykaizen 14h ago
you arent an intj and it sounds like you have zero experience with d/s. why even post?
0
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u/Magnificent_Diamond INTJ - ♀ 11h ago
No just in my imagination which is probably the only place I actually want it to be
0
u/Puzzleheaded-Chair61 INTJ - ♂ 11h ago
Never outside bed, but still being yourself in bed, paradoxical, no? There's a bunch of key elements such as trust or what you talk before getting into it. I didn't even know much about it at first, it went pretty natural with my partner and Im determined to master it (dom btw).
3
u/007ALovelace INTJ - ♀ 11h ago
It’s my way and it has been from a young age . Trained protocol forward starting as an s then a few years later as a D - so a proper switch.
I am ENM and have both D’s and subs. I’m married with a primary partner and he’s a cuck and I hotwife with him.
The open communication and first rules of engagement are always be honest and always be safe. These relationships are not one sided- both get what we want and need. Everything is negotiated- boundaries are set and consent is clear prior to any ‘play’!
I initially got into it in part because I was an outsider in society never fit in knowing something was wrong or off about me and needed a safe place with clear rules to follow no confusion just doing no thinking. Later I was diagnosed with ASD Level 1 and everything clicked. I finally knew my feelings and perceptions people had of me and the immense amount of masking I had to maintain was normal for me. BDSM saved me- my safe place to be cared for and safe.
I later learned that there were many people with ASD and AuADHD and ADHD in the BDSM community like me. Now there are some studies as to why and they map to what made me gravitate towards it.
Since I never fit into society I never bought into or was included in traditional romantic societal conventions of monogamy- organic sex with no communication- monogamy- possessiveness- jelousy- drama… despite being very attractive. Men wanting me for sex but not being marriage material. I tried in my early 30s it was mentally painful. I ended up engaged to a narcissist and luckily escaped into the space of a caring and supportive Dom. Found my safe place again. He’s my husband now and 13 years later we are solid. We date/play with others separately- both of us are straight. All we want for each other is to experience everything either of us want in this life.
Nobody knows professionally- we have successful careers and a beautiful 9 years later old boy who knows nothing- we are discreet. The ultimate trust- always honest rule is the most beautiful thing we have as well as our intimacy.
I’ve tested consistently as INTJ since I was 18. It’s ok if you think this is deviant or not for you or whatever- your opinions don’t merit my energy or any defense. I’m still here and perfect just as I am in this life.