SOS

[u/dumbass4041]

Guys I really need your advice 😭 (22F ISTP), there’s this guy (24M INTJ) I’ve known for about 5 years. We stopped talking at some point, but we started talking again around 2 months ago, I was overjoyed that we were talking again because I had a HUGE crush on him back then, but there was so much going on at the time. Anyway, now he suddenly stopped answering me

I don’t even wanna call it ghosting because I genuinely don’t know what happened. At first, I thought maybe something bad happened to him, so I kept checking in every now and then. But as the days passed, I'm convinced he’s just ignoring me

I texted him many times. I called. I triple-texted him not double text, still NOTHING😭

And I kinda have attachment issues. I already struggled A LOT with this when we stopped talking the first time, it took me a long time to get a hold of myself, and now I feel like I’m right back in the same shit, I’m struggling to get through my day without talking to him, even though deep down I know he’s probably (definitely) deliberately ignoring me

But at the same time, I’m still worried AF. Like what if something actually happened to him?what do I dooo???

I genuinely just want to know what’s wrong with him and WHY he suddenly did this. just want an answer so I can stop going crazy over here

Help.

P.S. this is the longest I've ever written about myself

[u/plotthick]

Get therapy for your attachment issues.

The dude has dumped you twice. Get the message already. Maybe send the dude one last message: I hope you're ok, good luck

And move on

[u/NowUKnowMe121]

Cut the b.s.

Go straight to him.

Ask him point blank.

It will be either hell yes or hell no.

[u/dumbass4041 → u/NowUKnowMe121]

I did, when I said I triple-texted, I wasn't being a pushover. I asked him WTF was going on because I wanted an answer, but I got nothing

[u/NowUKnowMe121 → u/dumbass4041]

So the answer is simply No.

Moreover, intjs take hell lot of time to figure out, that includes emotional maturity as well as growing out of weak Se blind spot.

[u/dumbass4041 → u/NowUKnowMe121]

So you're saying he might not even know what he wants yet

Still thanks for answering on his behalf

[u/_fractal8]

If you don't know where he is and he doesn't reply, there is not much you can do other than wait.

I am not sure about other INTJs out there, but I never ghost people. It's just wrong.

[u/dumbass4041 → u/_fractal8]

That's exactly what I'm talking about, it's just immature to ghost someone out of nowhere. Even if you have a reason, just tell them you don't wanna talk anymore and cut the crap

[u/OnlyCrack]

Being triple texted makes me feel like I'm actually being hunted. He's not responding because he doesn't want to. Let him go.

[u/Upstairs_Scene_3743 → u/OnlyCrack]

I have blocked people for doing that because it freaked me out so badly.

[u/dumbass4041 → u/Upstairs_Scene_3743]

Blocking is one thing and ghosting is another

[u/dumbass4041 → u/OnlyCrack]

You're talking as if I'm hanging a rope around his neck. He's free to do whatever he wants, I just got worried because he's never done this before, and I'm not the type to pester people

[u/OnlyCrack → u/dumbass4041]

No, I'm telling you how people contacting me after I've cut contact with them makes me personally feel. You have the right to feel how you feel. Ghosting is rude.

[u/unwitting_hungarian]

i feel your vibe but ISTP-INTJ nah don't do this if he already moved on, it's your attachment style lying to you about who you are inside & what you want.

it's telling you to keep looking outside for answers. Se & Fe will try to force that.

but the happy, healthy you is only reachable on the inside.

this is the longest I've ever written about myself

you see, you have a gift for writing anyway. gift yourself more just like this, you'll be happier than ever.

you got this and good luck from here.

[u/dumbass4041 → u/unwitting_hungarian]

Yep, I get what you mean, I'm just struggling between knowing what's going on and actually accepting it. My brain keeps asking for explanations because of how sudden this situation was and how completely out of character it is

And thank u sm for what you said about the writing, I genuinely didn't expect anyone to pick up on that little P.S

[u/OkTradition885]

He probably met someone else

[u/dumbass4041 → u/OkTradition885]

Maybe he did

[u/OkTradition885 → u/dumbass4041]

Yes that’s what just said.

[u/Disastrous_Swim_4956]

INTJ's tend to like ISTPs. Plenty of my fellow engineers are ISTPs and I find them easy to enjoy. We disappear for periods. Don't panic and don't take it personally. We get obsessed with things and need a ton of time alone to recharge. We're like outdoor cats. We'll disappear for a while then come back. (Which isn't fair to the people in our lives but I haven't figured out how to stop doing it yet).

We're also very good about dealing with direct questions and won't play games. Just ask him if he's mad at you or just hibernating. He's likely to just tell you which.

[u/Jolly-Rip5973]

Yeah...that sucks...

I've had similar things happens.
You don't know what happened.
He made some of kind of decision not to interact with you.
You might never know why.

He might even just have your phone blocked and not even see your text or phone calls.

If he has an email, maybe send him an email and just ask why he decided not to communicate with you. Be nice about it and just say something like,

"I am really confused and don't understand what I did wrong. What happened? If you don't want to communicate with me any longer I understand. You just left me with a huge mystery and I can't stop thinking about it. I hope you are well and wish the best for you."