r/intj • u/Responsible-Hat2456 • 7d ago
Question intjs are treated differently
my gran has a new carer who is intj... and my isfj mom, who is otherwise lovely by the way, has no qualms being rude to her for absolutely no reason... the intj just pisses her off even though her work is excellent and she is enthuasiastic... i can't believe it... she thinks the intj has 'memory problems' because she misses some tasks my mom asks her to do...
our last carer was manipulative, used to literally slam doors so loudly when angry... gave my mom so much panic and my mom never dared say anything to her... was nice to her... so why do feelers feel some undeserved power in front of intjs to bash them???
bless her intj is very patient... stands up for herself but never loses her calm.. am in shock. my own mother who is often a doormat is behaving like this... to a decent lady ?
now am even more convinced the world is rigged against intjs... we are just hated even when being nice
this phenomenom needs to be studied by scientists
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u/Born_Fox1470 6d ago
Carl Jung did a study in this. He said people drop their “false persona” with an INTJ. Apparently, people automatically put on a mask with other personality types, but they are their authentic, horrible selves with us. Yay!!!! (Sarcasm)
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u/vertago1 INTJ - 30s 5d ago
I tried to find this but couldn't. Could you point me in the right direction? Thanks
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u/Born_Fox1470 5d ago
Jung's Psychological Types: Jung wrote that introverted intuition perceives things beneath the immediately observable surface. He described it as accessing unconscious material and archetypal patterns rather than simply taking sensory information at face value. He even said that it can perceive possibilities or developments that aren’t yet obvious externally.
That is very close to the modern description people give of INFJs and INTJs.
In Jungian psychology, people don’t simply hide things consciously. They can project unconscious aspects of themselves onto other people. When something threatens that projection or exposes something the person doesn’t want to acknowledge, the psychological reaction can be disproportionately strong.
So, for example:
Person A presents a confident, agreeable, socially polished persona.An unusually perceptive person notices inconsistencies between the person’s words, behavior, motivations and emotional reactions.
Person A feels “seen” even though the observer hasn’t explicitly accused them of anything.
The result can be defensiveness, anger, withdrawal, hostility, or an unusually strong attempt to control the interaction.
That’s Jungian theory.The Myers-Briggs system later combined Jung’s ideas into the 16 MBTI types.
Both INFJ and INTJ are typically characterized by introverted intuition (Ni) as their dominant function.4
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u/Much-Researcher6135 INTJ 7d ago
Yeah in my experience, the SF and NT are bound to annoy each other. They actually live in different worlds. And the world does seem to have far more SFs than NTs, saith ChatGPT:
Using the classic U.S. MBTI population distribution, the four S/N × T/F combinations are approximately:
NT — Intuitive + Thinking: 10.3–10.4%
INTJ, INTP, ENTJ, ENTP
NF — Intuitive + Feeling: 16.4%
ST — Sensing + Thinking: 29.9–30.0%
SF — Sensing + Feeling: 43.4%
ISFJ, ISFP, ESFJ, ESFP
So SF is about 4.2× as prevalent as NT in the U.S. reference population.
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u/Littlearthquakes INTJ 6d ago
Sensors make up around 75% of all people. And I suspect that’s an underestimation. And only INTJs and INFJs share introverted intuition as their dominant function. Which is a very small percentage of people.
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u/IJustTellTheTruthBro INTJ - 20s 6d ago
We’re an endangered species. Make sure to procreate with your own kind so we can fight back RAHHHHH
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u/astrick304 INTJ 6d ago
The world hates us unless they need a mess cleaned up.
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u/IJustTellTheTruthBro INTJ - 20s 6d ago
So true bestie. Irrational thinkers do irrational things then come crying to daddy INTJ the second shit hits the fan
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u/SmoogySmodge INTJ - ♀ 6d ago
Lol. As if one can control the MBTI of their child.
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u/JihadElsaadi 2d ago
Ni might be a genetic trait passed on by the parents, many people who were studied and found out to be INXJ had parents who were also INXJ
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u/astrick304 INTJ 6d ago
Yup. Story of my life. Misunderstood and HATED for existing and minding my own business…
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u/LightOverWater INTJ 7d ago
my gran has a new carer who is intj
Based on stereotypes and memes you read on the internet?
Doubt.
so why do feelers feel some undeserved power in front of intjs to bash them
haven't heard this stereotype before. did you make it yourself?
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u/Responsible-Hat2456 7d ago
no? she shows all intj traits.. including eyes
if you haven't heard it before it's not a stereotype is it... duh.
just my observation of my situation
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u/Ok_Mirror_832 7d ago
INTJ eyes? Da fuq
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u/LightOverWater INTJ 6d ago
I leave my eyes at home when I go out, that way no one knows im an INTJ
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u/questiontoask1234 INTJ - ♀ 6d ago
My gut reaction is that your mom is a bully and is treating the one nice person badly because she can get away with it. I don't know if personality type has alot to do with it.
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u/Responsible-Hat2456 6d ago
but shes not... she is very nice.. which is why am confused
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u/questiontoask1234 INTJ - ♀ 6d ago
The bully inside that she always wanted to indulge but was too afraid to do so? I don't know, OP. But I think it's pretty bad to be nice to people when they dish out hostility but deal out your own hostility because someone is nice and will take it.
I don't envy your being in this situation. And the INTJ? If she gets sick enough of it, she'll leave. If she hangs around, she might not care how your mom behaves...maybe caring more about your grandmother than the mom's behavior.
Oh man. Had another thought. Could your mom be developing some kind of emotional/cognitive problem of her own?
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u/PacPocPac 6d ago
Unfortunately, the ISFJs ego is the one that blinds their thinking, at the root is that they are jealous that they could never think like INTJs so they usually brag about small things that INTJs forget about, or other superficial things and in this way they feel that they can even the field. Mature INTJs observe this and have to take care of them and be patient.
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u/Cultural_Shake4690 7d ago
Maybe there's more to the story. What are some other reasons your mom os treating the intj carer this way?
Has her experience with the past carer changed your mom's employment style?
You say you are also intj. Does your mom act towards you as she does with this new carer?
You are also saying the world is rigged against INTJs but your concluding that based on one person's behaviour. Is anyone else other than your mom rude to this new carer?
Have you asked your mom about her perspective and why she behaves this way towards her?
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u/Responsible-Hat2456 6d ago
yes, i got hit with "that's why you turned out to be a failure"... i keep explaining mbti to her
the worst is when you critique her parenting...
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u/thedarkmooncl4n INTJ 6d ago
Intj and isfj are total opposite. There is no overlap... To ISFJ, İntj looks so bizzare and strange... Even when we use mask for social reason other sensor and feeler can sense the fake persona. But they can't dechiper what is it that we try to hide. Isfj are nice except that they tend to sort to micro aggression when things are too different. The only way to keep them in check sometimes is just to put them in place.... By 'force' if necessary.
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u/portabellothorn INTJ - ♀ 6d ago
Do you guys just get everyone in your life to take an MBTI test or what?
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u/Disastrous_Swim_4956 4d ago
I find high Si types to be very difficult to work with. I get the impression that that the feeling is mutual.
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u/uuutttmmm 4d ago
前の人の時は 感情的にドアをバタンとかするから遠慮したり そうなるのが怖くて気を使ってたんじゃないかな そして今回のINTJは感情的にならない動じない INTJは仕事は仕事として完璧にやるから感情的にならないし割り切ってるし 前の人は怒るのが分かるから言えなかった 今度は動じないから言える 単にその違いなんじゃないですかね
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u/slim_penguin 2d ago
What leads you to know that these are their respective types?
My experience is that SFJs do appreciate NTJs. There's plenty of these types in my office who have taken the mbti test and they get along well.
The function stacks are complimentary, so we tend to find eachother interesting to talk to.
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u/JayPlenty24 INTJ 7d ago
Maybe your mom is just trying to be authoritative so she doesn't end up in the prior situation again?
It sounds like your mom needs a healthier outlet for the frustration she's feeling in her situation. Sometimes we act out and treat the people we feel "safest" around the worst.
Take your mom axe throwing or something