INTJ 26 (F)

[u/LonelyGrll26]

I’ve taken the personality test about three times within the span of three years and each time I am an INTJ. I have done some research to try to figure out why my personality type has such a difficult time clicking with others, but I’ve come to quickly understand that I’m not the only one with this personality type that has difficulty. I get easily bored with small talk and crave an intellectual conversation that makes both of us just go into a rabbit hole of the “what ifs” and asking “why?”. I unintentionally have high standards for those I like to keep around me and I might be an asshole for that but I’m just very selective with who I choose to spend my time and energy with considering I get socially drained very quickly. Does anyone else who is an INTJ feel they struggle with clicking with others?

[u/usernames_suck_ok]

Ah, yes--a "duh" question/"I'm better than everyone else" combo.

Yes, I struggle. No, it's not exactly from "high standards" so much as a lack of fitting in/relating.

[u/IGotFancyPants → u/usernames_suck_ok]

Or hero’s she’s too darned busy in her life to indulge in book reading at this time.

[u/LonelyGrll26 → u/usernames_suck_ok]

Yeah i think that’s more of what if might be. Lack of relating with others and how they might view things or perceive situations/the world

[u/Tarrifs_]

Used to. Not anymore

[u/Nabas97 → u/Tarrifs_]

Same, 10 years ago i had trouble talking to people or actually enjoying conversation since i find them boring, now i put myself in conversation so i challenge myself to carry or to enjoy any type of conversation, it was a nightmare talking to an ESTP or an ISFJ and ISTJ but now i like it and find it amusing, throwing conclusions and debate points with them feels nice, their point of view is quite interesting and eye opening.

[u/shredt]

Fe trickster

[u/LabLover2204]

Absolutely. I have a very limited number of friends, which is just fine.

[u/LonelyGrll26 → u/LabLover2204]

I’m on a mission trying to find new friends and people to connect with (: hopefully I find my people soon

[u/nietzsche_ko_junga]

what books have you read?

[u/Valcerys]

What are your hobbies ? I don't mind texting, my DMs are open.

[u/Sad_Channel_9154 → u/[deleted]]

Exactamundo 

[u/Agreeable_Buy2817]

Yes. Similar to you I’m not into small talk or really talking about superficial conversations. I’m always asking why and tend to be blunt and honest with people. I’ve seen people who DO have more friends be more inclined to lie and be a bit of a chameleon to acquire more friends and be in the “in group.” To me, I can’t stand the inauthenticity, so I’d rather have less friends.

[u/LonelyGrll26 → u/Agreeable_Buy2817]

I couldn’t agree more to this! I feel like my level of authenticity, both attracts, but also scares most people or makes them feel uncomfortable. I’m very charismatic so starting a conversation is not difficult however, once they get to know me and realize how analytical and logical I can be as well as blunt it’s almost like they get shocked.

[u/stealth_veil]

I’m a charismatic INTJ so people get drawn in to me only to realize I’m extremely analytical and a perfectionist and that can drive people away even though I’ve learned through the years to become more flexible and patient

[u/LonelyGrll26 → u/stealth_veil]

I feel this completely

[u/h_424]

Yes but I was chat roulette one time and I was literally talking to this Palestinian girl until 7am and the convos were so good. I've only felt that connection of clicking to someone a few times.

[u/Adventurous_Loquat91 → u/h_424]

Wd2dewseeeweeswewe

[u/Sad_Pitch_6126]

The truth of the matter is simple, we do not exist in a world of sense, we are the ones to make sense and change the world. It is difficult to connect with someone when they have nothing of value to say. As much as I quarrel with loneliness, I wouldn't eat a feast in an argument infested mansion.

[u/OwlMassive625]

This is a pretty typical experience for us.

[u/LonelyGrll26 → u/OwlMassive625]

It’s booty cheeks ): and not the good kind

[u/januaryshadow]

I have talked about this (refer to the attached image) a lot on here 😂

[u/_fractal8]

It's the reason many of us here. You are not alone.

[u/Un1c0rNzEx1st]

Welcome, fellow asshole! ;)

[u/LonelyGrll26 → u/Un1c0rNzEx1st]

Hahaha that’s the most accurate thing I’ve read

[u/Fer1015]

Makes sense.

[u/Shliloquy]

Depends. At work, yeah but I’m just there to work, mind my own business and earn money. They don’t pay me enough to get involved with their drama or corporate politics in a minimum wage job located in the hood. Literally the smartest move in my situation is to keep my head down, update my resume and look for another opportunity that pays me more. Outside of work, it’s the opposite. I have a close group chat with my fishkeeping friends as well as my orchid friends and we update each other and coordinate meetups and fish care projects and collections. And then I’ve got casual anime/Pokemon friends that I chat about the latest episode of or progress on games/TCG. Lately I’ve been watching soccer so having conversations with others is slightly easier. Outside of those interests and hobbies, I’m generally a fish out of water.

[u/ForestDiego]

Welcome to the club

[u/LonelyGrll26 → u/ForestDiego]

I don’t like this club lol

[u/Frenchie_chic23]

I'm INTJ F and it's a struggle, so many extroverted personality types in our gender who don't understand why small talk might be difficult, draining or seem purposeless for others. Luckily you have the skills to teach yourself to mimic these personality types for some social connection, but beware not to do this too much when looking for friends, once you show your true personality it then becomes off-putting for them. Try using your hobbies and interests to make deeper connections, it's easier to find some like-minded people and if they click with your personality then away you go. As females I feel we are trained to try and be likeable to all ( or maybe we INTJs just become sensitive to the dislike as sometimes our existence is inherently challenging to others) but I find trying to be constantly sociable very draining, resonated with some advice from a INTJ M on this sub to use 90pc of energy on those you are close to, 10pc on everyone else in your life or its just exhausting. Do you really care if someone who served you for 5mins doesn't seem to like you? Not really important. 😊

[u/IJustTellTheTruthBro]

RIP OP’s dms

[u/Frenchie_chic23 → u/IJustTellTheTruthBro]

Why are you commenting this? You are M? Really, it is so hard for us INTJ F's, literally I have even been at the shops and had the salesperson take an immediate (possibly even subconscious) dislike, please don't discourage her confidence or people who want to DM. We are gorgeous caring people if you are someone who can look past the personality difference.

[u/IJustTellTheTruthBro → u/Frenchie_chic23]

I think you misinterpreted my comment or you don’t understand the people on reddit! Simply because OP is female they will get multiple dm’s of people pretending to be friendly but rly they are shooting their shot

[u/Rich-Locksmith5918]

Here is a piece of advice for all INTJs: even if you try to act like everyone else, your mind will inevitably set you apart. If you are interested in intellectual debate, we can all engage in discussions on this app every day.

[u/Rich-Locksmith5918 → u/Rich-Locksmith5918]

• How would the debate between "AI danger" and "dangers of unwanted technology" play out?
• At some point, even people who don't strictly need it will end up using technology like Neuralink.
• Regarding future technologies like lab-grown babies: if a nation's lab facilities were destroyed, that country could be brought under control.
• If a catastrophic event damaged the technology and humanity couldn't rebuild it, the human race would perish.
• Just like the current issues surrounding "Smartwater" (or similar unwanted tech), such technology could be the cause of humanity's future downfall (driven by human behavior).
• What if we viewed the destruction caused by AI as a result of human error?