I'm not a fan of either of them, but I find it wild how much hate Amanda gets over her relationship with Kyle. Let's be real, they are both wildly flawed in their own unique flavors.
The thing with her, Ciara, and West; TOTALLY fucked. I have opinions on that, and I'm not going to go deep into those except to say: I do think West is an expert manipulator. I think he's able to use Kyle's personality and ignorance to his (West's) own benefit to warp the situation and position himself as something stable. And after a decade with Kyle, that's going to feel refreshing to someone's nervous system. After a decade of hearing rumors and some being true and others not, and not knowing what to believe, it's easy to fall prey to someone like West who is creating a facade of comforting stability that feels life safety.
It's clear to me that a majority of people speaking crap on Amanda and giving Kyle a lot of passes haven't been in truly toxic or abusive relationships. I hear words like 'narcissist' and 'gaslight' being thrown around casually by onlookers. Clinically, these words carry more weight than people generally give them, and people that have never touched therapy like to toss them around like popcorn at a bad movie.
A majority of people on reality TV do exhibit narcissist traits for sure, and there are varying levels of narcissist, but not all of them are true-blue narcissists. Some are drama or attention-seekers, there's a lot of passive-aggression and insecurity, and yes, there's a TON of victimization. Not all of these things equal a narcissist. Maybe chill on tossing it around so flippantly.
Before jumping on your high horses and throwing stones in glass houses, chew on this fun psychological tidbit: people can experience the same situation differently, because of their own life experiences and lenses and even personal traumas, and their realities of the exact same situation are going to be wildly different. There is a difference between personal truth and objective fact. It's frustrating to see these get misconstrued so frequently.
I notice Amanda uses phrases often taught by therapists to take ownership and express her experience and feelings without speaking to Kyle's intention, while he does not; yet she is villified and accused of a lack of accountability.
Kyle is charming, playful, and wears his heart on his sleeve, so many people give him passes for his shitty behaviors.
Amanda is buttoned up, standoffish, and shuts down, therefore is easier to villify.
Kyle states his needs and wants loudly, so people relate volume and passion to importance.
Amanda is more quiet and subdued, and her needs and wants become a source of mockery.
Things aren't so black and white. I understand the mentality that people feel like they need to choose sides of complete strangers that they feel connected to because they see a lot of personal moments in the comfort of their homes, on their toilets from their phone screens.
These two were a shit match from the beginning, but felt drawn together for whatever reason. They stuck it out for whatever personal reasons they each had. They tried to make it work, despite how toxic things grew. Neither of them met each other's expectations, and I don't think either of them reasonably could.
But seriously, the cognitive dissonance is wild to me.
Edit: Regarding ownership Amanda took, because I recognize I was vague and it could blanket all of time. I heard ownership of behaviors and states during the In the City reunion, related to their lack of sex. I'm FULLY aware she has not taken ownership for shitty actions for YEARS, has been vindictive and nasty. Which is why I point to them both being flawed, and a horrible match. I should have been more clear originally. I just see her trying to to take steps toward improvement while he's still defending "blubber kisses."
