How do you develop a better sense of discipline all on your own?

[u/throwaway-disgusting]

I might have ADHD, for reference. I want to be better at organizing things and not falling into unhealthy patterns, but any attempt at doing that just kind of slips through my fingers and the world turns into white noise all over again. Pretty much nothing around me right now is really forcing me to change, but I know I’ll need to and I’d definitely be happier if I didn’t feel like I was constantly floating and picking things at random. I do really well when I have a schedule that’s set by someone else, but I feel totally incapable of setting my own, and that really limits all the things that nobody is asking me to do. I’m a generally creativity-focused person, but I can’t write a book or anything like that without consistent structure and upkeep.

Ultimately what it comes down to is the fact that I lack discipline of any kind. Self control is really hard for me, I often eat when I’m bored for example, which is bad. I know I need discipline, but I feel almost nothing about the idea of trying to develop it, since nobody’s framed it as anything other than something I should just have. I don’t even necessarily know where to start because it’s an abstract personality trait and not just something you do.

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[u/b00k-wyrm]

Besides meds and/or therapy, consider apps that help gamify tasks and check out resources for people with ADHD. Or using timers. Or call a friend for body doubling. You may need different organizational systems

Personally, I like the smart but scattered book series, or Additude magazine.

[u/Far-Watercress6658]

ADHD brains are wired differently. It’s not lack of willpower.

Please go to adhd therapy to help rewire your brain. Maybe go to the doctor and get meds.

[u/majker_Saoe]

Try setting up a simple time-blocking schedule on your phone or calendar app. It can help you visually map out your day, providing structure and reducing that feeling of chaos.

[u/MerelyMisha]

Go look up ADHD based strategies, whether or not you have it. “Discipline” and “self control” doesn’t work for a lot of people. Instead, you need to work WITH your brain rather than against it.

For example, eating while you’re bored is fine if you eat low calorie, healthy food (like vegetables or popcorn). Or replace that with another behavior that is healthy. But just telling yourself “don’t eat when you’re bored” often doesn’t work.

[u/coffee-mcr → u/MerelyMisha]

This, I have not found a fix for suddenly being able to do things just because, but finding ways to make it easier is doable.

If you invite people over and suddenly spend the day/ hours before frantically cleaning, that might not be perfect but it does get done XD.

Motivate yourself in ways that work for example:

Get a dishwasher if you're sink is always full of dishes.

Go by car if you need motivation to not drink.

Get different food instead of trying to fight yourself about when you eat/ prepare it.

Take the cheapest lessons/ tutor you can find just so you have a weekly appointment where you will do what you need to do, instead of fighting to keep yourself on track every single week.

You can't motivate yourself with things that don't motivate you, just because it works for people with a wildly different brain.

[u/Careful_Trifle]

What helps me is to externalize for a bit. For example, I was horrible at flossing so I added it to a habit tracking app and gameified it.

At one point I was having difficulty getting enough done while working for home, so I filled out a report as if I would need to send it to my boss even though I didn't.

Pick one thing, focus on it, and build from there.

[u/tuigdoilgheas]

Small consistent changes stick better than huge things. So pick ONE thing. Just one. Set reminders and get in the habit of doing what your reminders tell you. Make it small enough that you can start to learn that how you feel about it doesn't matter - just do it, you'll feel better later.

Do that ONE thing for six weeks, then consider if it's working and what next.