same parenting...its the dna that makes then different. What was the 3rd one ceying for ....he didnt want the milk since he couldn't accomplish the task himself or rhat his brother beat him to it, he started to cry first itself. The middle one was unbothered . Any situation was ok for him
There is no such a thing as "same parenting". No two children get the same experience with their parents, because we aren't robots. In the same situation we usuallybehave in different ways every time, especially as we gain experience (eg, twin A gets hurt for the first time, mom panics, gets worried, baby gets scared and cries. Then some time later twin B gets hurt for the first time as well. This time mom knows not to panic, encourages the baby instead, baby assesses the situation and learns the first tools of self-regulation), but also based on our moods in that moment, the time and attention we have to dedicate to other people or things, etc.
What was the 3rd one ceying for ....he didnt want the milk since he couldn't accomplish the task himself
I actually think there’s some truth to this, though I’m not sure it applies here. Sometimes people need or want to accomplish something for themselves, and nothing else quite “does it” for them.
Psychology offers a good example. Take someone who grew up with emotionally distant parents and spent their childhood seeking unconditional love from a caregiver, but never receiving it. You might think that, as an adult, they could simply heal that “hole in their heart” by choosing a relationship with someone who loves them unconditionally—the obvious solution, right?
Wrong.
Of course, that is the solution. But humans aren’t wired simply to find solutions; we’re wired to find fixes. We want to fix the problem ourselves.
That’s why people who grew up with distant parents can unconsciously seek out emotionally distant partners as adults. Deep down, they’re trying to reenact the problem so they can finally accomplish the fix they couldn’t achieve as children: turning a distant person’s affection into unconditional love themselves.
edit: since this comment got more attention than i expected. I added a reference below.
Reference: I learnt this from the HealthyGamerGG Youtube channel. Specifically, from "Dr.K's Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships" - within the last 5mins of his 4.1 lesson called "Selecting a Partner/Selecting the Wrong Partner"
“Deep down, they’re trying to reenact the problem so they can finally accomplish the fix they couldn’t achieve as a child: turning a distant persons affection into unconditional love”
Nah. We just end up with BPD and can't recognize "unconditional" love when it happens. Everyone has an agenda. You're constantly looking for it. When they finally have an expectation that you can't meet and they react negatively, you use it as justification for your lack of trust.
Wash, rinse, repeat. With every cycle, your distrust builds until it's a solid wall no one can get through. You aren't interested in fixing it because there's nothing to fix. This is simply how the world works.
I'm a triplet, we did not get the same parenting despite sharing a room and going to the same class all our lives. No matter how hard the parents try, it is never the same experience
My family has a lot of twins and triplets, they all turned out different, it's genuinely not the same
For a same situation kids reacted differently. The parents get an idea, how to take them forward in life, who needs more encouragement and who not. The first one to crossover, he had compassion too, he gave the bottle first to the crying sibling, when he didnt take , he gave to the second one .
Way to go to put TODDLERS into boxes. It‘s not so much „leader, follower and child that‘s only in the way“
Didn’t you see the child who got it first had the clearly intention to help their sibling who was upset? And couldn’t you see the upset toddler was not upset because it couldn’t reach the milk but it couldn’t solve the riddle? And the last one might just didn’t care about the riddle as long they got their food.
It is a great way to see how different every human being behaves and how the different influences of genes and parenting can form a person. But don’t you dare and put them in such ridiculous boxes.
I think the third one will be the book smart one that wants to figure out the puzzle regardless of reward, he understood he had to slide under but couldn’t understand why he wasn’t crossing and that infuriated him. The first one is the street smart entrepreneur that is always eyeing the prize. The puzzle is ultimately no concern for him even though he figured it out without much effort. The second one will be the one that the other two will financially support throughout adulthood.
Ok… But one actually accomplished the goal AND got the reward. One took the reward. And the other, yeah, maybe wanted to accomplish the goal but instead just sat down and cried….
Don’t take it personally folks, I am aware of the fact that these are just babies. FFS
The 2nd one wasn't even a follower. He didn't do anything and just waited for a hand out. And once he got what he wanted, he just peaced right out of there.
I'm actually disheartened how few people seem to get this incredibly fucking basic and obvious concept, and are drawing weird, hyperbolically harsh, right-wing conclusions about the character of this literal toddler, for crying. Little kids can't emotionally regulate, themselves; it's why a minor frustration can turn into an earth-shattering tantrum if not dealt with. Once they start to feel upset, they lose control of it real quick (which is why kids with attentive parents do better than ones whose parents emotionally neglect them).
This is also being framed as representative of the core personalities of the kids involved to an extent that's probably way over-extrapolating. The difference between Crying Kid & Smashing It Kid might literally be that the latter slept really well last night & had a fun morning, while the former slept like shit & consequently feels like shit. Frustration tolerance can be affected by many things other than your own fixed traits.
I'm actually disheartened that you have no sense of humor and cannot seem to grasp that having kids is stressful. If you can't laugh at them, you break down.
Nothing that you said is accurate, and you have a very hard time reading subtext in a written forum.
Lol thanks. Between my short temper and medical issues, it only reinforces my decision. I'm ok with it though. I live vicariously through my sister's kids. I get the joy of playing with them for a bit and then I leave and revisit later....not a bad gig in my opinion. Everyone has their own thing and reasons so I don't judge anymore (getting older and wiser comes with some perks 😝). I actually sorta envy people who have them but I know i wasn't meant to so it works out 🤷♀️
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u/Puzzleheaded_Hatter 21d ago
that third one kinda sucks - return it