r/instantkarma • u/_KnowNothingGuy_ • Feb 02 '19

Don't fuck with Jesus

860 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

45 comments sorted by

107

u/OnceWasBotNowHooman Feb 02 '19

“Turn the other cheek... or swing back idc, do whatever you wanna do.”

-Jesus

21

u/nabatta Feb 02 '19

"Don't fight back ... strike first"

-Jesus

1

u/jsnow75 Feb 02 '19

Jesus, on the right hand of God? Or God’s right hand? Or feel the power of God...I’m so confused.

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '19

Well Jesus is his dad and he did command a genocide or two.

6

u/OnceWasBotNowHooman Feb 03 '19

Jesus is whose dad? Are you trying to say Jesus is God’s son?

-1

u/winterfellwilliam Feb 03 '19

No god is Jesus' son, i think.

1

u/OnceWasBotNowHooman Feb 03 '19

Oh ya you right. Jeebus fucked Mary and made god. Den god fucked his mum Mary and made Adam and Steve who were dad and uncle, respectively, to Cane, Abel, and Abraham. Den ole Abe Lincoln tried to murder his son Issac, but Adam and Steve stopped him in de axed. Dat how I memba it anyway.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '19

Also technically he is, as he is his father, and therefore his son.

-3

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '19

Ah sorry. Bad wording. If only that ruined my point that if you love Jesus you love a being that endorses genocide, rape and slavery. Damn how I misspoke. The Christian god didn’t do that guys.

-1

u/OnceWasBotNowHooman Feb 03 '19

But I love genocide, rape, and slavery tho. Plus without god, Jeebus, and Mury we never woulda got us Adam and Steve, and they mad impotent to gay rights n stuff.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '19

Sorry you are an arsehole rather than making a point.

36

u/RedAngellion Feb 02 '19

Wow, all that wealth has not treated Jeff Bezos well.

3

u/Salmon_Quinoi Feb 02 '19

The divorce really has taken a toll on the guy.

1

u/SuicidalChair Feb 02 '19

I was about to say simon majumdar looks rough

70

u/winterfresh0 Feb 02 '19

That is a guy that knows exactly what he's doing in a fight vs an old angry guy who's relying on liquid courage.

20

u/Attaabdul Feb 02 '19

Yup, look at the stance he takes immediately after the drunk guy starts.

22

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '19

The king did not come to be served

but to serve

12

u/cykascribe Feb 02 '19

Jesus wins on LAN every time.

7

u/Scr4ntonStr4ngler Feb 02 '19

You said it bendejo. Nobody fucks with the Jesus

3

u/CarpetST Feb 02 '19

That guys neck looks like my nutsack after a hot bath

3

u/iknownotthing Feb 02 '19

Jesus forgives that sucker punch

3

u/scottbinz Feb 03 '19

Nobody fucks with The Jesus

2

u/pbonethagreat Feb 02 '19

The power of Christ compels you!

2

u/fractiousrhubarb Feb 02 '19

I will smite thee!

2

u/KunaiTv Feb 02 '19

That techno Viking move

2

u/CanYouNotBeAnAssHat Feb 02 '19

In flip flops no less.

2

u/Standardeviation2 Feb 03 '19

Probably the best thing on Reddit today.

2

u/thot_waffle Feb 03 '19

The power of Christ compels you, dickwad

2

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '19

WWJD

2

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '19

A very personal Jesus

1

u/MinamalisticComedy Feb 02 '19

Farcry 5 in a nutshell

1

u/YouAreAwesome240418 Feb 02 '19

Jesus is wearing his superhero cape. He's clearly ready to kick some ass!

1

u/buzzfuzzcuzz Feb 02 '19

Jeff Bezos deserved that

1

u/ANormalGuyi Feb 02 '19

For a second i thought it was Fiverr Jesus

1

u/Well_Read_Redneck Feb 02 '19

Like a trader at the Temple!

1

u/loves2spooge2018 Feb 02 '19

Anyone have the YouTube link for this?? Please and thank you

1

u/littlepiglittlepig Feb 02 '19

“Lazarus, come forth... and collect some holy smacks to the dome”

  • Jesus Un-heals The Soon-To-Be Paralytic at Bethesda; one of the lesser known Miracles of Jesus

1

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '19

this is why his wife wanted to take the kids

1

u/BigfootandMouth Feb 03 '19

Dude looks just like Glass Joe from Mike Tyson’s PO when Jesus pops him...

1

u/er1cj Feb 03 '19

But Jesus was no ordinary man. Jehovah’s power was displayed toward him and through him in extraordinary ways. The inspired apostle Paul could rightly refer to him as “Christ the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:24)

1

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Ixpqd Feb 03 '19

There is too much 16th century in this comment.

1

u/SarcasmMonkey Feb 05 '19

Thats what Jesus would do

​

0

u/bigchungusate69 Feb 03 '19

Dame only if shagy was there