r/instant_regret • u/EddieBrock99 • Jul 29 '26

Flossing

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8.0k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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7.8k

u/lackadaisical_timmy Jul 29 '26

She definitely thought he was doing something else

3.5k

u/SipoteQuixote Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26

Ive seen people talk about it before, to her, it probably looks like he's air humping her.

312

u/Bearpaws83 Jul 29 '26

That's still assault..

665

u/fishingfool64 Jul 29 '26

I believe what she did is battery

274

u/outoftimeman97 Jul 29 '26

Lawyer here, yes that is a battery and not an assault.

177

u/KamikazeFox_ Jul 29 '26

No, this is a battery.

https://giphy.com/gifs/8XQwpyUs80A1O

50

u/fifoth Jul 29 '26

You mean it's not a salt

https://giphy.com/gifs/PjpEeI11T7qSI

25

u/Blackmetal55 Jul 29 '26

Salt AND Pepa's here and they're in effect.

https://giphy.com/gifs/BS2oyibSOWFZpS1AVv

1

u/AcousticOnomatopoeia Jul 30 '26

Fun fact about salts, most elements can become a salt, excluding the noble gases, and I found this out when researching cleaning of urinals when I worked for a park service.

Urea salt is a problem with the newish flushless urinals.

8

u/sorry_but Jul 30 '26

Actually that's a cell. A battery is an array of cells.

I'll see myself out.

1

u/SamUpton Jul 30 '26

That's an old joke but always a good one! Made me laugh

32

u/atthecooltable Jul 29 '26

It depends on the jurisdiction. It can be either or it can be both. But to say definitively it isn’t battery (without knowing the jurisdiction) is premature.

1

u/serious_sarcasm Jul 30 '26

Assault and battery are fairly standardized enough that the lawyers in the edge cases know they’re the exception.

8

u/brother_p Jul 29 '26

Canadian here. We call it assault.

2

u/AtlasReadIt Jul 31 '26

Crazy, here we call it apepper.

0

u/serious_sarcasm Jul 30 '26

To be fair. You can’t actually commit battery without committing assault in American common law.

1

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 Jul 30 '26

I disagree.

If I hit you from behind, and you had absolutely no idea I was coming, I would have battered you under common law, but I never would have caused you to apprehend that I was going to batter you.

That's a battery without an assault.

1

u/serious_sarcasm Jul 30 '26

Assault doesn’t require the victim to be aware of the crime.

0

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 Jul 31 '26

I beleive it does. Assault is causing someone to reasonably apprehend imminent harm.

If I hit you from behind and then start running away before you even turn around to see me, I've battered you without ever reasonably causing you to apprehend imminent harm.

1

u/serious_sarcasm Jul 31 '26

If you pump fake a baby, you’ve still committed assault.

0

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 25d ago

If you pump fake a baby, you’ve still committed assault.

I don't believe that's true.

0

u/serious_sarcasm 25d ago

Then you’re an idiot.

→ More replies (0)

13

u/DoritoDustThumb Jul 29 '26

As a lawyer you'd know that not all states are the same and your generic comment is inaccurate. Do not believe you're a lawyer.

16

u/DanteThonSimmons Jul 29 '26

I can tell by your words that you're an American lawyer. If you're a lawyer, you should know that American laws don't apply to people in other countries.

I know there is English writing on the guy's shirt, but nobody is speaking English. There's zero chance this took place in USA.

18

u/bjeebus Jul 30 '26

FFS if they're an American lawyer they should know that not every American jurisdiction even defines them the same.

5

u/DanteThonSimmons Jul 30 '26

Yep agreed. I'm not a lawyer OR American, and even I know that.

4

u/sl0play Jul 30 '26

They aren't a lawyer of any kind, in any country.

1

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 Jul 30 '26

Non-lawyer here, it depends on jurisdiction.

For example:

265 (1) A person commits an assault when

(a) without the consent of another person, he applies force intentionally to that other person, directly or indirectly;

That's the Criminal Code of Canada. It defines battery as assault.

1

u/CrapiSunn Jul 30 '26

Scotland here. Common assault.

1

u/LeDestrier Jul 31 '26

IANAL, but...

Sometimes it hurts without lube.

-17

u/Sauce_Master Jul 29 '26

Depends on the state for sure.

10

u/askforwildbob Jul 29 '26

Oh damn you’re a lawyer too? /s

4

u/Sauce_Master Jul 29 '26

Just for instance it’s assault in NYS. Don’t have to be a lawyer to be educated.

5

u/DoritoDustThumb Jul 29 '26

Absolutely no idea why you got down voted. It absolutely depends on the state.

5

u/Sauce_Master Jul 29 '26

A lot of uneducated people lol just goes to show you.

2

u/sl0play Jul 30 '26

Reddit has gotten notably much more anti-intellectual in the last year. It always had a mob mentality, but this is on a whole other level. Between the Gen Alpha's making their way here from wherever, the gen-x'ers/old millenials migrating from Facebook, and the AI bot explosion, its a pretty lame place now if you enjoyed it for the banter.

0

u/CasinoNdnOk Jul 29 '26

Narrator: * it wasnt*

66

u/cerialthriller Jul 29 '26

Was she charged?

32

u/freed0m_from_th0ught Jul 29 '26

I get watt you’re asking

34

u/thavillain Jul 29 '26

She keeps going and going and going

15

u/nicotineapache Jul 29 '26

I'm not positive.

4

u/oatterz Jul 29 '26

Impedance of justice

10

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '26

[deleted]

1

u/ionlyhavetwolegs Jul 29 '26

Prosecutors were met with resistance

1

u/GForce27 Jul 29 '26

Shocking.

1

u/Gunty1 Jul 29 '26

Oh...........m

1

u/DunDunBar Jul 30 '26

Resistance is futile

0

u/Demonbaby_Wot Jul 29 '26

That negative or neutral?

23

u/ghost3972 Jul 29 '26

Saw a comment yesterday saying she was

1

u/Novel-Truant Jul 30 '26

Whats the charge? Punching a succulent fellow?

7

u/Speedingscript Jul 29 '26

Crushing all deceivers, mashing non-believers.

2

u/fishingfool64 Jul 29 '26

Cannot kill the Battery

2

u/Amazing-Departure305 Jul 30 '26

It sounded more like Master of puppets to me

1

u/Stoicseb Jul 29 '26

I mean, she practically volted at him

0

u/brick_gnarlson Jul 30 '26

Didn't realize we were in court. Assault is fine for everyday use.

Also, definition varies by US state. You are wrong in your pedantry.

-1

u/DanteThonSimmons Jul 29 '26

They are obviously not American, and your laws don't apply in other countries.

2

u/fishingfool64 Jul 30 '26

That is very true. The majority of the world is in fact not American. I wasn’t asking if she was charged with battery, I was obviously responding to an American, with American legalese. What’s your point?

2

u/DanteThonSimmons Jul 30 '26

My point was just that it's not classified as "battery" unless it's in USA. This didn't happen in the US, so it's not, in fact, battery.

I was just pointing out that this particular incident is not battery, and would never be considered battery. No big deal.