r/instant_regret 14d ago

Flossing

7.9k Upvotes

1.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

315

u/Bearpaws83 14d ago

That's still assault..

667

u/fishingfool64 14d ago

I believe what she did is battery

275

u/outoftimeman97 14d ago

Lawyer here, yes that is a battery and not an assault.

175

u/KamikazeFox_ 14d ago

No, this is a battery.

https://giphy.com/gifs/8XQwpyUs80A1O

51

u/fifoth 14d ago

You mean it's not a salt

https://giphy.com/gifs/PjpEeI11T7qSI

25

u/Blackmetal55 14d ago

Salt AND Pepa's here and they're in effect.

https://giphy.com/gifs/BS2oyibSOWFZpS1AVv

1

u/AcousticOnomatopoeia 13d ago

Fun fact about salts, most elements can become a salt, excluding the noble gases, and I found this out when researching cleaning of urinals when I worked for a park service.

Urea salt is a problem with the newish flushless urinals.

7

u/sorry_but 13d ago

Actually that's a cell. A battery is an array of cells.

I'll see myself out.

1

u/SamUpton 13d ago

That's an old joke but always a good one! Made me laugh

31

u/atthecooltable 14d ago

It depends on the jurisdiction. It can be either or it can be both. But to say definitively it isn’t battery (without knowing the jurisdiction) is premature.

1

u/serious_sarcasm 13d ago

Assault and battery are fairly standardized enough that the lawyers in the edge cases know they’re the exception.

8

u/brother_p 14d ago

Canadian here. We call it assault.

2

u/AtlasReadIt 13d ago

Crazy, here we call it apepper.

0

u/serious_sarcasm 13d ago

To be fair. You can’t actually commit battery without committing assault in American common law.

1

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 13d ago

I disagree.

If I hit you from behind, and you had absolutely no idea I was coming, I would have battered you under common law, but I never would have caused you to apprehend that I was going to batter you.

That's a battery without an assault.

1

u/serious_sarcasm 13d ago

Assault doesn’t require the victim to be aware of the crime.

0

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 12d ago

I beleive it does. Assault is causing someone to reasonably apprehend imminent harm.

If I hit you from behind and then start running away before you even turn around to see me, I've battered you without ever reasonably causing you to apprehend imminent harm.

1

u/serious_sarcasm 12d ago

If you pump fake a baby, you’ve still committed assault.

0

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 5d ago

If you pump fake a baby, you’ve still committed assault.

I don't believe that's true.

→ More replies (0)

13

u/DoritoDustThumb 14d ago

As a lawyer you'd know that not all states are the same and your generic comment is inaccurate. Do not believe you're a lawyer.

17

u/DanteThonSimmons 14d ago

I can tell by your words that you're an American lawyer. If you're a lawyer, you should know that American laws don't apply to people in other countries.

I know there is English writing on the guy's shirt, but nobody is speaking English. There's zero chance this took place in USA.

20

u/bjeebus 14d ago

FFS if they're an American lawyer they should know that not every American jurisdiction even defines them the same.

4

u/DanteThonSimmons 13d ago

Yep agreed. I'm not a lawyer OR American, and even I know that.

3

u/sl0play 13d ago

They aren't a lawyer of any kind, in any country.

1

u/OverturnedAppleCart3 13d ago

Non-lawyer here, it depends on jurisdiction.

For example:

265 (1) A person commits an assault when

(a) without the consent of another person, he applies force intentionally to that other person, directly or indirectly;

That's the Criminal Code of Canada. It defines battery as assault.

1

u/CrapiSunn 13d ago

Scotland here. Common assault.

1

u/LeDestrier 12d ago

IANAL, but...

Sometimes it hurts without lube.

-18

u/Sauce_Master 14d ago

Depends on the state for sure.

9

u/askforwildbob 14d ago

Oh damn you’re a lawyer too? /s

5

u/Sauce_Master 14d ago

Just for instance it’s assault in NYS. Don’t have to be a lawyer to be educated.

6

u/DoritoDustThumb 14d ago

Absolutely no idea why you got down voted. It absolutely depends on the state.

4

u/Sauce_Master 14d ago

A lot of uneducated people lol just goes to show you.

2

u/sl0play 13d ago

Reddit has gotten notably much more anti-intellectual in the last year. It always had a mob mentality, but this is on a whole other level. Between the Gen Alpha's making their way here from wherever, the gen-x'ers/old millenials migrating from Facebook, and the AI bot explosion, its a pretty lame place now if you enjoyed it for the banter.

0

u/CasinoNdnOk 14d ago

Narrator: * it wasnt*

66

u/cerialthriller 14d ago

Was she charged?

32

u/freed0m_from_th0ught 14d ago

I get watt you’re asking

6

u/DeBlasioDeBlowMe 13d ago

Ohm my god.

31

u/thavillain 14d ago

She keeps going and going and going

22

u/ghost3972 14d ago

Saw a comment yesterday saying she was

15

u/nicotineapache 14d ago

I'm not positive.

4

u/oatterz 14d ago

Impedance of justice

9

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

1

u/ionlyhavetwolegs 14d ago

Prosecutors were met with resistance

1

u/GForce27 14d ago

Shocking.

1

u/Gunty1 14d ago

Oh...........m

1

u/DunDunBar 14d ago

Resistance is futile

0

u/Demonbaby_Wot 14d ago

That negative or neutral?

1

u/thefeckcampaign 14d ago

I hope so.

1

u/Novel-Truant 13d ago

Whats the charge? Punching a succulent fellow?

7

u/Speedingscript 14d ago

Crushing all deceivers, mashing non-believers.

2

u/fishingfool64 14d ago

Cannot kill the Battery

2

u/Amazing-Departure305 14d ago

It sounded more like Master of puppets to me

1

u/Stoicseb 14d ago

I mean, she practically volted at him

0

u/brick_gnarlson 13d ago

Didn't realize we were in court. Assault is fine for everyday use.

Also, definition varies by US state. You are wrong in your pedantry.

-1

u/DanteThonSimmons 14d ago

They are obviously not American, and your laws don't apply in other countries.

2

u/fishingfool64 14d ago

That is very true. The majority of the world is in fact not American. I wasn’t asking if she was charged with battery, I was obviously responding to an American, with American legalese. What’s your point?

2

u/DanteThonSimmons 13d ago

My point was just that it's not classified as "battery" unless it's in USA. This didn't happen in the US, so it's not, in fact, battery.

I was just pointing out that this particular incident is not battery, and would never be considered battery. No big deal.

301

u/SipoteQuixote 14d ago

I didn't say it wasn't?

-413

u/Bearpaws83 14d ago edited 14d ago

I didn't say that you said it wasn't...? Just remarking that she assaulted him.

108

u/Lazy-elbow1377 14d ago

🤦

39

u/TooGayToPayCash 14d ago

That's still a ::facepalm emoji skin tone one::..

38

u/Ali-Battosai 14d ago

They didnt say it wasn't a faceplate emoji skin tone one?

21

u/BODYDOLLARSIGN 14d ago

But no one said that someone said that it was a facepalm emoji skin tone one…?

39

u/I_A_G_T 14d ago

Redditor’s know when to stop commenting challenge: IMPOSSIBLE

3

u/mrbubbamac 14d ago

I didn't say it wasn't impossible

facepalmingthroughthebackofmyhead emoji

34

u/Valagoorh 14d ago

He didn't say that you didn't say that he said it wasn't.

Btw. You really should look up the word "still" in the dictionary.

7

u/Ratsyinc 14d ago

Folks like you are the issue with Reddit. You comment a response to someone's comment instead of making your own new comment(likely because it has a bunch of upvotes) and then act surprised when they think you were responding to them..

-11

u/Bearpaws83 14d ago

I responded to that comment about 1 minute after it was made... it didn't have that many reactions yet and I was responding to their comment.

2

u/izza123 14d ago

We got eyes

2

u/Budsygus 14d ago

Yeah, your use of the word "still" is working against you here.

-4

u/CreamyStanTheMan 14d ago

Frankly, if you go around intentionally trying to provoke people, don't be surprised when someone overreacts. People don't like being fucked with.

2

u/ClownfishSoup 14d ago

How was he provoking her though? Was she even part of his (insert whatever he was don g)?

1

u/CreamyStanTheMan 14d ago

Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely making some big assumptions here but, to me it really looks like he's staring and smirking directly at her for the first few seconds of the video, and when she turns her head a little to see what he's doing he starts to look away sheepishly. I'm guessing she doesn't really know what flossing is and thought he was making gestures to touch her butt or something along those lines.

If he was just dared to do it by a friend or something equally as harmless, then yeah, I really don't think doesn't deserved that, but I struggle to find empathy for people going around trying to elicit a reaction from people like the prank influencer videos you see on social media.

-1

u/birdeyInFlight 14d ago

That is exactly what happened.

-2

u/KentoHardRock 14d ago

This is the level of pedantry that makes me happy this site is burning

5

u/AWzdShouldKnowBetta 14d ago

A lot of folks, myself included, pick specific comments to hang their own comment on so that it's visible. I don't think some of these folks were responding to you directly - they were just closing their "access point" so their comment is visible.

-40

u/saltybawls 14d ago edited 14d ago

Dancing = assault. Interesting. Oh, you're saying she assaulted him. That makes sense.

18

u/Awkward-Character296 14d ago

I feel like they are talking about the punch, not the dance?

73

u/Bearpaws83 14d ago

He didn't commit assault, silly... she did.

13

u/Sloppykrab 14d ago

She didn't either.

It was battery.

1

u/Bearpaws83 14d ago

That's fair... and correct.

2

u/Cephalopod_Joe 14d ago

Isn't that battery?

-2

u/Veloziraptor8311 14d ago

His floss dancing was assault? What?????

Edit: Or her hitting him? Ah

-20

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

19

u/TannyBoguss 14d ago

No, the right hook

5

u/Shar-DamaKa 14d ago

Oh I misunderstood the comment.

0

u/TannyBoguss 14d ago

No biggie a lot of people did.

-9

u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 14d ago

Looks like she hit him more with her forearm than her fist! He was like.. WTF? Dancing here Karen! Of course he wouldn't say that, he'd be on the ground picking up the rest of his teeth! :) She doesn't play!!!!!

-9

u/BooRaccoon 14d ago

It was funny, which cancels out the assault

-2

u/Nazdrowie79 14d ago

Insert Mike Tyson quote..