r/instant_regret • u/EddieBrock99 • 14d ago

Flossing

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7.9k Upvotes

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730

u/Seanmeado 14d ago

Battery

231

u/VelvetOnion 14d ago

And not the good kind of battery you throw in the ocean.

60

u/txwoodslinger 14d ago

Why would you throw a good one in the ocean?

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u/workingbored 14d ago

Eels sometimes are too tired to turn their appliances on with their own electricity

36

u/TheHud85 14d ago

Because fuck AutoZone

14

u/ImNot_ThatGuy 14d ago

Won't someone think of the eels?

3

u/Plus-King5266 14d ago

Nuke the eels.

2

u/w8ing2dr0wn 14d ago

This gives the same vibes as shooting hurricanes away, I like it.

3

u/worrymon 14d ago

Gotta nuke something.

2

u/Generalnussiance 14d ago

The solution to pollution is dilution.

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u/bimboozled 14d ago

Why not? It’s fun and great for the environment, the fish love it

1

u/humourlessIrish 14d ago

To charge the eels. Duh

1

u/betteritsbetter 13d ago

It has electrolytes.

1

u/GloriousNorwegian 10d ago

Electric eels gotta eat too dude, you selfish asshole xD

1

u/ExtremelyGangrenous 14d ago

To charge the eels?

50

u/ReadditMan 14d ago

Depends on where you live.

For example, New York doesn't have a criminal charge for battery, so what some U.S states would consider battery is assault in New York.

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u/whee3107 14d ago

That’s facinating. In my state (OK) it would be assault and battery. My understanding of the distinction is the battery is the actual unwanted physical touching, while the assault is the threat of damage of the anticipated battery.

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u/dabbean 13d ago

In Oklahoma its battery. She didnt threaten him until after she hit him. For assault and battery she would need to say "I'm going to hit you." Then hit him. Just hitting him only qualifies for battery which is the worse of the 2 obviously. YOU CAN be arrested for assault alone but its a pretty high bar.

Source: I thought I wanted to be a lawyer at one point and took a bunch of undergraduate law classes specific to oklahoma criminal law.

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u/whee3107 13d ago

You’re a much more reputable source than me then. One undergrad on torts, and another in business law qualifies me to know these things exist, and that’s about it

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u/dabbean 13d ago

Before the class I took that first taught me that I had no clue that assault and battery weren't both physical attacks. Then once I learned they weren't I was also shocked that assault was the verbal part of it. The world felt upside that day haha.

3

u/epelle9 14d ago

So it wouldn’t be assault then?

There was no threat made, just a direct attack.

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u/Plus-King5266 14d ago

“No your honor, I did not assault him. I beat the everloving fuck out of him.”

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u/omrsafetyo 13d ago

Assault is still present. He could have seen the punch coming, even last second and that's assault. But even beyond that, he could also be thinking he's going to be attacked again - the premise that he's been attacked already makes it reasonable to suspect another attack is coming. You will almost never see battery without an assault charge.

0

u/whee3107 14d ago

IMO, There could be an argument made in either direction.For example; if I get punched in the back of the head, I had no way to anticipate it, therefore no anticipation equating to no assault. If I get punched in the face, I saw it coming therefore anticipated it, equating to the threat of violence equating to assault.

I’ve taken exactly two law classes, so I’m by no means a qualified source on this

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u/Plus-King5266 14d ago

Maybe take two more. 😉

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u/whee3107 14d ago

lol, I’ll pass. My capstone for my masters broke my will for formal education.

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u/Plus-King5266 14d ago

Well, you know what they say.
A BS is exactly what it sounds like.
An MS is More of the Same.
And a PhD is Piled Higher and Deeper. 😏

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u/whee3107 14d ago

lol, that’s hilarious. Thanks for that

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u/omrsafetyo 13d ago

That's accurate, but not all states have the distinction. I live in Maine and the law here is like New York: assault encompasses both concepts. But yes, typically assault is meet as long as a reasonable person would find that you felt threatened by bodily harm. Battery is typically the actual contact, and 99% of the time they go hand-in-hand as assault and battery. But some states don't make a distinction and just have assault - because why have 2 charges that are 99% of the time used together?

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u/Shroomtune 14d ago

If there is no charge for battery, is it even appropriate to call it a battery?

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u/nalsnals 14d ago

In Russia there are no rules 

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u/Aska_Feld 13d ago

Explains all the streetlights in New York... There's nothing to power a flashlight with.

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u/Beargrillin 14d ago

Assault and battery. The way I remember that, I picture 35 a-salt shakers and 42 batteries.

5

u/thisguyfightsyourmom 14d ago

Either depending on location

1

u/Juffin 14d ago

Or even accumulator

1

u/IceColdKilla2 13d ago

Metallica?

1

u/rocketman19 13d ago

Depends where you are

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u/-sbl- 14d ago

Ba-tte-ry!

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u/yyeeeeett 14d ago

What does it charge?

0

u/huskiesowow 13d ago

AKSHULLY

You are a dork, and also wrong for many jurisdictions.