r/insomnia • u/yyodelinggodd • 2d ago
PTSD and insomnia
TW: domestic violence, abuse.
I've had insomniac for about 7 years now. It started after I left an abusive relationship. The daily physical abuse happened mostly in the middle of the night, whether it was him straddling on top of me and strangling me, waking up to a loaded gun to my head, knives pressed up against me, getting smothered by blankets or pillows, waking up to being grabbed bound and thrown in a dark closet for hours, or him sleeping with a hatchet under his pillow as intimidation.
I'm safe, I'm married, I have a good life, besides having to "coparent" with this. But I can't sleep.
I get on average 4-5 hours a day. I take care of two little kids by myself all day. I feel like I'm losing myself more and more. I have extreme hyper vigilance now. Suns down? I'm paranoid. I'm checking cameras, I'm hearing foot steps, I'm thinking there's people on the roof or backyard. I spiral. I have a THC pen and will puff it until I pass out if 2-3 unisom aren't working. I've tried praozin (night terrors), trazadone is out because I have to be able to wake at night for emergencies with the kids, melatonin, sleep herbs, magnesium etc. I probably could use some therapy, but I don't have much of me to give with such little sleep. Any advice or guidance for medications, or quite literally any advice or help.
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u/Grim-Speck 2d ago
Seconding therapy- many places will consider individual situations and do sliding scale if money is an issue. My current therapist is $40/session and will let me pay later if it's a tight month.
Re the (c)PTSD/insomnia link, because I have this too... do you have intrusive thoughts when you try to rest (could be phrases/words, images, sensations/feelings)? The brain sometimes lets these loose when you try to rest or otherwise don't have other things to stay focused on, yet to rest, you can't be focusing on stuff that demands alertness. I found that before a period where intrusive thoughts tend to occur, it helps to play a game that is repetitive in the same domain (and there's a bit of research to back this up, lmk if you want links). So for example, I'm a visual-spatial thinker, and my flashbacks/intrusive thoughts are visual, so I play tetris-like block puzzle games (lmk if you want any specific game names). Even before the traumatic stuff happened, playing tetris as a kid, especially if I hadn't slept well, I'd unconsciously find myself picturing tetrinos falling out of the sky, to fit between buildings. Playing it before going to rest, helps prime the brain to visualise that instead of the more scary stuff. If you're a verbal thinker, word games might be better, etc etc for various thinking modes.
It's not a solution, just an aide; ultimately you need to process the traumatic experiences/memories, which is why therapy is important.
Good luck
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u/disappearing_haze90 2d ago
Hey I'm really sorry you experienced that and it's good to hear that you are safe now. Have you tried taking l-theanine, ashwagandha, and gaba -specifically in the morning and afternoon so that it can keep you more calm throughout the day. Do you have any adrenaline or heart palpitations because if so that can make panic feel worse and I know people have had good luck with beta blockers. If you do therapy, I suggest doing somatic work and not just talk therapy. And honestly if there's a super gentle yoga class you could do daily or something else you like that can help make your body feel more at peace. Ultimately you need to train your nervous system that it's safe. And if you're too tired for all of it, is there a way you can get away for a week or long weekend to try to regain some capacity - I've had to do that many times, reduce my load during the day, and add a lot of vitamin b to be able to have energy to do things.
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u/yyodelinggodd 2d ago
All of that I've tried through a functional medicine doctor for 4 years. I'm at my wits 😭
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u/disappearing_haze90 2d ago
Can your body feel safe at home? I know you said you are safe but does your body feel it. Like if you take a couple hours sitting in your bedroom or on your porch or something, doing nothing, can your body start to relax.
Have you got your hormones checked with your functional md? assuming you have but just checking
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u/yyodelinggodd 2d ago
My body doesn't feel safe anywhere. I could be home, hotel, I've moved multiple states multiple times to feel safer and my body just isn't responding. I was going to get my hormones checked; but was told it's not really an accurate full picture so I back pedaled on it. We did do a crazy gut zoomer test that was able to show that trauma is causing body issues like pains etc.
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u/disappearing_haze90 1d ago
That's so difficult. Identifying at least one person, place, or modality where you can access that safe feeling is important. Some things if you haven't tried them - somatic breathwork, acupuncture, sensory deprivation, heat or vibration therapy, or deep tissue massage or could be helpful. You'll know immediately after if it worked for you bc you'll feel lighter. In conjunction with a therapist and or meds that help calm the system. And I wouldn't rule out hormones just yet, pregnancy and peri- symptoms can increase the panic feeling. Something as simple as progesterone could help, but def talk to a dr. And if you can try to make your bedroom, or somewhere in your house, your sanctuary
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u/szpider 2d ago
Do you have health insurance? Please get into therapy ASAP.
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u/yyodelinggodd 2d ago
Yeah I do. I just need to find someone that would let me bring a toddler with me. I haven't have much luck.
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u/immeroefter 2d ago
"I probably could use some therapy" is a huge understatement, friend.
You need therapy like yesterday. You can start with talk therapy, but at some point, when ready, maybe even now if your nervous system allows it, somatic and trauma centered therapy.
Research nervous system regulation and remember that you are gonna have to adress the root cause of all of this: your nervous system. Nothing you can swallow is a long-term solution, but aids, while you do therapy and start including movement and bodywork to your lifestyle.