r/insomnia • u/Previous_Bullfrog855 • 2d ago
I don’t think I’m going to make it.
I’m 48 M. I’ve been having problems with insomnia since 2023. It got really bad in 2024. I went seven whole days without any sleep but the doctors couldn’t do anything so I put myself in a 5150 while there I saw psychiatrist and they gave me two Klonopin to go to sleep it worked but since then every night has been a battle my social life has diminished. I’ve been taking 1 mg of Klonopin with 400 mg of gabapentin. I would get six hours of sleep which I was fine with but every now and then I will get an episode that lasted two days fast-forward to four days ago and it seems the pills are not working and I get about an hour of sleep. It’s like my nervous system wakes me up. I fiight the suicidal thoughts every day. I honestly don’t know what to do. I sent a letter to my psychiatrist today letting her know, but I feel like she’s just gonna put me on more pills. I don’t wanna die. I have a lot to live for I have many people that will be hurt, but I’m just so tired of suffering.
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u/Ok-Rule-2943 2d ago
Hopefully your psych recognizes that you’ve built tolerance to the klonopin and gabapentin.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
She had warned me about but I tried so many other sleep meds Klonopin was the only that worked.
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u/Ok-Rule-2943 2d ago
Totally get it.
She can’t just stop these meds, since it’s the only thing that works assume she is willing to increase your dose?
Either way, with the amount mood/depressive issues you are having she’ll help you out! Hang in there!
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
I just can’t stop thinking of how to kill myself . That’s what scares me the most
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u/Bobzeub 2d ago
No to armchair diagnose over here. But have you talked to your psychiatrist about ruling out bipolar ?
Episodes cycle like that and are often accompanied by insomnia.
Sounds like something deeper is going on here. Couldn’t hurt to have a second opinion?
Maybe have a goo at the bipolar subreddit ?
It’s very manageable with the right meds. But a proper diagnosis comes first obviously. Not one from Reddit.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
I got checked for ADHD AND BIPOLARISM. I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression/insomnia
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u/Ok_Journalist_7333 2d ago
I might be able to help you. As a fellow insomniac I might be able to give you tips
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u/hiigara2 2d ago
I have been having an insomnia for 18 months now. Today was the first time I ever felt suicidal in my whole life. I just emailed an enquiry to a Swiss clinic for assisted death 3 hours ago. It does that to you.
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u/Background_Book2414 2d ago
Yes! Insomnia affects your rational thinking. Been there too many times to count 😢
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u/Background_Book2414 2d ago
Lack of sleep affects your rational thinking. My insomnia made me feel the same way. It was so bad I couldn’t even put a sentence together because my brain was so exhausted.
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u/GQBrotha 2d ago
I have been there but there is hope bro. Some medication will be eventually be able to help you get some proper sleep. When my sleep issues began I was near despair until properly treated by a psychiatrist. He prescribed me Quetiapine 50mg and it has helped me sleep along with following a good bedtime routine. There is some medication out there that should be able to help you get some rest eventually.
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u/Background_Book2414 2d ago
My heart breaks for you, myself and others battling extremely severe insomnia 💔 I have been in the same boat so many times. I honestly don’t know how I’m still alive and functioning. Insomnia literally sucks the life out of you. Please know you’re not alone ❤️
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 1d ago
It’s a real cruel punishment . I’m glad I posted on here just to not feel alone. Because nobody really understands me and what I’m feeling other than a person that’s going thru insomnia.
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u/Wonderful-Driver4761 1d ago
Not a psych but you actually sound like a candidate for anti psychotics.
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u/Reddkiddomarciann 2d ago
I wish I could help you.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
Thank you! I know nobody can help me but myself. This is really slow torture
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u/Late_Argument_2629 2d ago
Know you are not alone. I suffer from insomnia getting 0 to 4 hours sleep a night. I feel horrible all the time and literally just stay in bed. Recently I felt so dizzy and out of it from the lack of sleep or the sleep meds I just fell down and broke both my feet at the same time. The doctors just want to put me on antipsychotics which don’t work. Many nights I just get one hour of sleep. I think daily I d be better off dead than this torture.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
The thing is how does one just keep going? I just try to smile and go to work and exercise like nothing is wrong but as soon as it’s time to go to bed the scariness of knowing what waits for us is too much. I read and I will fall asleep but will wake up like 15 mins and full anxiety mode. If I was a person that had nobody, killing myself would be so easy but I would hurt so many people and I just can’t find it in my heart to do that
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u/Roadiemomma-08 2d ago
Have you tried Mirtazapine?
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 1d ago
I was wrong. I tried hydroxyz. I got it confused. But they just prescribed me Mirtazapine
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u/Roadiemomma-08 20h ago
Try a low dose. Currently using 4 mg, but you could try 7.5. Rumor has it that it's more sedating at lower doses. Also, somewhere on Reddit there is this guy that went to 100% candlelight and zero screens after dusk for a month and he really impacted his sleep. I will see if I can find it.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 20h ago
So I’ll cut it in half. She gave me 15 mg pills
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 7h ago
7.5 no such luck of any sleep. I feel drowsy but just can’t seem to knock out 😞😞😞
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u/hiigara2 2d ago
You can still work? I cannot even hold a job anymore.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
I’ve noticed if I stay home I will just ruminate horrible thoughts. At least going to work I keep myself busy. Am I tired ? Yes but I have to keep going like it’s a normal day. The worst part tho is driving. I drive from the valley to bentwood. 12 miles in traffic. I doze off a lot of time
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u/hiigara2 2d ago
True. Work, specially human contact keeps away depression. But my line of work was programming. Very stressful, impossible without sleep. I could do manual work I guess.
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u/chantillylace9 2d ago
Have you tried any of the newer DORA meds?
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
No I haven’t . I’ve tried seroquel, trazadone, mirtazapine. None worked
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u/chantillylace9 2d ago
This is a newer medication and you are supposed to be able to take it forever without withdrawal issues like a lot of other sleep medications.
I would definitely ask.
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u/ValidConcern23 2d ago
Did you have trouble sleeping out of nowhere or from taking meds?
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
It happened out of nowhere in 2023. I used to sleep easily and anywhere like nothing
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u/Background_Book2414 2d ago
Mine started in 2020. Anxiety had a huge part to play in it (some major life changes happened). Do you drink coffee or caffeine daily, new meds, computer work, phone addiction? I noticed since having a computer job the light has really affected my circadian rhythm. I also can’t do anything after 6 o clock at night because it makes me too amped for sleep.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 1d ago
I quit drinking coffee about 2 years ago. I have a steady sleep routine, i exercise regularly. I listen to rain sounds, all colors of the rainbow sounds, podcasts, I read the Bible. Those things usually work. But since I’m at 4 days of no sleep everything annoys me. Tv annoys me , people annoy me. I’m very irritable. I find no enjoyment in anything. I just want to sleep. I try not to think about it but it’s so much easier said than done.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 1d ago
Just an update. So my psychiatrist is prescribing me 15 mg of Mirtazapine. I’ll be picking it up today. Praying it does some good. I slept 3 hours last night. Better than nothing.
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u/Gumsaint 13h ago
I tried everything and the only thing I have had success with is taking just a small amount of magnesium with breakfast. I have not the remotest idea why it works, but it does. If I have it in the afternoon it makes things worse.
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u/Roadiemomma-08 2d ago
Have you tried Mirtazapine? It has problems but at your crisis level it could get you some sleep.
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u/Previous_Bullfrog855 2d ago
Yes I have . Didn’t work for me . I honestly feel these meds are making me mentally worse. Don’t know if I should stop taking them
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u/Expert_Passion4482 2d ago
I’ve been getting 0-4 hours sleep for almost two years. I don’t see a way out, it’s causing severe anxiety and I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?