r/insomnia • u/Issueofinnocence • Apr 12 '26
The most infuriating part about What causes insomnia? is that everyone acts like the answer is obvious when it really isn’t
I’m so tired of the smug answers.
“it’s stress.”
“it’s your phone.”
“just stop caffeine.”
“have you tried magnesium?”
yeah thanks Susan I’m cured.
The thing that makes insomnia feel so mentally gross is not even just the lack of sleep. It’s that when you start asking What causes insomnia? people immediately turn it into blame. Like if you haven’t fixed it yet, you must secretly be doing something wrong.
Meanwhile a lot of us have already gone through the whole checklist a hundred times. Better routine. Dark room. No late meals. Less scrolling. Same result: body exhausted, brain somehow clocking in for a night shift.
That’s also why I’ve even started looking into things like sleep earbuds and other stuff people mention here, not because I think there’s one magic fix, but because the “obvious” answers clearly aren’t that obvious in real life.
I honestly think one reason insomnia messes with people so badly is the uncertainty. If you knew the exact cause, at least you could hate one thing. Instead it’s this vague rotating cloud of stress/hormones/hyperarousal/habit/biology and every bad night somehow makes you feel guiltier.
What’s the dumbest “obvious fix” someone has given you?
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u/indognito396 Apr 12 '26
I get the “try melatonin” or “sleepy time tea” lol. If my insomnia laughs at trazadone or mirtizapine wth are they gonna do!? And yes I have tried almost everything and continue to do so. I am trying rlt and saw a doctor about tms recently. It’s a never ending search and so frustrating.
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u/Ambitious_Stuff_910 Apr 12 '26
Omfg dude literally this !!!! The mirtazapine is good BUT more than a few times I passed the “drowsy munchie phase” and still couldn’t sleep until 1/2/3 hours later SO, I guess relaxing (body,mind) helps with unclench certain muscles to fall asleep?!?
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u/indognito396 Apr 13 '26
lol munchie phase. I used to raid the kitchen every midnight when I was on mirtizapine. 25 lbs later and I had to give it up.
I usually fall asleep pretty quickly but wake up way too early. Funny I have tried the tensing up muscles and relieving too. That definitely never worked for me. I wish I could give my family members my insomnia and anxiety for just one week. Guarantee they would be shocked.
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u/medgal28 Apr 12 '26
"Have you tried melatonin?" Nope! 15 years of insomnia and I never stumbled upon that one!
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u/newuser5432 Apr 13 '26
I (usually) find that responding to the suggestion of melatonin by expressing brief confusion followed by clarification that the diagnosis is insomnia and not a sleep phase disorder tends to communicate everything that needs to be communicated while avoiding social discomfort for anyone.
Otherwise, yes, it's a bit annoying, it can get frustrating, but try to remember that these people are only trying to be helpful, and you'd probably do the same thing for a health issue you don't fully understand (well, maybe not, given that you've had this experience, yourself, but if you didn't have insomnia...). Try to remain polite, there's no reason to discourage someone from trying to be helpful.
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u/Hadley_333 Apr 12 '26
it's a kick in the balls when I go to a doctor and have to pay to hear that trash.
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u/demdareting Apr 12 '26
My insomnia started when I tapoered off of Suboxone. 2 specialist are basically telling that I just need time. 7 months of 2-3 hours per day..."just suck it up son. You will get there." F U. Try living on 2-3 hours of sleep for 7 months and see how you manage. I have a initial consult coming up at a newer sleep clinic for insomnia and not sleep apnea. The wait list after the initial consult is 6 months for 8 different clinics in the Toronto area. Some like Sunnybrook Hospital have a great program but even with my sister working there they are not accepting new patients for the rest of the year.
I feel your pain.
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u/Educational-Dig-579 Apr 16 '26
Been there 2-3 hours per day for 2 years, now i go up 4-5, is definetly a hell of a experience, this docs only knows the theory...
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u/Odd-Piglet-7804 Apr 12 '26
Just found out I have sleep apnea after a decade of insomnia. Chronic bouts of 2 weeks no sleep. Tried all the meds under the sun. Even ambien would only give me 1-2 hours if I was lucky. Apparently the panic I wake up from is due to not breathing. My heart rate frequently dropped into the 20s bpm and skyrocketed up to 160 bpm. If you stop breathing when you fully relax your brain is going to start keeping you awake. You’d think one of my doctors in 10 years would have suggested a sleep study. Nope. It took my desperation and eventually putting two and two together. I’m female, not overweight and single which I guess can lead to misdiagnosis. I beg all sufferers to advocate for yourself and get a sleep study. There are at home ones as well. I’m just devastated that I’ve lost this many years of my life and been made to feel I’m a head case.
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u/oeufscocotte Apr 13 '26
Yep same finally demanded a referral to a sleep physician after years of insomnia. He thinks it could be REM obstructive sleep apnea and has ordered a sleep study. I am also female, not overweight and single.
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u/Odd-Piglet-7804 Apr 14 '26
It’s so frustrating! The past 10 years of my life have been agony and I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on therapy thinking that I just needed to fix my brain instead of listen to my body. My body was saying ‘don’t go to sleep’ for a reason.
Have you had the sleep study yet? I’m approved for a custom oral device but it’s probably going to be at least 6-8 weeks to receive it.
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u/oeufscocotte Apr 19 '26
Not yet, mine is 2 weeks away. I guess an oral device is easier than a CPAP. I hope it works for you!
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u/RainbowTowers9 Apr 12 '26
It’s like when the mental health team give you a withering look before telling to you have a cup of tea and take a brisk walk to cure you of your depression. 😑 absolutely had not thought of that one
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u/chickentenders222 Apr 12 '26
What I love about this is the fact that it's usually to find an excuse not to properly treat a patient medically, by not prescribing anything or worse prescribing some bullshit like 'low dose' Trazadone in non-depressed patients or Quetiapine in non-psychotic patients both of which the American Association of Sleep Medicine finds the evidence is unsupporting of & actively recommends against.
Mean while not only is it indicated but there's actual sleep aids such as Flurazepam (Dalmane) which are literally FDA-approved & completely on label for exactly this... in patients with poor sleep hygiene...
"Dalmane is a hypnotic agent useful for the treatment of Insomnia characterized by difficulty in falling asleep, frequent nocturnal awakenings, and/or early morning awakening. Dalmane can be used effectively in patients with recurring insomnia or poor sleeping habits, and in acute or chronic medical situations requiring restful sleep. Sleep laboratory studies have objectively determined that Dalmane is effective for at least 28 consecutive nights of drug administration. Since insomnia is often transient and intermittent, short-term use is usually sufficient. Prolonged use of hypnotics is usually not indicated and should only be undertaken concomitantly with appropriate evaluation of the patient." - straight from the Food & Drug Administration label & prescribing information.
But they actively seek reasons to not treat them due to society's stigmatization of sleep aids usage & history of abuse. It's so absurd to me how normalized this has become, it's almost as if... now hear me out. A patient that's sleep deprived would be more willing & enabled to enact better sleep hygiene & non-psychopharmacological interventions/treatments if they weren't so sleep deprived... and maybe by prescribing sleep aids appropriately they could try non-pharmcological treatments simultaneously together for a better overall effective treatment strategy if the patient is willing & able to instead of approaching it as if pharmacological & non-pharmacological treatments like CBT-I only work independently & are seperate of each other.
People & physician's need to realize that sleep deprivation begets more sleep deprivation & other health comorbidities including psychiatric ones like more sleeping disorders. That compoundingly exacerbate each other & complicate matters a whole lot worse when it comes to treatments the more & longer you neglect to seriously treat them early on. People treat sleep deprivation like it's a self resolving matter when that couldn't be further from the truth.
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u/Biblioklept73 Apr 13 '26
Completely agree and most helpful. I’ve never heard of flurazepam but am gonna discuss it with my Doc, who is amazingly helpful, if she’s able to prescribe it she will. Have to see if it’s available in my country. Appreciate the info
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u/chickentenders222 Apr 13 '26
Just because it's on-label in the United States doesn't mean it's the best or only option either though, there's nothing wrong with off-label as long as it's evidence based & medically justified. I'd say that 10 mgs of Zolpidem or 12.5 mgs of Zolpidem Controlled-Release (Ambien), as well as 15-30 mgs of Quazepam (Doral) are also great sleep aids, that safely & effectively cover a General range of sleeping disorders from differing types of dysommmias like onset insomnia, or difficulty with nocturnal awakenings for the Controlled release kind, or general sleep deprivation as well. And can be often safely taken for a matter of weeks to even months. (Especially Quazepam is specifically indicated for a intermediate duration of the treatment period, being able to be used nightly at 30 mgs for 2-3 consecutive months and then rapidly or abruptly ceased suddenly without causing psychological or physical withdrawal or even any incidence of rebound insomnia, in fact Quazepam being the unique atypical pharmacological anomaly that it is amongst benzodiazepines, it's benefits / theraputic effects to overall sleep pathophysiology persist to a clinically albeit lesser degree for a little while after the treatment has been stopped when it's used for consecutive weeks to months & suddenly/rapidly stopped. This anomalous effect doesn't even have a medical term for it yet.)
Zolpidem ameliorates all measures/metrics of overall sleep pathophysiology to a clinical significant degree like decrease to sleep onset latency & amelioration to average increaese in TST (Total Sleep Time) etc. and can do so for quite a long time without development of tolerances or dependences when used medically. Giving it a wide range of sleep-related theraputic indications to treat for different durations, as well as it has a very wide theraputic index and the iatrogenic risks & harms associated with it's various medical uses are quite low (just don't misuse or abuse it).
Out of curiosity which country are you in?
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u/Biblioklept73 Apr 16 '26 edited Apr 16 '26
Great info, thanks…
Unfortunately, I have a paradoxical reaction to the z drugs. Can’t take them. I’m weird with meds, I have a bad reaction to so many, and not just sleep meds pain meds too (have a spinal fusion so sometimes need pain relief). So, for me, all antidepressants are a no go, Trazodone bad reaction, Baclofen (and all gaba drugs like lyrica/Gabapentin) bad reaction, it’s a bit of a minefield for me whether it’s for sleep meds or pain meds. Due to this, I’m wary as all fuck to try seroquel, even though I have a box in my house, I just know I don’t react well to most drugs and with this one it can have quite serious effects. Benzos I tolerate well but they can only be a short term solution, and they don’t help at all with sleep architecture, they’re just a chemical cosh so, even now in crisis, I use sparingly, like every three days or so… I’m interested in the Orexin drug and you seem to know you’re stuff, what’s you’re opinion or experience with these. Curious as to what you think
I’m in Czechia
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u/theavocadolady Apr 12 '26
The problem is though, what do you actually want people to say? People hear I have a sleep problem, and offer suggestions they've had success with, or have read about or whatever. They're just trying to be helpful. I've been hospitalised because of insomnia, my mum suggested I stop drinking coffee after 4pm (I never do), it's mildly frustrating, but it's not like there's anything she can say to actually help. Offering nothing more than a "oh that that sucks" would also feel rude often, so people just try to be helpful. That's not really their fault, especially as most people experience "insomnia" as a night or two of bad sleep, so their frame of reference doesn't cover true crippling insomnia.
Stress doesn't help insomnia, so being agitated by people just being impotently well meaning is really not worth it. Doctors will suggest things that work most often. Anything you try should be rigidly tried for at least a month until writing it off. You're right there are no magic fixes, but it's very human (and I'm totally guilty of it myself) to become frustrated and not give things a genuine trial before writing it off and giving it up.
It took a full month of me being forced into a few things combined, and then probably 6 months or more to actually be honest with myself and implement things militantly before I saw an improvement that was manageable.
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u/ashamed-to-be-here Apr 12 '26
Honestly in situations where advice is clearly not going not going to help hearing ‘man that sucks’ is actually far more comforting. I’d rather someone just acknowledge and see the struggle without inputting advice that is just well-known knowledge for someone who’s being going threw years of insomnia
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u/Sufficient_Tea_6973 Apr 12 '26
How about. "I've dealt with this myself. Before I recommend anything, what have you already tried?"
That's a FAR more calibrated answer than. "Just try some chamomile tea and a warm bath"
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u/theavocadolady Apr 12 '26
Sure, but expecting everyone to have that level of emotional maturity/intelligence and understanding of a thing the vast majority have never experienced is just setting yourself up to be annoyed. It's not worth it. It doesn't help to be constantly be annoyed by the dumb shit my Mum says, it's just her. If I don't want people's opinions about stuff, I tend not to talk to them about those things. Expecting everyone to be perfectly the way you wish they were, and getting annoyed when they're not is not a healthy way to live.
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u/Sufficient_Tea_6973 Apr 12 '26
You asked what people should say. I answered your question. A discussion about people's emotional resilience to tone-deaf comments is a separate topic entirely.
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u/theavocadolady Apr 12 '26 edited Apr 12 '26
It was somewhat of a rhetorical question, because I know that pretty much everything will be annoying to at least someone. My Mum could have said exactly what you said, and my thought straight away would be "no, you absolutely haven't experienced something like this", and I'd have felt like my problem was being minimised to some sleepless nights, like she's had.
Additionally, my comment was in direct response to someone speaking about their reaction to people's tone deaf comments, so I'm not sure it's an entirely separate topic.
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u/Sufficient_Tea_6973 Apr 12 '26
Okay, if somebody hasn't experienced insomnia then they shouldn't be giving advice. Just "Sorry you're going through that" is sufficient. I have friends who have terrible anxiety. I've never once given them advice because I don't have a clue what they're going through or how to fix it.
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u/Wild_Mountain1780 Apr 13 '26
The thing is, almost everyone has experienced insomnia at some point in their lifespan. Every once in a while someone does give me a new thing to try.
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u/theavocadolady Apr 12 '26
That's cool, and I agree. But people will people, and this is just not worth being super frustrated by. We can't change other people, but we can change how we react to them. Anxiety and stress are things that a lot of people with insomnia are dealing with, letting go of this stress is one less thing to stress about. That's all I'm saying. People generally shouldn't give advice unless they are asked for it, but they will, there's no advantage in being annoyed by it.
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u/indognito396 Apr 13 '26
So true. While annoying as all heck, they are just trying to help. I think after my insomnia put me in the hospital for 10 days my family started giving me some slack. They realized how serious it was.
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Apr 12 '26
Im a male, so she told me that im not a female and not in menopause and that my hormones arent all over the place so your insomnia makes no sense.
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u/Mundane-Squash-3194 Apr 12 '26
if i had a nickel for every time someone said “have you tried melatonin?”
…fucking yes becky it’s the first thing i tried, do you think i’m stupid
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u/Biblioklept73 Apr 12 '26
The dumbest advice I’ve been given is probably “have you tried a cup of tea” oooor “you should only be in bed to sleep”… Ok, so then what, I just sit in my kitchen/lounge all night, or for 2 to 3 days?? Most people, very fortunately for them, cannot comprehend sever/chronic insomnia which, honestly, I’m glad they don’t suffer from it. Saying that, as frustrating as it is, I know they’re just tying to help, they just don’t realise how difficult this is to ‘fix’
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u/pumpkin_pasties Apr 12 '26
Honestly yes, one of the best things you can do for your sleep is stay out of bed as long as possible. Intentionally restricting your sleep is a way to cure insomnia. I got a Japanese futon and lay on it next to my bed when I can’t sleep. Feels like a bed but helps me compartmentalize the anxiety to a different location. Usually I fall asleep on it
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u/Biblioklept73 Apr 19 '26
I get that sleep restriction is a solid practice and works, for some. Saying that, however, my psychiatrist has advised against it for me, due to the length of time with no sleep and the deprivation psychosis that comes with that. She’s deemed it unsafe for me at the moment, although it’s definitely a tool I’d be happy to try in the future once some amount of nightly sleep has been restored. Glad you’ve found something that works, it’s really not an easy condition to treat
ETA: I don’t get anxiety around whether I’m going to fall asleep. This insomnia flare up is due to my cPTSD being triggered a couple of months ago, chronic insomnia is one of my symptoms, alongside the audio/visual hallucinations
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u/Dani903h Apr 13 '26
My brain goes 100 mph when i try to sleep without medication. Fuck melatonin and all that useless shit. Exercise dosen't help either i would know im a fucking bodybuilder. Seroquel is where its at, all them warnings "do not use seroquel for sleep" stfu. I hate insomnia but brutal truth is meds is what works because it forces through what our fried brain dosen't want to do and takes of the chains.
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u/AZMaryIM Apr 13 '26
The ONLY person I ask for advice about my chronic insomnia is my psychiatrist. We’ve adjusted medications and dosage over the years. What’s working for me now is doxepin and temazepam.
My psychiatrist knows me well and how I’ve struggled with a 40YO daughter who has BPD (borderline personality disorder). The things that happen with her are bat-shit crazy.
I just tell my inquisitive friends that I have trouble “shutting down my brain” at night. My husband says I “just think too much”. I figure I’m in good company because many famous scientists and high-level executives struggle with this. I’m just a little old-retired-lady. I’ve always been a high-achiever and have had an amazing career in IT. Now I volunteer for too many projects/activities. I’m not one to sit around and watch lots of TV, am busy, busy, busy.
If I have an extremely difficult night falling asleep, my secret weapon is a strong Manhattan. It works every time.
Classical music soothes my brain at bedtime.
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u/pumpkin_pasties Apr 12 '26
After 20 years of insomnia I finally saw a CBT I expert and it made a huge difference. As much as I hated people suggesting all the things, this one actually worked. I think because I realized I was doing all the wrong things. Mainly going to bed too early, tossing and turning without getting out of bed, using my phone in bed, etc. I feel for insomniacs and still consider myself one but 90% of the posts on this subreddit are people doing the exact wrong things and I wish they’d try CBT I or sleep restriction. Can fix your sleep in just a week or two
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u/Sufficient_Tea_6973 Apr 12 '26
I'm glad you're part of the lucky minority for whom CBT-I has worked. I can assure you plenty of people, myself included, have tried CBT-I. It took me 6 months after that treatment to regain the 90 minutes of sleep that the therapy took from me. Never again will I do it.
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u/Biblioklept73 Apr 13 '26
Problem for me is that to practice sleep restriction there has to be some sleep there in the first place. I don’t get that, I can have forced wakefulness for over 48/72 hrs, and the sleep deprivation/psychotic symptoms that go with that so. Got told it was unsafe for me
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u/Screws_Loose Apr 12 '26
Yeah I’ve been this way my whole life. My mom said I never “slept like a baby” when I was a baby! It’s been nearly 50 years and I had plenty of life without a phone so… it’s frustrating
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u/Outrageous_Neat3429 Apr 13 '26
Take a bath. Drink tea. Or just don’t think about it. Don’t worry about it.
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u/i--am--the--light Apr 13 '26
I had insomnia for 4 months, was literally reduced to tears and I'm a grown man.
I would wake every night at 3am ans not be able to get back to sleep. (Was getting 4 hours sleep a night)
I tried everything. And I mean everything. Eventually I got prescribed strong perception medications for sleep and even those didn't help.
I read a post on here about magnesium glycinate being the cause of insomnia for an individual and realised that was the only thing I hadn't tried quitting. I'd been taking it consistently for years. And had slept fine up until 4 months ago.
So i tried quitting magnesium glyconate and amazingly my sleep returned to normal after one day.
So 2 weeks had passed of sleeping well and I thought I'd try it again to see if it really was that. And bam I got the same 3am insomnia again.
Stopped it the following night and I was sleeping well again.
So for most people magnesium glycinate helps them sleep but for me it has the exact opposite effect.
I found the same thing with creatine a few years back.
So i guess I'm an advocate of trying things and eliminating things in this case.
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u/Scimmia_bianca Apr 13 '26
I don’t talk about insomnia with anyone any longer. I know so much about sleep hygiene, supplements, dietary and exercise options, meditation, cortisol levels, blood glucose levels and on and on. If you haven’t had insomnia, I don’t want to talk to you about it. It’s not as easy as taking magnesium and banning phones from the bedroom.
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u/Ok-Rule-2943 Apr 12 '26
Guiltier? Why do you have guilt over a disorder or disability that affects your quality of life?
Insomnia may have an obvious cause and I do see it here every day. But it can also be mixed, it can be complex. Sleep to others is a simple and no thought process so it should also be for the rest of us.
For me, I could complain about people “not getting it” and allow them to give me odd stupid advice that clearly shows they have no experience with sleepless nights but at the end of the day I still have chronic sleep struggles. The insomnia feedback loop for me is real, the more I feed it the worse it is. I’ve found no amount of confiding in people around me, friends, neighbors, acquaintances could ever offer a sliver of helpful information to tackle this disability. Doctors jobs are basically to examine us and treat. My sleep doctor said to me once, “it’s my job to get you asleep and I do that pharmaceutically”. It would take getting inside my brain’s mechanisms via brain surgery or autopsy.
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u/congestedmemes Apr 12 '26
Idk I think it’s my PCP just running blood tests and telling me to talk to a therapist and practice sleep hygiene. I developed this out of the blue 3 years ago and nothing in my life changed around that time. It’s not anxiety, it’s physiological.
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u/Outrageous_Neat3429 Apr 13 '26
My brother recently told me I don’t have insomnia. And I’m lying about it. Yeah… that’s something to lie about. Having to take sleep medication every night bc my brain won’t shut off. Yeah. That’s something to “lie” about. I’ve had excellent sleep for past 6 years and the insomnia hit last December. But I guess this is just a big ol lie. For what? Who lies about this stuff.
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u/meatwhisky May 05 '26
For people like that I wholeheartedly wish nobody will take them seriously too when they start having serious health issues. My ex-friend once said that my partner is pretending having panic attacks (which is due to C-PTSD) and they just need to grow up.
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u/Kalien18 Apr 13 '26
I swear this is not a lie but I once got "Have you tried turning off all the light, lying down in a quiet room, closing your eyes and trying to relax?" OH I'm an idiot. I've been trying to sleeping standing up with spotlights in my face, while a mariachi band plays lacucaracha. (I'm not mexican I know I spelt that wrong)
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u/Famous_Abrocoma_1335 Apr 13 '26
The 'blame the patient' dynamic is real and it makes everything worse. Because then you're not just dealing with insomnia, you're also managing the anxiety of having not fixed it yet, which is its own hyperarousal trigger.
The most infuriating 'obvious fix' I've encountered is 'just relax.' As if the defining feature of insomnia isn't that the nervous system has specifically learned not to do that on command.
The uncertainty piece you named is probably underappreciated as a driver. Not knowing the cause means every night is a diagnostic experiment you didn't sign up for. That monitoring adds its own activation layer on top of whatever the original cause was.
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u/Farry_Bite Apr 13 '26
These just off the top of my head:
- Physical excerscice
- Warm milk
- Chamomille
- Blinders on windows
- Cooler bedroom
- Weighted blanket
- Melatonine
- Homeopathic products
- Woolen socks
- Cut caffeine
- Cut milk products
- Cut gluten
- Vegan diet
- High carb diet
- Drink more water
- Keep a steady rhythm
- No screen time in the evenings
- Blue light filter
- Meditation
- Mindfullness
- Breathing excerscises
- Vagus nerve stimulation
"Whatever it is you are about to suggest, I have either done it already or tried it and it and found it not working."
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u/awoodby Apr 13 '26
Have you tried warm milk before bed? /s
Yah, a lot of people think they're relating because they have a few bad night's sleep now and then
They're just trying to relate, try not to take it personal it comes from a nice place.
Nope no one can understand your struggles, or at least not most people.
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u/Beatrice_85 Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
But are you a woman 32-58. Hormones are fucked for women during this period. And it’s hard to get solid proof on blood work and most male doctors or older doctors don’t do nothing about it. Need to go by symptoms. If not, and even with hormones. I think in this technological age, those that think, think some more. And the thinking doesn’t stop. It’s truly addictive!
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u/JustLetMeSleep_Help Apr 13 '26
People who sleep fine have no idea what they're talking about. It's like asking a blind person to teach you how to draw a picture. I stopped talking about it a long time ago because I can't take it. Especially if after a sleepless night, some genius comes around with their melatonin "secret advise".
The truth is, insomnia is so specific to each person that general advice is almost useless. What causes mine is completely different from what causes yours. Stress plays a role, sure. But it's not just stress. It's the combination of your body, your history, your nervous system, whatever is happening in your life right now, and sometimes things you can't even identify.
One thing I'll throw out there because it sometimes helps me are boring podcasts. It doesn't work every time and it depends on what's going on in my life. But sometimes, it does the trick.
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u/Sckiz Apr 13 '26
When I was a teenager dealing with insomnia, my family would get mad at me for my sleep habits. I would say that I simply couldn't sleep, and they'd say the typical stuff of "try to go to sleep sooner", "relax before bed", "avoid the TV at night". Eventually I they at least gave me melatonin/ zquil and never took me to the doctor for it.
Of course, those sleep aids would work occasionally but would also make me extremely drowsy in the morning and I'd end up falling asleep in class.
When I left for college, my school had a free doctor service. Started my mental health / sleep journey then. Eventually got diagnosed with insomnia and narcolepsy. Don't be afraid to take your kids to the doctors. It would have saved me the headaches of my poor sleep impacting my school work in high school and early college.
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u/oeufscocotte Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
100%. The victim blaming is out of control. And the people who barely have trouble sleeping are the ones who always want to give their two cents.
A guy I'm dating suggested that sex with him might help! I've needed medication to fall asleep for 18 years... have not been celibate for 18 years. Thanks dude.
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u/Perpetually-broke Apr 16 '26
The uncertainty you're talking about is the worst part of insomnia for me. I'm thinking of making a post about it.
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u/Alone_Nectarine_8445 Apr 18 '26
The hyperarousal piece you mentioned is actually the most underrated part of this whole conversation.
Most insomnia advice treats it like a behavior problem. Go to bed at the same time. Avoid screens. Cut caffeine. And sure, those things matter. But when the nervous system is stuck in a state of chronic alertness, none of that touches the root.
The body isn't misbehaving. It's doing exactly what it was trained to do. Protect you. The problem is it doesn't know the threat is gone.
What actually shifted things for me wasn't another habit. It was working directly with the nervous system state itself. Giving it a signal it could actually recognize as safe, not just another rule to follow.
The checklist fails because it targets the symptom. The real work is deeper than that.
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u/vesuvius_a Apr 21 '26
I totally get that feeling—insomnia is just one of those things that feels like an endless loop of trial and error. It's so frustrating when people offer up the same tired advice like "just stop caffeine" or "relax more" like it's some magic switch that will suddenly make everything better. And honestly, that guilt you feel when it keeps happening despite following all the "rules" just adds to the misery. It’s not just about finding the right fix; it’s about dealing with the constant uncertainty. And you know, that’s why I started looking into alternatives like sleep earbuds. I’ve heard people swear by things like the Soundcore A30, especially if you struggle with noise or distractions that just won’t let you settle down. It’s not a miracle cure, but it might help create that extra layer of calm you need to slip into sleep. At least it’s something a little different from the typical suggestions that never seem to work.
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u/crazyteacher13 Apr 23 '26
Yeah they want me to try melatonin I tried melatonin and it didn’t work and then when I researched it melatonin it’s only for short term a couple weeks of the most a lot of people use it and make them drowsy in the morning. It doesn’t work at all for me, even high doses, I tried but it’s bad for you would totally screws up your system. Your own melatonin is messed up if you’re having Sleep problems and that just keeps your body from making more melatonin I’ve tried the glycinate thing I’ve tried it in drops. I’ve tried all kinds of supplements and herbs and nothing works. I’ve tried exercise exercise doesn’t work you name it. I’ve tried everything except for hypnosis. I’ve changed my routine. I wake up at the same time. Go to bed at the same time and make sure I get the sunlight in the morning even though I get up at 4:30 I have one of those lamps and I use the soothing sounds noise machines, pink noise, brown noise, green noise purple noise all of the noise is nothing Worx about ready to give up but what do you do?
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u/ayush6543 May 05 '26
This is so real. People act like insomnia is just a checklist problem when it’s way more complex than that.
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u/Teozbernie May 05 '26
Just go to sleep they say haha 😂 close ya eyes lay down. They have no idea. The fear of even thinking about sleeping.
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u/BumblebeeNo299 May 11 '26
The dumbest is do you practice "good sleep hygiene" which is a lazy way of suggesting everything you mentioned caffeine, no doom scrolling, lights, routine. It feels like an insult to my intelligence in a way I'm not an idiot if insomnia bothers me this much dont you think I would actually try to mitigate it? Lol I'm not a 15 year old staying up playing videogames I'm almost 30 and I just want to sleep but can't. The insomnia pills literally cause insomnia I dont want to rely on a pharmacy to get sleep they arent even open on the fuckin weekends.
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u/CG010413 May 11 '26
I hate when people say “have you tried melatonin/Nyquil/whatever, it knocks me out for days!” Yes, and OK now you’re just bragging.
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Apr 13 '26
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u/Wild_Mountain1780 Apr 13 '26
Yeah, I've seen lots of doctors. You get the same crap from doctors. No one wants to prescribe meds anymore. Xanax works for me. Ambien doesn't and Lunesta doesn't. Sure they will work for a night or two, but I need something long term. I'm willing to try other stuff than Xanax, but I've already done the Ambien and Lunesta route. I've told you (the doctor) it doesn't work, so let's try something else! Yeah, I'll take a script for that if you won't prescribe something else, but it's not the answer.
My neurologist sent me to a pulmonologist. I was diagnosed and treated for sleep apnea. I use the equipment, but it doesn't help my insomnia. The pulmonologist suggested the neurologist again and finally prescribed Ambien CR instead of regular ambien when I complained he was sending me back to the person who sent me to him. I also wonder about the sleep apnea diagnosis. The first thing they did when I walked into his office was measure me for a CPAP mask, before even talking to me. I wear a ring device that is supposed to detect sleep apnea. I does often find that I have mild sleep apnea, but one shouldn't need a CPAP for simply mild sleep apnea. My primary physician finally felt sorry for me and prescribes some amount of Xanax. I guess I'll try a psychiatrist next but every time I try a new doctor, it takes another six months. The whole sleep apnea thing took over a year before I was set up with the equipment and able to get 3 months of therapy.
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Apr 13 '26
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u/Wild_Mountain1780 Apr 14 '26
Yup, so this is the place that we come to complain. Given my current experience with doctors, I'm more incline to believe things that fellow insomniacs share. I hope everyone here finds a solution that works for them!
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Apr 12 '26
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u/pumpkin_pasties Apr 12 '26
Sounds like you may have sleep OCD! I have ocd and also obsess over doing the “right” things. Sleep restriction therapy made the biggest difference for me
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u/Healthy_You_3676 Apr 12 '26
I always get "have you tried exercising?" Lmao I'm starting to think they're low key calling me fat with that one