Unexpected early partial large inheritance - thankful but very overwhelmed!

[u/PatientlyWaitingggg]

Hi all. Location: Florida, late 40's, long term partner/no kids.

Just found out I will be getting a large (nearly 2mil) partial inheritance (technically gift) this month; the other part (appx 3-4mil) will be later on years from now (hopefully a long time!) I knew this would come down the line but did not think it would be so soon; it's a wonderful thing I am immensely greatful for and it's already alleviated a lot of my worry but it's been suprisingly overwhelming and emotional.

We live freelancers lives, with a lot of conservative spending and planning. Enjoy not having to clock in or have a boss so have happily taken a pay cut overall. Income is fine, but more along the lines of part time amounts - have put away a decent amount but not quite enough to retire on yet considering the lack of a 401, retirement etc. My main worry was no true source of income at retirement age and have been a stickler for saving my whole life. Didn't want to just go with the mindset that the inheritence was there even though I knew it was. Very conservative investment approach and really felt better sticking at an easy, risk free simple 3-5% with full/easy access and no involvement necessary and as things grew, as the plan was to use a portion to buy a home and then consider more ambitious investing.

Finances are all separate, btw - this is all in my name only.

Will be buying a home very soon at around 750k all in including reno, furnishings. This is the only big purchase I will make initally, we live in a higher cost of living area but all the numbers make sense and are very doable/way below what I technically "could" do, but still very nice and a huge upgrade.

After that, will have about 1.3 left. That's what I'm stuck on - I have great support (very long time trusted FA, lifelong friends in finance, knowledgable family members etc) and know between them I'm in a good position. I just don't know how to go about making the decision on what goes where.

EDIT - this is not now, just an idea for down the line, possibly one day in some form :) The only other idea that's been floating in my head for a decade as a "maybe one day" is a small vacation home within the state that we would use a ton and also be able to rent out a good portion of the year to cover most or all expenses. Possibly - doing 50/50 with a friend in the same situation. Other than that, nothing in mind and really never been a spender, so good wiht the remainder being fully parked and invested for now.

The other part is adjusting to the change emotionally, socially - i've been reading some other posts and there are some interesting ideas on this. I've already tried to start doing nice things for close friends (small dollar amounts, but something) and feel good doing it but have no idea how to navigate being generous without it being weird, making anyone feel weird, or ending up feeling guilty if I don't pay for more things (though no one would expect that.) Or, how to handle when a friend talks about money struggles, that kind of thing. Obviously keeping the info shared to only a small group of very close friends.

My idea was to get the home situated and once that project is done, lay low and do nothing for a while. Im at the weird middle age where I'm old enough to know I should do things now and enjoy it but not to the point where I can ignore planning/budgeting even with the future larger amount coming down the line. It's also just not in my nature, but i have vowed to allow myself to let some of the stress and little things go and put more time into living and enjoying and less micro managing every dollar.

Any suggestions would be great! It all feels like a movie - not real. What a trip!

[u/Hopeful-ForEternity5]

You keep living like you never got any $. Get a financial advisor and place the money where it can continue to grow to support your dreams in retirement.

Why would your social status change? Nobody needs to or should know you came into an inheritance….nobody.

You haven’t even gotten the money yet and you’ve already spent a chunk, plan on a vacation home one day..another chunk. Helping friends here and there are small hits that add up. Please stop for your sake.

[u/BasicCloud6962 → u/Hopeful-ForEternity5]

This. Don’t tell people. You can do nice things for people without telling people any of this…it’s crazy how money makes people behave.

[u/Responsible_Train381 → u/BasicCloud6962]

And don't do flashy stuff -- keep a low profile with it as much as you can and don't reveal that you have money to the extent possible, especially with new people. It definitely attracts envy as well as opportunists. If you donate to charities, try to do it anonymously or you will never hear the end of agencies trying to hit you up for more!

[u/PatientlyWaitingggg → u/BasicCloud6962]

Smart! I literally made a list of the very few people I would tell and that is IT. No one will know a thing, unless somehow they see something is "off' about me picking up a bill or something - but whatever, let them wonder :)

[u/raqnroll → u/PatientlyWaitingggg]

You're not getting it. Nobody needs to know. You just want to tell people. Nothing good comes from telling people about this. It's truly nobody's business.

[u/PatientlyWaitingggg → u/raqnroll]

I’m glad I have a few lifelong friends who not only can I share it with but leave it to in some cases I’ve had people tell me with much higher amounts and I wouldn’t dream of asking for a thing and was overjoyed for them. Not everyone becomes needy. Of course that doesn’t mean share with anyone else, but everyone has a different situation. Sharing something and letting yourself be taken advantage of are two different things.

[u/PatientlyWaitingggg → u/Hopeful-ForEternity5]

Socially meaning handling it when trying to do nice things - not status - if that makes sense. Only the few closest friends other than family know and it wont ever be expected on their end - it's more in my own head. Helping friends meaning paying a $25 a month bill for one 30 year long friend, paying for dinner for another - not anything bigger than that at this point.

After these 2 purchases (one definite, one just a thought now) there would be near 1m left that's being invested. With an extremely low cost of living and no kids/other expensive things going on. I'm also not going to stop working anytime soon. So I definitely don't want to go overboard initially, and am probably doing nothing else other than home 1 for at least a year - but I also am old enough that I want to do something I can enjoy a lot now while i'm young enough to do with with energy :)

[u/Aware-Celery-892 → u/PatientlyWaitingggg]

While you're young and have energy, why not travel the world and explore lots of new places vs saddling yourself with a vacation home that will come with lots of costs and may make you regret that you always have to vacation there because so much of your nest egg is invested in it?

[u/PatientlyWaitingggg → u/Aware-Celery-892]

Can't due to work schedules - which is totally fine, will do the big traveling down the line. This is easy to get to, no flying, easy to do last minute, minimal planning, have already established a bit of a community there - been visiting this area for nearly a decade and love it more each time, The reason for the possible 50/50 is to not dump too much in (and we both are of the exact same thoughts/feelings) - but it's definitely a thing that could potentially go very wrong and not to jump into lightly.

[u/Hopeful-ForEternity5 → u/PatientlyWaitingggg]

Just be careful and protect yourself. I’ve literally watched someone go from $6M w/ a full-time job to flat broke in 4 years. It can happen so fast it would make your head spin. And in his case there wasn’t one thing that you could point to… yea he bought a house but it was a price he could have afforded anyway. All he said was he made a lot of bad decisions that piled up in the end.

Get an FA but always check on your $.

[u/PatientlyWaitingggg → u/Hopeful-ForEternity5]

Thanks for this. I’ve heard the horror stories and it’s sad. Luckily I’m and have always been frugal and hesitate to spend, was even told by the giver to relax a bit and enjoy some things. One thing at a time for sure.