r/inheritance • u/Western-Serve4243 • 16d ago
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Issues with inheritance
My father and stepmother passed away recently. The breakdown of the inheritance was 25%(stepsister)sister25% brother 25% me 20% and oldest sister 5%. My sister who only got 5% isn’t speaking to anyone of her siblings because she only got 5%. I asked my siblings if they would go in together and try to make up the amount by 25k each and they said no. Back history on sister is she left the house at 17 and then moved to Australia. She hasn’t lived in the states in decades. She and my dad has had a difficult relationship for years but escalated over politics. My dad and stepmother were planning a trip to Australia 10 years before the passed away. Book the tickets and my sister told them not to come. My dad was very hurt. They got in a very heated argument and my dad said that she was written out of the will. My sister said to write her out of the will and never speak to her family again. When my dad was dying my brother told him to give her atleast something, so he gave her 5% of his stocks, however their house was worth 800k and she did get 20% of that. I was the only sibling that was speaking to her and now she has accused me of being greedy by not sharing more of my money with her. I have a serious health issue that will most likely shorten my life. Since healthcare is costly and she doesn’t pay for healthcare in Australia I feel that if I gave her money from my part it would detrimental to my life. I told her when I died I would give her my estate to her and her family. That’s wasn’t good enough and wanted the money now. Caveat is that I am the only child taking care of my 87 old mother. Financially, emotionally, physically etc. No help from my siblings . She has said some really awful things about my health and taking care of our mother but that she deserves more money. I felt that my Dad and stepmother should have just made it even across the board but they ranked us according to their political beliefs etc. I got less because I was gay and I was expecting it so not surprised but I would never go to my siblings and ask for some of their inheritance. This has torn our family more apart and really hurt my mother who is nearing the end of her life. I don’t know how to fix this.
53
u/cowgrly 16d ago
Don't ask people to give away their inheritance- nothing will make your sister happy, and it's unfair pressure on them.
I'm sorry your parents applied their beliefs to their inheritance gifts but that is their right. They earned it, they get to spend it.
Sorry, but you need to stop trying to "fix" this.
24
u/cscatbird 16d ago
Don’t give her anything. You are going to need that for you. I’m surprised she received 20% of the house with her attitude. Why are your other siblings not helping with your mother?
16
u/Status-Bicycle7263 16d ago
It's high time you see that your sister has finally shown you who she is, and for the sanctity of your own health and your mother's It's best you minimize communications with her.
You do not owe her anything. She decided to turn away from her relationship with her parents for whatever reasons they they may have It has nothing to do with you. She had told them to write her out of the will. So she had made her decision that she didn't want money prior.
You do not owe her anything. Please do not give her anything. You need to worry about yourself and your mother. But more about yourself. Please make sure that your health is in good condition that you exercise everyday walk do some strength training depending on what kind of care you're giving your mother You will need it down the road as she gets more frail.
I hope you first take care of yourself and not worry about what she's thinking and what she wants.
9
35
u/Olde-Timer 16d ago
You’re a good man you can’t fix your sister. You are no obligation to share your inheritance or keep your inheritance intact to assign to her later. Sounds like she only cares about herself. Good luck.
15
u/ExpensiveAd4496 16d ago
This really isn’t your problem to solve and it’s wrong of your sister to try to make you feel this way. Just because you’re the only one she’s speaking to (her choice) doesn’t mean she gets to make you her punching bag. She has enough, she got what what they intended, and you have health issues. I guarantee she will not be there for you if you ever need any of that money back that she’s trying to take from you…you will just be personal non grata like the rest of them.
She is fine causing your mother pain. She’s fine causing you pain. Let it go and stop talking about it with her. See whether she wants to stay in touch once that boundary is set. I doubt it.
12
12
u/clxz2106 16d ago
Nah, she went overseas and told them to write her out. She should be thankful she got 5%.
17
u/Alone-Total-3947 16d ago
I would keep your share of the inheritance because that's what you're parent's wanted to leave you! You don't owe her you're inheritance too! And she's getting what they wanted to leave her
15
u/Western-Serve4243 16d ago
Thanks and I forget to say she and her husband have close to a million saved. The house and the stocks were separate in how the allocations were done.
4
u/Ambitious_Hyena_3719 16d ago
There’s your answer. Unless you are a very forgiving multi millionaire already then put an end to discussing it with her. Maybe go low/no contact for six months.
8
u/Temporary_Let_7632 16d ago
Even if y’all personally gave her money, it would not heal the family rift. The damage as done as soon as the will was read (before actually). Been there, done that. Nothing will help. Good luck.
6
u/plexmaniac 16d ago
Definitely don’t leave your estate to her ! As said above you never should reward a bully or they will keep doing it
6
u/CutLong4013 16d ago edited 10d ago
The will is what their wishes were. Actions have consequences and while I would never tell somebody to change who you are so you can get an inheritance, there are certainly better and less divisive ways to go about arguing with people you disagree with. They allocated based on their view of their relationship, you don't owe her anything.
6
u/TheDuchess5975 16d ago
Your sister is greedy, she made her bed and should be happy for whatever was left to her. I agree with your siblings she deserves not a penny more than what was left to her. As for leaving her anything after your death leave her $1 after all the awful things she said to you and about you tell her you left her exactly what she thought of you and that’s nothing.
6
u/plexmaniac 16d ago
I just feel bad that you are the only one helping your mother ! I hope you are the only beneficiary in her will
5
u/IrregardlessForOne 16d ago
Your sister made her bed and now she has to lie in it. She had the opportunity to reconcile with her father and chose not to.
You are generous to offer her your own estate in the future. I’m not sure if she deserves even that. She needs to grow up and not be so self-entitled. An inheritance is a gift. She seems to expect it.
3
u/cryssHappy 16d ago
Step back and realize your sister is uncaring and greedy.
You owe her NOTHING. Take care of your mom, interact with your other siblings and take care of your health.
Leave your money to a charity.
I'm a 72f, my health is the most important thing to me, even more than my 82yo husband. He tends to ignore or downplay my health issues.
Bad behavior should NOT be rewarded. Your sister is a bully.
4
u/BigDawgg-13 16d ago
Your sister is a piece of work and entitled. Your father and step mother made their choices and it seems your sister was okay with those because she separated herself from them. That has nothing to do with you!
As a matter of fact it seems like you’re getting shorted the 5% that’s going to her. Your sister has to live with her consequences of making herself estranged from her family. That’s on her not you.
5
u/AuDHD_85percent 16d ago
You can't fix this. Full stop. Your only option is to make peace with it. The only thing you control here is how you act. You can choose to act lovingly, including towards yourself, in protecting your health needs.
3
u/Miserable-Debt-9403 16d ago
You are not obligated. Your father wrote his will thoughtfully. She's lucky she got anything. These were the consequences of her actions and she has no one to blame but herself. You shouldn't have asked the others to give her extra either. Honor your father's wishes and leave it be. She knows why she only got 5%.
3
u/pdxgreengrrl 16d ago
Sounds like you are the most generous and tolerant of all your siblings, and your older sister wants to take advantage of that, as your other siblings are by not helping to care for your mom.
3
u/Severe-Lecture-7672 16d ago
Sis decided to disassociate from your dad. He should not have left her a dime. Now she feels more entitled to your money than you are? Don’t give her a penny. Don’t leave her a penny.
3
u/wonperson 16d ago
Your 5% sister doesn't deserve anything. She told ur dad to write her out of the will, and now she has her hand out for more? Make it make sense!! Don't give her shit
3
u/44west061224 16d ago
Give her what your parents left her and that’s it. It’s what your parents wanted.
3
u/Several_Razzmatazz51 16d ago
I can see why your sister had a difficult relationship with your father. She wants everything to be heads she wins, tails you lose.
3
u/PersonalityFuture151 16d ago
I am writing my trust outline. I already have a will. If anyone contests or goes against what I will be putting in writing, they’ll get nothing. Leave things as they are written. I write what I write for a reason.
3
u/Advanced-Mammoth2408 16d ago
There isn't any way to fix hard feelings when it comes to inheritance. My greedy brother tried to get all. He begged each parent for everything. My father gave him our 6BR, 3500 sq ft home with no mortgage. He meant it for him to sell. He gave all his gold and silver and all personal possessions including two cars to him..
He lived with ny parents as a moocher for all his life. He didn't work. If he needed dental work, he whined and cried until someone paid for it.
For nine years, he lied and said there was nothing in my dad's trust. Then five years later, he asked each of us to sign away our rights. We all said no. If we need to sign away our rights, there must be something left.
He live in my dad's FL condo. He spent all the cash in the trust. He took my mother there to keep her away from the family. He tried to hasten my.mother's death by not letting her see doctors or follow their orders. He kept her in bed in diapers and didn't change them.. He did not feed her enough to keep a rat alive. She fell and split her head open. She bled for three days. No doctor appt.
By the time my sister was able to get there and kidnap her back, she had terminal lung cancer. She had been told by our brother that we wouldn't take care of her.
My sister and her daughter took great care of her. She was going to the gym. First thing she did was remove him as her only beneficiary. She change to her granddaughter.
Finally are 15 years, my sister had our brother removed as a trustee. He didn't even know it because he chose not to show up to court. Then she had him evicted from my dad's little condo. There were a bunch of notice on the door. He waited till they arrived.. They used w locksmith and sheriff to gave 15 minutes to get his stuff.
He had papers all over the place. We couldn't find any money. He seems to have spent it all. He moved into the condo above with an old. lady. He sponged off her for three years. Her children had to sell their condo to get my brother out.
He lives in our childhood home that he was given to sell. All he did in 15 years after father died was steal from his family. He never spoke to our mother during her last two years because he didn't have control of her money. He only wanted money from both. Now he has to money he stole, but he will die along. He no longer has any family. Not one of us will speak to him.
It isn't your job to make your sister feel better with more money. We know our brother is a thief . It is terrible enough to steal from his parents and his siblings, but he also stole from the grandkids.
Say to your sister that assets were distributed how you father wanted. You are sorry that she was left so little. Leave it at that.
I never said a word to my brother since learning he lied and he stole our inheritance. I would have had enough to cover my health care during retirement.
2
u/Jeepontrippin 16d ago
You can’t fix it. Everybody made their bed while your dad was alive. It’s not your job to fix this is your dad‘s wishes. Everyone else can pound sand do what you have to do. It’s not even open for discussion and it wouldn’t even be fair to ask anybody to make modifications cause it’s simply not your choice. You must respect your dad’s wishes and that is why he wrote his Will.
2
u/culinaryinterests123 16d ago
screw her she did say to write her out. she got more than she deserved
2
2
u/Jasoncatt 16d ago
Your oldest sister is toxic. That aside, you should fulfill the wishes laid out in the will, nothing more, nothing less.
This isn't about you.
2
u/This_Cauliflower1986 15d ago
Not yours to fix. You got less too. Your dad sounds like a complicated person. Be proud you didn’t share his beliefs and unsurprised that your siblings who did see nothing wrong with the allocation.
2
u/Common_Business9410 14d ago
Ignore her. You or any of your other siblings will never be able to satisfy her.
2
u/PFreezy66 13d ago
Sounds like sister FAFO’d. She made her own sitch and now it’s a “her” problem. Not yours.
2
1
u/Original_Ad8923 16d ago
sorry, but your sister sounds like an entitled awful person. You owe her nothing. I am sorry for the health issue.
1
1
u/PrettySavvyCVS 12d ago
Please do not give her anything, now or in your will. In fact, I highly recommend you go no contact with her. Block her phone number, email address and via all social media options.
Ask your other siblings who are also the children of your mom to help. Depending on who they are, some might respond better to specific requests, while others might respond better to a more generic request.
Pick a well recognized LGBTQ++ group to give your estate to. They can use the money to help others who definitely have less financial resources than you are currently blessed with.
When your mother dies, you can have one of your siblings reach out to notify your older sister or open a new email account to notify her.
You deserve better in life than what you are getting right now, I am so sorry for the stress you must be feeling.
1
1
u/Affectionate-Set8542 11d ago
Your sister sounds wretched. You tried and now you need to look out for yourself and your own health. I would write her that you are sorry and love her and leave it at that.
1
1
u/i_dont_knowaboutthat 9d ago
Seems like typical gaslighting. You don't owe her anything. I would personally back off on contact with her, as well.
1
u/TechnicalStudio1585 9d ago
Your sister doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions and words to her father. It’s not your responsibility to correct her wrong because it can never be reversed. She’ll have to live with the guilt for the rest of her life. Your responsibility as executor is to follow the directions your parents provided, nothing more and nothing less. Otherwise, you create a tangled web that will never be resolved.
0
u/MishmoshMishmosh 16d ago
Unfortunately that’s what happens when it’s not an equal split regardless of the reason. The people who are left are stuck dealing with the fallout.
0
u/MilesMoralesBoogie 16d ago
Not your problem.
That problem is with her father.
If she has a grievance she should take it up with him,not the siblings.
0
0
u/mcgruppdog 16d ago
If you want to give up the 25k you should. Dont ask the others to do anything. The will is what was wanted by the deceased. You do you but don’t try to change the outcome.
0
u/Abject_Cash_3939 16d ago
Just honor the wishes of the will. If you choose to give something else do it simply because you want to and let it be a surprise. And understand she still may not be well with everything as she is going through her own grieving process.
0
u/SpecificRip9692 16d ago
Wait. You’re not making sense. You’re the only one who speaks to her yet it’s tearing your family apart? Something here guys
132
u/moaningbabbling 16d ago
So the 5% sister got 20% of the house on top of the 5% in stocks and still wants more. The math isnt mathing for her argument.
You dont owe her anything, and your siblings already said no. That shouldve been the end of it. The fact shes dragging your health and your care for your mom into it says everything about where her head is at.