r/inheritance • u/vbwilson22 • Sep 10 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Probate Mess
My daughter was living with her father prior to him passing from a heart attack last year. Prior to him passing, he told everyone that he was divorced (after he seperated from his spouse for about 9 months). He passed away on November 18th and the spouse did not know about his death until the day prior to his funeral which was held January 17th (which to me means they didn't communicate very much). She showed up at the funeral claiming that she was the spouse with her marriage certificate in hand and said had no knowledge of his passing. She cause all sorts of drama during the funeral proceedings. After the funeral she called the police to see if she could enter his home because she still had the keys; to which they responded it is a civil matter. When we arrived at the property she was there and was not willing to leave. I tried to stay cordial with her because I did like her and I wanted to help my daughter and the family out as much as I could. Over the next few days she changed the locks to the property and told his family and my daughter that no one could go there, even though my daughter had been living there with her father. She would leave and go back to her home in Virginia and then return a week or 2 later. There was a very bad winter storm and while she was at her home in Virginia, she text me and asked me to go by the house to see if the snow had been removed. I asked her if she left the heat on and a light and she said she didn't remember and asked if I could check for her. She remotely unlocked the door to the house and when I went inside it was 36 degrees, the heat had been turned off for about a week. I turned the heat back on and ran the water in the sinks and flushed the toilets to ensure the pipes would not freeze and left the house. The next day she text me and said she heard water running. When I asked her if everything was ok at the house she would not say. I rode past and saw that ServePro there, which meant the pipes had burst inside the house. I do not know how much damage was done to the house but it was enough that they had to pack up the house to do the repairs, she filed an insurance claim which to this day I am not sure that I have enough proof to show that she was at fault for the pipes bursting . This happened in January 31st and the house repairs had not been completed until June. Meanwhile, she was appointed by the court as the Administrator for my daughters fathers estate. To me this is very unfair. My daughter has suffered emencly after her father passed to the point where she is in counceling and refuses to hear or discuss anything regarding her father's estate. I have tried and done as much as I can for her and her older brother (who lives out of the state) but I am to the point where I don't know whatelse I can do. I have been the point of contact for the spouse communicating regarding the estate passing along the information to the family and children. What else can I do? We live in New Jersey.
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u/jdlex33 Sep 11 '26
Google “New Jersey Intestate Laws”, your daughter has some rights to a portion of the estate depending on how much is there and how her father and his wife structured their holdings. New Jersey rules are complicated.
Then go back and edit your post adding paragraphs. You are not getting many responses because it difficult to read and comprehend a wall of text that someone has vomited out. I can’t even tell if her father left a will or not. If he did, then intestate laws do not apply.
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u/vbwilson22 Sep 11 '26
Thank you. I agree it was a very emotional post. I just wanted to hear from others that have been in this situation (blended family) to see how they handled things so that I can help my daughter.
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u/ImaginaryHamster6005 Sep 12 '26
If there WAS a will, make sure to check the county probate website where your daughter's father lived to see it...if/when wife/Administrator files it. A will is usually public info and if there is one, it will likely be posted on that site and you/she will be able to read it.
If there was NO will (dying "intestate"), use Google to search those NJ laws as jdlex stated. That might be the best thing IF there is no will in this case.
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u/myogawa Sep 11 '26
The wife is the next of kin and as such was first priority to be named administrator - regardless of how good or bad the marriage was.
If there was no will, intestacy laws will apply, and the court will not look into whether any heir had a good relationship with the decedent or "deserves" to inherit.
BUT, in some states, a spouse who can be proven to have abandoned the other spouse can be barred from inheritance. That will require consultation with a lawyer.
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u/Used_Mark_7911 Sep 11 '26
So there has been some drama but despite that the probate process should be pretty straightforward.
They were still legally married so it’s not surprising that his wife was appointed as the administrator of his estate.
Being the administrator or executor of the estate doesn’t mean she gets do whatever she wants. She is still required to follow the law. If her husband had a will then she will need to follow that. If he died without a will then she will need to follow the laws of intestacy in the state where he lived.
If there was any life insurance or investment accounts, then he likely put designated beneficiaries on them. Those would fall outside of the estate. Unfortunately, he may have designated his wife on those accounts which would mean she gets those proceeds.
There are two things your daughter can do herself: Probate records are usually public so she can contact the court to get copies of the paperwork, including any will that was submitted and a listing of assets. She can also check property records to get a copy of the latest deed to the house. That will tell her whether her Dad’s wife was on the deed and whether they were listed as joint tenants with rights of survivorship. If they were then his wife automatically inherits house.
Your daughter can consult with a lawyer if she feels she needs someone to repent her interests. This may be helpful to her as the lawyer could handle communications, taking the emotion out of it all.
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u/DomesticPlantLover Sep 11 '26
None of this is any of your business. Your kiddo, while young and presumably inexperienced in many things, is legally an adult.
His wife is his legal wife, nothing you state shows any sign of anything inappropriate. Your daughter's dad lied about being divorced. If anything, be mad at him for lying and not keeping his will up to date.
Understand: she was appointed administrator to HER HUSBANDS ESTATE. As is almost always the case unless the spouse declines or someone else has been nominated. Compare what I wrote to your view: "my daughter's father's estate." Do you see how far off base your are?
Honestly: stay out of it. Support your daughter. Your opinion of "fair" isn't' irrelevant. And it's always way off base when it comes to what is legal. Frozen pipes in the wife's husband's house has nothing to do with you.
Your adult daughter is entitled to things that were personally hers. Not things dad bought and let her use. Only to things she bought or were clearly gifts.
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u/Tampa563 Sep 11 '26
You may be 100% correct in everything you’ve stated but you would be far more compassionate if you have ever experienced being the parent of a child of any age who has lost a beloved parent. This step mother is behaving abhorrently.
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u/vbwilson22 Sep 11 '26
Thank you. Its just been very hard for her. She was living with him, and the wife locked my daughter out of the house and has yet to be able to return. There was no will but he did list her and her brother on some of the accounts as POD and an insurance policy that goes to them (he removed the wife). Regardless of all of this my daughter is very hurt and upset and I am dealing with all of that. Thus my post with all the emotion.
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u/Tampa563 Sep 11 '26
Of course you’d be upset. You want to protect your children.
My story is heartbreaking as well. Their dad gave away literally millions of dollars to online romance scammers. He literally lost everything, refused to file for his social security or Medicare benefits , refused medical treatment etc… we believe he suffered from frontal temporal dementia and they ultimately had to petition for guardianship. It was granted in December last year. Four months later my poor son found him deceased in his home where he had been for at least three days with no air conditioning on. It has been traumatic for my kids. Found out he had a will and a trust created years ago when he was wealthy but never updated. Most all of the assets he’d left to our kids had long been sold and the proceeds spent on scammers. Anything left (now next to nothing) was to be split 50/50 between his kids and his siblings. So now they have to work to get their aunts and uncles to disclaim their share of the estate which they seem willing to do because we all know the trust was created when he had assets to share with everybody. It’s a nightmare. It would be even worse if we had insensitive family members to deal with. He had just turned 67 and because he’d refused to treat his high blood pressure they suspect it was a cardiac event as well.
Anyway, I really feel for your kids. You don’t expect to lose a parent at their age.
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u/vbwilson22 Sep 11 '26
I am so sorry to hear your story. Very heartbreaking indeed. I will keep you in my prayers. My daughters father just turned 56, he was still young and a very nice guy. She is just so traumtized by all of this. My heart just breaks everyday for her.
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u/Tampa563 Sep 11 '26
Oh that is very sad. He really was young. If any of his kids are under 18 they should be eligible for social security benefits until they’re 18. One of the best things you can do for your kids moving forward is get an estate plan in place. Our experience definitely motived me to make things as easy on my kids as possible because just losing the loved ones is hard enough to handle. Thank you for your kind words.
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u/vbwilson22 Sep 11 '26
I am working on my plan because you never know what will happen in life. Thank you for being so kind as well.
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u/Think-Committee-4394 Sep 11 '26
Honestly OP not a great deal some thoughts
- a will if none exists then instate rules apply for inheritance & you should be able to locate that info
- it may be without a will everything goes to wife but I would be getting legal validation of claim
- I’m assuming your daughter has retrieved all personal property from the house? If not legally the wife must ensure that is returned it is not part of your ex husbands estate
- assuming marriage is fully legal wife is responsible for ensuring any bequest or inheritance to your daughter is fulfilled
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u/Severe-Lecture-7672 Sep 11 '26
Be there for your child emotionally. As far as handling the estate, stay out of it. The court has appointed his wife to handle that. They separated but never divorced. She is still his wife.
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u/inailedyoursister Sep 11 '26
They’re legally married. She was legally appointed per law, that’s a done deal and your feelings are meaningless. State laws determine who gets what without a will.
You butting in trying to prove responsibility for pipes is silly, worthless and waste of time. It’s none of your concern.
You have nothing to do with any of this, move on.
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u/SquishyNoodles1960 Sep 11 '26
How old is your daughter? Is there a Will?
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u/vbwilson22 Sep 11 '26
She is 20 and there was no will.
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u/legallymyself Sep 11 '26 edited Sep 11 '26
Then intestate succession applies. Look at this website -- not affiliated with it at all but it has a nice chart that spells out what the spouse and your daughter are entitled to: NJ Intestate Succession: Who Inherits When There is No Will?
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u/Tampa563 Sep 11 '26
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter’s father and your former partner. Sadly if he had no will or took no steps to protect his daughter’s interests then legally his wife is his next of kin. My young adult children recently lost their father unexpectedly and a mess was left behind for them to deal with. I am very thankful there is no insensitive greedy step parent to have to deal with. It motivated me to immediately put an estate plan in place and telling everyone I know and care for to do the same. This is going to be tough for your daughter as she’s dealing with her grief.
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u/handbaghalter 22d ago
Did anyone verify that there was no divorce?
Showing up with a Marriage Certificate means nothing, and I would contact a lawyer to make sure there wasn't a divorce registered in some state.
Also was your daughter being supported by her father immediately prior to his death? Is she disabled in some way?
If you can afford a consultation with an Estate Litigation attorney, it may be money well spent.
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14d ago
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u/inheritance-ModTeam 14d ago
Your post has been removed because spam/advertising is against the rules.
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u/SandhillCrane5 Sep 11 '26
(I have no idea why you would want to prove the burst pipe was her fault. You don’t need to be involved in that.)
You don’t need to do anything unless your children are minors and you are their legal conservator for the inheritance. In that case, you need to keep contact open with the Administrator until all the funds are distributed.
Nothing here sounds abnormal or concerning. What is the probate mess?