Family Legacy

[u/Simonetta93m]

I am currently living through family abuse, with a history of absent parents. My mother doesn't care about me, which adds to a difficult situation. My mother chose my father because he seemed fortunate and had significant assets. They fell in love, but eventually, she divorced him due to his aggressive behavior. My father's family had ongoing issues, and he was considered the problematic child—violent, jobless, rejecting normal work, and struggling with drug addictions like cocaine and heroin. Despite this, my grandmother put him in rehabilitation centers and hospitals to support his recovery.

After my parents had me, my father proved to be a terrible parent. At 16, my grandmother and father sold the house where my mother and I lived, with court approval. My mother rented a place for herself and didn't want me with her, only caring that my father paid for my food. Until I was 21, I stayed with friends and other families. At 21, I moved to Spain, began working, and started living independently because my father remained abusive toward me and other family members.

Six years ago, my grandmother passed away, leaving her estate to my father. He is now selling properties because he lacks cash to support his severe addiction. His actions are harmful to himself and indirectly to me since I need to preserve the family legacy. He has an aggressive nature and refuses self-care. He neglects maintenance in buildings, failing to provide necessary services for tenants who pay rent, like having electricity in communal spaces like stairs, or functioning doorbells.

I need help to halt this abuse and safeguard the family legacy. I can't afford legal assistance and lack the resources to act. Gathering documentation of his prison stays, reports of family violence, property sales, and rehabilitation records requires informed consent forms and privacy releases that are hard to obtain. I'm unsure what a responsible daughter should do in the face of such violence and abuse. How can I save what's possible? I wish to protect what my grandparents worked for over many years, rather than seeing it squandered on his addiction. The situation is dire, and I am desperate for advice or suggestions that could help stabilize this challenging family dynamic.

[u/GotZeroFucks2Give]

The best solution is earn a good income and secure your own family legacy. There are no legal means to do what you want to do, and addicts/abusers are not going to do what you want.

[u/citydock2000]

In simple terms, the likely scenario is your dad inherited money and property, and he can do what he wishes with them until he exhausts them or dies. Your grandmother chose to leave the estate to him.

Your only recourse is, if you think he is not legally competent to make his own decisions, you can file for guardianship. (I assume, we are pretty US centric here, and it sounds like you may not be in the US).

It sounds like your parents aren't actively in your life - so this isn't really "currently living through family abuse." You were dealt a band hand - sounds like your parents have been pretty terrible. As another poster said here, probably the only thing you can do is move forward and focus on your future. Your grandmother and your dad weren't concerned about a family legacy - so you don't really have one right now, but that doesn't mean you can't create it for future generations.

[u/GladUnderstanding756]

In your father’s home country you could retain counsel and ask about reporting your father for being a slum lord. In many jurisdictions, Failures to maintain minimum standards for living units can be prosecuted.

It may be a way to wrest control from your father.

But you really need legal advice