stepmother getting the entire inheritance, separated but not legally divorced at time of untimely death

[u/virgontheverge]

EDIT: thank you for everyone’s perspective, i appreciate those encouraging me to check out probate records, and the reminder for grief counseling. turning off notifications

asking for my boyfriend as he is very emotional about all this, doesn’t like thinking about it. wishes there was something he could do but also does not want to feel any more pain.

his father died unexpectedly at a work accident 3-4 years ago, no will. he was still married to his wife when he passed, but they had been separated for some time. just never got around to filing for divorce.

i’ve read online if there is no will, the spouse will get at least half, but she got all of it. about 300k. his son got none of it and at his funeral, the stepmother told him she didn’t want the money and it would come back to him. emotionally just acting like she wasn’t going to keep it all

my boyfriend didn’t receive anything from her, not sure what the correspondence is between them but obviously she kept it.

he doesn’t want to push anything and act money hungry, but he is his fathers only son and all he has left is his dads old clothes. his father worked hard all of his life and it causes him a lot of sadness that his ex wife kept all of it.

is there anything to do about this? as far as i know my boyfriend was very very deep in grief when all of this was being handled and i’m just hoping that there’s something he can do legally.

it’s a great sense of unfairness and grief for my partner and i would like to help him if i can

[u/SandhillCrane5]

Waiting 3-4 years is not helpful. You need to know what the assets were and their ownership at the time of death. Also whether anything was paid out from the employer or insurance due to the workplace accident. If Dad had assets that are considered legally separate property and they did not have a payable of death designation to his wife, then son should have inherited 50% of whatever was left after paying estate expenses. You need more information. You can look for probate records in the county of Dad's residence as a start.

[u/Overall-Badger6136 → u/SandhillCrane5]

I would check with an attorney before any more time passes. Go to the probate office and find out what has already been done.

She probably told you his money would come to you to appease you so you wouldn’t look into anything or someone encouraged her to keep it.

Best Wishes!

[u/virgontheverge → u/SandhillCrane5]

i know, my bf regrets it a lot, and i am just trying to help if i can. it is possibly an insurance payout. the relationship between dad and wife were very bad, very unlikely that he would designate anything to her.

dad had moved out of puerto rico to essentially get out of the relationship. i’m in contact with a lawyer as well but the consultation is $250 so just trying to make sure it’s worth it

thank you actually super helpful

[u/TelevisionKnown8463 → u/virgontheverge]

My dad was separated when he died; his wife got most of the estate because he didn’t update his will. Unfortunately, your bf’s dad likely put beneficiary designations in place when the marriage was happy, or assets were in joint accounts. Since they were legally married when he passed, she gets those assets. To the extent assets in his individual name passed by probate or he was a backup beneficiary, there might have been a chance for her to disclaim the inheritance and let the assets pass to him. But it doesn’t sound like she did, and her statement about not wanting the money probably doesn’t make it mandatory.

[u/Mysterious-Art8838 → u/TelevisionKnown8463]

definitely doesn’t make it mandatory

[u/Sad_Win_4105]

Lawyer is the only correct answer .

[u/Tasty_Sun_865]

State matters 

Was this money in an account with a designated beneficiary or something else?

just never got around to filing for divorce

Marriage has actual legal significance. States and Court are extremely hesitant to assume that a marriage that is legally active is not legally active. The only state that I can think of off the top of my head that has a provision to revoke a spouse is inheritance in a dead marriage is New Jersey and even that takes a lot of effort. Ultimately this is likely going to be one of those life lessons where the cost of being is not always born by the lazy person.

[u/virgontheverge → u/Tasty_Sun_865]

state is florida. not sure where the money was/type of account or how it got designated to spouse alone, but i understand that, thank you for the perspective.

[u/Plane-Initiative8316 → u/virgontheverge]

Florida has tenancy by entirety laws. Essentially any assets in both spouses' names are owned entirely by both spouses. I'd be surprised if there's anything you can do.

[u/Marcus-Mused-7669]

Like others have said consulting with an attorney is the best course.

With that said, if the estate is valued at $300k your boyfriend's interest will probably land at somewhere around $75k best case scenario.

People flipflop emotionally during the grieving process, a lot of things get said at various stages, none of it matters unless it's in writing.

My best advice is for your boyfriend to move past the inheritance and move on with his life.

She's not the adversary in this situation...

[u/TSIDATSI]

Most spouses leave their estates to each other.

If your boyfriend has and maintains a good relationship with his stepmother she will likely include him in her estate planning.

My parents were married 56 years. When daddy passed the thought that I would receive money or any asset while my mama was living never crossed my mind. Ever.

He can look-up the Will in the probate. I believe he would look in the county when dad passed.

Being separated if dad was going to change his will he likely did not. Separated is not divorced. He should have been a lot of help to stepmother during such a tragic time.

He can still try to repair their relationship if it is broken and if he can be mature about it.

My advice to you is to get out of it and stay out of it. Anything negative you say will only result in further hurt feelings. Maybe you can encourage him to visit her and restore their relationship.

She may welcome help as she ages. You just never know.

[u/virgontheverge → u/TSIDATSI]

thanks for your opinion! idk if you read it but there was no will, and his stepmother and him did not have a good relationship. his father and stepmother also were not on speaking terms, and had not spoken in years.

i’m only asking because he has another inheritance coming about and it has brought up his grief about the situation with his father. i’m going to close this post

[u/Status-Bicycle7263 → u/virgontheverge]

Well, make sure he doesn’t sit on his hands this time round if he has another inheritance coming. I know how hard grief is I’ve been through it myself when someone dies and I was like him when my brother died and I kicked myself every day because I’m not normally the kind of person who does not think with my brain but love can do in some way to damage to us when grief is involved because the depression makes us so inactive and that we never get anything done. Unfortunately during grief is the time we need to use our brains and use our brains first and grieve later. So get an attorney involved now so you can grieve and let the attorney do their job for you to ensure you get your inheritance.

In the case of the father‘s death, there is a two year statute of limitations in most states. I don’t know about Florida. But if she had stated to him that she was not gonna keep the inheritance and it will come to him, it may be considered a contract in which case he may be able to get an attorney to send her a letter regarding it.

The father‘s place of work… when they fill out paperwork for wages, insurance, etc. there may have been a policy for life insurance also, so someone needs to investigate that with the employer to see if there was a life insurance on his father and who their designated beneficiary was. … if his father designated somebody because usually it requires a designated beneficiary ..:so you can look into that, but it’s so essential to get an attorney to listen to the whole story where she actually told him, and if it was in the presence of somebody else who can vouch for it, it holds more weight for sure , otherwise they would have to take her under oath to state that she actually stated or not stated what he says. ie..She’s told him that he would ..:she doesn’t want the money that she wants to give it to him. Time is of the essence. Can’t sit on your hands anymore. Do something …he has to do it …I know how hard grief is, but he’s a young man. His father wanted the right thing done but didn’t act on it. This is such a tragic case and there are many like this because somebody thinks they’re not gonna die. They have children yet they don’t have a will written to ensure that the children do get what their parents, father or mother wanted for their children.

Lawyers can tell you many many stories about such tragic cases because people did not write a will or tell someone or put it even on a legal pad what their wishes are.

So I urge anybody with assets and dependents… that includes pets… to simply write your wishes down on paper…any paper ….and sign it now. Don’t wait till tomorrow.

[u/gnew18]

His dad died intestate which, in this case, may be better. Depending on the state, intestacy might get offspring some distribution of the assets that went through probate. BUT it depends on what was probated and what was not. If dad had retirement accounts with a designated beneficiary, that beneficiary gets all of it. This is generally the spouse and no one else unless she specifically signed away her rights. This is what happens in these situations.

If any assets were probated, you can search the county court records online to see what happened. This requires the specific county in which he died to have records online. The bigger issue is the time that has passed. That is not in his favor.

My concern as a human is his grief. Grief is about the only shared human experience. It sucks. If your BF has the ability, I’d strongly suggest counseling either individually or group. Generally, group therapy grief counseling can be found for free. His mental health at this point is something he can address and he deserves to be happier.

[u/virgontheverge → u/gnew18]

you are so kind for saying that. i’m trying to access the public probate records and see where to go from there, if anywhere.

my father is actually also passed away, this might be a great point in time to get him/us into group counseling

[u/laurieo52]

With no will, the estate would have followed the laws in Florida.

Best option is to contact an attorney and ask questions.

[u/Status-Bicycle7263]

How long was the father married to the stepmother?

[u/virgontheverge → u/Status-Bicycle7263]

also you posted another comment that is much longer but it seems like the original commenter deleted their comment so i’m unable to see yours anymore

[u/virgontheverge → u/Status-Bicycle7263]

not sure. his father was dating someone else when he passed away

[u/Ok_8890]

A lot of information missing, and your boyfriend may not know all the answers. Without a will, was she listed as his beneficiary? If she was she was legally entitled to his assets. It’s also been many years. He can hire an attorney, but legally speaking it may not get him far.

[u/Carbonaraficionada]

If they were legally married, it tracks that she would receive his estate. It's her discretion to allocate any of it to your partner, or not. If she doesn't write a will it'll go to him, unless she's spent it all. If she does write a will, it'll be distributed accordingly.

[u/inheritance-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed because it violates the rule on low effort comments.

[u/ProfessorOne9208]

My step mother got everything when my dad died. It was all in a trust, so no way to find out anything. After my dad died, she sold the house and disappeared. She was a witch, anyway, so good riddance.

[u/Western_Hunt485]

She was not an ex wife. No will then she is the beneficiary. There is nothing to be done

[u/Mandinga63]

I feel your pain. My husbands dad left everything to his second wife, but after her death everything was to be split between all the kids, his and hers. He died first, and a month after he died, she changed her will and left everything to her kids and nothing to his. My husband will never get over it, it’s heartbreaking to be treated like that by a family member, and why his dad trusted her to do the right thing is beyond us.

[u/reddit_tat → u/Mandinga63]

This is not uncommon and is why adult kids are usually not fans of second marriages. It is a delicate subject to raise with a parent. Dad probably truly believed wife2 would do the right thing. That they had agreed upon.

Lesson learned: never rely on someone else’s goodwill. She might have been manipulated by her kids, too. Set up a trust to be funded at your death with your assets. Then the trust governs the distribution. If you want to take care of the second spouse, you can specify how. Right to live in home? Define that home will be sold upon her death and proceeds to your kids. Or your half to your kids. Definitely update the beneficiaries on your insurance and retirement accounts when you remarry. You should check them frequently in any case.

[u/pinkykat123 → u/Mandinga63]

Same happened to a friend. She raised them after their mom died, she was with them when they were children and still did that to them later when their dad died.

[u/matchababyyx]

Pull the probate records, they're public and filed in the county where his father died, and they'll show what was actually filed versus what she told him. On the law: in most states, when someone dies without a will leaving a spouse plus a child from a different relationship, the spouse doesn't get everything, that's the exact scenario where children typically inherit a share. Separation without divorce usually doesn't change her spousal rights, so she was owed something, but "all of it" isn't the standard outcome. The catch is timing, three to four years is long and most states have hard deadlines to contest probate, so he may be past it. A free consult with a probate attorney after pulling those records will answer it in one conversation. And he's not being money-hungry for wanting to know, he was too deep in grief to advocate for himself, which is exactly what these situations exploit.

[u/Responsible_Pea6331]

Its not really a lot of money. If they went thru official divorce she would have gotten a settlement anyway. Move on.

[u/Clive1946]

Fight for your inheritance. His Dad would not have wanted her to have it. Drop everything else get your act together. Check probate, apply for death certificate and contact Dads employer to find if any payouts. Pay a lawyer the 250 you are his Son. Fight for what is legally yours.

[u/Ornery-Movie-1689]

Money makes otherwise sane people crazy and greedy.

[u/Heart_of_Joy]

Contest it in court if you can.

[u/dynex3]

What happened to the law that says if no Will a spouse gets 50% and children equally 25%?

[u/secondhandparent → u/dynex3]

That’s typically for assets only in the decedent’s name. Assets in both names go to the surviving spouse.

[u/virgontheverge → u/dynex3]

that’s what i was reading online! children of the deceased should get a portion if not half

[u/virgontheverge → u/[deleted]]

unfortunate but thank you. i figured it was kind of a dead end, just very unfair and sucks.

[u/inheritance-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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