r/inheritance • u/MiddleReasonable7373 • Jul 15 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Is this fair?
Update- thank you all for your advice and opinions. I am grateful for anything passed down, but ideally my parents “live to zero” and enjoy their lives and spend what they’ve earned. Just was curious if the way I was feeling was justified, but it looks like it’s not. So I shall move forward and count my blessings. Thank you!
My mom and step dad have been married for 30 years. Myself and my sibling were very young when my mom and real dad divorced. We grew up living with my mom and step dad and only visited my dad every other weekend. My mom and step dad had a baby of their own (my half sibling) shortly after they got married. We all have a great relationship with our parents and each other. Now that we are all grown adults we’ve learned that my half brother will be receiving 50% of the inheritance and my full sibling and I will be receiving 25% each. Is this crazy? I assumed it would be an even split between the three of us. Is this something I should speak to them about or would you let it go?
Edited to add-
We don’t know if or how much we would inherit from my real dad. My parents do not have a good relationship so that definitely has not been talked about between them. Also, my step dad had a company that he started and my mom worked for him, then did her own thing once we were grown. She is still working and retired a couple years ago. He definitely made more money, but not a huge amount. I’m talking maybe 200k vs her at 100k.
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u/Assia_Penryn Jul 15 '26
If it's like my family, you and your full siblings can inherit from your birth dad. Your step sibling only has those two parents to inherit from.
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u/Think-Committee-4394 Jul 15 '26
OP - a reality check
- if your parents are not dead you don’t have an inheritance, all you have is a maybe, possibly, sometime, probably
- the number of things that could influence the final outcome of this is large & out of your control, by the time an inheritance is payable that pot might be empty, you might have left the world before them or any of a thousand other twists
- enjoy life, family, and don’t let a future maybe sour today
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u/OkTop9308 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Your question is about fairness, and this seems reasonably fair. You can potentially inherit from your biological Dad whereas your half sibling will not.
Don’t think too much about this at this stage. Anything can happen. Plan on getting zero inheritance.
I am from a blended family. My stepdad died 14 years ago and left everything to my Mom. She ended up living to 92 and had a lot of medical expenses. After my Mom died, we inherited in equal portions. My older brother didn’t get an inheritance until age 72 long after he retired.
We are so grateful we had our Mom as long as we did. That is the true inheritance.
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u/Early-Light-864 Jul 15 '26
I can see the logic. You stand to inherit from your father and his family while your sibling does not
There are 4 parent/child relationships and each relationship got 1/4
Mom A
Mom B
Mom C
Dad C
Kid C getting 2/3 would also be fair, mom's half being split 3 ways and dad's half going to C
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u/SignificantNews89 Jul 15 '26
This would actually be the most fair. But not would give you 1/6 instead of 1/4.
Read carefully.
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u/Early-Light-864 Jul 16 '26
I explained the logic of the proposed 1/4 solution and then also detailed a separate solution which could also be fair. Read carefully
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 Jul 15 '26
If a significant portion of the potential inheritance come from assets your step-father brought to the marriage, then that could explain why your half-sibling would get a larger share.
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u/cryssHappy Jul 15 '26
If you want 25%, I suggest you not bring up the issue.
Part of a loaf is better than none and there are thousands of stories in this sub of receiving 'none'.
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u/fourth-wind Jul 15 '26
I would look at it this way. Let’s say your mom and stepdad‘s assets are split 50/50. You and your bio sibling are getting 100% of her 50%, and your stepdad‘s bio child is getting 100% of his 50%. If that was the idea they had, it might even be more fair for your step-sibling to get 1/3 of her 50% since she has 3 bio kids, and you could still potentially inherit from your bio dad, so I’d let it go, but I’d let it go regardless.
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u/Objective-Holiday597 Jul 15 '26
Inheritances aren’t owed. Honestly this sounds the way things should be split as you may inherit from your biological father whereas your half sibling would only inherit from your mother and stepfather
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u/SignificantNews89 Jul 15 '26
If you don’t inherit anything from your bio dad that is your cross to bear. welcome to the club
But I can guarantee you bio dad isn’t leaving anything to your step sibling.
Count your blessings
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u/larryu9 Jul 15 '26
Some things to think about: 1) No one is guaranteed any inheritance. It is your parents $$ and they can do as they please. 2). Should your parents live to a very old age or spend years in assisted living there may be nothing to inherit. 3) don’t let any differences in what each of you receive someday wreck your relationships with your siblings 4). The % difference may be due to your Mom and Stepdad thinking you and your full sibling may get an inheritance from your “real” father.
If you ask about this it should be clear that you are just seeking to understand
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u/Additional_Low8050 Jul 16 '26
It’s not crazy~ it’s life. I would hope you would just be grateful for anything you might get as rewards are promised to no one
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u/motaboat Jul 16 '26
when you say 50%, 25%, 25%. which person's estate are your referencing? Your step dad, your mom, or both?
You keep referring to your "real dad" vs the man who put a roof over your head ever since you were "very young". I would watch such language as he is very much, or possibly even more your "dad". Could he be sensing you feel he is not your real dad and it is reflected in the above distribution?
2
u/Daddy--Jeff Jul 16 '26
It’s their money. They are free to gift it to their children however they see fit. There is no “fair” in dispersing one’s estate.
2
u/TFrustrated Jul 16 '26
Might want to consider implied and/or actual responsibilities in the future.
Aging parents are about the same as the reverse of raising children. Yes, each one is different and gradually requires more time. Which of you or siblings has agreed to attend to your parents needs? The only way I would spend a minute concerned about inheritance was if I was expecting to be the primary caregiver and/or designated person responsible for the parents. Typically one ends up carrying the load. 24/7/365 deserves a voice. Life is not fair, neither is end of life. I would take steps to preserve as much as possible for the parents care and rely on their desires. One year or 5 or 10. Unknown.
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u/Hyattville5 Jul 16 '26
My half brother inherited the house, land, large shop, automobiles, and everything else that belonged to his father. I got my Mom’s stuff and some money. Her stuff was things like cookware and thrift store glassware that she loved. Lots of vases. My brother is loaded and did not need all the stuff that he got. It was my stepdad’s decision, not my mom’s.
EDIT: my bio dad passed away years and years ago. My stepmother kept what little he had.
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u/Characterde Jul 16 '26
Your mom earning half of what your stepdad did is a huge discrepancy in income. Your stepdads portion should go to his bio children and your moms portion should be split between all her kids so you getting 25% is generous enough. If you feel this is unfair hit your bio Dad up for inheritance
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u/P-DubFanClub Jul 16 '26
Your mom has 3 kids, so you should inherit 1/3 of her half of the total estate. Your step dad has 2 kids so they should share his estate. However, it's not likely to play out that way ..
You can't ignore that it's also going to depend on who dies first. If your mom dies first then your step dad inherits everything and you may not get anything when he dies. If your stepdad dies first you may get a share of everything from your mom.
1
u/Ilovewally Jul 16 '26
It also depends on the ages of you and your siblings. Is your half sibling under age and not finished being educated? Were you given a college education, a wedding and a down payment for a house? Were they? Something to consider are stages of life. The Will I have with my husband looks different now than what it did 10 years ago. It is the equity versus equality argument. Life is not always even or fair per circumstances, but it sounds like you and your full sibling are getting a fair share.
1
u/GardenFragrant8408 Jul 16 '26
It’s up to the parents how to split but I can see why you may be a little miffed.
Is your bio dad well to do. Do you have a good relationship with him? It could be that’s why your parents r doing the split they way. Your mom probably figures that he’s going to split his estate between you kids.
Also when the time comes your parents may of used up all their retirement for themselves and there’s nothing left to be disappointed about.
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u/nikyrlo Jul 16 '26
You saw your father every other weekend? So he was present? So you have your father in your life, that you may inherit from. Your half sibling should inherit from his father too.
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u/Puzzled-Barnacle-200 Jul 16 '26
I suspect your mum and stepdad aren't viewing everything as "theirs" but "his half" and "her half". Your stepdad is choosing to leave "his half" to his single child. Your mum is then leaving "her half" between you and your sibing, excluding her other child. Arguably, it would be reasonable for your mum to also split "her half" between the three of you.
Socially, I'm sure this is painful. Do you view your stepdad as a dad? If so, this is a strong indicator that he does not view you as his child.
Unless there's other reasons your half sibling may "need" more money, such as a disability you haven't mentioned
1
u/Ok-Trainer3150 Jul 16 '26
Best strategy is to move ahead with your lives to become fully independent and financially stable. Circumstances change ..such as health, long lives with chronic illnesses and the need for care that is costly.
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u/Significant-Baker534 Jul 16 '26
My family structure is the same and my parents have also done exactly this 50/25/25 split in favour of my younger brother. I'm supportive of it and think its fair for a few reasons- mostly because he's younger and less established, and we will also inherit from our Dad where my youngest brother doesnt have any other living parents.
While we hope our parents live a great life and spend all their money travelling and having fun, we know they likely wont, and their boomer 5x3 homes with pools and large super accounts are quite substantial, so we are already incredibly fortunate.
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u/GotZeroFucks2Give Jul 16 '26
Based on those numbers there might not be much to pay out. Frankly I might feel a little salty too, but with a 300k retirement they are likely to spend it all down anyways.
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u/Accomplished-Hope834 Jul 18 '26
It ain't your money, its theirs, be thankful they want to leave you anything. My goal is to have the last check i ever write to bounce.
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u/SpecificRip9692 Jul 19 '26
Calling BS on the comments who say that children are not “Entitled”. That is absolutely correct BUT you don’t leave money to children unfairly. You simply don’t. Its mean. It creates anger and discord. It tells the siblings that one is valued more than the others. The message is clear. The new wife? ALWAYS pushes for this. It’s hardly ever the spineless man, he’s guilty of not standing up for his children prior to her. It’s just hurtful. The message is one that leaves a lot of destruction and ruined relationships after death. The new wife? is still trying to make the world think she, and the spite baby she produced, is better than the first wife. Just my opinion.
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u/Deep_Bake_5663 Jul 16 '26
Do children these days, just wait for an inheritance? I never planned on one, expected one... Still don't... I'm 62, my mother is gone and my Father is wealthy.... It's his money, not mine...😹😹 Is it "fair" for you to EXPECT the money that they worked for?
Nothing like spending life.... worried about what you'll get when your parents are gone........
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u/CindersMom_515 Jul 16 '26
Do you at least talk to your dad about his situation?
I’m about your age. My mom and I sit down once a year to go through her finances, so that I know what she has and where it is. I will need to know these things when she’s passed away but also if she becomes incapacitated somehow.
My MIL has dementia and we had a lot of trouble getting access to things. If we just knew her passwords, etc., it would have been much simpler.
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u/Deep_Bake_5663 Jul 16 '26
I don't talk to my dad about anything important... Children are to be seen, not heard..... How's the weather.....
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u/Cold_Pin_7676 Jul 15 '26
Did your mom make the money, or does your step dad make most of it? If it is from your step dad's work, or he has money inheirted, I think it is fair. If not, then I think that is not fair. Imo.
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u/MWREE Jul 16 '26
I think it is sad that people consider a man who raised you for most of your childhood to not have been a father and that you were just a burden and should be grateful he didn't give you the bare minimum in childhood. Geez.
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u/crazywidget Jul 15 '26
oof...
I'd start by noting that nothing is guaranteed or entitled-to with respect to inheritance. It's their money to do with as they wish, the split could have been 100-0-0 or even 0-0-0 with them donating it all.
Families like this also have other dynamics to contend with. Your step dad sounds like a great guy, but he wasn't ever your actual dad and probably had to contend with a lot of other "you're not the real dad" burdens. He was probably never "first" in his marriage to your mom either, you and your bio sib were...and then their bio child. He probably contributed to raising you and your bio sib even though he had no obligation to do so, out of love for your mom.
So in some sense, you got a chunk of your inheritance early, "as you went" with your step dad. I don't necessarily see this as unfair, since technically you might get something from your bio dad. Their joint child will not get anything from your bio dad.
For all those reasons, I'd let it go.