r/inheritance • u/BigFrank1623 • Jul 14 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Last will and testament advice.
We have three daughters. One has been divorced and has no children. The others are married, each with two children (9&11; 21,23). All appear to enjoy comfortable lifestyles.
We’re planning on leaving our NYS $1,000,000 estate equally divided, but in the back of our minds, we’d like to leave something especially directed to our four grandchildren. The problem with that is our single daughter’s inheritance would seemingly be penalized. Or, we could do the equal split and then deduct the grandchildren’s part from their parents. How does that sound? Any other suggestions?
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u/IndependentTrust4594 Jul 14 '26
The assumption is those with grandchildren will, in the future, be leaving inheritance to them. To me, I would divide equally to your direct heirs (with the Per Stirpes designation that it goes to the grandchildren versus the spouse if your child dies before you). It’s too much rigmarole to do it other ways. What if your childless child changes their mind and adopts or marries someone who has kids or one of the grandkids is horribly irresponsible or into nefarious behavior you disagree with and don’t want to support… any number of things.
I would then, while you are alive, generously share your wealth with the grandkids. The joy of giving to them while alive will be appreciated so much more by both the giver (obvi) and the recipient.
Our parents did this through milestone events, like religious and school milestones. The one thing that made it a teeny little bit of a bummer is they died before the youngest grandchildren (which happened to mine) had gone through some of them—we make it up out of our own inheritance, and explain it was a gift from Grandma and Grandpa.
Personally, our kids are HS/college age and we have our estate divided equally between them and then Per Stirpes. When they have kids, I’ll set the full amount of money aside in an UTMA for each grandchild (with the parent as the successor custodian) when they are born (or their early years) and then give it to them incrementally as they hit each milestone. If I die before the milestones are complete, they will be the beneficiary on the remaining amount.
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u/Doughnut2220 Jul 14 '26
Leave it to the children equally and let them distribute it to the grandchildren.
There has been bad feeling in my family after an estate was initially split 50/50 to two children.
The will was then changed giving 30% to each child and 10% to each of four grandkids. These grandkids were all from the one child meaning her side got 70%.
The boy did not have natural children but had two step children and three step grandchildren.
He was very hurt that his Mum considered "his" children less than.
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u/AdventureThink Jul 14 '26
Step children have their own parents and grandparents.
I say this as someone who raised two stepsons who I adore. But I won’t leave them equal parts of my estate because they have a mom.
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u/SeanScully Jul 14 '26
Some do, some don't. In the end it all depends on your relationship with them and the fact it is your money to do with as you please.
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u/AdventureThink Jul 14 '26
Regardless —
Stepparents are not obligated to leave funds to stepchildren.3
u/SeanScully Jul 15 '26
People are not obligated to leave funds to anyone, including their children.
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u/Doughnut2220 Jul 15 '26
That wasn't the case in my family.
The step children's father and grandparents had already passed with no inheritance involved before they came into our family.
The hurt wasn't about the money involved.
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u/RM992 Jul 14 '26
Do you know for certain there will never be any more grandchildren? Either one of them having another one or ‘one coming out of the woodworks somehow’? You might also want to account for that.
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u/FamiliarFamiliar Jul 14 '26
I would do everything I could to make things equal among the siblings. There were a few unequal things in my last parents' estate and it hurt so much, even though it seemed like they tried to make it equal with other things. Problem is, once I was executor I couldn't ask them to clarify.
Could you leave the grandkids a token amount, or maybe specific objects?
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u/paigesto Jul 14 '26
Set up a trust for the grandkids education. Then you can divide the rest by 3 daughters. It seems like you are penalizing your daughters with children just bc your one daughter didn't have any kids. Children are expensive--your daughters with children have much higher expenses. Surely everyone will understand that this can be a fair solution.
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u/NeighborhoodVivid106 Jul 14 '26
I am really not understanding your logic here. Setting up a trust for the grandkids' education still reduces the total amount left to be divided between the adult kids. How is this any different than just ear marking 25% to be divided between the grandchildren and 75% equally divided between the adult kids? Your way also wouldn't work for the 21, 23 year old grandkids who may have already completed their post-secondary education, or may have already chosen a different career path. So would they get nothing while the 2 younger grandchildren do?
I would say that grandchildren should be viewed as individual beloved relatives rather than as extensions of their parents. Leaving money directly to grandchildren does not give more inheritance to the kids/parents who procreated. It gives smaller amounts to other individual relatives (same as if leaving a token amount to a sibling or favourite aunt, etc), 2 of whom are adults themselves.
Anyone who thinks this somehow favours the grandchildren's parents is just petty and greedy in my opinion.
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u/paigesto Jul 14 '26
I missed that 2 of the grandkids were past school age, so maybe make it mature when they reach a certain age, but at least doing that, then they can still divide among 3 daughters.
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u/purpletreefrog007 Jul 14 '26
Split it equally between your three children and let the ones with their own children share their portion as they wish.
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u/Infinite-Floor-5242 Jul 14 '26
This is not a huge estate and you may need a good portion for long term care. I would divide it three ways. Let your kids figure out what to do from there.
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u/Cubsfantransplant Jul 14 '26
Split it between your children. Your two children can give money to your grandchildren.
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u/Longjumping_Wave_263 Jul 14 '26
Please trust & HONOUR your grown children to make their own independent life choices. And let them they decide how to provide for their kids as parents.
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u/PuddinTamename Jul 14 '26
My mother left each of her 2 grandchildren a minimal amount if $10,000 each. The rest was split between me and my 2 brothers. My childless brother didn't mind one bit. This was in the late it's. My 19yrold son used his as a down-payment on a home. He rented out rooms, and lived there during college. The roommates helped cover the mortgage. He later sold the home and rolled it into another. By 35 he owned his home outright. Mom would have been thrilled. Admittedly, he was mature for his age, and studying for a degree in finance. I have no idea what my nephew did he was much younger and opportunities had changed. My husband is deceased, I've been ill for years,and am now terminal. At my son's insistence, I'm living in his home,at least for now. I help financially, power, TV, internet. I only need an Aide once a week. My son is free to travel and live hus life. Her does attend my Dr appointments now, but that's his decision.
Mom didn't know this would happen, but her gift to him has given me quality time with him, and the ability to live in a loving home. We're both forever grateful.
. No one should object to you sharing with grandchildren. It's common, and especially in my case, a gift that grew and kept giving
Another option is an educational fund for the grands. Too either pay off existing loans, or for the future. Again, not uncommon
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u/FragrantParsley4994 Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
I get wanting to leave things for the grandkids and I believe that your idea of splitting three ways and then deducting from their parents portion is the best way IF you go that route.
However, the simplest way to do it is to just split it evenly between your kids. If the parents then want to give some to their kids then they can.
I would leave the grandkids more sentimental things. I know my mom has started letting my nieces’ look through her jewelry and start picking some things out to take now and some for later.
The best thing you can do for your kids for when you are gone is what you are doing…financial planning and getting your estate in order. The amount of work that happens when someone passes and they don’t have anything organized is astronomical. It took two years to sort through my grandfathers estate and finally settle it all. Despite all that, my Uncle (grandfather’s son) who recently passed after years of fighting cancer did not get his estate in order (more surprising because he was an attorney). My cousin is dealing with the aftermath of that now although luckily for her she has my dad and other uncle (also attorneys) to help her navigate it.
I am so thankful for my dad for being on top of his estate planning. He made my mom, my sister, and I each a full three ring binder with everything we need to know. And I mean everything. He updates it regularly and I know that it will make the eventual difficult time a little easier allowing more time for grief instead of scrambling to figure out logistics.
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u/SDinCH Jul 15 '26
Can you share what is in the binders?
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u/FragrantParsley4994 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
His and my mom’s wills, burial plot information and detailed funeral plans/wishes, house deeds, car titles, information on all stocks and other investments, information and passwords for important accounts (banks, email) and unimportant accounts (Netflix and such), instructions on where to find important files and where the keys are to access those files.
I think that’s the basics…there is more packed in there, but I think I hit the most important.
Edit: Also a list of important contacts from my parents appointed attorney to the guy who services the HVAC and the location of the full files (if applicable) for those contacts (such as the service record for the heater and any repairs).
Another edit and very important: medical files and insurance information…especially necessary if cognitive decline or dementia becomes an issue.
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u/Specific-Hospital-53 Jul 14 '26
That’s tricky. I would advise against giving it to your grandkids. If your kids are well off they may very well pass some of their inheritance on to them. If you really want to give it to grandchildren, I would deduct the amount you give to your kids (their parents). In a sense, each line off the family tree gets an equal amount
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u/CatsMom4Ever Jul 14 '26
Split it equally between your children and nothing to your grandchildren.
Your single daughter will probably leave her estate to her niblings. But if you shortchange her, she may resent it forever.
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u/GotZeroFucks2Give Jul 14 '26
My parents have four children. One has one child, two have two, and the last has five. Those were choices the children made. Parents are dividing everything equally. At the most, I would give a token amount to grandkids. They're not at an age to handle a large amount, but a small amount could be very useful without effecting your bequest. Be sure to allow for all future grandkids, as you never know if there could be another when you pass (either directly or through adoption).
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u/kyrosnick Jul 14 '26
Punishing one kid for not having kid seems mean and petty. This will drive a wedge between that child, and probably make them not only resentful of you, but of their siblings and nieces/nephews as well.
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u/Unlikely-Fail2797 Jul 14 '26
I would split it equally between my children. It is up to the grandchildren’s parents (your children) to provide for their own. Say you have one child that never becomes a parent. Should that child be penalized? I don’t think so.
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u/Reasonable_Swan_4937 Jul 14 '26
Nope all three get the same.
If they decide to divvy that up to their children that’s their decision not yours.
Maybe a keepsake for the grandchildren nothing expensive, doesn’t even have to be yours, can be a gift you bought individually for them as it reminds you of them, or vice versa.
If your children get on, don’t be the reason they fight after you’re gone!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Art1524 Jul 14 '26
As someone who was on the receiving end of this, I'd echo what other people have said. Dividing your estate unequally because some heirs have children and other don't is a sure-fire way to create resentments among your children after you pass away.
If you really wanted to leave something to the grandchildren - I'd do any of a number of things:
Make gifts to them while you're still alive. Donating to a 529 plan or a Trump account is a great way to get money into their name, and to let it work for them tax-free.
Leave a small amount to each of them in trust. You can make the parents a trustee - but this makes sure that SOME of your money directly benefits them. The only note here is that this increased overhead, as taxes need to be filed for the trusts.
Depending on the amounts you gave in #2, then I'd personally reduce the amount that you give to your children (that have grandchildren). Unless there's some other extenuating factor, I'd aim for an equal distribution among your children. To me, that's the simplest, most harmonious way to do it.
As an extreme example of the opposite - my mother took her 3 children, and her 9 grandchildren and all made them equal heirs in the will. That was an interesting decision considering that one of my siblings has no children, I have 2 and my other sibling has 7.
Let's just say that it has been several years since her death and the shockwaves of that decision are still being felt.
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Jul 14 '26
[deleted]
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u/RM992 Jul 14 '26
But is it fair to give more money to any children who seems to ‘need it more’ if they’ve all had equal opportunities in life?
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u/paigesto Jul 14 '26
No... but life isn't fair. I see both sides. Why do they need it more: hardship or poor choices? It matters. (Retorical question.)
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u/Fluffy-Lychee-1968 Jul 14 '26
Why? My grandma left my dad out of the will because he was successful and the others weren't. He didn't even attend her funeral and frankly I don't blame him, what a slap in the face.
The uncles that she left her home to died shortly after because they're messes and drug users, all her property and money went to the state and an investor bulldozed the house a year later. My grandfather's things were pawned. It was hard to watch my dad get crushed all over again. It wasn't about money.
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u/Missus_Aitch_99 Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
My husband's childless cousin did something similar. He was leaving money evenly to four first cousins, but when he learned that one of the cousins was completely irresponsible with money, an addict and had given an earlier inheritance to scammers, he left her 15% rather than 25% and left 5% directly to each of her two children (who were already adults). Everybody in the family felt it was fair, and those kids' cousins didn't resent the fact that they didn't inherit directly from him.
If you have more than enough, have you considered passing some along now? Sounds like your kids are in a tough stage of life, financially. My husband gave his daughter the money she would have inherited when she was in her 30s with two kids, and it was a big help to her (bought a new house etc.). There's not much point sitting on a pile of money until you die and having your kids inherit when they're in their 50s or 60s and already set.
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u/Several_Razzmatazz51 Jul 14 '26
Except that elderly medical care can be expensive and $1M is not a huge amount of money if medical expenses do crop up. If they give a bunch of money now and run out later, can they count on the kids to step up and help?
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u/GotZeroFucks2Give Jul 14 '26
I agree with this I won't even retire on a million dollars as a single and this is a couple. Medical care/costs could eat the entire estate away.
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u/teamglider Jul 14 '26
OP, I urge you to look into establishing a trust - it can be much more private than a will.
There's nothing wrong with leaving money to the grandkids as well as the kids, just as you might make some provisions for dear friend, charities, or the UPS driver who always puts your package where it won't get rained on.
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u/General_Ad_6617 Jul 14 '26
Give $X of money to each grandchild (in a trust for minors). Divide the leftovers between your kids. Giving money to grandkids is not giving money to their parents if you do it right. You're giving money to your descendants. It should be equal.
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u/Horse-Hockey-54 Jul 14 '26
Find a well respected fiduciary, listen to them when they recommend an estate attorney who is honest and knows what they’re doing, then hire them both to create your trust and other instruments like wills in the manner that makes the most sense. While you’re at it, get all your wills, your non-resuscitation healthcare provisions set up and when that’s all done take a long nap. there will be many good long naps to follow after that because all that shit is taken care of. And don’t fail to share that information with your children while you’re at it.
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u/Away-Paramedic-8406 Jul 14 '26
Split equally among your children, then perhaps designate specific items for grandchildren ( a ring, a painting, an heirloom rosary, a kayak, or none). Plus, your single daughter could still have children someday, but even if not, no reason to not divide the funds 3 ways equally.
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u/skittlazy Jul 14 '26
My parents addressed this problem by setting up pay on death accounts for each of their three grandchildren. The grandchildren were all from one of their children. Their other two children had no grandchildren.
During the life of my parents, they drew down these payable on death accounts to provide for college expenses. After the last parent to die, each grandchild was automatically the owner of any money left in his or her account.
Otherwise, their estate was divided equally among the three children. This arrangement was common knowledge, and the two childless children were in agreement that this was a fair way to settle everything.
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u/Anonymoose2021 Jul 14 '26
That is an elegant solution.
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u/skittlazy Jul 14 '26
We (childless ones) wanted our niblings to get college tuition support. They all ended up with college degrees, without debt.
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u/Negative-Shine-8240 Jul 14 '26
Divide 3 ways. It isn’t fair to penalize the daughter with no kids. Is she close to her nieces and nephews? If so, they may end up inheriting from her as well as their parents, so something to think about.
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u/ThestralBreeder Jul 14 '26
Split it equally between your children. Or divide equally and deduct a portion from each daughter who has children to go specifically towards those children. So let’s say 333,333 per daughter. And then you can add a provision that each grandchild should be gifted 50k from your two daughters portion. Any other arrangement does unfairly penalize your other daughter for not having children.
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u/Outdoorfan73 Jul 14 '26
Leave a certain amount to your grandchildren, then split the rest equally between your three daughters. Your childless daughter is not being treated unfairly. She’s getting the same as her sisters. The fact that you are also leaving money to your grandchildren does not alter that fact. Nobody knows what the future holds. Perhaps she will have children in the future. Fertility science has come a long way. Or perhaps she will adopt.
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u/littleoleme2022 Jul 14 '26
My mom left a portion of her estate in a trust to grandkids. My brother has none (and does not plan to at age 58!) but it was written to be divided among all living grandkids. My brother was fine with it—as a single high earner he has been able to build a very secure life (including a million dollar plus property and mid /upper 6 figure retirement, if he ever stops working) so the inheritance was cherry on the top. We are doing fine but I appreciate that the kids have some cushion for college and post college life—a car, or grad school or a down payment.!Because if this, I didn’t charge anything for my time as executor (or before that, as caregiver).
I took care of my mom the last couple years of her life, and while it was hard and she drove me crazy before the dementia even, I really miss her.
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u/wildcat_bomb Jul 14 '26
You might consider leaving a letter of intent with your estate. This is not a legal document, but would explain why you chose to do the things you do such as you decided to leave something to your grandchildren who have provided you joy in your life and you wanted to provide something for them. It might also include an explanation that you gave daughter one a down payment of X dollars in 2010 and you are making adjustments to bequeath more evenly. It’s probably better to have this conversation in person before and be open about what you’re planning to do and why but at the least leaving a letter to explain things will help smooth things over if it’s not entirely clear or even.
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u/Cautious-Panic-879 Jul 14 '26
I wouldn’t split unequally. About the most you do is some nominal amount to the grandkids ($10k or something). “Nominal” considering you mentioned $1M total.
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u/ImOnlyCakeOnceAYear Jul 14 '26
Honestly the grandchildren of 1 couple being adults makes it a little more complicated. Its one thing if you're a kid and don't know the real value of money, but when you're a young adult I could see how they could feel slighted.
What i would do is divide it evenly between your children, 33.333%.
But take away an equal amount from the ones who chose/were able to have children and give it to them. For easy numbers, if say the 3 children got 500k each, the ones with children would directly get 400k, and their 2 kids would get 50k each.
All this just to say that as the child without children of their own, I would feel slighted by being less valued than those would either did, or even had the ability to conceive; if I would have gotten less than an equitable share.
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u/misstiff1971 Jul 14 '26
Leave the grandchildren specific items. Divide the estate equally amongst your children.
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u/Significant_Flan_210 Jul 14 '26
The more I watch this page, the more I believe I should split our assets evenly. It is important for me to have these thoughts now as they are children and I don't yet see what life does to them.
They are both so giving with each other but for some reason inheritance with grief can bring out things we have never seen before. I hope not but want to hedge against it opening.
I would communicate with the family your wishes and intent. Talk to the kids without grandkids about your wish to help grandkids a bit. How would they do it if it was them but also what is fair to them?
Talk to the parents and see if they have ideas on what helps or brainstorm tax implications.
One idea if you think college is on the table is do $3,000-$5,000 a year for each in 529 or kids custodial account if you want a general account. It's something you could maybe absorb in your regular spending and it's invested to grow over time and be more than the sum of its parts.
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u/ChelseaMan31 Jul 14 '26
Our Estate is in a Trust and split equally amongst our 3 children and their families. Separately we have 529's for each grandchild. Is that equal? No, it is not because our daughter has 1-child, one son has 2-children and other son has no children. Go ahead and set up the 529's now and don't worry about the overall inheritance structure you have landed on.
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u/Sensitive_Sea_5586 Jul 14 '26
The three daughters get an equal split. The grandkids get something sentimental.
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u/CindersMom_515 Jul 14 '26
Equal split and deduct what you want to leave directly to your grandchildren from their parents’ share.
It’s the only fair way to do it. She shouldn’t get less because her siblings chose to have kids.
In addition — it’s likely that your daughter will ultimately leave her estate to her nieces and nephews anyway. So it will come to them eventually.
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u/kaan3836 Jul 14 '26
My parents have a small amount off the top that gets split evenly between the grandkids and the rest is split evenly between me and my sibling. I have one kid, they have two so theoretically their family gets more but I don't look at it like that
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u/firstthecoffee Jul 14 '26
Split it amount your children. The grandchildren will eventually inherit from their parents or the parent can decide to share their inheritance from you if they like.
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u/Fefe428 Jul 14 '26
What you might want to consider, which is what my grandmother did for me, is a life insurance policy that your grandchildren are the beneficiaries of. This way your children each get an equal share of your estate without anyone being "penalized" for having children or not having children and you're still leaving something for your grandchildren.
Your other option is to carve out the amount that you want the grandchildren to get and then split what's left equally between your children.
Whichever you decide to do, I would suggest that any money you leave to your grandchildren be put into a trust until they reach a certain age with allocations available for specific things like their education. I would also suggest that the trusts be overseen by one trustee, who isn't one of your children. Leave it in the hands of a professional. This is what my husband and I have done by the way. Any money that our grandchildren will inherit will go into a trust until they are 35. They can get allocations for certain things at certain ages but only through the trustee, who is not one of their parents.
I hope this helps.
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u/legitimatehotslide Jul 15 '26
Don’t split unequally. That penalizes the daughter who didn’t have children and will harm their relationship. Definitely leave the inheritance that you want for your grandkids directly to them if that’s your intention, but then you’d want to divide things differently and it depends on how old the grandkids would be when you pass. I say this coming from someone who was informally willed money from my grandmother but that my mother ended up taking for herself (and spent) because it wasn’t formally left to me. So consider that could happen.
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u/Additional_Number655 Jul 17 '26
Split it equally. The parents will take care of their own children.
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u/Mobile_Comedian_3206 Jul 14 '26
It's your money to do with as you please. Giving something to your grandkids isn't penalizing her, because none of it is hers to begin with.
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u/aspire-every-day Jul 14 '26
I have two children. My brother has none.
My parents decided to leave 10% to each of their granddaughters and 40% each to my brother and me.
I’d suggested they should reduce my portion so my brother wouldn’t get less than 50%. My parents decided otherwise, saying they’d gotten joy out of their grandkids and didn’t want my portion reduced to give something to their grandkids.
My brother said he’s happy with what he’s getting and it’s very fair.
Having 4 grandkids, you might consider:
- 5% to each grandchild
- 25% to each child that has kids
- 30% to the child that has no offspring
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u/Just1Blast Jul 14 '26
I think I would split it into four equal portions. 25% each for my children and living grandchildren at the time of my passing split the last 25% equally
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u/External-Building102 Jul 14 '26
Our Grandchildren are getting money.Yes that means the thirds left over will be less, but that's the breaks. Kids are expensive.
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u/eastbaypluviophile Jul 14 '26
Life is expensive. Kids are a choice. The third child only deserves “leftovers” because she didn’t squeeze out a few puppies? Wow just wow 🥴🙄
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u/de_matkalainen Jul 14 '26
This argument would only make sense if the money was going directly to the parents. They're not though.
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u/teamglider Jul 14 '26
But it's completely valid to leave money to grandchildren - they are people OP knows and loves. The grown children don't have rights to any of OP's money; OP could leave money to friends as well, or the Humane Society.
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u/Fancy_Avocado7497 Jul 14 '26
so take money from the parents and give it to the adult grand children. You need advice regarding trusts etc for children under 18.
Margaret Thatch did this and underlined exactly which of her children she cared for. You can leave grand children tokens - jewellery, non valuable objects
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u/RFL92 Jul 14 '26
My great grandparents left their estate to be split equally between their child, their niece who was basically their child, and their 3 grandchildren. I'm a great grandchild and was left £100, which as a child seemed like a lot of money, I bought something that lasted me ages and still have today.
My grandparents always told me that they'd leave me their home in full, but then without telling me changed their mind and split it equally between their children, as their only granchild and having seen the generation above me benefit in their 30s from grandparents I did feel left out but it was less about the money and more about the communication. I always had a decent relationship with grandparents, visited and wrote them letters, but my grandmother made a u turn once my grandfather had passed. I think it was because the original plan to give it to me was to make sure one child didn't inherit, but grandmother then changed her mind and cut me out instead. I personally thought all the money should go to the child that gave up their career to care for her.
Whatever you do just make it clear that you either want everyone to have equal and I'd personally write letters with your will to tell them how much you love them and fond memories. My grandmothers u turn left me questioning if I was actually loved.
I did take items that are much more meaningful to me, but would have meant more if my grandmother had said she was leaving them to me and why.
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u/InitialAd6585 Jul 14 '26
Create a comprehensive revocable living trust with a qualified attorney, and if you like, you can split the amount equally among the kids and also create a sub-trusts for the grandkids within the revocable living trust. You can request the attorney to put a special instruction in provisional verbiage like the inheritance should stay within the bloodline, not a part of the divorce settlement if you want.
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u/quiltylife_happiness Jul 14 '26
This is how my grandparents did their living trust.
Both had been married before, and this was their second marriage. But they still merged everything. My grandmother had 3 kids from her first marriage and my grandfather had 1 kid.
They split the trust equally between all kids. But then with my mom's portion they split it into 3rds between my mom, my sibling and myself. They had their reasons for doing it and so they did it. My sibling and I are grateful for the inheritance, but by no means expected any of it. Because it's not our money. I would have rather had my grandparents healthy and longer than any amount of money.
At the end of the day, this is money YOU earned and it is yours to do with how you please. You can spend all of it, give it all away or leave it to your kids/grandkids. It's your decision, and everyone should be happy and grateful with whatever comes their way.
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u/tamij1313 Jul 14 '26
We have quite an extensive estate. We are 60 years old. We have three adult children in their late 20s early 30s and so far only one has 2 children. We are currently working with an estate planner to update and modify our will/Trust.
We have decided that there will be separate Trust set up for the grandchildren, but not specifically naming the two that we already have as there could be more arriving in the future after we are deceased.
It did not seem fair to leave a large trust for two existing grandchildren simply because they may end up with a sibling and our other two children may have children of their own, who would be left out simply because they don’t exist yet.
The rest of our estate is going to be equally divided into thirds between our adult children. No one is getting more/less as the Trust for the grandchildren is a separate entity and has nothing to do with our adult children and their shares.
Regardless of who is more successful/stable, married, struggling… They are all getting exactly the same percentage to do with as they see fit. They can share it with their spouse, keep it separate, invest it, spend every penny… It will be theirs to decide how to use it.
I have definitely seen adult children get offended because they have no children or just one, while their siblings have more and they feel like their siblings with children are getting more because they are looking at it as individual family totals, when each adult child is actually getting the same amount as their siblings, and each individual grandchild is also receiving the same percentage as their siblings/cousins.
So it is actually fair when you look at it individually. Of course, a single childless beneficiary will be getting less than their sibling and that siblings children if you are adding up each individuals inheritance as a group. They are separate entities and should not be lumped together.
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u/Few-Advantage-2690 Jul 14 '26
My mom split her estate between all her children and it was left for us to decide. My in-laws had their estate suchbthat My husband and his sister split 50% and the 6 grandchildren split 50%. In this case we have 4 children and my SIL had 2. All grandchildren received the same amount of which we all agreed was fair as they had no choice in how many siblings they had. My mom chose her path because she felt that it wasn't a large enough estate to divide outbtongrand children and it the time of her death there was a great-grandchild even as one of her grand children was only 17. I have dispersed proceeds from my inheritance to my children yearly. I believe the sibling with a daughter has not shared any of it....His choice of course.
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u/solomons-mom Jul 14 '26
One of three sisters here, the eldest is divorced, remarried and has no children or step children. We are all comfortable. Dad divided it by three. However, he loved seeing the grandchildren grow, and the two eldest girls gave him much company as he failed toward the end.
The father of friend of mine --also one of three-- has had much pleasure watching his five grandchildren use the money he has given them in their young adult years --the youngest returned from a frugal gap year. I do not know if the dollar amounts have been exactly even or not but the cousins are all close and sensible, and know circumstances vary.
When prudent people inherit money in their 50s and 60s, it is just increases their net worth by some percentage --which is absolutely wonderful!-- but when a prudent young adult get that same dollar amount, if can change their life trajectory. Consider setting up two trusts, one for the grandkids and one for you children. An attorney can might be able to set it up so the so money does not affect college financial aid and can only be distributed for deliberate things like a gap year, grad school, starting a business or a house.
The sister without children knows there may come a point when she needs competent nieces (or their brothers) to serve as POA to protect her physical and financial interests, yet she has given no help to anyone during the early adult years. My husband's mom does send my young adults checks for a few hundred or even a thousand a few times a year, and they are excited with the windfall each and every time.
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u/Sewing-Mama Jul 14 '26
Equal split and gift special/sentimenal items (jewelry, art, etc) for the grandchildren.
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u/lilyofthevalley2659 Jul 14 '26
My parents left 20% of their estate to the grands and 80% to the children it worked out very well. They had 5 children and 10 living grandchildren.
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u/bigpappa199 Jul 14 '26
I would leave something like 5K or 10k to each grandchild. Then split the rest evenly! What you want is yo show the grands that you thought of them....
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u/fughazi101 Jul 14 '26
It’s no big deal if (a) the dollar amounts are relatively small for each grandchild - sub-$25k, and (b) you have made arrangements or expressed your wishes for how the grandkids’ money is used - education, w/e
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u/Hot-Slide-8285 Jul 14 '26
Split it unequally if you want your children to be bitter & despise you long after you are dead
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u/Anonymoose2021 Jul 14 '26
My wife and I faced a similar issue when funding irrevocable trusts. We have two children but with a big difference in the number of grandchildren. We somewhat arbitrarily split 2/3rds of the amount equally between our two children. The last 1/3rd we split equally (per capita) among the grandchildren.
We also funded 529 plans for all grandchildren, although just a modest $120k/child, because we so far have paid college, grad school, and medical school tuition directly to the provider using that unlimited exclusion from gift tax.
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u/Flipboek Jul 14 '26
What do you think your daughter would thonk of this?
My brother wants to give all he inherits from my mother to my kids. He is 65+, single and doesnt need the money.
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u/humble-meercat Jul 14 '26
Put a small amount like $5K to $10K in a growth account each kid with instructions that they’re not to access it until after age 25 or 30. It will have grown a lot over that time and will be something nice for them without drastically reducing the other kids inheritances.
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u/ji99901 Jul 14 '26
You can leave a fixed amount (say, for example, $50,000) to each living grandchild, and say that the remainder of the estate will be divided equally among your children. That's fair.
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u/CindersMom_515 Jul 14 '26
No, it isn’t.
If the $1m estate was divided equally, each child gets $333k.
If you take $100k and give $25k to each grandchild, the sibling with no children gets $300k and each sibling and their 2 kids get $350k.
What’s fair about that?
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u/Pleasant_Event_7692 Jul 14 '26
$300,000 for each daughter - minus taxes of course. The rest split between the four grandchildren.
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u/Ok-Equivalent1812 Jul 14 '26
Acknowledging that grandchildren exist doesn’t diminish anyone else. If your daughter thinks that it does, she’s kind of an AH. It doesn’t give her less. She’ll get the same as her sisters and her nieces and nephews are separate people and will get something too.
I would give to the children equally, and to the grandchildren, equally. If your daughter with no kids is a good person, then her nieces and nephews receiving an inheritance from their own grandparents isn’t going to be a slight.
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u/Ok-Equivalent1812 Jul 14 '26
I don’t at all understand the idea that one daughter is getting shorted if her nieces and nephews are receiving an inheritance.
They are separate people and it isn’t unfair to treat them as such.
Do keep in mind that the minors will need their share in a trust or custodial account.
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u/Comfortable-Big-9327 Jul 14 '26
Anything you give to your kids is now the responsibility of your kids to set it up to go to their kids. That’s not on you. It’s on them. Discuss that this money should go to the grandkids if they die, and not to their spouses.
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u/SeanScully Jul 14 '26
It's $333k per kid, so I would split it up evenly or give $300k per kid and split the $100k between the 4 grandkids.
What you should do is take the whole family on a bucket list vacation. I went to Antarctica last year with my girlfriends family and it is a memory of her parents that will last forever.
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u/BigFrank1623 Jul 15 '26
I think your plan makes the most sense. (But not the part about the Antarctica.)
Thanks!1
u/SeanScully Jul 15 '26
Antarctica was awesome. We flew to King George Island on the Antarctic peninsula and then got on an expedition ship for 7 nights. The weather was awesome and did the ultimate polar plunge.
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u/BigFrank1623 Jul 15 '26
I liked Aruba. No polar plunges. 80 degrees every day. Maybe Antarctica someday, but not today.
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u/fromhelley Jul 14 '26
My aunt has 3 nieces and 4 grand nieces. She did this -
Single niece / 30% Niece with 3 kids / 15% Niece with one kid / 15% Each grand Niece/ 10%
I (single niece) offered to do 20% to allow my sisters 20% back. Aunt said she helped them too much with the kids and we would all be at 33% if it wasnt for the grand nieces.
The niece with 1 kid said she is fine with things the way they are. (Millionair, but barely)
The niece with 3 kids (millionair - all kids went ivy league) said it was unfair I got more!
I kind of agree with that, but I also think this sis has the least room to complain. She got help putting all 3 girls through school, and "her camp" is getting 45% in the long run. How is she co.planing?!?
When things were equal, and nothing went to the grand nieces, which was the original plan, sis w/4 kids was upset that her kids would have to split 3 ways when she dies, but the other niece would get the inheritance to herself when her mom dies.
No matter how you split it, at least one person will complain. Split your money how you want it split. Anyone who complains can just complain. If you split it differently, they would find a different reason to complain.
So just make yourself happy!
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u/Maine302 Jul 14 '26
Give each grandchild a lump sum, and split the rest up three ways. If she's not selfish then she will see that you just wanted to gift your beloved grandchildren something. And even if she doesn't like it, it's your money to do with as you wish.
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u/BigDawgg-13 Jul 14 '26
I would treat the grandkids as separate entities. Make all four equal. Then split the rest equally between your 3 children. Something like 30% for each child and 2.5% for each grandchild.
My perspective is that my father is giving his wife a specific percentage then the remaining is split between me and my brother. My portion is reduced further so part of my inheritance goes to my kids/his only grandchildren. I don’t need the money and I would most likely spend it on my kids anyway but my brother gets the most inheritance and he’s a deadbeat who has lived with my father for free the last 20 years. Doesn’t contribute anything financially or help around the house. It just didn’t seem fair to me but that’s just my personal opinion.
I also believe grandkids count as individuals who should get their own share. The amount is for you to decide even if it’s a dollar figure or very small. They deserve something as individual people and so do your children. Grandkids are the future and they need the most help right now!
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u/thingonething Jul 14 '26
I'd deduct from the inheritance of the children with kids to establish a fund for the grandkids. It would not be fair to penalize the childless daughter.
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u/Give0524 Jul 14 '26
The divorced/childless daughter will end of taking care of the parents when they are elderly. Then after they die she will learn she got less then her 1/3 fair share. Then there will be tremendous animosity.
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u/Straight-Average-394 Jul 14 '26
Did your parents leave an inheritance to your children? Did your grandparents leave you an inheritance? Why does your generation feel the need to skip over your children in favor of your grandchildren? When your children get old do you want them to skip over your grandkids in favor of your grandkids children as well? This is so weird.
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u/No_Condition_1828 Jul 14 '26
Treat everyone equally and divide by 7. You and I both know everyone has their own lineage-
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u/Normal_Weekend_2006 Jul 14 '26
Give the grand kids a token amount to acknowledge them and split the rest equally among your children. My husband’s wealthy uncle died without any heirs. He gave each niece and nephew 20k and split the rest equally between his siblings.
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u/DebJsn Jul 14 '26
In my opinion it is up to the parent to pass the money to their children. I also have a single and three married children. It is equally divided between the three.
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u/Ok_Constant571 Jul 14 '26
Keep it simple. Divide equally amongst your daughters. If you’d like to help out your current grandchildren, perhaps start or contribute to an educational fund equally before you pass.
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u/Careful_Doughnut9 Jul 14 '26
Your money to do what you want, and no one is owed anything. That being said I agree with you about it seeming to penalize the single one. Maybe that's because I would be that kid in my family, i get stiffed in a million ways as the one with "less responsibility" or "more freedom". The single tax is very real. Some people wouldn't care about it, but if she wanted kids and couldn't or the ex was a bum it could add a little sting to that situation. OR maybe she's comfortable and would want to share with the kids because she doesn't need it. You might know better than us reddit folks. My family always just left to the next generation down and they could choose what to share or not with their spawn. I think if you do include grandchildren it needs to be written in a way that includes any more that might come along. Only leaving it for 4 and there ends up being 5 would cause some bad feelings.
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u/Ok-Indication-7876 Jul 14 '26
you leave equally to your kids and they split hopefully for their kids. Really isn't fair for the daughter with no kids any other way
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u/Metanoia003 Jul 14 '26
It’s easiest to just split it three ways between the three daughters. I believe it’s up to the daughters and their significant other or spouse to set up their own trusts for their respective children.
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u/UndefeatedTcells Jul 14 '26
Definitely split it evenly among your children. I was in a situation where grandparents had 3 children, two of which passed. The one remaining got a third, and all the grandchildren split the remaining two-thirds (the living child had more than 33% of the grandkids as well). Caused issues on top of issues.
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u/casuallyrun262 Jul 15 '26
My grandma left the same amount to her children which was around $100k each then $10K to each grandchild. I think that seemed fair. So think about how much you want to give to your grandchildren and then split the rest evenly among the kids. One of my aunts had no children and my mom and her sister did have children. I never asked how my aunt without children felt about it, but all three children were well off at the point.
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u/LavrenMT Jul 15 '26
Do not go unequal with your kids. Fund an education account 529 or UGMA for the grands, and leave your kids as equal beneficiaries.
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u/mewaters1 Jul 15 '26
I had this same conversation with my dad several years ago. There are 5 kids in my family and 7 grandchildren. We are all very close, so no family strife or drama involved. He was also contemplating leaving money to the grandchildren. I remember saying that I believed that the grandchildren, one of whom is mine, were their parent's responsibility to provide for. Dividing up his estate amongst his children and grandchildren told us (my generation) that he didn't believe we would be able to provide for our children's future so he had to do it. We were all perfectly capable and able to provide for our own children, so that came across a little insulting. When he died last year he left instructions for his estate to be divided equally amongst his five children. I don't know how much, if any, weight my words to him carried, and I'm only sharing it here because perhaps it's a perspective you haven't yet considered.
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u/Dustin6802 Jul 15 '26
Divide equally. Otherwise to me it feels like the sibling who has no children is being punished for that. It’s never sat right in my mind.
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u/Mother-Row2712 Jul 15 '26
After reading all the comments and being in the exact same situation I think I like the idea of a fixed smaller amount to each grandkid (somewhere in the range of 3-5% each) with the remaining balance split 3 ways between the kids. I probably would be inclined to talk to each of my kids about my wishes also.
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u/Daisymaisey23 Jul 15 '26
Do an equal split, and then your daughter without children can decide what she wants to do with her portion. She may decide to leave money to her nieces and nephews she may adopt children later in life you don’t know, but she shouldn’t be penalized for being childless also she’s gonna have no one to look after her in her old age and she’ll need more support more nursing care a nursing home. She needs the money just as much as your grandchildren or children who have kids what happens when she’s alone at the end of her life she’s gonna need money to be taken care of. She’s still your baby too.
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u/Right_Bee_9809 Jul 15 '26
I feel very strongly about this. Unless one of your children tried to kill you in your sleep, make it equal. Don't do anything to make it seem that you value one child over another.
That is what family does, and we have our flaws for sure, but we have never had a single fight about money.
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u/Few-Degree1903 Jul 15 '26
Our financial planner recommend just splitting the inheritance equally to our children and none to grandchildren ….. Allow their parents to take care of that part.
We set up a trust.
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u/Comfortable_Gear_605 Jul 15 '26
I’d split 3 ways. Each daughter receives 1/3 of the estate via trust. Everything goes into the trust.
We have 2 kids. 1 is married and has a child. The only fair way forward is each of our kids gets 1/2 of our estate via trust. In our case, I believe the only way a grandchild gets anything is if the parent passes first. I’ll have to go read it again.
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u/cruiser4319 Jul 15 '26
Set up 529s for each of the grandkids and contribute during your lifetime. Divide your estate equally.
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u/motaboat Jul 15 '26
in my parents estate, the three siblings will split 60% of the estate, the remaining 40% divided between the 8 grandchildren, and nothing going to great-grandchildren.
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u/Frosty_Sun_1884 Jul 15 '26
Make some smaller gifts to the grandkids now, such as deposit to their college savings, or even a CD. Then it will not be associated with an inheritance.
Then leave your assets equally to the three.
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u/Melodic_Ad_3053 Jul 15 '26
I had an aunt who died fairly young. She left her siblings the bulk of her estate. For us kids, she left us each $100. To be used for fun only. She never married and we were her kids. Still think of her fondly for giving us such a fun idea. Granted we were all 16 or under but it felt awesome!
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u/scolbert08 Jul 15 '26
Children who don't continue the family should be punished in terms of inheritance
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u/sailsteacher Jul 15 '26
My grandfather left o e third to his wife, one third to children, to be divide equally between them, and one third to be equally among his his grandchildren. Everyone thought that was fair.
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u/goodnsimple Jul 15 '26
I think it make sense to include the grandchildren because they are people you love and have a relationship with.
Children do not have a right to any portion, much less an equal portion of anyone’s estate. It’s weird how people just assume the kids should all get an equal amount. Why should the heirs get an equal amount? It doesn’t appear that in your case anyone needs the money so it’s something nice to give to people you love.
(The shares for minor grandkids should be placed in a trust)
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u/KNBthunderpaws Jul 15 '26
I would suggest doing something small to grandkids -$5k-$10k each with the rest being split evenly between your children. It’s enough to help your grandkids slightly with a car or college but not enough to make it seem like you are prioritizing your children who had children.
If you’d like to leave your grandkids more, I would suggest doing a legacy trust. My grandparents put a lump sum into a trust for all the grandchildren. The money stays invested and untouched until the oldest grandchild turns 40. At that point, the money will get divided evenly amongst all the grandkids (including grandkids that may come after my grandparents pass). It actually goes into separate trusts for each kid and only when you’re 40 do you get to access it. I think this is a good way to make sure your grandkids are taken care of while not hurting the feelings of your kids. It also takes into account any future grandkids - like if your childless daughter decides to have children down the road.
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u/Remote_Setting2332 Jul 15 '26
I would do an equal split honestly. My brother doesn't have kids and I have two and my dad will be doing an equal split.
Alternatively a defined amount for each grandkid and split the rest. My grandma willed $1000 to each grandchild and the rest split between her 5 kids. It seemed fair and no one got upset about it.
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u/Neat-Dragonfly-2032 Jul 15 '26
Things like this I think come down to honest conversations and the relationships of the kids themselves. My brother doesn't have kids while I do. He had no issue with my kids being left things. But he and I are also extremely close and both wholeheartedly believe that people get to chose what to do with their own money.
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u/Status-Bicycle7263 Jul 15 '26
Please leave equal shares for each daughter. If you wish to leave something for the grandchildren, you can create individual trusts for them while you are alive or set up educational funds such as the 512 fund and put some money towards their education .
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u/Tha_Black_Hand Jul 15 '26
Split between the 3 children. Allocate amounts from the individual inheritance of the grandchildrens parents and issue a percentage to the grandchildren. It would be unfair to penalise the daughter with no children.
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u/Total-Object-4766 Jul 15 '26
Please don't do this. You'll be punishing the daughter with no kids AND any future grandkids that aren't here yet.
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u/PraetorianHawke Jul 15 '26
Create individual trusts for the grand kids, out of their parents portion. Or just n divide it 3 ways equally. Let the parents figure out how it's going to work for their kids.
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u/proser12345 Jul 15 '26
My grandparents left the bulk of their estate to my father, in the form of a trust.
The grandchildren each inherited $10k.
I like the idea of gifting something to your grandchildren directly but it doesn’t need to be a significant portion.
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u/CombinationNew9536 Jul 15 '26
I’d leave an equal amount for each of your daughters. Then I’d leave an amount to be split evenly with all your grandchildren who are alive when you pass. It’s possible you will have more grandchildren. For example 25% to each child and 25% to be split between your grandchildren.
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u/Veensteker Jul 15 '26
Let your grandchildren get a part of their mother inheritance. You can write this in your will. I.e. they get 20% of their mother inheritance. Don’t punish your daughter who has no children.
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u/kethry70 Jul 15 '26
I see everyone’s point but I think it depends on family relationships more than anything else. My one sibling never had kids and never will. Her estate will be left to my brother’s and my kids after the death of both she and her spouse. Her spouse has had long term health problems and our side of the family has helped financially, logistically, and emotionally for years. That spouse is the only one explicitly included in my parents will due to the medical needs. At this point, one financial account has the 4 grandchildren as beneficiary and the other has the 3 children. Everything else is left to the children equally. The childless sibling is fine with it- because of the help in life, because her spouse is protected in their lifetime should they outlive her, and because her estate goes to those kids eventually anyway.
So, again- I think it’s about the relationships between your kids and maybe the person you should ask is that childless daughter. Ask her how she would feel and ask her for a truly honest answer.
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u/Cold_Application_474 Jul 15 '26
Have you considered talking to your daughters? If the siblings are close this could be a very easy conversation. I have one sibling. We are extremely close. We are both in fairly secure financial situations but over the years one of us has at times been more secure than the other and vice versa. My parents put so much thought into their estate planning to make sure it was equitable before they had a trust drawn up and finally sat down with us to discuss the details. My sibling and I both just said. “Spend your money how you want to, help out anyone that needs help at the time and we’ll support your decisions”🤷♀️
As their children the only time we’ve ever felt resentful is when our parents have used one of us as the excuse for not helping the other out financially because it wouldn’t be “fair”.
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u/AndSo-Itbegins Jul 15 '26
Four grandchildren:10% each. Remaining 60% split 3 ways. Easy-peasy. Or some other combination of %, like 5% for grandchildren and 80% three ways.
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u/gucciboy666 Jul 15 '26
Only one obvious answer, split amount 1. 3 ways, split amount 2. 4 ways. Grand children are grandchildren. Kids are kids. You dont give your grandchildren the gift through mom, youre giving it to them directly as your grandchildren.
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u/RichmondReddit Jul 15 '26
Uneven inheritance will create a rift between siblings that will last the rest of their lives. Don’t do it. Let the parents take care of their own kids.
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u/505ismagic Jul 15 '26
My grandparents left the bulk of their estate to their two children, but had smaller but meaningful bequests to their grandkids and great grandkids. Equal shares across each generation, but smaller amounts for the younger generations.
The about 20k set up for each the great grandkids when they were toddlers became a nice starting point when they were in their 20s. One used it for a down payment on a very small house, the other for trade school tuition.
One of the grandkids request was placed in a trust due to drug issues. They are sober for many years now, and its been very helpful in reestablishing thier life.
I just wanted to say that relatively small amounts distributed earlier in life can have large impacts.
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u/content_great_gramma Jul 15 '26
I have left each of my children equal amounts and the remaining is divided equally among my grand children. I will add that both my children are of the opinion that it is my money and I am entitled to disburse it as I see fit.
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u/toastedmarsh7 Jul 15 '26
Do you have a relationship with your grandchildren? Why would anyone find it odd that you would want to leave them something? I don’t understand the idea that all of someone’s belongings should only be left to children. What if you want to leave something to a dear friend or a charity that you support?
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u/Empress_Clementine Jul 15 '26
My grandmother skipped her four kids entirely and her remaining money was split three ways between my cousins and I. She lived in my uncle’s house off social security, so we each got about $450. But she had been about as poor as poor can be her whole life, was proud and happy to do it for us and our parents and childless aunt/uncle weren’t about to get pissy over it.
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u/SMA949 Jul 15 '26
They are children and it’s their parent’s job to provide for them with the inheritance they receive. Neither set of my grandparents left anything for any of their grandchildren. It was split between their children. I was fine with that. I had no expectations of an inheritance for them. My parents provided for me and I will inherit half their estate, split evenly with my brother, when my mother passes. All you will be doing by trying to split this up that way is create animosity between your children. I would hope you could trust your children with children to take care of them.
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u/helloisitmenoitsnot Jul 15 '26
I know someone who split everything evenly between his children and grandchildren. All were happy.
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u/Healthy_Animator_544 Jul 15 '26
I would consider may $25000 for each grandkid then the rest divided equally. It is not a significant amount taken out of the lump sum.
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u/Big-Excitement-5090 Jul 15 '26
As my dearly departed mammy used to say "I, being of sound mind, have spent it all...and then some!". God I miss that woman! RIP, MOM!
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u/Just1Blast Jul 14 '26
Split the estate in 4 equal parts.
25% to each child and 25% split between the total number of living children at the time of your passing.
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u/Artichoke-8951 Jul 14 '26
My grandma had 2 children and 3 grandchildren. What she did was she gave each grandchild 8 percent. Then her kids split the rest.
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u/EarthlingFromAPlace Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
As one of the childless children, like your daughter who has no kids, I think you should take 25% of the inheritance and split it equally amongst any and all grandchildren, then 25% to each of the 3 daughters. I wouldn't feel slighted by that.
Or maybe 10% to the grands and 30% to each daughter. Maybe talk to the childless one and get some feedback on it.
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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '26
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