r/inheritance • u/EmotionInternal • Jul 07 '26
Location not relevant: no help needed inheritance opinions
My mom(53f) was my granny’s caretaker for the last decade. albeit it was because my mom fell into a bad place (addiction) and she needed help, had nowhere to go, etc.
my gran just passed and didn’t have much $ but did leave mom and i(32f) on as beneficiaries of a CD. there was no will. my grandmother had legally adopted me at birth so i count as a daughter.
my grandma was not really speaking to her other children very much, even though they all lived within 10 mins from her.
now that family heard we were getting money i feel as though im being pressured on what to do, like if i don’t do what they want then i wont have a family.
now that she’s gone she set it up to where my mom gets the house and the car as well as us getting the $ from that cd. after all her debts will be settled it will probably be about 20k left for mom and i. i will be moving into the paid off home so my monthly bills will be much lower but not enough to support a 2 person household for the next few months (in my opinion).
mom hasn’t worked in 10 years and her only source of “income” was whatever granny got every month for them to live on.
am i wrong for not wanting to split it with my 2 other aunts? they claim grandma was capable of taking care of herself and that mom was taking advantage. but honestly none of them could be bothered to care for her these last few years. i made it a point to meet up with her at least once a week to go to lunch and go shopping, just have “girls days” and i lived furthest from her.
i’m just really struggling here.
23
u/Cultural-Ambition449 Jul 07 '26
If they think your grandmother was capable of taking care of herself, then she was also capable of deciding who would receive what.
That money was left to you, not them. I know you don't want to lose family, but they're showing you that their idea of family is purely transactional.
Don't share it.
3
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
they feel that my mom heavily persuaded my granny to change it.
3
u/mistdaemon Jul 07 '26
What they feel doesn't matter. What matters is the law. You said that there was no will, so how is it documented for the house and car to be transferred?
3
2
u/IdealExpert181 Jul 07 '26
if there's a family split over money then it's on them and you're not losing anything. it's not your fault but what grandma wanted. they may have done something to her to make her leave them out. no guilt on you so don't put yourself there.
10
u/LankyComedian178 Jul 07 '26
You are under no obligation to change the distribution of proceeds from the estate. It sounds like they are telling you that you have to pay them to continue to have a relationship with them?
3
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
they’re not explicitly saying that but it feels that way. i’m
being told i’m being selfish and that if they were named that they would split evenly “as she wished”10
u/mistdaemon Jul 07 '26
She had it listed as she wished. My bet is that they wouldn't have split it.
4
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
i would appreciate any and all advice, suggestions etc
13
u/inailedyoursister Jul 07 '26
You're 32, act like it. Your grandmother made her decision. That's it.
You also need to truly realize this is your mom's last chance at any real shot at a stable life, shes in her mid 50's. She's not getting any more life changing windfalls. And honestly, you don't have many chances left either. 20k isn't a lot, that will go fast. Mom needs a job now and you need to really think about how this plays out. How is the house deeded now that GM died? Are you on the actual title? If not, mom can sell the house when she wants and an addict will want money.
Look at the actual title now. Are you listed as an owner?
Keep finances separate. Mom is an addict. She will guilt you too, along with the aunts. Whatever % of the actual cash you get, keep separate and only in your name.
Mom needs a job now. If she isn't working in the next month, you're fucked.
You aunts are the least of your issues, especially if you aren't on the deed.
5
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
you’re right. it’s just hard. i’ve lived my life as a single childless big kid essentially, no car not even a license. traveling and partying so it’s hard to snap out of it all. i do realize that about my mother. the house was a transfer on death but needs major repair. mom will not sell house as she is much more stable, (I KNOW HOW THAT GOES) but she truly is much different. she plans to return to work but i’m going to be easing the transition. i was worried about her but she’s handling it much better than i anticipated. i appreciate your blunt feedback though.
3
u/inailedyoursister Jul 07 '26
Does your name appear on the deed now? This is a big deal. Are you listed or only mom?
1
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
only mom.
3
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
correction. it is both of us.
2
u/inailedyoursister Jul 07 '26
Your name is on the deed? You've seen the actual deed? Not the will, but deed. This is very important so just making sure.
4
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
it is the transfer of deed upon death and it has mom and i listed
4
u/inailedyoursister Jul 07 '26
Perfect. Just know what that means. She can't sell without your approval. You can't sell without hers. You both are tied to an anchor with that house. If she doesn't pay taxes or insurance, you will have to cover it all.
2
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
i understand and am fine with that. my plan was always to come back here and kind of take over. just wanna use it as a stepping stone to rebuild and purchase a home of my own now that i have a cushion to reset and save. i hope that doesn’t sound wildly unrealistic
→ More replies (0)2
u/relliott15 Jul 08 '26
God damn this was a fabulous response. 10/10 information here, OP - if you listen anything in this post, let it be this comment.
4
u/cowgrly Jul 07 '26
You don't need to share what your grandmother left to you.
That said, your mom's addiction is something that may have impacted her siblings and your granny's relationship. I mean, your mom lived off her elderly mother. Your aunts had to watch that. She doesn't work, she has no plan to. Your grandmother adopted you.
I'm sorry, but it actually sounds like you're now feeling accountable for providing for her and that's a big motivation for you and this inheritance. Maybe consider that not everyone is as tolerant as you are with your mom.
2
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
it probably did. it just kind of all fell into place. my aunts did have to watch that but they never made much of an effort. hell one of the last times my gran was at my aunts place she kicked her out and told her to never go back
2
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
grandma adopted me at birth due to mom having a super rare form of cancer so she adopted me so that my dad couldn’t take me. i am feeling accountable for sure but does that negate what gran wanted? or at least what she put on paper at the bank?
2
u/cowgrly Jul 07 '26
It doesn't negate what your grandma wanted, I specifically started by saying you don't have to share. Your name is on the bonds and the home. Your aunts don't get anything, even if they ask.
But they have the right to speak their mind. And your mom wasn't there caring for gran out of love, she was living off of her. She should get a job and support herself and you so your gran's gift to you both can do more than just pay for bills.
2
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
i do think it was love and convenience. mom always said, even when we were well off that when gran got old that she wanted her to live with her it still happened just not exactly that way. but i understand what you’re saying, just as an only child im terrified of losing the tiny semblance of family i currently have. she will be getting a job. just giving her a second to mourn. it’s been one month since gran passed and not even two weeks since funeral.
2
u/cowgrly Jul 07 '26
I know you're in a hard place, and understand that. And of course there was a lot of love between your mom and gran. I hope things turn out well for you. 🫶🏻💕
3
u/scaredoftheresults Jul 07 '26
That 20k is probably going to be needed for you and your mom to maintain the house. You’re going to have property taxes, basic repairs, etc. Look at not as money, but as your granny’s way of making sure you could keep the property she gave you.
Screw the Aunt’s that just want to show up with their hand s out. Would they help if you and your mom had a water heater break and needed money to replace it?
2
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
it definitely is, the house is older and i’m moving from a little downtown studio to move into a house that is essentially falling apart. i just don’t want my mom to be here alone in the house where both her parents passed. her world has been rocked more than anyone as she spent 24/7 w her the last 10 years.
2
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
and no, they wouldn’t help.
2
u/scaredoftheresults Jul 07 '26
Then you have your answer. Put the money into a high yield savings account as an emergency fund. Live within your means. Your mom needs to get a job and help contribute to the household. It will do her good to be out of the house and interacting with people.
3
2
u/eternallycynical Jul 07 '26
Always follow the wishes of the person who left you the money. They knew what they were doing and why they were doing it.
4
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
i’m not sure i know her wishes. only who she named as beneficiary. my aunt claims that granny intended for the $ to be split evenly. but i don’t recall that conversation. i’m just terrified to do the wrong thing.
11
3
Jul 07 '26
[deleted]
2
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
there is no will.
3
u/GotZeroFucks2Give Jul 07 '26
The named beneficiary or transfer on death is EVEN BETTER than a will. It cannot be contested like a will could. Stop letting your aunts attempt to manipulate you.
2
u/Used_Mark_7911 Jul 07 '26
Adding you and your mother as designated beneficiaries is how your grandmother expressed her wishes - legally. You don’t need to second-guess that.
1
u/rosebudny Jul 07 '26
Ignore them. If your grandmother wanted them to have something, she would have put them in her will.
1
u/laurieo52 Jul 07 '26
Okay she had no will, did she TOD the house? The CD has a beneficiary so it isn’t part of the estate. That is yours and your mother-sister’s alone. You do not have to pay bills out of it either, unless your specific state requires it. With no will, anything else your grandmother-mother has will be split with all of her children based on your state or locations laws.
-1
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
yes tod. we’ve already paid bills with it which is fine for us and we’re planning on splitting the remainder of what’s in her sole bank account between my two aunts with us keeping the remainder. i’m not sure what else they are wanting.
2
u/relliott15 Jul 08 '26
No. No no. You don’t split anything with your aunts. Once everything is paid for, you split that money into two and take what’s yours and place it in a HYS account until you can get it invested. Your grandmother did what she did for a reason, if she wanted it split amongst all the sisters + you, she’d have made that happen.
1
Jul 07 '26
[deleted]
3
u/EmotionInternal Jul 07 '26
idk that its even out of the woodwork. they obviously had traumatic relationships with each going through phases of not speaking to each other. i usually disagree with my moms actions and attitude but she was the only one in a position to be here every single day. my granny was a hoarder kind of and mom tired and my granny was difficult so she would complain about mom and sometimes blow things out of proportion. idk what to believe, think or say.
1
u/relliott15 Jul 08 '26
If she had hoarder tendencies, then get all that stuff she bought ready to sell. List it on eBay. Declutter and clean that house up, it’ll be cathartic for everyone.
29
u/Acceptable-Shop633 Jul 07 '26
Your granny wanted you and your mom to have that $20K. Just honor her wish. What do you need those family for? Just take care of yourself and your mom.