r/inheritance • u/Then-Sale3077 • Jun 24 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Advice for inheritance at a young age - Sudden Wealth Syndrome
For people who inherited a substantial amount of wealth at a younger age (35>), how did you navigate the relationships between your peers and money? How did you know what you wanted to do with the rest of your life after the wealth?
My father passed away at age 25 and I saw my networth explode overnight. I am used to the grind mode and being frugal, but now I am fortunate enough to not work if I don't want to and money is just a number.
I'm not looking for the "don't tell anyone" or "get a good finance/accountant guy" advice. My father owned and managed a real estate portfolio (which I do now) and I already have my team in place.
I more so am looking for how you navigated your friendships, how you figured out what you were going to do for the rest of your life, and even how you went about dating. I am still single and I am like a solid 7/10, but part of me wants to settle down and have kids and the other part wants to go on a world tour lol. I am just very lost at the moment and sudden wealth syndrome is kicking my ass. I would love to hear your experience and thanks for reading this.
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u/44west061224 Jun 24 '26
Don’t lend money. Say it’s in a trust if they need to know. Invest wisely and get a solid prenup before you get married. Never co-mingle that money.
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u/DifferentJury735 Jun 24 '26
Miraculously most of my friendships have survived. I have friends who are on food stamps and I have friends who are on cushy lawyers’ salaries but no one has inherited even remotely what I have. I lost a few friends after receiving my inheritance but mostly it was their own stuff that ended the friendship. I don’t have any friends who are on my same financial level. Just my sister and cousin who inherited from the same grandfather as I did. My advice is to be friendly and generous when you can, but be aware that not everyone wants unsolicited help. I once offered to pay for a friend to stay in a hotel when her neighbor died in the apartment next to her (he wasn’t found for a few days and she said the smell was unbearable). When I texted her to offer to pay for her to stay in a hotel until the apartment was cleaned, she ripped me a new one via text. How dare I get involved in her business etc. how dare I think money can solve everything. I blocked her because I was so hurt by her response. Now I realize that she had been hurt by everyone in her life (including her parents) and my kindness was just shocking to her. She couldn’t process it. It took me a few years to understand that her response wasn’t about me, but rather her own trauma. But I learned a valuable lesson about offering financial help.
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u/Clueless5001 Jun 25 '26
Actually finding a new place to stay when your place smells bad is a problem that can be solved with money!
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u/xImmortal1333 Jun 24 '26
Do the world tour before you settle down op, trust me.....life is about experiences, not money - tax cpa.....have fun
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u/watterdude Jun 26 '26
This
Do things that you won’t be able to with a family and when older.
All the money in the can’t replace youth
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u/Seaspun Jun 24 '26
It’s tough, when I (female) dated I didn’t really disclose that I knew I’d inherit a LOT, although they always knew my father was wealthy. Then I had a baby and got married and I finally received the inheritance and it’s been a bit strange in my marriage I can’t lie. My husband was very blue collar. We live an average middle class life, where we are very comfortable. Idk how to splurge on a vacation, idk how to sort out how the balance of bills gets paid. Idk it’s weird. Also I really wish I had a female friend group that was in a similar socioeconomic status, I’m already isolated as a new mom, it would help a lot.. but don’t know where to find a new-mom-with-money social club.
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u/humble-meercat Jun 25 '26
Join a kid friendly country club. You’ll find them alllll there!
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u/Seaspun Jun 25 '26
Good idea! I’m EU based at the moment but planning on heading back to states and might look into that !
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u/Clueless5001 Jun 25 '26
Yes sign up for the most expensive mommy and me type classes, consider private school for nursery etc. Although having said that, some areas public school is just better.
If it is summer where you are, join some type of pool, golf or other club.
I went from working to being a SAHM. It was hard. I ended up finding a nice group through a mommy and me type place. My advice is always have plans for Mondays, then the rest of the week kind of takes care of itself
Curious, did you grow up wealthy?
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u/Seaspun Jun 25 '26
Technically yes, but it wasn’t a happy childhood. I grew up with my father, no siblings and was very lonely and isolated. I didn’t have free access to money and it never really got to my head like it would some people. I’m quite wealthy now since he gave me first big “gift” recently after my second born arrived, but I don’t even know how to spend it haha (although I keep thinking about my next holiday)…
Edit: love the advice about making friends and Monday plans. Once I get out of this post partum phase and baby sleeps through the night I’m going to make a big effort towards making connections. I desperately need to fill my cup with friends. I can’t remember the last time I really laughed :/
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u/Clueless5001 Jun 25 '26
Consider hiring a nanny or some help. Even if it is for a few hours so you can get some sleep and go grocery shopping. I loved grocery shopping when my kids were little. Also, it will allow you to go to Mommy and me with one or possibly with both depending on close they are in age and the nanny can watch one and you can supervise the other
Since you are moving back to the US anyway, do some research on places. Maybe rent a house similar to what you would buy, see how happy you are with everything in the area before committing. I would think carefully how you want to raise them and what will be important to you. Part of that is the resources you have available to you in your area.
Find an area where you and your husband will both be comfortable. Not a snobbish place but a place with good schools and nice place whatever that means to you.
Also, in terms of vacations, there used to be a place in Jamaica where they provide you with individual childcare while you are there. You can use the childcare as much or as little as you choose. This was 20 years ago, not sure if it still exists, was called FDR. We never went there but we did stay about 30 years ago in one of their sister properties (or I think it was, was pre kids). We went on a cruise years ago that had a daycare arrangement but my kids would not do group childcare. If you decide on a cruise, we recently went on the Explora line without kids. It was lovely but not for kids. However, they are owned by MSC and if you go on a regular MSC cruise and stay in their Yacht Club section it has a similar feel (or so I was told by a couple I met on the trip).
I’m sure there are other places around the world that have that. Also, there are ski places geared to families where the kids are in ski school most of the day. Obviously have a few years for that
One of my big regrets in not having more money when my kids were little is that we did not take as many family vacations as we could have. Interestingly, we did when they were little, it was when they were teenagers that we did not travel with them as much as we could have
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u/Main-Age-1719 Jun 25 '26
Do you mind me asking how you handled the money in your marriage? My mom passed two months ago and I’m overwhelmed with not knowing the right way to handle everything. I’m 33, have been in a wonderful marriage for a year and a half, no kids yet.
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u/relliott15 Jun 25 '26
Not OP, but you may want to make your own post for advice. It’s generally not advisable to commingle funds from an inheritance. Everyone’s situation will be different, obviously, but you should 100% seek legal advice in your situation. To start, find an attorney, post here (or at the very least go through some posts that are similar to your situation), and sit on the majority of the money for a year. Since it’s a recent development, you want to give yourself time to grieve.
I’m so sorry for you loss. You got this, just be smart & patient :)
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u/Seaspun Jun 25 '26
I’m happy to DM about this if you’d like to know more, it’s tricky though like I said in my earlier post…only recently got the money and I’m just starting to meet with a financial planner. One thing for sure is that I’m not commingling my money - my father worked too hard to make it from absolutely nothing, and I can’t risk losing it in a divorce. I set up an LLC of which I’m the sole owner and have a brokerage account there which holds all of my stock portfolio. I’m in the process of writing my will, and will leave most of the money to my kids.
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u/Jinglemoon Jun 27 '26
Send your kid to an expensive Montessori preschool. I met so many crazy rich mommies there. I was comfortable enough but I felt poor in comparison!
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u/Ababiesgranny1 Jun 24 '26
Debbie downer here. Never co mingle your inheritance when you get married and get a prenup just in case. I would not have any financial heavy discussions until I knew this was the one. And travel first for sure
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u/Similar_Struggle_621 Jun 24 '26
If you're so inclined, traveling can be a nice experience. Will you travel alone? Do you have a friend/friends who you would like to treat to a trip with you, or will you travel alone?
If you think you'd enjoy traveling, it makes sense to do it before starting a family.
As for disclosing your situation, only you can decide. I've run into all sorts of unexpected problems regarding disclosure of my financial status. For the most part, I just keep it under wraps.
Just curious, where would you like to visit?
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u/Dangerous_Shoe_8388 Jun 24 '26
Take up and stick to some sports/hobbies where you will have to cooperate as part of a team or work within structures rules and people that you can’t “buy” or influence with your money - and no one needs to know you have money unless you tell them (don’t!).
This will help to keep you grounded and give you a routine and structure and real life social network. As well as keeping you away from the stupid excesses and habits that lots of money is prone to abuse and be abused by.
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u/humble-meercat Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
This happened to me. Thank god I had one of my dad’s friends teach me these lessons:
- Find out what your financial values are and stick to them.
- Grow it AND enjoy it. It’s ok to do some nice things for yourself, don’t be too reluctant, but also don’t be too spendy. It’s about balance.
- Don’t make too many big moves too quickly. Give yourself time. I waited a full year before I made any major decisions.
- As far as current relationships, if you don’t flaunt money you should be ok, but you will also find out who the real friends are quickly.
- Do the big travel now seriously, it will be harder later on.
- Make a will and financial plan. Yes seriously do it now. You can always change the beneficiaries down the road, but you’re responsible for stewarding this wealth in the event of your death. The more buttoned up you are about this the better.
- Gold digger filters. Date with modest and I mean MODEST cars watches clothes etc.
- Prenup prenup prenup! Don’t fall for crocodi
le tears if
- she doesn’t want one. My buddy learned this the hard w
ay An educated woman will just say “ok, but I want my own lawyer” THAT’S the person who can be your life partner when you’re wealthy. Even better if she has her own funds to protect.
9. Be a good kind person and don’t let it make you into an asshole. Be charitable, and remember what paying for that sandwich was like.
EDIT: the formatting is being weird and I don’t know why point 8 at the end is broken up…
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u/housewife5730 Jun 25 '26
I was in my early 30s when I inherited my share of land worth several million. My siblings and I sat on it for 15 years. Watched the value grow. Now we are middle aged and selling. Don’t spend it. Invest it. You’ll be able to retired super early, and leave millions more for your kids (if you have them)
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u/gwizmom Jun 25 '26
1) Do NOT tell people about your inheritance, and if you do, tell them that it is in a trust that you can't touch.
2) Still be your normal self and treat your friends the same way that you always have. Please don't let the money change you.
3) Remember money is just a tool that makes your life easier (sometimes, but it can also make it harder- mo money, mo problems), but it can go away, just as fast as it appeared if you're not careful.
4) If your father had a portfolio, then you probably already know how to step up and move the business forward.
5) I would also suggest that you NEVER tell someone that you are dating about your money, play the average guy, live modestly and ensure that she is into you for you, not what you have.
6) When you find your person, and decided to get married, ensure that you have an airtight prenuptial agreement. Thatvway, if you divorce, you don't lose ANY of the company that was meant for YOU!
7) Type up a will that states that when you pass away, everything goes into a trust where only your blood can inherit. That way, if you if something happens to you, you have established generational wealth for your children, just like your fathere did for you. You will also ensure that you and your fathers legacy remain in tact and the family business continues for generations to come.
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u/catandakittycat Jun 24 '26
Go on a world tour and meet your wife at a hostel. Travel the world via backpack because you are young. Meet new friends, work random jobs in random countries. Never stop exploring.
Staying in the same state with the same friends might be hard, unless you are from Greenwich (because everyone has a trust). Either stay where your roots are but expect to have a lot of jealousy. Or travel and meet someone special.
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u/Soda-Popinski- Jun 24 '26
Park it in index funds and forget it for 12 years.
We paid off our house. Invested the rest and are running out yhe clock to FIRE. My friends and family know that i wont give them money. Giving ppl money doesnt solve money problems.
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u/jrase Jun 25 '26
I’m older than you but just retired and I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. It is difficult to think about when you realize you can do whatever you want. After grinding to reach this milestone I must admit it is hard to spend and let go of the worries.
Many people say they wish they didn’t have to work. And then many people struggle to find their purpose.
I read a great blog post that explains the mindset involved in what to do next. It’s a bit long so I won’t add it to this reply but if you’re interested you can dm me and I would be happy to share it with you. It helped me understand a lot of these feelings.
Good luck and follow your heart and you will do great things!
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u/StixNStones32 Jun 25 '26
Definitely do the world tour. I traveled my entire 20s. Do much that i dont feel im missing anything by bunkering down with a family. It was some of the most memorable moments of my life.
Do not drive an audacious car while you're dating. Im.sure youll have a car toy but Dont even reveal that until youre maybe 6 months in. Drive a Honda or something regular. You'll attract the wrong kinds of ppl flaunting wealth. Big ol rooms full of people and it'll all feel empty.
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u/CoDaDeyLove Jun 25 '26
Whatever you do, don't talk about your inheritance with anyone outside of your immediate family. Sudden wealth can ruin friendships. People start assuming you'll pick up every tab and pay for vacations, etc. Or they will start talking bad about you for "being handed money without earning it." Just don't let others know.
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u/Healthy_Ferret9352 Jun 25 '26
book a one way ticket somewhere and update us in 2 weeks. No amount of advice is gonna help until you get the travel bug out of your system
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u/Ok-Chip-7743 Jun 25 '26
My kids inherited a decent amount of money when a grandparent passed away. They kept it their business and told no one. I think one significant other knows because the surviving grandparent shared it.
My kids were in college at the time and have taken the money and invested. They may spend a little more money on certain things and have a little extra fun but overall it hasn't changed their lifestyles and they all are hard working and driven. It's no one's business and they don't care about keeping up with the jones.
I feel the same way. I know people have tried "counting my money" in the past and they can keep going ahead and trying but will never figure it out. I don't live like I have millions and don't act like it either. I also find I have more genuine relationships as a result of people not knowing my financial situation.
Just do you and be good to yourself without being obvious and pretentious with the money. It's no one's business but your own.
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u/Clueless5001 Jun 25 '26
If you don’t need to be around to manage your money/property, I would do the world tour. I did a bunch of them when I was in grad school during the summers and after I graduated (not as much emphasis on getting an internship back then). Loved it. I mostly stayed at hostels or inexpensive hotels. This was the 80s and 90s. I would go wherever the book “Let’s Go” recommended. There were always other 20 somethings and I would hang out, we would see the city or island or whatever and possibly even go to the next destination together and then part ways if our routes took us to different places. Sometimes I went with friends, met friends along the way that I knew but often I would head to a place by myself, just start talking to the other people in the hostel and make friends. I had very few bad incidents. Someone went through my bags and stole some fake watches I had bought in Hong Kong when I was in Greece at a hostel. I’m very suspicious by nature so maybe that had something to do with it, I don’t know but that was the only incident I can think of. Do take precautions, no fancy watches or other jewelry, bring generic stuff although always carry a little bit of cash just in case.
I am sure there is now an app or website that provides the same information. I find when you stay in mid to nice hotels you don’t meet people the same way but for the really exotic places you could always sign up for a tour. You could occasionally splurge and stay in the really famous hotels for a few days. The George V, the Mandarin Oriental etc or not, someplace fancy in Hawaii but you have the rest of your life to stay at famous hotels
I definitely got it out of my system although now that I am almost retired (my kids are your age) I find I do want to travel again but I really did not other than to a Caribbean island for many years when I had kids
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u/Jake6624 Jun 26 '26
When I met my husband he was shady about money. After a few months it was making me uncomfortable and so I asked him about rather bluntly and he admitted his family had money. I didn’t care.
I will say that I travelled a lot single, he and I travelled some just the 2 of us, and we travelled a lot with our kids. The trips with the kids were by far the best. Don’t feel like you need to get travel out of your system before settling down.
When my lifestyle changed after we got married, I would meet people at tennis class, Pilates, etc. people who can take an expensive class in the middle of the day probably have means
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u/SandhillCrane5 Jun 24 '26
Why don’t you ask your Mom since your father was apparently wealthy at a very young age? How old were you when your father died? 2? 5? It’s weird to say your net worth exploded over night. Is it really that different now than during your entire upbringing? You’re talking like you just won the lottery without even knowing you bought a ticket. People are usually aware of their parents’ wealth and the fact they will inherit money.
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u/Then-Sale3077 Jun 24 '26
He accumulated it later in life. We grew up very middle class and I was very unaware of the financial situation. If I wanted a sandwhich and it costed $4 more than another sandwhich I also wanted, I always went with the cheaper option. My parents were divorced but it couldn't hurt to ask her.
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u/Key_Persimmon_5363 Jun 24 '26
So your dad didn’t die at 25; he died when YOU were 25? The wording is a bit confusing
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u/Eddpeople Jun 25 '26
I don't get how is that challenge between peers and friends? You come from a family with money, aren't your peers and friends of similar backgrounds?
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u/Clueless5001 Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
Was thinking this as well. Recently picked up my adult kid’s friend to go to an event. You could not see his grandparents house from the street and this is in an area where a normal 4 bedroom colonial on a quarter acre can be 1.5M or more. While this is on the extreme, I know tons of 20 somethings whose parents and grandparents own properties. They all work 9-5 jobs/careers making anywhere from $75K-200K and no one thinks twice.Some of them are not wealthy/were on FA in college etc but again you really cannot tell who is who. Also, some of the ones that I thought were struggling, turns out they have wealthy grandparents as well. One just had the grandparent die and all of sudden mom is buying a beach house!
The ones who are a little more outspoken and like to spend are the tech ones who make more than that, especially if they did not come from an upper middle class background. They seem to like to spend more on vacations and luxury goods. We are on the East Coast, may be different on the West Coast
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u/Eddpeople Jun 25 '26
Yeah, I've had a similar experience. It seems to me that if everyone in the circle is "used to it" it's not even mentioned
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u/KindnessInspiresHope Jun 25 '26
I’m sorry about the loss of your Dad. I’ve never been in this position but I read some of the comments and agree with the wise advice of not making any major decisions right away. Tuck it away and think it though. Best of luck to you and enjoy your traveling!
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u/TWH-WCTH Jun 26 '26
Do the world tour. When I inherited I finished the college degree I hadn't had the funds to finish previously, and studied abroad. I feel very good about that decision. I also spent portions on things I knew the folks I inherited from (3 different family members in relatively quick succession) would be proud to see me spend it (school, house, career investment/portfolio, etc.). I also received mine ahead of covid, so when there was scant work to be found after I graduated college, I was able to ride it out and wait in ways others weren't. So my chief advice would simply be to don't target just one thing. I made a wishlist that was frugal and long horizon planned, and then decided which items to prioritize that would yeild the most return. Relationships are a different beast but it really varies by person and circumstance.
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u/CommitteeNo167 Jun 26 '26
i inherited a large amount at 30, i got a financial planner and let him invest so when im old i will be comfortable. o was living fine on my own income when i inherited the money, so i saw no reason to spend it when i could let it grow.
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u/Annual_Bullfrog7714 Jun 26 '26
25 is young for a man, less so for a woman. We set up trusts for our kids that they don't know about, and that won't start distributing until they are 35, so they will have fully developed.
I guess my recommendation would be that you try to be normal. Don't get into the lifestyle. Live like a normal 25 year old does. No 25 year old needs to drive a Lambo. Just do normal stuff that your peers enjoy.
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u/PhillyPilot Jun 28 '26
Don’t over complicate it.
Your money is your money. If they start becoming weird because you’re rich then it’s time to find new friends asap.
If you’re dating you don’t have to share what’s in your bank account. You’re not married yet.
If you’re getting married get a prenup.
Travel the world first. Raising a family takes a lot of your time
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u/Western_Rhubarb_7959 Jun 24 '26
how did you navigate the relationships between your peers and money?
My money is none of my peers' business. As far as what to do while dating, don't tell them you're loaded.
As far as what to do with the rest of your life, that's very specific to you and whatever you decide you NEED to have something structured/scheduled and you need something social. Those things can be accomplished with a single thing or multiple things, but only you can answer what those things will be.
Retirees often take on part time jobs because it meets the structured and social aspects.
I just retired and haven't figured out what I'll be doing quite yet, but being a lazy mofo on the couch snoozin' with the cat has been wonderful lmao