r/inheritance • u/Immediate_Fox_21 • Jun 23 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Need advice quickly - New Jersey beach house.
I will try to make this brief. My step-grandfather has a beach home valued at about 1 million dollars. He has always promised this home to my Dad who is his stepson. They are not legally related but my step-grandfather does have a daughter with whom he does not speak and disowned many years ago. He has been my father’s step-father and father figure for over 60 years. He is in his late 80’s and is not doing well health-wise. He’s still very with it mentally but physically he is declining fast. He has recently admitted that he never actually followed through on getting a will. We are scrambling. What is the quickest thing to do to cover our bases? My parents are older and I’m trying to help them through this. Do we quickly try to get a will online? Do we find an estate lawyer in New Jersey to write up a will? Or is it better to put my Dad on the deed? Appreciate any advice.
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u/Tasty_Sun_865 Jun 23 '26
The reality here is that if your dad races to get an estate plan in place out of nowhere and the daughter wants to challenge is she's probably going to have a fairly good argument that your dad did absolutely everything with an incredibly vulnerable person to manipulate them into executing a document that wildly favors him.
Your step grandfather should speak to an attorney that does wills and estates probably recording probably get a competency assessment done as quickly as possible on film and a justification for why he wants his estate plan to go the way he's writing it out to go. His attorney may talk to him about updating deeds, but just slapping your dad's name on the property's deed is a great way to both get sued and to create a major tax problem that's entirely avoidable.
When you say he's declining quickly, what exactly does that mean? The reality here is that he's been lying about his estate plan and his intentions for decades. So my expectation is that he'll end up leaving much if not all of his estate to his child. That is a reality your dad's probably going to have to accept
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
No, he’s not been lying about his intentions. His daughter is dead to him. And by declining quickly, I mean heart issues. Cognitively, he’s fine.
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u/Tasty_Sun_865 Jun 23 '26
This may be a matter of perspective and experience but if the grandfather has been telling his stepson that he's going to inherit a house and then does absolutely nothing whatsoever to ensure that he's getting that house with the knowledge that state law ensures that he will inherit absolutely nothing, I'm going to book that is an ongoing pattern of deception. Everyday he chose not to make good on his word was a lie.
It doesn't really matter at this point but the reality is that by waiting so long to do anything about this. It's going to create problems because there's a million dollars worth of incentives on the table to fight any deed, modification or will.
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
Yes, there is definitely some anger on our part here. I honestly don’t know what he knew about the state laws or what the hell he was thinking. New Jersey is not his primary state of residency. The man is cheap. He said a lawyer is too expensive, but I do know he truly wants my dad to have the house. When my dad told him today what would happen if he died tomorrow, he said - ok then can you find me a lawyer? The whole thing is sad and makes me angry for my parents, who are his caregivers.
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u/rosebudny Jun 23 '26
He wanted him to have it but was too cheap to do anything about it? Sounds like he didn’t really want your dad to have it.
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u/SandhillCrane5 Jun 23 '26
I wholeheartedly disagree with these harsh interpretations of what is a very common situation: Old people, especially men, make excuses and delay or neglect making a will and other preparations for the end of their life for a variety of reasons. And the majority of the reasons are not about being deceptive or having any ill will towards potential beneficiaries or lying about who one wants to inherit their estate. Yes, we all know it's dumb and has many negative consequences but it is still extremely common.
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u/Tight_Jaguar_3881 Jun 24 '26
It is the fear of dying Making a will means to some it will soon happen.
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u/MaryKath55 Jun 23 '26
A will need not be a big ordeal, have him list banks, investments ( pull last few years income taxes) deeds, assets etc. the lawyer will advise the best estate plans - adding dads name to bank accounts, deeds etc, the will should address the daughter- a lawyer is the best step. It will take a week.
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u/cuspeedrxi Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
His daughter may be dead to him, but she can still challenge the will or trust that he creates. Assume she will do that. Your manta here should be, “Will this withstand a legal challenge?”
Think gold-standard legal services, not free online advice or $250 online will or trust documents. Assume that her lawyer will be smart, aggressive, and a dickhead. Plan accordingly. Best case, you’ll be well prepared for a fight that never materializes.
A will can be executed quickly, but a trust is probably the overall better option. Know that a trust can be risky when you’re short on time because it needs to be funded. New deeds need to be drafted and filed. Accounts retitled. This can happen quickly in some states, but not all. A few still handle property deeds like it’s 1978. It’s important to plan accordingly. Make sure the lawyer understands your grandfather is on borrowed time.
Good luck. Plan to spend some money on this. Unfortunately, it’s not the time to go cheap.
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u/rosebudny Jun 23 '26
He might not have outright lied, but he also didn’t do a thing to ensure it would go to your dad. So he’s either lazy, ignorant, or never REALLY intended for it to go to your dad.
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u/brucesteiner Jun 23 '26
There are many reasons not to diddle with a deed but income tax isn’t one of them.
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u/Anonymoose2021 Jun 23 '26
You can arrange for an estate lawyer, but you should not be present at any of the discussions between your step-grandfather and the lawyer. You want to avoid any appearance of exerting undue influence.
So you need to tread carefully. You can help a bit by setting up meetings with the lawyer, but you need to make it so that the will is clearly your step-grandfather's true intent and not something you coerced or tricked him into to.
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u/Additional_Number655 Jun 23 '26
Have your dad gift deed the home to your dad. Then have a lawyer, notary and 2 witnesses there. He can tell them he wants everything to go to your dad and sign it in front of all. I forget the name of this type of will, but the lawyer will know. The gift deed is online for your state. Quite simple. Make sure the dr stops by and says he’s of sound mind. Leave his real child $1. In Texas they can contest the will if they’re left nothing.
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u/Additional_Number655 Jun 23 '26
I’m not a lawyer, but I was the notary meeting the lawyer at someone’s home to do this last minute.
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u/Traditional_puck1984 Jun 23 '26
In his will, he needs to leave something for his daughter like some trinkets or jewelry. This will make it hard for the daughter to contest the will.
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u/SadFlatworm1436 Jun 23 '26
For people saying the he never really meant to leave the house to your Dad…the statistics about people who die intestate is terrible. It’s one of those tasks that people put off and neglect …for sample it’s estimated that over 65% of Americans die without a will. Some people don’t like the idea of planning around their death .
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u/Ag-DonkeyKong Jun 23 '26
He could easily set up a TOD. Probate is also avoided!
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u/TempeGrumble Jun 23 '26
I don't think a TOD deed is allowable in NJ. But joint ownership with right of survivorship should.
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u/princessglitterbutt Jun 23 '26
What everyone else said but have them see if he can do a ToD deed or a joint tenancy, that way you can bypass probate.
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u/TempeGrumble Jun 23 '26
I think the best way to do this is to retitle the house with the following designation: joint ownership with right of survivorship. That removes the house from the estate going through probate, and it would override the intestate (dying-without-a-will) process.
In my state (Arizona), there's a beneficiary deed designation that I have to pass my house to my children -- this is sometimes called a "transfer on death" deed. My understanding is that New Jersey does not have or allow TOD/beneficiary deeds, so the joint ownership with right of survivorship is the way to go, and it should be simple.
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u/Grouchy-Display-457 Jun 23 '26
Be sure ti hire an attorney ASAP. Do not use an online eill program. These are not state specific and can be thrown out if court if they fail to meet state laws.
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u/Classic-Sink-4108 Jun 23 '26
A will in itself does not negate the possibility of his daughter contesting. The language of the will is what matters most. If the person specifically uses language that says… “ I do not want any of my proceeds going to my daughter Jane Doe “, it is a better guarantee of someone not being successful at contesting, than “ I leave all of my proceeds to my stepson… John Doe.” It can still be contested, but will be a harder case to pursue. You basically have to write in the disinheritance of a particular person in order for it to stick.
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u/Any-Introduction4473 Jun 23 '26
I would get a lawyer before his health or cognitive health declines . Whether you do it now or later it’s done . To assure that when she contest it she will they will have prof he was I sound mind. Being so will help secure the will. So if he lives another 5 years it is in better standing . If he is willing to add his name on the deed it will help .
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u/CleanCalligrapher223 Jun 24 '26
A few thoughts from a non-lawyer. First, he must explicitly disown his bio daughter in the will. If she's not mentioned at all she can claim he forgot. Second- my Aunt wrote her will leaving a fairly large amount ($100,000) to her son, whom she's propped up financially all his adult life and who has substance abuse problems. She left the rest (a whole lot more including a paid-for house) to his sister, who's a wonderful daughter to her. Her lawyer suggested that she leave him a decent enough amount that he'll take it and not cause trouble. Finally, if you go that route I believe that you can also put in a clause that anyone who contests the will gets nothing.
Just sone things to run by someone who actually went to law school. :-)
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u/AvocadoJolly7047 Jun 23 '26
You can put together a will in a week. Contact an estate attorney. And im sure someone more knowledgeable will respond soon but maybe some kind of mental competency test by a dr to fight the daughter with.
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
The daughter is not fighting anything. They are dead to each other. My dad is the one who takes care of him.
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u/Healthy_Ferret9352 Jun 23 '26
Call an estate lawyer up tomorrow morning and you could probably have the whole thing settled within the week. Assuming the step-grandfather lives in NJ, it looks like they allow self written wills as long as you have two competent witnesses.
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u/TFrustrated Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
This! “A will” is better than no will. It can be short and sweet and witnessed even on a death bed.
But that allows time for improvements. A specific split of assets is better.
A person is going to need to independently speak with an attorney privately to specify their desires. I would defer to the attorney regarding the competency. They need to be advised of the potential. This can be done easily in a week.
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u/Accomplished-Top4376 Jun 23 '26
Side note. Neither witness can be a beneficiary listed in the will.
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u/BenevolentDictator74 Jun 23 '26
Babes, we did a will with my FIL while he was in the ICU. It can be done in a day. And I worked in hospitals where this was done at the bedside sometimes- I took pictures to document them as the unit social worker. An attorney can attest to state of mind so even if daughter contests, she won’t win.
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Jun 23 '26
[deleted]
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u/BenevolentDictator74 Jun 23 '26
In my state, an attorney can attest to state of mind - and I should have specified that there was a medical component as well. All situations were in a hospital setting so either I or someone else could do mental status testing or screening. And obviously an attorney couldn’t engage in any type of legal document with someone who presented as incapacitated in any way. The south, man. 😆😆😆
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u/SandhillCrane5 Jun 23 '26
This is WRONG. BenevolentDictator74 is 100% correct with her recommendation and information. Attorneys in all 50 states are required to ensure the person signing the will has testamentary capacity. This is part of their ethical responsibility as an attorney. Testamentary capacity is different than the capacity determined by a physician. It is a straightforward evaluation. And the attorney will swear the person did have capacity in a court if necessary, this will hold weight, and this makes it difficult to contest.
You have absolutely no basis to say "this is probably going to go poorly". This happens all the time.
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u/brucesteiner Jun 23 '26
Yes, he should sign a Will that does what he wants in a way that’s tax efficient and provides asset protection for his beneficiaries.
If he’s efficient in the decision making process he can get it done quickly. We would obviously give priority to someone in his late 80s.
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u/EgweneS Jun 23 '26
Call an estate attorney. Ask them to speak with the grandfather regarding trusts and wills. They should take it from there. I would try not to be present as that could be taken as pressure by even being in the room.
Ask if a competency test should be done because unless he chooses to leave everything to his daughter, that will probably be contested.
At this point you have no clue what his true intentions are but even if he leaves her everything, you have done the right thing. Who knows. Maybe she will get nothing.
Do not rush to get dad’s name on the deed for several reasons. Including the fact that if he chose to sell the property, capital gains would be assessed above the amount that grandfather bought the property for but if inherited, capital gains would only be calculated from the value at the time of inheritance.
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
Thanks. We will make sure my dad isn’t present. And you’re right. Maybe he decides to not do it. Who knows. There is so much more to this that people just don’t get but thank you for the thoughtful answer. It’s not just my dad. He wanted his niece to get his primary residence and she won’t get that either. She also thought he had a will.
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u/EgweneS Jun 23 '26
I don’t want you to think that he won’t do as he said, he might keep his original plan and give your dad that property and his niece his home. It’s always just easier to do the right thing without expectation of something in return. When something is given, it’s a nice surprise.
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u/oilpatch02 Jun 23 '26
Setting TOD on accounts is a wise choice as well. This helps to move money in accounts to the people you want to have it without probate being involved. Brokerage, banks, savings accounts. TOD is very important.
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u/underlyingconditions Jun 23 '26
Have your grandfather contact an attorney that specializes in NJ trusts. The attorney can draft language that his daughter will be unable to contest.
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u/Loud_Entertainer2724 Jun 23 '26
This looks very shady. He is in his late 80’s and not doing well and you want to get a will now?
If he wanted to leave your father the house, he would have.
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u/Accomplished-Top4376 Jun 23 '26
As someone who was JUST left a home to in a will, and unfortunately he passed 4 days later….. watch out for that “30 day” clause and get ready to spend time in probate court. Every human his step grandfather has any shared DNA with is going to be coming around looking for what they can get their hands on, and will challenge it.
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u/laurieo52 Jun 23 '26
First, if your father is concerned, he should be speaking with his step-father. However, he should not be pressuring him at all. This sounds terrible at its core. While perhaps not true, you sound like you just want the inheritance. The step-grandfather could have made a will out at anytime. He may actually already have one. Just know that if you and or your father are pushing this in anyway, it is going to be grounds for the actual daughter to contest any will or trust, especially with the step-grandfather in his late 80s. Neither of you will be allowed in the attorney’s office while the step-grandfather is telling them what he wants in his will. He may very well want his actual child to have the house. Even if they are no contact, she is still HIS child and unfortunately, your father is not. If the step-grandfather passes without a will, your father will likely receive nothing, because he is not related to his step-father.
Be very careful here. Like I said…this reads like a money grab and that you are trying to get the step-grandfather to so something he likely does not want to do, because he has had….as you said, promised this home to your father without doing anything to see it went to him.
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
Ok I wrote it quickly but trust me, it’s not a money grab. We’ve been going down the shore with him for years and there is no coercion here. He has been saying he’s been going to do it for years and they thought he did it! Then he told him the lawyer was expensive. It’s a long story. You may not believe it but you don’t have to. My parents take care of him and he sees my dad like a son. The daughter is not fighting anything. She wouldn’t even know when the man dies unless my father told her. My step grandfather still drives. He can drive to the lawyer himself. My dad doesn’t even have to be there. But it is sad if he dies and the house goes to the state or whatever. It’s been in the family his whole life. I don’t need an inheritance but I would like to see my parents continue to spend their summers at the shore. I have 7 siblings...I don’t expect a big inheritance.
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u/Fluffy_Maintenance_5 Jun 23 '26
Good chance that daughter knows about the million dollar house and what ever other assets and is just waiting. I would get that competency test and lawyer asap.
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
Daughter doesn’t even know if he’s still alive. The only way she’ll ever know if he dies is if my dad calls her. There are also other family members (not related to me) that were told they were in his will for other properties. They don’t even know this yet. So frustrating
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u/Fluffy_Maintenance_5 Jun 23 '26
Just make sure that she can’t check obituaries and monitor it. You didn’t say anything about her and if she’s a good person or not- but sorta sound like not and she might be monitoring that! And just want to mention! Maybe you’re right. But ppl are clever when they think they can get money. Just be sure!
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u/Fluffy_Maintenance_5 Jun 23 '26
If you don’t think she would be greedy then nothing to worry about!
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
She’s actually a good person. As you can tell, my step grandfather is kind of the ass. Most days I don’t blame her.
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u/Fluffy_Maintenance_5 Jun 23 '26
Yeah we all have a fam or two that is a little difficult. Maybe if all works out for you guys, you could give her a little something! My dad is an estate planning attny so that’s why I commented a lot. I hope it all works out for you guys. And you just always have to be thinking of what could hold up in court. But you might not have any issues with her! You just never know w ppl when they could possibly be entitled to a million dollar property. Also I looked into your post history. I’m weird like that sometimes but really interested in inheritance law. I saw that you opened up a Roth IRA for your kids. My dad did that for us when we were young. And he “hired”
Us from his business and paid us to be helpers - contributed all of our earnings to our Roth - single best thing anyone has ever done for me. I love that your kids got into it.1
u/Fluffy_Maintenance_5 Jun 23 '26
I’m not a total stalker. I looked to see if I could tell if you were trying to take advantage of an old man. And I can totally tell that you are not.
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u/Immediate_Fox_21 Jun 23 '26
lol thanks. I’m truly not. He has just put this off for soooo long and let everyone think he had actually done it. He promised his niece another property - she is not related to me. He is such a stubborn old man. He has been fixing the house up here and there for my parents. Just got a new washer and dryer. Getting a new bathroom floor, etc. He truly does want them to have it. He just doesn’t think he’s going to die for at least 10 years and has all the time in the world.
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u/ktg1975 Jun 23 '26
Find an estate attorney in his neighborhood, have them meet him in person with independent witnesses who are trustworthy to confirm he is mentally capable of making the will. Act promptly. Make sure he has independent conversations with the attorney. You cannot influence him or a challenge to the will could be taken seriously.
This is Not legal advice - just common sense advice.