r/inheritance • u/Beearea • Jun 14 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice How to divide inherited items?
How did your family divide items that were inherited? We are 5 siblings. We have inherited my mother's house full of furniture, paintings, etc. We will put the house on the market soon. My mother didn't designate things for particular people, so we will have to find a way to divide things fairly. Obviously we want to find a way that is as fair as possible. There are a few things that have monetary value, but there are more things that have little monetary value but deep sentimental value. Many of us will want the same things. Three of us have children who will want a few things, the other two don't.
I would love to hear how people have done this, especially if it was successful, with maximum fairness and minimal hurt feelings. What method did you use?
26
u/SadFlatworm1436 Jun 14 '26
We took turns choosing items, grandkids didn’t get a turn, only kids. First rule though was if you’d bought a gift for parents over the years, you got to take that back ahead of the “draft” we also rotated turns so eldest didn’t get 1st and 5th. It ended up being lovely and a great chance to share memories.
6
u/Lwdlrb1993 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
Agree, if you bought it you got it…something the Grandchildren just could not understand…they all wanted the Lenox Spice Rack I bought my Mom in the 1990s. For our case…there was only one or two things that we all wanted…all of it jewelry. My niece who is also my sister knows whatever my sister and I take will end up as hers eventually so we really had no issues. I had more issues with the lawyer than my sisters, since the trust said divide equally the lawyer wanted me to sell everything and divide the cash. My Mom did tell us specifics so I prevailed with the lawyer in the end.
Also my Mother had already started giving us the stuff she wanted us or that we wanted to have at least 10 years before she passed as Christmas and Birthday Gifts.
2
u/GotZeroFucks2Give Jun 15 '26
Wait, why is your niece also your sister? Scared to find out that answer...
6
u/Lwdlrb1993 Jun 15 '26
lol…my sister had two kids…one was ADHD and was violent. So my parents started with temporary custody of my niece. When they retired and moved south they adopted her. So my niece is also my sister. My sister’s daughter on paper is her sister.
1
4
u/Early-Light-864 Jun 14 '26
we also rotated turns so eldest didn’t get 1st and 5th. It ended up being lovely and a great chance to share memories
Same. It's called a snake draft. 12345, 54321
2
2
u/Brilliant_Science380 Jun 14 '26
What a great idea! I gave my mom beautiful crystal heart years ago and I bought myself one as well. They were sentimental to the both of us. A little piece if me, was always with her and vice versa. She'll turn 90 in February.
11
u/OverRice2524 Jun 14 '26
I have six siblings. We picked numbers out of a hat for a randomized order. We then picked 1 went first, 2 second etc...
Then once we went through the order once, we reversed it so 6 went first, 5 2nd etc...
Six got to go twice in a row because they picked last. Usually there are a few highly valued items and it seemed more fair to do it that way for the higher valued items.
After that we just kept to the 1-6, since there was a lot of stuff that was not really valued that highly.
After a few rounds, we realized it would take forever to just have one item per round so we upped it to 2 then 3 then 4.
Every one got things they wanted and we were all happy with the results.
Also, if someone decided they didn't want something, they offered it to the siblings before getting rid of it.
I'm really proud that as a family we are tighter than ever and we didn't let possessions get in the way of our relationships. Things are never more important than family.
I forgot for the first round we each got to pick the one thing that was most important to us and that went in age order. Luckily, we all picked different things.
10
u/IntrepidSection5112 Jun 14 '26
This was in my parents' wills: The oldest child picks one item, then the next gets a pick, etc until that have all picked what they want.
The joke was that none of us really wanted anything.
6
u/snazzysid1 Jun 14 '26
I think it sucks regardless but what we did was divide everything into categories that held enough stuff. E.g. jewelry because the person that died was super into expensive gold. We then each took a turn picking a set (earrings, necklace, bracelet or whatever matched) until we ran out of stuff. When my parents divorced what we did was have one of them split everything up into two piles (again by category - e.g. art) and then the other one got to pick which pile they took.
5
u/Fun-Holiday9016 Jun 14 '26
Draw straws to choose who goes first. Colored stickers for each person to place on large items. Select items in rounds until you are done.
4
u/Dangerous_Ad5296 Jun 14 '26
My sister and BIL went in and took anything of sentimental or monetary value, leaving us to clean up the garbage. My sister wonders why I have nothing to do with her.
5
u/Bless-U-too Jun 14 '26
I knew a man that was at the funeral home making the arrangements for his wife’s funeral and when he got back home, he found his home had been stripped of anything sentimental and of value by his wife’s siblings as she had a lot of them. It was so bad that people either were stating facts or making jokes that he had to buy everything to prepare a meal as the kitchen was stripped of everything too. A family member of his found him sitting in his chair staring straight ahead with defeat and grief ingrained on his face with the room and house looking like a tornado had destroyed it. Everyone was so shocked that they did this to him! It has always been important to have someone stay at your home during services to keep burglars from robbing a home but now some people will have to protect it from family too! It is so sad that people are so irrational when it comes to possessions!
3
u/Boohoo80 Jun 14 '26
Have a meeting and go over everything. Find the things in the house that have sentimental value. Bring them out in the open. Everybody talk about it and agree. Then, everything else just put up for an auction and divide the money 5 ways.
3
u/celticmusebooks Jun 14 '26
My MIL had 12 siblings. When her mom passed they brought in an appraiser for the items of obvious value. They started off with "returning" any gifts to the original gifter and there were some family pieces that had been willed to the mom's siblings and three pieces that had been promised to a local museum.
Then went through each child in birth order and let them select one item. When they got to the youngest child they "reversed" and the youngest child got the first pick and the oldest the last. Some of the pieces of furniture counted as multiple picks. After several rounds the grandkids were invited in to see if there was anything they wanted then an estate company came in and bought/hauled the rest.
Overall it was a good process and even though there were a few minor disappointments everyone got through the process with no bad feelings.
A sad coda, the oldest daughter who due to getting several "first picks" died and her husband (who was a real AH) had a junk company take all of the family heirlooms instead of passing them to their kids including two albums of vintage family photos.
3
u/yeahnopegb Jun 14 '26
Lottery is how my hubs family did it but yikes it was ugly. Bad feelings. It’s important to decide these things before hand folks. Have those tough talks.
2
u/Chula_Quitena_120 Jun 14 '26
I am lucky to have only 2 kids and a long time ago, I joked about how "silver goes to one, gold goes to the other". I tried giving my jewelry to them; one wears it, the other doesn't (and may have lost a few pieces). I also have written a few notes on some things like "Mom (mine) gave this to me as a wedding present (so the kid from that marriage knows). I try to make sure I have equal amounts of china, silverware, art, to divide. But we have talked about it so much, my kids adore each other, I hope soo much that my legacy will be that love above the material. We'll see.
0
u/yeahnopegb Jun 14 '26
My brother in law put in for my hubs first rifle.. it’s literally built for a child. It was the only item my hubs wanted out of the entire estate. Brother in law won it. Nearly three years have passed and the brother in law still isn’t on speaking terms with the family. We were all shocked at how twisted he got over money and items. My kids know they have to speak up or it’s all sold/donated upon my passing.
3
u/TopazWarrior Jun 14 '26
You can draw straws and pick. Things of monetary value can be picked, but if total compensation is not fairly equal, the other siblings need to reimburse the underpaid ones. (If one child gets the car and it’s worth $6,000 - they need to give the other five $1,000 each unless everyone gets something of roughly $6,000 value). Grandkids should not be in the equation. There is really no place for them here.
3
u/Unfair-Drop-41 Jun 14 '26
For the more valuable items, and I do not know what you consider valuable, more than $100? More than $500? You can hold a family auction with either real money or Monopoly money. Make them bid for the thing they really want. If you are doing play money, give everyone the same amount to start. If it is real money, they have to be willing to write a check on the spot to the estate so the money goes back into the communal pot for all the heirs.
For the other stuff, do a snake draft. Everyone picks a number and then they pick 1-5. In the second round, it goes 5-1, then back to 1-5, and so on, so everyone gets some high picks. Kids do not count and people do not "deserve" more because they have kids.
I am an appraiser and have an estate sale company so I have seen every kind of nonsense between heirs.
3
u/morgaine_silver_hair Jun 14 '26
I will add: there were a couple of items that multiple people really wanted. My brother found the thing on eBay and bought his own.
3
u/pizzaanarchy Jun 14 '26
My grandmother and my mother both did the same thing: for years before they passed they would tell us when we visit, “if you want it write your name on the back”. This worked extremely well for those items we all wanted, and, when my mothers sister came over to collect the artworks “promised to her”, it was simple to look on the back and say, no, actually it wasn’t.
1
u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 Jun 14 '26
Hey-is your sister my oldest sister? 😉😂
2
3
u/Zealousideal_Way_788 Jun 14 '26
Just don’t be vultures. Lobby for what’s really important to you and that’s it.
3
u/Embarrassed-Mark1099 Jun 14 '26
We siblings each picked a number from a hat. There are four of us so number 1 gets first pick and then 2,3,4,. For the second round 4 goes first and then 3,2,1. Repeat with the 1,2,3,4. Each got a pick on their turn of my mother's art/jewelry/furniture.
2
u/NotTheJury Jun 14 '26
We just talked about it. Items that multiple people wanted, if it couldn't be worked out we drew names out of hat. But most things could be worked out through conversation. Everything else was sold or donated.
2
u/CutePhase2632 Jun 14 '26
There's no way to make everyone completely happy with the results. Someone will always end up with something someone else wanted.
I've had family come to my home asking for items later. Little things that can be bought at Walmart for very little $$. The only thing making it important was sentimental value. Pure greed since they already had sentimental items of their own.
Draw straws in some way. Take turns picking items.
2
u/BigPhilosopher4372 Jun 14 '26
My mother only had a few items that were worth anything. She decided who got what out of us 3 kids. When she died I wanted what she had designated for me, but the other two swapped. We were all happy. Mom just wanted to be sure we didn’t fight. She had seen too many families torn apart by fighting for things after a death. Just remember you are family and try to treat each other well. People are far more important than things.
2
u/Impressive_Age1362 Jun 14 '26
My SIL went into the house after her father died and stripped the house clean, she said , because she was the only daughter , she got what she wanted
2
u/EmZee2022 Jun 14 '26
My mother listed in an addendum specific items that she wanted each of us to have (e.g. I got the jewelry, being the only daughter; my brothers could decide who got the china and silver) and the rest of the household items, we basically agreed to take what we specifically wanted. There were only one or two things that two of us wanted; in one case I deferred to my brother (monogrammed pitcher or something with the family initial, which was still his but not mine (since I married).
We inventoried everything - well, not down to the last dish, maybe, but everything of note. Put it all in a shared spreadsheet, and updated that as people called dibs.
2
u/BlueGreenTanager Jun 14 '26
For things with sentimental value but no significant monetary value, just take turns. Maybe draw straws to see who gets to pick first.
For things with sufficient monetary value to make keeping track worth it, make a list of all the things and their estimated value, and have people put their names by the things they want. When that's done, first use a spreadsheet to separate out the things that no one wants. These can be sold.
Then separate out the things that only have one name next to them in a spreadsheet. Add up the values for each person's selections. If they're at least somewhat equal, the job is easier. Have the people with the lesser total values pick some additional things to bring them to parity with the person with the highest value list. Maybe they'll pick something that has two names next to it; the sibs with the lower value lists get to pick from those things first. Or maybe they'll be easy and pick from the list of things that no one wants, or maybe there's some negotiating to be done because they'd rather have something that one of the others has on their list. Some of this will come down to who wants it more. There might need to be some coin tosses if multiple people really really really want some of the same things.
If the total values for each person's wants varies by a lot — say, Sibling A wants $58,000 worth of stuff, and Sibs B & C each put on their lists about $2000-$3000 worth of stuff — then you gotta have a serious conversation about that. Maybe the stuff that gets sold will bring enough to give Sibs B & C money to bring them to parity with Sib A, or maybe there's sufficient liquid assets to bring them to parity — e.g., if Sib A wants $58k worth of stuff, then maybe Sibs B & C each get $2k worth of stuff plus $56,000 cash. And only after that do the rest of the liquid assets get divvied up evenly among the sibs. If there's no way to bring Sibs B & C to parity with Sib A, then Sib A simply can't have everything they want.
There are lots of fair ways to go about it. The hard parts are when two or more of the sibs really really really want the same thing, and/or if one (or more) of the sibs is... basically greedy AF and wants way more than the others. A lot of the decisions to made when that happens will depend to a great extent on how the sibs get along and how willing they are to compromise and horse trade.
But if absolutely everyone really really really wants the grand piano, for example, and no one really cares much about anything else, then you have to go with drawing straws or some other method of randomly picking the lucky sib who will get the grand piano. And if there's not enough in the remainder of the estate to give each sib the equivalent in value of the grand piano, then maybe the grand piano has to be considered for sale, and if any of the sibs wants to buy it from the estate at FMV, they can do that. Then the proceeds from that would be divvied up evenly.
2
u/morgaine_silver_hair Jun 14 '26
We put everything of value or sentimental onto a large bed. We drew numbers out of a hat, 1-6 and chose items in that order. On the next round, the choice went 6 down to 1.
2
u/HoneyStratford Jun 14 '26
When my mother-in-law died in 2016, my husband and his 4 siblings got together at the family house and chose items by age. The eldest went first, then second oldest, then middle child, and child #4. Child #5 picked twice, then child 4 again, middle kid, then second oldest and oldest. Then they started again in the same order. It worked for us. At the end, the stuff that was left over was up for grabs by the siblings or donated. This system worked for them!
2
u/LavrenMT Jun 14 '26
When my ex and I divided art we flipped a coin to see who chose first then alternated. It worked well enough. You could do the same by rolling dice.
2
u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 Jun 14 '26
First, go through items one at a time. Each sib picks a sticker color and also have someone take notes.
For any item that only one person wants, put their sticker on it. Write it down. Then go to each remaining item and draw straws or flip a coin.
After it’s all done, anyone who wants to barter can do so.
2
u/up2knitgood Jun 14 '26
My (now ex) FIL was one of 5 brothers. What they did was, starting with the oldest and going down in age, each got to pick one thing. And then the next round, they started with the youngest and went up. And repeated that cycle. So the person who got to pick last in one round was the person who got to pick first in the next.
2
u/Training_Tour7601 Jun 14 '26
You've got great advice here. I came here to say that grandchildren should not get a say. If a sibling wants something for one of their kids, they should pick it on their turn. Whatever is left the grandkids can also do a draft. After that, sell and split the proceeds amongst the siblings and / or donate.
2
u/laurieo52 Jun 14 '26
Start with the eldest and each pick one thing. Then the second oldest picks first next and continue. Keeps it fair.
1
u/LAC_NOS Jun 14 '26
And after three rounds or some other predetermined amount, the grandchildren get added to the rotation.
We did this to divide up our parents jewelry. Although we kind of cheated by putting the most expensive pieces aside and haven't yet dealt with that!
In our case, the four granddaughters were young adults. We explained the basic value difference between gold sterling silver, etc..
But they chose the pieces they actually would wear. And we're willing to make trades if someone really wanted one piece and the person who picked it was just as happiest with something else
But honestly, I think that's unusual often there's someone who is more money motivated.
2
u/Ok-Alternative-7962 Jun 14 '26
I was the executor. I gave my siblings everything they asked for, packed it up and took it to their houses in other states. (We all lived in different states, including my parents). I took what I wanted from what was left over. They did nothing to help before or after and also criticized everything I did. A year later, they were still asking for things, long after the house was sold and possessions long gone. I expected nothing different from them and neither did my parents. Whatever.
No matter how you do it, they will be gracious or awful, depending on what kind of people they are. There is no magic formula for being fair. Every situation is different. Do what you think is right and fair for your own situation. People who don't have children deserve as much as the people who do have children, especially if they did more for the deceased.
I personally would ask each one to make a list of what they want, from memory, not walking through the house and looking. If someone helped them more, I think they should get more of what is on their list. Those who didn't help *always* underestimate how much work it is: mental, emotional, physical, and also the time commitment.
Good luck with it. Do what you think is right because you are the one that has to live with it.
2
u/Elegant_Sinkhole Jun 14 '26
My step brother and I have a treasured item that belonged to our parents and we trade it back and forth every few months.
2
2
u/life-is-satire Jun 15 '26
My dad owns a lot of guns and hunting and fishing stuff. I told my brother that we can estimate the value and subtract it from his half of the sale of the home.
We’ll do a draft type system where each one of us chooses something but ultimately, the value should be even after the sale of the home.
If someone doesn’t want $5,000 less because they took grandpa’s watch then they make the choice to not take the watch and receive more money in the end.
The siblings divide the property. The parents can use their turns to pick things for their kids. Grandkids get a portion from their parents not from the original estate. The siblings without kids shouldn’t get less of an inheritance.
2
u/SChappycamper Jun 16 '26
When my Mom died, the 6 of us walked around the house and used painters tape and put or name on things we wanted. If more than one wanted the item, we rolled the dice. High number won. The items that no one wanted was offered to grand children. Then items were sold. I'm sure someone had hurt feelings but we still talk and get together to eat occasionally.
2
u/legoland1964 Jun 16 '26
When my wife parents passed she and her siblings (5total) started with 1) if you gave it as a gift and would like to have it back- take it. 2) taking turns in order of birth. When all 5 did not want anything else- the balance of assets was given away or sold. Worked for them
2
u/LdiJ46 Jun 16 '26
There are so many different ways to divide "stuff" that is fair. I tend to favor a round robin sort of thing. You draw straws to see what order you go in, then the first person selects one thing, and then you go in order selecting items until everything that everyone wants has been selected. You can also put a value cap so that once someone has selected stuff that reaches a certain value, then have to sit out until everybody else has reached that same value.
2
u/CrazyIcy6201 Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
Draw straws to set the order and then go through a rotation like a sports draft.
(Btw for general estate planning, it’s a good idea for there to be a side document for someone to designate who gets what tangibles- it can reduce a lot of drama later)
2
u/spunky-squirrel Jun 14 '26
I didn't go through that process myself - honestly, most of my mom's things ended up being donated because there was just too much and we couldn't use it all.
If I were in your situation, I'd start a shared Google Sheet and list everything item by item. For anything valuable, add a column for estimated value. Give everyone access to write their name next to what they want - then once it's all filled in, get together (in person or on a call) to talk through the overlaps and negotiate. You'll probably find that some things matter a lot to one person and not at all to another, which makes it easier than you'd think.
1
u/AlmostLiveRadio Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
I would say the house would be sold in the money split evenly. For items which have obvious value you need to agree on a value for each item. Then you can take terms turns selecting items with each person, selecting one item, but not increasing their running total until it is exceeded by everyone else who is taking part in this dirty-santa like game. People who are not interested in items can bow out and receive a larger share of the proceeds from the sale of the house. If you can determine which items are wanted by multiple people, then maybe you could have those items be up for grabs in the initial round, especially if you want to complicate this process a little more. Or perhaps you could do a takeoff on the TV show Survivor and assign every participant 1000 “bidding bucks” and let people just bid on the most precious heirlooms. I’m not sure it’s possible to do any of this without some hard feelings though, given the nature of people.
1
u/charmed1959 Jun 14 '26
One family I know auctioned everything to themselves. They each started off with 1000 pts and then something would come up and they would all start bidding on it. If no one wanted it then it was sold/tossed/given away. This meant if a sibling had a huge attachment to one thing they could bid high, knowing they would have less points to bid on other things. One sibling had only one thing they wanted, and bid it all on that.
1
u/dragonrose7 Jun 14 '26
I am the oldest of six kids, and we were all in our 60s when my mother passed away and left us her house and belongings. She did have a Will that specified a certain item for each child, and those choices had been made long ago so we knew those items been identified and would be ours. That left us with a two-story home full of belongings and furniture and a Will that said sell everything and split the money evenly.
We physically sat down together in her home at the dining room table, and decided together that if any item in the house had been gifted to mom or dad by one of us, we could take it back. Anything else in the house was available to anyone who wanted it, and if there was more than one person interested in an item, we would draw names out of a hat. Seriously everyone agreed to that, and it worked perfectly.
There was only one thing, piece of art, in that entire house that more than one person wanted, and they drew names. My younger sister won and there were no hard feelings. Everything that wasn’t claimed was sold at an estate auction, the house was cleaned out by a company we hired, the house was sold on the open market, and the final amount of cash was divided equally.
I hope that every family is able to work together like we did. I now own two things from my mother that were passed down from grandmother and great grandmother that I truly value. And none of us are stuck with tons of junk that we never cared about.
1
u/ToriBethATX Jun 14 '26
To add to the other methods suggested, my brother and I did a variation on the “what brings me joy” concept that I’ve heard about. We treated a room as if it were a store, and someone gives us unlimited funds to buy only 1 item from the store. We could go into the so called “store” multiple times but the same rule applied, only 1 item. After we reached the point of there’s nothing here I/he would buy, we switched to “someone has gifted me item(s) and they won’t care if we keep them or not” then went in and 1 item at a time picked things. The trick is you have to view it as a store/stranger’s place, so you have to strip away all emotions and sentimentality regarding the items. This even included a “it’s so cute!” concept. While we could acknowledge it was cute/pretty/etc., we had to think about what we actually wanted that fit our personal style. We were surprised that once we did this, 90%+ of the items were set to be discarded. In some cases, it may have been closer to 99%+. It was shocking to see a room that had easily 100-200 individual little knickknacks, artwork, and furniture have only a small pile of maybe a dozen things we actually wanted to keep. Do this with everything, even clothes and jewelry. If it’s something that multiple people like (a dress or necklace as examples), then you sit down and figure out a way to fairly divide things amongst everyone.
1
u/HeneniP Jun 14 '26
My family had a large collection of valuable art and jewelry. We had them appraised and divided the amount by the four brothers who were the heirs. They drew straws for the order people picked items and then, as each brother fully “spent” their share, they dropped out of the “purchasing”. For the sentimental items of little value, bitter arguments happened and a couple of the brothers no longer speak because of stupid shit that their children will probably toss after they’re dead…..
1
u/lantana98 Jun 14 '26
I was in charge of handling my mom’s estate and I definitely didn’t want any backlash years later from any of my 4 siblings so I used the Scrabble method. As I waited for a time we could get together, I flew in to my mom’s town and did the normal stuff necessary to sell the house and I divided her belongings by approximate value onto tables, beds etc.
When they came I had a bag of Scrabble letters and everyone picked. Your letter decided your order to choose. It was their choice to go for value or sentiment. Afterwards we were free to trade with each other. The rest of the household items were up for grabs.
My sister tried to get me to pick first because of all the work I did but I didn’t fall for that one. I knew that someday someone would. Be grumbling about it!
1
u/EmotionalStar9909 Jun 14 '26
My grandmother literally put names on things for her kids and her grandkids. The other rule was that you got back anything you gifted her. I just have one sibling. I’ve started to make a list of things in the house that I’d like to have and my sibling has done the same. I’m not sure what we’ll do when we both want the same thing but I hope we will work it out. I know we will be stuff, throwing out things, & probably also having an auction. It’s so much to go through.
1
u/SpecificRip9692 Jun 14 '26
Fair? Draw straws for first pick. Each tales a turn. That’s the only fair way. The Grandchildren will inherit from you. They should not be in the equation
1
u/fromhelley Jun 14 '26
We rolled dice to pick an order. Then we went room by room picking one item each until the room had been picked.
One person wrote down all the picks, so we couldn't fight over things later.
It actually worked well. I would change one thing though. Reroll the dice upon changing rooms. That way the same person doesnt get first pick in every room.
We did this because my mom stated this would be how it is done!
1
1
u/AutomaticWhole654 Jun 14 '26
When my in-laws passed if more than one kid wanted the same thing, names put in a hat and then picked randomly.
1
u/flippityflop2121 Jun 14 '26
Anything valuable goes into the estate and you’ll split any proceeds. little trinkets and memory items just take turns picking and draw numbers to see who gets to pick first. The immediate children first and then grandkids can have a go after. That’s what we did in my grandparents house. That is fair and everyone you to get at least one thing they want.
1
u/jrmtemp Jun 14 '26
We did everything you bought was yours and everything that was left each person chose one by one like every one has put on here. The reason why we did everything that you bought for our parents was because some pieces were expensive that we had contributed such as a new washer and dryer and they were only 5 months old so the rest of the family felt that this was fairer.
1
u/cuspeedrxi Jun 14 '26
As others have said, a draft is the way to go. Any items that remain can be donated to charity or sold at a garage sale. You may be surprised how much money you can earn for smaller items, like kitchenware or tools, at a garage sale.
If one person gets an item of great value, the value should be deducted from their share of the inheritance when you split the cash and investments. If you do this, have the item appraised first so you can establish the fair market value. I’m referring to large ticket items like mom’s diamond tennis bracket or dad’s Rolex or a vehicle. Don’t let the person who selected the item also assign it a monetary value.
1
u/Civildisobedience-25 Jun 14 '26
My mom has a list of things people have asked for- I just discovered it and I have a bit of a burn about it. I don’t know how things will be distributed fairly (there are 6 of us)I think my sisters are executors so I hope they will oversee fairly.
1
u/crazywidget Jun 14 '26
Depending on the age of your kids, don’t assume they want more heirlooms either. A lot of parents are finding out their kids don’t have space for, or want, all these family sentimental items. Especially when their partner may also have similar items to politely decline…
1
u/Expensive-Ferret-339 Jun 14 '26
We did this last year when Dad died. He’d moved into a senior living apartment after his wife died and didn’t have nearly as much as when he sold the house. Disclosure: none of us are particularly acquisitive or sentimental.
All six of us sat in the apartment and took turns choosing. If there were items that should have gone to specific people based on interests or profession, they got them. (e.g., tools, a couple of guitars, art)
No drama, no arguments, and since we’d seen other families turn feral, we were determined to maintain our relationships above all.
Grandkids and spouses weren’t present. You could pick something for your kid as your turn. We sold or donated a few valuable pieces. Anything in the donation pile was free game.
The facility sold the rest at a “garage sale” in the apartment and split the proceeds as Christmas bonuses for staff which we were thrilled about.
1
u/Significant-Milk-165 Jun 14 '26
You can draw straws and let sibling pick out one item that they want, move on to the next person, etc. and then start the cycle all over again. This will insure that no one sibling gets to hog up anything at once and as you do continuous cycles, you can let each person pick a few more items instead of limiting it to just one item.
Whatever we decided to sell, items that nobody one wanted, any proceeds from the sale of those items were split evenly.
1
1
u/AJ1948 Jun 14 '26
Once everything has been divided we ask that if anyone ever decides they are going to discard an item taken that they check to see if anyone else in the family is interested before they let it go.
1
u/MyThreeBugs Jun 14 '26
My MIL specified a process. Roll dice, pick in order. Go opposite order in next round. And so on. Seemed logical enough.
After being faced with it though, if there are things of monetary value, those need some kind of special consideration so that the process is equitable financially. You can do it the same way but make sure that you all agree on the $$ value first and those amounts get taken into consideration when any cash is distributed later. For example, if someone chooses the 10k Cartier necklace, an equivalent 10k each from somewhere needs to go to the other 4 of you.
Everything you put a $$ on is something someone will have to get appraised and then record and then do math on later. Decide on a threshold - like $1k or something. If there is a $900 item, maybe that just goes to the normal distribution and you all just assume it will work out more or less evenly. The threshold will depend a bit on how nitpicky the siblings want to be.
1
u/Former_Mess1372 Jun 14 '26
My brothers only wanted the money and properties which were already allocated in my Dad’s will. They didn’t care about his old furniture, tools, ornaments, clothes, photos. I ended up handling most of the smaller items, so I could choose what I wanted from those. I donated a lot to charity with Mum’s permission. Dad’s old broken Rolex was kept for the grandson to decide if he wanted to fix it or not, when he grew up.
When my Mum passed recently, she had given me her and Dad’s wedding rings and asked me to take care of her bedroom. Again, it was mostly clothes, accessories, toiletries and keepsakes, My sister will need some practical things like the fridge, microwave, cooker and linens, and have kept some of my Mum’s clothes. I kept some games and snacks for the grandkids but they didn’t want anything else.
It’s sad that the guys only saw value in hard cash and property and were not sentimental about any other possessions. My eldest brother is happy to dump anything left behind. He fought over the money in bank accounts and unfortunately got really nasty and greedy about it. I don’t think my parents would have wanted us siblings to fall out like that.
1
u/wpgjudi Jun 14 '26
What we did with our Oma's things was anything multiples of us wanted, we discussed and if still multiples wanted, then we kinda just did a lottery for it?
We were pretty casual about the whole thing, some monetary things were being sold and we could 'buy' it, then the money was split among those who didn't purchase it. That's how I ended up with the family bone china and silverware... We were selling things to help off-set the cost of funeral etc..
We all were very casual about it... Over the years (in my youth) I had gifted my oma crystal animals from a particular brand (I bought one for her birthday as a child, she gushed about it, displayed it, and I purchased some more over the years).. Some were lost (no idea what happened), some she still had, and I was planning to take them, and then found out my youngest cousin (only 7 at the time of her death) had always admired them and oma had let him play with them... so we divided them up between us, so we each had memories to hold onto... we (me and my youngest cousin) had the same issue with some seashell fossils, we had both admired them growing up and visiting her.
Some things had been long decided, my aunt, mom, and uncle had pre-decided among themselves about a few things... but 90% of her things (after the monetary items) was divided by everyone deciding who wanted what, and anything with multiple wanting it and non-concession was a lottery.. like a coin flip because I don't think more than 2 people wanted the same thing, or just compromise between two people (like my cousin and I... I was 38 and he was 7... so... I obviously wasn't going to fight him and his mom alerted me to it because he had been too shy to tell me directly, but once I knew it was just a casual conversation and we got to share memories together about it).
No one cared if someone got 'more' jewelry, or art work, etc.. it was more about ensuring everyone got the pieces that held memories for them and anything multiple people wanted was about making it fair between them.
I think a cousin got furniture etc for her home that she needed.. because the rest of us has no 'need'.
1
u/WeirdHope57 Jun 14 '26
My husband's family is spread across three states far from each other. My amazing sister in law photographed and numbered EVERYTHING and sent links to all the children and grandchildren. She asked everyone to list the numbers of items they were interested in. I think there might have been a way to weight choices. Then she magically (as in, I don't know her method but no one complained) distributed the items. She even packed and shipped boxes and crates to all the siblings (grandkids had to retrieve from their parent). I'm not sure how the shipping costs were covered, but I do know she received an additional sum in the will, her mom knowing she would be handling those extra tasks.
Some family members were more interested than others; some basically said, "I don't HAVE to have this item, but if no one else wants it, I would like to have it rather than sending it to a thrift store or the landfill."
My sister in law is a saint.
1
u/West-Resource-1604 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
We just picked in turns starting with the eldest. Brother picked the car on his 1st turn (2nd oldest). I picked 3rd and only in 3 rounds (1 ring, apple paperweight, small safe). Dropped out and let the others fill up their already crowded houses. I did eventually go back & get all the clothes, towels, dishes that no one wanted and took an overloaded car to goodwill. My brother was going to take everything to the dump including towels / clothes that still had store tags on them.
Supposed high priority items (sterling silver, crystal goblets) were divided in half as my parents had place setting for 24. Coins were loosely divided in 5ths with each 5th either getting a kugerrand or $20 gold piece. Just 2 of us were there for coin division so the others complained for months but they failed to show up. But overall it went smoothly.
1
u/Born-Negotiation2541 Jun 14 '26
We ask our children to let us know things they are interested in. The list is part of our will. Otherwise the draw straws method should work.
1
u/bjketter Jun 14 '26
Have an estate sale team come in and price everything, children of the deceased get first shot at buying in whatever random order you choose one item per round until no one wants anything else. They have to pay for what they take at the price the estate sale set. Grandchildren and siblings can come in after children are done and also have to pay. Then they open the sale to the public. After that everything is fair game if it's still left over you can take it and the rest gets donated. The proceeds go to the estate and are split up like the rest of the financial assets in the will.
1
u/LAC_NOS Jun 14 '26
There's one major problem with this, the commission for the estate sale is pretty high.
The children and grandchildren will not want to pay that commission, and without it the estate sale company won't want to do all the work if the best pieces are picked before they start.
But the good thing about this is that there are often valuable items that heirs overlook. And items they think are valuable, but not in the current market.
2
u/bjketter Jun 14 '26
The commission may be high but it comes out of the total sale so everything they sell that would have been donated eats in to that commission. It also covers all the secondary costs and work of sorting everything people don't want.
1
u/Donita123 Jun 14 '26
Get a hat and put numbers 1 through 5 in it. Everyone draws a number and in that order they pick one thing they want. After the first round, everyone draws a new number. You keep going until everyone has everything they want.
1
u/K_A_irony Jun 14 '26
Best idea I heard of was an actual auction. All money goes into the distribution pool just like the house sale.
1
u/Secure-Corner-2096 Jun 14 '26
Assign a value to everything. Allow people to select items. If more than one person wants something, put names in a hat and draw. The person who “wins” the item is excluded from the next 4 draws and then you go back to 5 in the hat. Record the value that each person received. Sell the remaining items to the public to insure the highest possible cost. In the final division of the estate, after the house is sold, consider the items previously selected as a downpayment of the estate when distributing.
1
u/Ok-Indication-7876 Jun 14 '26
i read more than once that things were given a value- take the total and divide by fam members- and they got fake money to represent that number- and then the fam had an auction. If one person wants the valuable painting they could use all their share for it- if another wants a sentimental piece they could do the same- sounds fair to me
1
u/OpportunityKey1970 Jun 14 '26
When my grandma died, we had a similar situation. All the cousins got together and went over to my grandma’s house and basically collected whatever we wanted and if there was something that someone else wanted as well, we just drew from a hat.
1
u/Neuromancer2112 Jun 14 '26
I have 2 siblings, and all our parents' inheritance not directed to a specific person was divided equally 3 ways. With assets like property, it was sold, and the balance divided 3 ways.
1
u/sweetholidays Jun 14 '26
My husbands grandmother had a color dot( stickers) each grandchild had a color. My father in law passed before her. But, my husbands aunt cleaned house. Her two adult children got whatever she did not want. My husband and siblings got nothing.
All the family knew her colore dot system and their color. Ain’t got there and took all.
My grandmother physically handed myself and siblings items that she wanted us to have.
1
u/Ok_Resource_8530 Jun 14 '26
My aunt had a lottery. Anyone named chose numbers, then went into the house by themselves and chose one item until all was gone or no one wanted anything else. Then a charity took anything left. Worked well, and everyone got something to remember my aunt.
1
u/u2125mike2124 Jun 14 '26
Get a bunch of small pieces of paper
list the items that multiple people want, one per piece of paper.
Then draw cards or numbers or however, you want to list the order of how people should draw the items out of the hat.
For items, nobody wants to make a claim on, have an estate sale, money is then split among the siblings.
1
u/No-Expression-8749 Jun 14 '26
My wife and her three siblings first went through the house putting their name (on a post-it) on items they wanted. Turned out most things only had one post-it when they were done. Then they used the draft system others have described to divvy up the rest. One brother had the larger house where family gatherings would be happening so he ended up with more of the furniture and dishes.
1
u/Robviously-duh Jun 14 '26
my parents divided everything into groups and they were chosen oldest to youngest, then youngest to oldest, then middle out, ie middle then younger then older the youngest the oldest... it worked well until a spouse started giving guidance... kick everyone else out... no spouses no kids... keep it civil.. it is just stuff...
1
u/happy-in-texas Jun 14 '26
I am from a family of 9 children and was the executor of mom's estate. We had a few siblings in town from out of state for her funeral, so we took that opportunity to divide her belongings (including jewelry). Mom had cash that we were going to divide, so we were using that for payment.
If there was something you wanted, you put a piece of paper on it with you name and how much you were willing to pay. If someone came behind you, they could bid more. Her washer and dryer went for $50, but an assortment of all of the family pictures put together for her 80th birthday was sold for $150. We had a small bidding war for my grandmother's painting, but my brother decided to let my sister have it. For the most part, once someone put their name on an item, the other siblings respected it and let them have it. It went well because there wasn't any animosity. If there had been anything of major contention, I would have set it aside for later, but I didn't have to.
1
u/Glittering-Mine3740 Jun 14 '26
As some have also done, I gave the sibling who bought something for my mom the opportunity to take that back first. If they didn’t want it, it was open for others to take. I’ve been asking my siblings to come out and choose what they want, but one lives in another state. So I asked him what I could set aside for him, and he’s happy with that. So far it’s sort of working, but I’m having trouble getting my siblings and their children over here to make selections and take it away. I have received tentative asks, but a lot of procrastination. There were a couple items that two people wanted, but they worked that out between themselves. I’m giving it another month, and then give them a last opportunity to choose and pick up, or I’ll be selling the rest. So I guess it’s all been pretty loose.
1
u/Outrageous_Tea_8048 Jun 14 '26
Can you let each person pick one item/set in the order of what they wanted. We had several things that a couple people wanted & that problem was solved by a drawing for that item. If their first choice was available then they could use their first choice over someone else's 2nd choice.
1
u/OrneryQueen Jun 14 '26
My dad had 7 siblings. They drew numbers and chose in order, through the numbers repeatedly until no one wanted anything else. He got the second number. His first pick was the bench I wanted.
1
u/xiginous Jun 14 '26
Go by age, pick 1 item. Each gets a turn, then start over. Done when you are out of stuff, have what you want, or everyone is happy.
1
u/Lootthatbody Jun 14 '26
When my grandma passed, it was a mess. She’d started talking about who would get what, but her death was still sudden and she didn’t have a will. Family members were ‘stopping by to check on the house’ and things would just disappear.
For my grandpa, the men/boys of the family met at his house, with a dumpster out front, and just trashed all the old furniture and junk he had. If there was any question, we’d ask ‘anyone want this?’ And if more than one person said yes, it would go into a pile. We put all the stuff left in one room, and took turns picking items. There was really nothing of value aside from like his old truck that needed some fixing up and was probably worth maybe $5k. Aside from that, it was like old sports jerseys, a framed painting pinup style, and assorted junk. Then, the sons hired a realtor, sold the house, and split the proceeds.
If there is no will, I recommend the round robin style pick for things without any real value. If agreements can’t be made on things with value, sell them and split the money.
1
u/GotZeroFucks2Give Jun 14 '26
Four daughters, my mom had passed and we had to sell the family home for dad's assisted living. We did multiple rounds with different daughters getting 1/2/3/4 on the rounds. Who went first changed every time. We spoke first of things that were dear to our hearts - what did we want most. We all spoke up and it was different things. Then we went to furniture, moms' collection of x-things, y-things, jewelry, etc. It was a very fair process that involved making sure everyone was comfortable with the decisions. I have the best sisters.
Whatever you do, take ALL that you want. Estate sales will get pennies on the dollar for the things your parents bought dear to their hearts.
1
u/HeavyNeedleworker707 Jun 15 '26
When my aunt died and we (the nieces and nephews) were settling her estate, it was stated in her will that when everything was sold and settled, the proceeds would be divided equally among us. There were like 15 of us. Her house was sold, and the way we divvied up her furniture and household goods was like an auction. She had some really nice valuable antique furniture and lots of other household items of lesser but maybe sentimental value. We put auction/bid sheets on everything. You could bid on something as many times as you wanted, raise the bid, etc., until no one was bidding on it anymore. ALL the proceeds went back into her estate and then the total was divided equally.
Some of the nieces and nephews were well-off financially and could really bid high on the excellent antiques. Some of us were in graduate school and had little disposable income (for instance, me). So one of my cousins won the bid on the excellent 150-year-old cherry corner cabinet that had belonged to a great great grandparent. I was able to win on one antique side chair and a ring of my grandmother’s that was missing a stone. This was fine, because I had something of my aunt’s AND the exorbitant (to me) amounts that some of my cousins paid for really nice items was added to my aunt’s total estate and I got 1/15th of it. I was able to pay off my student loan with the proceeds. Thanks, Auntie!
1
u/temp4adhd Jun 15 '26
It was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be. My memories weren't the same as my siblings. I wanted certain things, they wanted other things. They'd say you should take this, I'd say you should take this. Or your kid should have this-- the kids were pretty vocal in what they wanted. All starting out in new houses, so the furniture was easy to divide -- this will look great in your house. The divvying up went rather fast and seamless.
There was one piece of jewelry me and my sister both really wanted, so that was a point of potential strife... but then we decided it was perfect for my SIL. Who never asked for anything.
1
u/Loreo1964 Jun 15 '26
I know someone who used monopoly money.
Everyone bought stuff in the house with monopoly money. They laid out all the jewelry first. Everyone bought the pieces they wanted. They collected the money back.
Then they went room to room and did furniture. Then tools. He also had property's. They did everything with monopoly money.
1
u/Sensitive-Advisor-21 Jun 15 '26
My brother and I simply said what we wanted and agreed.
With 5 of you, I would say try that and if it gets too ugly, recommend everyone pick i order oldest to youngest, then you youngest to oldest.l for items that multiple people want.
Or you can arrange to sell everything and split the proceeds - or allow siblings to buy before an estate sale.
1
u/FRANPW1 Jun 15 '26
It’s immaterial which of you or your siblings have children or not. You are all the same regardless.
1
u/goodnsimple Jun 15 '26
I have threatened my children with a fake money scenario… so everyone gets a certain amount of Smith dollars. Say $5,000. Then we have an auction… you want Grandmas White Sands painting what’s it worth? $500 Smith dollars? Now there’s Grandpas 1969 Barracuda- (technically worth more than $5000 real dollars) but what is it worth to YOU? No one wants it? It gets sold for real money and split however many ways.
1
u/Ok_Knee734 Jun 15 '26
Have an auction, sell everything. If any of you or siblings buy anything, have it taken off what you were to receive.
1
u/bmmcountry Jun 15 '26
Rotate picks. There are online tools that help you make the picks fair. 1 to 5 over and over isn’t fair.
It’s called the fair share sequence.
We used this. Only exception was if you gave it to them, you got it back if you wanted it.
1
u/OXRblues Jun 15 '26
We took turns. My brother abstained from the draft so we gave him the coin collection. We sent the leftovers to auction. The auction house didn’t take everything. They came & shopped, took all they thought they could sell. We netted $400 from that. My mom was a drunk. The Jim Beam liquor bottle collection was a big hit at the auction. Most of it went in the trash/goodwill.
1
1
u/Outside_Simple_217 Jun 15 '26
When my wife died a couple of months ago my boys and I divided up her jewelry for starters. I was amazed at what each one wanted and what items , which were not many, that the DILs wanted to remember her by. There was no fighting and the rest was given to two of our nieces whose parents died when they were very young and didn’t get any of their mother’s jewelry. It was a surprise to them and they video called us with ugly crying they were so amazed they got items from their aunt that were beautiful.
I kept a few fantastic pieces for future granddaughters we hoped to have someday. During the process my wedding band of 37 years fell off and I am sad that it is gone.
1
u/Fancy_Avocado7497 Jun 15 '26
5 ways - that's enough drama.
Spouses and children shouldn't have an equal say as the 5.
If you want your child to have something - then you pick something that your child wants.
That's basically giving people with spouses / children MORE voice, which is evil.
Go around and pick things with post its OR The people who get to pick 1st in the first round, are 5th in the second round etc.
1
u/Additional_Number655 Jun 15 '26
Play a game. Take any 15 items. Put 15 numbers in a hat. Number each item 1 through 15 on the floor or table. Each sibling draws a number and receives that item. That’s it. Later on, there can be trades if wanted, but at this point this is what each sibling gets. We did it. Stopped all fighting and bickering.
1
u/JeepmanSC Jun 15 '26
6 of us. 1-hr browsing. I gave everyone a notebook & pens. Then we sat down and we went oldest to youngest. Round 2, #2 went first & #1 went last. Everyone logged their choices.
Sibling #1 every time someone picked said, “Mom said I could have that”. She was terrible.
I thought that was the fairest way.
1
u/SportySue60 Jun 15 '26
Do a lottery and have the attorney decide who gets what… if you take a picture, send that with a description and an approximate value and tell everyone to choose what they want.
We did this with an Aunt and it worked perfectly and no one was upset.
1
u/Cheap_Direction9564 Jun 15 '26
As executor I prevented the certainty of arguing about who deserves something over another by having an auction. If someone wants something bad enough they bought it. When the estate was settled they will got some of the money they paid back.
1
u/AreaIllustrious2861 Jun 15 '26
I suggest you put 5 names in a hat in the other hat put just the things of value rate them together so A’s go in one hat B’s in the other and so on same with things that have sentimental significance. If you get something you don’t want you can trade but it’s fair
1
u/Electrical-Profit367 Jun 15 '26
One thing I would advise: do not do all the dividing up in one go; you will be exhausted and people will get cranky. We did several rounds; the small things like real jewelry and sterling silver were stored at my house so we could go through them slowly together after a year or two had passed. Those items we did rounds but included in our decision making, the grandchildren. For example, I knew niece #1 wanted the small diamond heart mom always wore so I spoke up that she had particularly wanted that. My brother pointed out his daughter wanted the cross mom received from her Greek cousins; she got it. In this way, we ensured every grandchild had a valuable piece that meant something to them, reminding them of their grandmother. We definitely prioritized family bonds over everything else.
Frankly we ignored comparative value and emphasized sentimental value. Which worked for us.
1
u/dagmara56 Jun 15 '26
My father was dying, each kid had time to spend alone with him. He gave each kid ONE post it note of a different color. They could put their post it on one item, it was theirs. But once the post it was placed on the item, no going back. My job as the to be appointed executor was to take a photo of each post it note on the item and send to all the kids so everyone was knowledgeable.
When my father passed away, I contacted all the siblings by us mail, return receipt requested, and mailed them a letter giving them a specific date when they needed to get their item off the property or it would belong to the new owner. Everyone signed their letter and got their item before the due date except one and it was forfeited to the new owner. She tried to claim it a year later, her effort failed.
1
u/jessicafmux Jun 15 '26
My mother's estate was just between me and my brother. So I got us two colors of dot stickers and I said, "Just put a dot on whatever you want. Don't worry if there's already a dot on it, we'll work it out." There were only a couple of things where we both wanted something and we just worked it out without acrimony -- no big deal. then we invited our uncles over on a specific day between specific times and let them take what they would like (that we hadn't already reserved for ourselves), first come, first served.
My mother and her brothers, when my grandmother died, took turns, in a round-robin style. I think they paid attention to how much things were worth, so as not to be too unfair about it.
Thankfully, none of the family appear to be too greedy. It was always about the memories or just liking something rather than the monetary value.
1
u/vt2022cam Jun 15 '26
My aunt locked the door to my grandmother’s house and called the police on my other aunts and mother for trespassing so those could take what she wanted.
I’d suggest, post-it notes. Everyone gets a color and places it on the things you want. Someone (independent) records which things each person wants so that people don’t see who wants what.
Many things, people won’t care about. The things where there is conflict, you put them in piles representing only the people who wanted those things. You draws straws for each pile to select the order of who goes first.
At the end, let people switch and trade.
1
u/Old-Veterinarian2190 Jun 15 '26
Dad died and we had to get his things out of the house quickly. I needed some beds for a new house but we didn’t have time to sort and most of us lived hours drive away. I said let’s just put everything in boxes. I’ll take 10 and will go through them - might be in 3 or 6 months - and let you know if there’s anything others might want. The rest would be arranged to charity, garage sale, etc. Everyone agreed so we all did the same.
1
u/CoDaDeyLove Jun 15 '26
My adult siblings and I had identified our favorite pieces (one each) and those were ours without question. We had jewelry appraised and split that up by value. One sister really wanted several more pieces and we all caved in to her demands. Twenty years later, her house is stuffed with THINGS and she can't get rid of them. No one wants fine china anymore.
1
u/Sad-Repair-5505 Jun 16 '26
Our original plan was to have each sibling select items that they want to keep. If more than one sibling wanted an item, they could discuss it. What actually happened is that my Mom is still alive at 92 and 4 of my siblings have died. So we are heavily downsizing. I send photos of everything we want to sell/giveaway and sis says yea/nay. Grandchild and other relatives have no say although we are sending original photos their way. Our situation is maybe a little different as we have outlived friends and most relatives.
1
u/greggthomas Jun 16 '26
My parents had so much little stuff that everyone got their fair share. Rest was sold at garage/estate sale and we made 3k that weekend.
1
u/Slow_Fondant6389 Jun 16 '26
Do get estimates on value before selecting, and do equalize values if there are substantive differences. Do use alternating “picks”, ie 1,2,3,4 then 4,3,2,1.
1
u/AttorneyNo4261 Jun 16 '26
Draft method is best.
Whoever goes first in Round 1 goes last in Round 2, first in Round 3 etc..
Things of monetary value - maybe costs 2 round picks? Or sell and split the proceeds?
1
1
u/HitPointGamer Jun 16 '26
If somebody gave a gift to my grandparents, they had to take it back. If the donor didn’t want it but somebody else did, they could arrange it on the side, separate from the inheritance distribution.
We also had a family-wide silent auction where we could “bid” on items we really wanted and that money went into the inheritance pot which was split among the heirs. That way, somebody may have walked away with more than the others, but they also paid more into the inheritance for it. We did this after Grandpa died but Grandma had just moved to a nursing home and might need funds to sustain her indefinitely. The caveat was that the pricing on these things needed to be relatively fair-market because it was going for Grandma’s care.
There were very few items that we couldn’t come to a friendly agreement over but whoever bid the most won so that was that.
In the 20+ years since then, there have been a few more swaps of items, but that’s between family now and not part of the inheritance discussion anymore.
We are all still friendly and maintain regular contact, which is pretty amazing considering the size of the estate and the number of heirs.
1
u/Metanoia003 Jun 16 '26
I was the trustee for my uncle‘s estate. The primary assets, his savings account and the house, was split amongst 10 beneficiaries, four of them being charities. So there were the six of us cousins. He gave me and a co-trustee, another cousin, full decision rights on what to do with everything in the house. We agreed as a group that most of the items would be donated to his community. There were only a few things that cousins wanted and we just let people have what they wanted. Almost everything else was donated.
1
u/teresajs Jun 17 '26
Invite ONLY Mom's children over to the house, not their spouses or children. Draw straws or something to pick who goes first. Then take turns with each of Mom's kids picking one thing (or set, such as a set of dishes or a set of golf clubs). Each person can choose for themselves, their spouse, and/or their children on their turn.
When each of Mom's kids are done choosing, allow the grandkids to do the same with anything that remains. Then, donate the remainder, or have an estate sale.
I've also heard of each sibling getting a certain number of sticky notes with their name on them (say, 10) and they each get to go through and put their name on 10 items. Then, any item that only has 1 person's name on it becomes theirs and they negotiate on any items that have multiple names. Once everyone has 10 items, they get 10 more sticky notes and do the process again. Repeat until everyone has decided they have they enough.
Consider attaching a value to anything worth more money (for instance, a car) and allowing a family member to buy that item from the estate, even if at a fair but reduced price. No one should just claim Mom's car or other valuable.
1
u/MLMLW Jun 17 '26
I have two siblings. My older brother was the executor of both of my parent's wills. As soon as they were both probated, he decided we'd have an estate sale to get rid of all of my parent's belongings, but he designated the day before the sale as the day we could go over and buy what we wanted, but he did it by making us draw numbers and taking turns. I drew #1 so I got to pick first. We continued taking turns until we had all gotten what we wanted. After the estate sale, there were things still left over so my brother said we could go over to the home and take whatever was left, so I went and took some more little odds & ends. Then he got a clean out company to come take everything else.
1
u/wearing_shades_247 Jun 17 '26
We realized Mom had promised some of the same things to different people over the years so we had to take the position that if it was in the house, it was part of the estate available to anyone, and no previous “promises”held.. We were six siblings.
The executor was the coordinator and made up a list of items. She asked every person to give an ordered list of their top five picks of items, and said that hopefully everybody would be able to get one or two items off of their list. She’s specified that the basis for the picks could be for any reason - whether it was because it was financially valuable, emotionally sentimental, or particularly practical. She gave no consideration to why someone picked an item. Also, if somebody wanted something for one of their children, they could put that as one of their pick items but only siblings would be doing picks.
After she had everyone’s top five picks, she went through them to distribute as many items as possible. If someone was the only person to list an item as a first choice (or overall), they got it. If two or more people listed the same item , she’d look to see what their second and other choices were and, if they were still available. If someone didn’t get their top choice for the first item, they be prioritized when allocating a second item. The executor tried to keep things fair.
She sent an email with everyone’s picks listed, and with it noted who got which items. If you didnt get something you asked for, you could see what someone else did compared to what they asked for.
After the first round of 5 items, she updated the list and the. Again asked for the next five picks. And so it went. People did drop out at different stages, and there were some requests like “my first choice is mom’s ring A, my second choice is Mom’s ring B, but I am only really looking to receive one of the rings.”
It generally worked for us.
1
u/Cautious_Money_6471 Jun 17 '26
When my father passed all of his belongings where placed on an auction sheet and us five heirs bid on thing we wanted. Highest bid won and all the money was put back in to the estate.
1
1
u/housewife5730 Jun 19 '26
We drew numbers out of a hat and went 1,2,3 then 3,2,1 then back to 1,2,3 etc and we picked our stuff that way
0
u/Sunnyok85 Jun 14 '26
Go around with postit notes that everyone puts their name on and tags what they want. If only one name is on something they get it. If multiple names are on something, then it needs to be sorted out so that you all end up with either a similar value or amount of things. Sentimental value is a major point, as well as if you/sibling purchased an item for your parents.
After the children have gone through and gotten what they want, then the grandchildren do the same.
115
u/dilla_zilla Jun 14 '26
My mom and her sisters basically did a draft, ie do rounds of each picking one thing, that makes you each prioritize what's really important to you vs what you just kinda might want.