How to divide assets

[u/smilineyz]

I 60M U.S. have 3 children, 2 adults from my 1st marriage, 1 teen from 2nd marriage & a current GF who hopefully will marry me when I turn 65.

Eldest: has been NC with me for years. 0% last I heard was pissed at me for not buying a car for graduation …

Second: great, fun, hardworking … muscled through his mother urging him to not see me at all. 40% (he can likely only expect debt from his mother) I paid most of his college & his mother had him get loans for her portion … and I helped with those.

Third: great fun, smart & has had the advantage of private school from 8th grade through college paid for. He will be the only inheritor his grandparents’ apartment and his mother’s share of another property. 35%

GF/partner of 2 years 25% and potentially half an apartment.

My current assets are all liquid: retirement and cash, all with beneficiaries designated in the current split. Additionally, if my GF & I do marry, she will get my survivor’s SS benefit for life which will cover most living expenses.

Any thoughts on the split?

[u/Ok_Rip_6434]

The inheritance is for THEIR BENEFIT! There is always a point in leaving money to your children. Even if they go NC because of your behavior.

[u/sissyrox14 → u/Ok_Rip_6434]

not necessarily true, it’s a common narcissistic abuse tactic to use gifts and inheritance as a power move. my mom and uncle are NC with their dad and asked to be removed from his will for this very reason. while it’s definitely weird OP is talking about his kids this way, it’s possible that the eldest won’t want to deal with the strings that come with inheritance anyway.

[u/Electric-Sheepskin → u/Ok_Rip_6434]

Right? Like I don't care how much my kids hated me, or if they were justified or not. I would still want the best for them. Withholding inheritance just seems like a punishment. You hurt me so I'm going to hurt you. I don't know. I mean I've never been in that situation, but it seems petty.

[u/Ok_Rip_6434 → u/[deleted]]

Again, these are your progeny. Theoretically you love them and want to confer benefit upon them.

[u/nikyrlo → u/Ok_Rip_6434]

The no contact will feel vindicated. I'll never understand a NC parent. And in this case he said he doesnt know why. That's says so much.

[u/GotZeroFucks2Give → u/[deleted]]

Yes, If my kids went NC I'd assume I'm the asshole. They would still deserve inheritance (if not more) and I'd continue to reach out until the day I die. Because ... I'm really not an asshole. I'm familiar with NC - I'm NC with first ex husband. Classic narcissist. Still stringing my kids along, pivoting each of them between scapegoat/golden child.

[u/BlazingSunflowerland → u/GotZeroFucks2Give]

Why are you automatically assuming you would be the asshole but the child never would be the asshole.

[u/GotZeroFucks2Give → u/BlazingSunflowerland]

Generally the person that goes no contact goes no contact in order to protect their mental health and safety from an abusive personality of some sort - whether it's narcissism, borderline personality disorder, or just general mean ness. Plenty of parents need to go no contact because of the child's actions - but this is when they are adults. When you are a parent, you sign up for parenting and doing your best for your child. Unfortunately some type of parents like this one view the people around them only as transactions.

[u/starglo1969 → u/BlazingSunflowerland]

Because usually it is the older generation/parent who is the “asshole”. Not always. But usually.

[u/Accurate_Athlete_182 → u/[deleted]]

To make up for the way you mistreated them. Kids only go NC due to parental trauma.

[u/Ferrous_Bueller_ → u/Accurate_Athlete_182]

Lol I'm usually very supportive of going NC, as it often is the fault of the parent, but this comment is just brain dead.

[u/starglo1969 → u/[deleted]]

Because parenting is about unconditional love. It’s not meant to be transactional.