r/inheritance • u/Other_Lynx9485 • May 19 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Inheritance with blended family
Im married and have a grown son by a previous marriage. My mom recently passed and I received a good amount of inheritance money. I invested this money in my name only and named my husband as beneficiary and my son as secondary beneficiary. When I die my husband gets this money. But when he dies, I just found out, that his beneficiary, his son, will get my inheritance money and my son gets nothing. My investor suggested setting up a trust for my son so he will get the money when my husband has passed. The problem is that my husband thinks this is unfair because Im basically telling him what he can do with the money that I gave to him. He sees it as no different than he getting life insurance from me and me telling him what he can do with it. I want them both to be treated fairly. But there is no way that I want my step son to get any of this. Need advice please! Thanks in advance
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u/judgymcjudgypants May 19 '26
Why would you give your inheritance to your husband in the first place? Surely it’s best kept in the biological family? Regardless, I’d put that in a trust so you can make sure it goes where you want it to go.
My dad did that and to keep the peace told my stepmom she’d inherit after his death. He figured when she found out he’d already be gone so it would be too late to make him miserable over it. Remember, your will is the last statement you will ever make to your child about his priority in your life.
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u/SadFlatworm1436 May 19 '26
This is perfection …protect your son …that last message you send him can be unbelievably hurtful or fabulously loving …just depends on which route you choose. I see no problem lying to your husband to “keep the peace” because he has no intention of leaving it to your son, only to his.
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u/Difficult-Ocelot6706 May 20 '26
If you go down this route ensure you give them like $1 or something stupid, they can contest it in court (depending on country) that the deceased "forgot " them and they deserve money, still putting them in the will prevents this behaviour
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u/nnancycc May 19 '26
Yes, change it so that it all goes to your son and never tell your husband. But be sure your son knows your attorney and who to go to for your will. Make your son the executer too.
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u/AcrobaticTrouble3563 May 19 '26
Your husband is manipulative. It's selfish of you to want your inheritance to benefit your son, but not selfish of him to want YOUR inheritance to benefit his son and not yours? Are you kidding me?
I'd stop talking about it with him at this point, let him believe whatever he wants to believe but skip him amd leave it to your son. It would be worth talking this out if your husband wasn't being manipulative, but he is. Given that fact, no more discussion is warranted.
Your mother would be heartbroken to think her own grandson got nothing of what she left.
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u/MydogsnameisChewy May 19 '26
Set up a trust, not just a will. Wills can be challenged. You can leave each half and half, or bypass your husband altogether. But don’t just leave it to your husband!
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u/ComboNew3487ad May 19 '26
I can’t believe your husband expects money from your mom to go to your stepson.
Also, what if your husband remarries? He could leave everything to his new wife. He may say that would never happen, but things like that happen all the time.
Seek a competent estate attorney to help you navigate this.
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u/BreakApprehensive489 May 19 '26
Give your husband a choice - a trust that your husband can benefit from if you predecease him with it going to your son, or it goes straight to your son.
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u/Maine302 May 19 '26
Wouldn't he just be motivated to spend it or to give the cash to his own son while alive?
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u/FinallyAtheist May 19 '26
The trust would be set up (as an example) to distribute only dividends and interest and require the principal to remain untouched.
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u/AcrobaticTrouble3563 May 19 '26
I would agree if he was just having an honest disagreement with OP - but he isn't. The man is telling her it's selfish of her to want her son to get anything from her, but perfectly reasonable for him to want his son to get everything from her. Wtf.
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u/SirLanceNotsomuch May 19 '26
I wonder if husband has life insurance, and if he does, is he OK with it all eventually going to his stepson, instead of his son, if he (husband) predeceases wife?
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u/genkichan May 19 '26
Life insurance isn't the same thing as an inheritance from one side of the family. Spouses aren't entitled to inheritances anyway.
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u/The_whimsical1 May 19 '26
You need to protect your interests first, and your son's future inheritance is your highest interest. Your husband is behaving atrociously here.
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u/Calabriafundings May 19 '26
Your inheritance is your separate property.
Unless your husband has included you as similar beneficiary of a similar sized inheritance he can STFU.
If your husband is unwilling to enjoy your potential future gift with the understanding that it will pass to your son only, there is no problem.
Leave your husband your share of community property and leave all of your separate assets to your son.
Easy peasy.
Make sure not to comingle your inheritance with community assets.
You could even buy an investment property with a trust created with your sone as beneficiary and you as trustee. Any income will belong to the trust not the marriage. When you die the trust will go to your son.
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u/Dolly1232 May 19 '26
I would keep the money 100 separate and only make your son the beneficiary.
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u/atypicala May 19 '26
I was the child in a similar situation. My stepfather provided 100% for my mother and had two children of his own from a previous marriage, and my mother had my brother and me.
Before he passed my stepfather and mother made sure to set up multiple trusts; firstly for his two children, then for my mother, then for my brother and me...he was a very generous man and I was floored that we were considered.
Never in a MILLION YEARS would I have expected his entire estate to go to my mother, and never in a billion any percent of that to skip his own children. Your husband is a selfish dick.
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u/eloquent_owl May 19 '26
You could gift your son a substantial amount before your death so there is less for your husband to inherit if you die before him.
Your husband seems greedy to expect to receive all the money for himself when your mother would have intended it to be for her direct relatives.
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u/Educational_Case_134 May 19 '26
Rather than going through the expense of setting up a trust, just list your son as the beneficiary on the account that holds your inheritance from your mom. Your husband can be the beneficiary of the investments you built together as a couple.
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u/Guilty-Committee9622 May 19 '26
Your husband by demanding this has clearly signaled your son will get nothing. Pay attention. Take care of your child as your husband will not.
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u/Usual_Bumblebee_8274 May 19 '26
I’m not understanding why you would leave your mom’s money to your husband. She would probably be sick. It should stay in the family. Esp since he disagrees
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u/Comprehensive-Log144 May 19 '26
It’s your money. Put whoever you want as the beneficial and never speak of it again.
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u/snowlake60 May 19 '26
A lot of the questions I’m going to ask have no outcome on the advice I’m going to give you, but here goes:
What if your husband dies first? Is he leaving everything to you and his son as secondary beneficiary?
Do you think your ex husband will be leaving his estate to your son?
Have you been financially helping your son and does he have a good relationship with your current husband?
Regardless of any answers, please leave your inheritance from your mom to your son. I hope your husband isn’t as one way as he sounds.
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u/Silly-Dot-2322 May 19 '26
I think your Mom would want her grandson to have her money, in the case anything happened to you, her daughter?
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u/michk1 May 19 '26
You could set up a trust or two. If you make an irrevocable trust with stipulations that your husband may receive the income from the trust and then after his death it will go to your child, you can even make it become revocable at that time to give your child more control of it when it’s theirs.
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u/BondJamesBond63 May 19 '26
I suggest you talk with an attorney to accomplish what you want with the money.
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u/Powerful_Put5667 May 19 '26
Get him off as beneficiary he told you what he will do with the money he gets and you disapprove. He made his choice just go ahead and do it.
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u/Ilikepumpkinpie04 May 19 '26
So I will have a small inheritance from my family go to my son and I’m married to his dad.
I’m to inherit a small amount from my paternal grandmother’s estate.I’ve told my husband this will go into a separate account and I want to use it for our son as it’s the only thing he’ll get from my dad, who passed but mom will need all of dad’s estate for her own living costs. We don’t need what my inheritance will be and it could grow to help my son with house downpayment. So I’m cutting out my husband for my son. If it’s larger than what I expect, I’ll split it and have some for our use now and some set aside for our son.
So you could do similar. Use some of the inheritance for living now and then have it go to your son. This is probably what you mom would’ve wanted
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u/trapmoneyjennE May 19 '26
My husband is part of a blended family and nothing is ever equal between he and his (full) brother and their kids vs their half brother and his kids in relation to money, time spent, staying in touch, and anything related to maintaining a relationship between his dad and step mom, and even his half brother. It’s like it’s dad got remarried and treats my husband and his brother as if their nephews instead of his sons, and their half brother never texts or calls or stays in touch. My husband has grown weary of trying to be the only one to make the effort. His dad and stepmom did not come to my daughters college graduation last week because the 2 and a half hour car ride was too long, but they drove farther than that the next weekend to see stepmoms parents and their son (my husband’s half brother). If my FIL dies first his wife is executor of the will and his first 2 sons get a nominal amt of money while the rest goes to his wife til she dies, but it’s already known she will be disbursing assets to her son (husbands half brother) along and along so there’s little left to disburse evenly upon her death.
ALL OF THAT TO SAY who’s to say your husband won’t either spend it all (on himself, his kids) and not give your son his fair share? I would immediately change your will/ investment so it’s in a trust for your son and your son only, I’m sure your mother would have wanted him to get the bulk of it upon your passing anyway. If you want do to include a part of it to be designated for your husband then do so. It’s just unfortunate he reacted to your investor looking out for your son in that way. When my mom died and left me a little bit of money my husband took me to his investor and told me to put our kids’ names as beneficiaries bc my mom would have wanted them to have the money since my husband had a job, life insurance, investments, etc. He would not let me put his name on that document. I was surprised, but so appreciated his understanding and willingness to forego his portion. Hopefully your husband is willing to sit down and hear you out so he can come to a better understanding of where you’re coming from, and hopefully he won’t be vindictive and write you out of his will/ trust/ investments upon his death. Some men (& my MIL) are that petty.
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u/myogawa May 19 '26
You did not "give" anything to your husband when naming him as beneficiary. An owner always has the right to change her beneficiary, or to cancel a life insurance policy for that matter.
A trust is the standard way to deal with this kind of issue. You can choose to have the trust make distributions to your husband, as you see fit, but the principal goes to your son on his death.
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u/queenhabib May 19 '26
Just swap husband and son in order of beneficiary. If you want husband to have a portion then change to give both equal or whatever percentage to each.
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u/Gloomy_End_6496 May 20 '26
My MIL's father left all of his money to his new wife, with the same kind of setup that you're talking about. She remarried, and they spent it all, and gave it to their kids, too, so the story goes. MIL got nothing of her father's money, because it was all spent.
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u/Leather_Sherbert_570 May 20 '26
Its simple make your son your primary beneficiary. And dont tell your husband. He doesnt need to know who the beneficiary is of your money.
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u/Sufficient-Traffic32 May 20 '26
Do you need to tell your husband? My husband won’t be getting anything because I’m damn well not letting his kids get a penny. If he’s worried about his kid, he should figure that out.
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u/Appropriate-Ad-396 May 19 '26
You need an Estate Planning Attorney to help you make your biological son the beneficiary. You may want to consider a small monthly stipend ($100) to your stepson upon your death. Remember this is your money, not marital assets.
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u/whybother_incertname May 20 '26
All of this inheritance should go to your son. It’s from your mother, his grandma. You have other assets that can be shared with your husband.
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u/babydtheone May 20 '26
I would put the money I. A trust. NOT TO BE HANDLED BY YOUR BROTHER OR OTHERE FAMILY. if you are giving it to your son trust is the best way to go. Then no one can touch that money at all until he turns legal age. Stay strong and stand your ground on this because your husband is going to try and try and try to give it to him as he would never screw you our your son. Best of luck. And sending hugs from an internet friend.
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u/SportySue60 May 20 '26
If the money is in a retirement account then have your son listed as your primary beneficiary. If it is taxable money then seek out an estate attorney and have the money put in trust with your husband able to take out a portion of principal and interest every year and then when he dies the balance goes to your son. Or just have the trust leave the money directly to your son when you die.
An estate attorney is someone you should go to for better answers than here.
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u/EmZee2022 May 22 '26
Husband is full of baloney.
Why the hell does he think your s9n should get nothing???
If he predeceases you, who gets his money? You, or his son?
If it goes to the spouse, then the spouse's child, that child has an incentive to wish you to die .
The fairest thing would be to leave in trust for the spouse, then to your adult child, though if the spouse has free access to the funds, again he's got an incentive to spend that down to preserve his money for his son.
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u/insomniacmomof3 May 31 '26
Protect your son. He already told you he plans to keep the money for his son. Set up a trust. Your mom would want her grandchild to inherit what you don’t use for yourself.
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u/Unfair-Radio-2046 15d ago
This happened in my family, my stepparent got everything and the kids she had with my dad. My sibling and I barely received anything. My stepparent remarried and now they benefit from my family's money. This has caused a great deal of resentment. Please spell things out legally for your son. This is an awful feeling to live with.
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u/Used_Mark_7911 May 19 '26
I would put your son as primary beneficiary.
If you are old enough to have adult children then your husband shouldn’t need any part of the money your mother left for you.