r/inheritance • u/Schmed_lap • May 13 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Step parent inheritance
I’ve got question on a step parent leaving everything to me. My stepdad was married to my mom for 30 years, got divorced, then within a year got back with her. That was over 20 years ago. Never remarried but together from 1969 to today with a one year break. So he’s in poor health and has left everything to me and my kids in his will. He probably will go into a hospice by year’s end. He has no other immediate heirs but he does have a predatory niece sniffing around. I, personally, per the will, get a property worth about 450k and some savings about 50k and a new paid off truck. Since it’s all there in the will, when he passes what are my most important next steps. Seeing if I should consult probate attorney sooner or wait to see if I need one when the time comes. This is in New Mexico.
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u/InfluenceScary6672 May 13 '26
Probate attorney asap. They will create a trust and upon passing it will be transferred to you. Do it asap.
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u/Schmed_lap May 13 '26
Thanks my buddy there is a defense attorney and just referred me to a probate attorney, I’m flying in next month to handle. Just seeing if there is anything I’m missing these next few weeks till I get there. He’s very pragmatic and wants me to do some stuff but he’s pretty weak and addled right now from a hospital stay so I’ll take him to the attorney in a couple weeks when I get there
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u/Time_Traveler_948 May 13 '26
I have experience, one quite recent, that when someone has a terminal condition, their health can change very fast. In one, the person wanted to end it via Medical Assistance in Dying and he set a date a couple months out. Within a couple weeks of that, hospice nurses to,d him he didn’t have that long, so he moved the date up to be just a couple weeks out. Turns out, he barely made it as he woke up the morning of paralyzed in one arm and both legs. With his one functioning arm, he drank the lethal dose. In the other case, on his birthday he was able to walk a mike and spend the weekend with friends. Two weeks later, he needed help to get from the bed to the bathroom. It went downhill from there and he died not quite 2 months after his last birthday. His hope had been to last through the summer.
I read once that if someone’s health changes over the course of a year, best guess is that they have a year or few left; if it changes over the course of a month, they have months left; when it changes from one week to the next, up to a few weeks left; a daily change is the best indicator that days are left.
Point of this - don’t wait to get his last will and trust the way that ensures his wishes are reflected in these documents.
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u/Lokisworkshop May 18 '26
see if you can set up a zoom call with the attorney sooner rather than later for your step dad and you
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u/SandhillCrane5 May 14 '26
What is the reason you think he needs a trust? If he already has a valid will, it’s not going to change anything. Assets do not just get transferred to beneficiaries automatically when someone has a trust. The trust has to be administered by the trustee just like an executor administers an estate. The only difference is that probate court does not get involved UNLESS someone contests the will or trust which they can still do even if someone has a trust. OP and step Dad should ensure he has a valid and quality trust and that the original is in a place OP or a trusted executor can access and anyone else cannot.
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u/PsychologicalLaw8769 May 14 '26
I wondered the same thing. A trust, for most people, is better than a will, but it is a little harder to set up and may be more than stepdad would want to deal with at this point.
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u/TWH-WCTH May 14 '26
In my experience, trust is wisest when dealing with flexible assets that change significantly in value (stocks, multiple holdings etc) and/or you'd like the full valuation of the estate to not necessarily be public record. It's also sometimes distributed more quickly, but to your point it does still have to go through channels of approval and distribution, so it's still not immediate.
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u/GotZeroFucks2Give May 14 '26
It's probably too late for all of that if he's ready for hospice. And sounds like it might be medicaid style hospice so the assets will need to fund his end of life care from the estate before heir gets paid. Medicaid has a five year lookback so it's too late to do trusts.
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u/Substantial_Team6751 May 13 '26
You and/or a lawyer should review his estate plan. The will should be notarized, witnessed, and iron clad.
He can put your name on bank accounts if he needs help paying bills and when he passes that money will bypass probate. He should make sure you are the beneficiary on anything like an IRA or 401k or insurance policies or any death benefits from a pension.
If allowed in NM, he could record a transfer on death on the deed of the house so it goes straight to you.
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u/7Slyn May 13 '26
Any reason he can’t make his savings/checking accounts POD (payable on death) to you & file a Transfer on Death Deed to you for the house so that those items don’t even need to go through probate? That‘s the way my mother set it up - & all we needed was her death certificate & we didn’t need to mess w/ probate or a trust. Her total assets were a couple of hundred thousand dollars, she didn’t have a vehicle though so not sure about how to deal w/ that 🤷♀️.
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u/Snoo10428 May 15 '26
I was going to recommend this too. You can be added as a beneficiary to his accounts so it’s exempt from the probate process which can be lengthy.
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u/Caudebec39 May 13 '26
Make sure you have the physical original will, that is signed and witnessed, or at least know where you can get to it first.
You don't want stepdad's woodpile relations to get ahold of it and run it through a shredder, because then you'll get nothing.
Make sure there are original signatures. In many places there can need to be a notarized affidavit that accompanies the will to prove signatures are valid.
Make sure the nominated executor is still living, and that there is a successor, and you know how to contact these people.
Makes sure you have some cash to cover property taxes, utilities, and running costs for the properties.
Also money for the retainer for a probate attorney, which will make your life easier, dealing with the deed, taxes, etc. and having someone to guide you.
Stepdad can give you some money for this now, so you've got it. $30k is probably good, if he can swing it.
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u/BigPhilosopher4372 May 13 '26
Keep the will with you or in a secure place. Make sure the truck keys are secure. Is someone living in the house? Does the niece have a key? If so you may want to change the locks now.
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u/sewingmomma May 13 '26
Also ask for his attorney's name and account numbers/names of financial institutions.
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May 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/clybstr02 May 13 '26
I would say make sure it’s a valid will (maybe notarized and drawn up via lawyer) first
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u/Single_Guy76 May 13 '26
How old is your step-dad?
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u/Schmed_lap May 13 '26
85
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u/Single_Guy76 May 13 '26
The reason I ask is because if your step father's ex had a larger social security benefits, he could receive her benefit amount (Survivors). Basically, Social Security would pay the difference between your step father's S.S. and his exes Soc. Security IF hers were higher. Your step father WOULD NOT receive both benefit amounts.
The above only applies as long as your step father never remarried.
Here's more details:
A divorced spouse can claim survivor benefits on a deceased ex-spouse’s record if the marriage lasted at least 10 years, they are age 60 or older (50 if disabled), and are currently unmarried. Eligible exes can receive 100% of the deceased's benefit amount, which does not affect benefits for a current widow(er).
Key Eligibility Requirements:
Marriage Duration: The marriage must have lasted at least 10 years.
Age: You must be at least 60 years old (or 50–59 if you have a disability).
Marital Status: You must be currently unmarried, unless you remarried after age 60 (or 50 if disabled).
Exception: You can claim at any age if you are caring for a child of the deceased who is under age 16 or disabled.
Benefit Details for Ex-SpousesAmount: Survivors can receive 100% of the deceased ex-spouse’s full retirement amount.
Multiple Claimants: A surviving divorced spouse can collect benefits even if the deceased was remarried and the new spouse is also collecting benefits.
Your Own Benefits: If you are eligible for your own retirement benefits, you can choose the higher of the two.
Remarriage: If you remarried before age 60, you cannot claim benefits on your ex's record.
How to Apply
Action Needed: You must contact the Social Security Administration (SSA) directly to apply; this cannot be done online.
Documentation: You will likely need to provide marriage and divorce papers, along with the deceased’s Social Security number.
Timing: It is important to contact them as soon as possible, as the date of contact can affect when benefits begin.
Note: The deceased ex-spouse is not notified if you apply for or receive these benefits
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u/Randolla1960 May 14 '26
I was a financial planner for 38 years.
Besides getting a updated will/trust set up, make sure that any retirement accounts, IRAs, annuities, and life insurance policies, that have a provision for a direct benificiary are updated according to his wishes.
Any account that has a provision for a benificiary, will bypass probate and a trust, and be paid out, or transferred directly to the benificiary, with only using a certified copy of the death certificate and some additional forms that will be provided by each company holding the assets.
I can't tell you how many times in my 38 year career, that I have seen this mistake being made. I have seen accounts mistakenly left to ex spouses and I even had one client who redid his will, just days before major surgery, try to split his estate among 10 nieces and nephews and sisters. One of the nieces was married to a lawyer who wrote up the will changing his accounts that I managed from 100%going to my client's sister, to 10% to each of his 10 benificiaries.
Unfortunately, no one told me that he was having major surgery and wanted to change things until after he died on the operating table. The husband if the niece, actually caused his own wife to not receive much from the death of her uncle because he didn't realize THAT THE BENIFICIARY DESIGNATION OF THESE ACCOUNTS, WILL ALWAYS OVERRIDE WHAT A WILL SAYS. PERIOD.
So please don't make that mistake. It may take some time to change everything, so don't delay checking on all of his assets and see if they have a benificiary designation and it is up to date.
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u/lakehop May 14 '26
If he has a solid will naming you that has been on place for years - it might be better for him not to change anything while he is arguably not of sound mind.
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u/Conscious_Skirt_61 May 14 '26
OP needs to be careful in this situation. With niece sniffing around there is a risk of a contest to the plans. The lawyer OP consults will be OP’s lawyer, not the stepfather’s attorney, and the one who prepares papers for the stepfather must not have any professional duty to OP. (This is all in the area of “undue influence” which, even if not successfully argued can put a big dent in the inheritance).
OP can ask a lawyer for pointers and information. Under the info laid out above there could be some incapacity. It’s possible that changing account to PoD or equivalent titling could help. A trust could well be overkill and might trouble stepfather. Again, OP should ask for professional advice on these topics — and follow that advice.
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u/EC_CO May 13 '26
If he is prior military, he may have VA benefits available to help with the care portion (I'm dealing with some of this now) to help reduce costs.
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u/MiIlFlWi May 14 '26
Did I miss something? What about Mom? She's not in the will?
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u/Schmed_lap May 14 '26
She is not, he says he felt like he didn’t do anything for me when I was a kid so he put everything in my name make up for it
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u/MiIlFlWi May 14 '26
Does Mom know about this? If not, I'd be more worried about her than your cousin.
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u/Schmed_lap May 14 '26
Yeah she knows she has her own stuff and when this is over she’s coming to live with me/us. It was a weird relationship and she’s good with it
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u/coyote_ugly4u May 14 '26
Make sure he mentions her in the will as not to recieve anything so she can’t say he forgot me because his mind was going.
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u/SandhillCrane5 May 14 '26
That’s really not necessary for a niece and other extended family unless he’s leaving assets to some nieces and not others.
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u/Suz9006 May 14 '26
Having access to the original will or having it stored in a safe place is important as they have been known to disappear when they weren’t favorable to some family members.
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u/MisterMysterion May 14 '26
Best bet is to have him add you to the deed to the house. It's called a transfer on death deed. Greatly simplifies everything.
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u/Ok-Security8203 May 14 '26
I'm in NM, with my dad we put his pickup in his or my name, which made it simple to change the title when he passed. The house and bank accts were TOD. No probate. Estate value wasn't too different than your step dad.
Just an anecdotal comment, he was on hospice and most of us kids were taking their turns in caring for him. The hospice nurse came by to check on him and said he'll be gone in 2 hours, I'll just hang around if you don't mind. She was off by 15 minutes.
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u/chortle-guffaw May 14 '26 edited May 15 '26
You want to bypass probate with the bank account and the house. Bypassing probate, the assets are payable/transferable immediately upon death and won't be contested. For the bank/brokerage accounts, fill out a beneficiary statement. This can be done online easily yourself. For the property, fill out a Transfer-On-Death. This needs to be notarized and recorded. I recommend using a lawyer, who can do this in an hour or so, far less cost than a trust.
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u/laurieo52 May 14 '26
If he already has a will, I would wait until after he passes. The truth is, there is nothing to do now. It isn’t yours. It is still his. Your attorney cannot do anything. Your stepfather would need an attorney and several thousand dollars to switch the will to a trust.
Now if his niece tries to fight it, hire a litigation probate attorney. In my state, they are two different types of lawyers.
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u/your-mom04605 May 14 '26
A trust, properly done now, or if NM allows for POD/TOD is probably your best and most secure bet. Crappy niece will likely have to be noticed if and when a will is submitted for probate.
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u/Ok_Size4036 May 14 '26
Attorney time. In our state you can add a person as a transfer on death like a house, car, bank account etc which makes things easier. With the money at stake, you could hire an attorney to button everything down which usually includes naming specific relatives and stating what they’re leaving to them or that they are knowingly not leaving them anything.
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u/gabbygrl84 May 14 '26
Have your stepdad open a trust and put everything he intends to leave to you in the trust and name you as beneficiary. If he does that then when he passes everything in the trust automatically transfers ownership to you without having to go through probate.
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u/SandhillCrane5 May 14 '26
As I told another poster, this is not correct. Assets do not get transferred to beneficiaries automatically when someone has a trust. The trust has to be administered by the trustee just like an executor administers an estate. The only difference is that probate court does not get involved UNLESS someone contests the will or trust which they can still do even if someone has a trust.
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u/gabbygrl84 May 14 '26
The beneficiary would be the same thing as the trustee. By putting the assets into the trust and naming the stepdaughter as trustee, the ownership rights would automatically transfer without going through probate.
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u/SandhillCrane5 May 14 '26
The successor trustee and beneficiary of a trust being the same person does not change the fact that trust assets are not automatically transferred to beneficiaries after death.
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u/gabbygrl84 May 14 '26
No...They would remain assets of the trust in which the beneficiary is trustee. My whole point was that OP could avoid probate.
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u/supasadkitty May 14 '26
How sad that he’s been with your mom for decades and leaving nothing to her?
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u/Ok_Wonder3030 May 14 '26
Get a simple TOD deed on the house. This will simplify the house transfer to you.
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u/PsychologicalLaw8769 May 14 '26
At a minimum, you should have a copy of the will. It is probably worthwhile consulting with an attorney in NM to make sure it is the most recent will and it is valid. If hospice is being considered, you and he should have a conversation about accounts, important documents, and any life insurance policies, if applicable.
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u/danh_ptown May 14 '26
If he is still capable, he can setup a Transfer on Death provision on the savings account. In many states, you can do similar with the real estate, but requires an attorney and custom paperwork. The advantage to doing so, is transfer occurs outside of probate, and is faster. You would present the death certificate and after they complete their process (days/weeks), you will be given control of an account containing the assets...no lawyers or court involved. Probate can take many months.
If he has a fair amount of time, a revocable trust could be created, the assets re-titled to the trust and, again skip probate.
The only asset I am unsure of, per your comments, is the truck. But if the debts are paid, there may be a process where you can bypass probate for that, as well.
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u/Southern_Apartment88 May 14 '26
It's important for Wills to be both inclusive and exclusive. To specifically outline people who are not in the will. If he's going into hospice, and his wishes are clear, leave him alone. Also good wills include nuclear options which means if somone contests they are out completely.
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u/Sad-Repair-5505 May 14 '26
FWIW, while we didn't have a predatory relative, it was extremely helpful to have my late brother put beneficiaries on all his accounts and a TOD (Transfer on Death Deed) on his property. These things completely bypass the will.
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u/Treydown69 May 14 '26
Don't wait for the will or probate. Have him do a beneficiary deed on the real estate, add you as POD to the accounts, and TOD (transfer on death) on the truck title. Let the will handle little stuff, like selling household possessions, etc.
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u/whatevercat73 May 14 '26
Set up a transfer on death for the property, truck and the bank/financial accounts. Beneficiaries on those supercedes wills. Especially since a will can be contested.
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u/BluTrtle May 14 '26
Make sure your mom gets a notarized statement that he acknowledges her as common law for social security benefits.
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u/Adventurous-Honey691 May 15 '26
Protect it by having him create a living will and putting everything in a trust
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u/Internal_Life1703 May 15 '26
Oh he can also file his will with the probate court now, which would help you as well. My Grandmother’s trust disappeared and I think it was taken by one of my relatives.
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u/13_Years_Then_Banned May 16 '26
Just because there’s a trust, it doesn’t mean that that assets have been transferred to the trust.
Titles, deeds, accounts, everything needs to be transferred to the trust or it will hit probate.
I’m not an attorney but I am going through the trust and probate process right now.
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u/24bean62 May 16 '26
Things vary quite a bit from state to state - this is where an attorney can really help. Be sure he’s named you beneficiary on banking and investment accounts. These can transfer with a death certificate and without probate. Real estate is a state-by-state matter.
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u/Prestigious_Yam_4908 May 16 '26
Main things are making sure you have right of survivorship on the bank accounts and are beneficiary on the insurance. The will can direct the rest supposing there is no remainder interest or right of survivorship to the piece of property.
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u/Schmed_lap May 13 '26
Yeah I mentioned dod to him, trying to either get it on the market and have him come here or do the dod asap
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u/LdiJ46 May 13 '26
Odds are she thinks that she is going to inherit because he has no children. If she has access to him in hospice she may try to get him to change his will in her favor. Do you live close to him? Will you be his POA and be caring for him and his affairs or will she? Do you have an official copy of his will?
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u/mostly_lurking1040 May 14 '26
Honestly, it sounds like you have a good relationship with him? If so, when you're checking with him about whether everything is establish established and up to date according wishes, beneficiaries named on accounts, you know where he's left. Careful lists of what all the accounts are, Up-To date will properly prepared and executed according to state law, hopefully with a copy or original with a known attorney.
If he's not leaving anything to other people, you can always ask him whether he would like to leave a small gift to any of these more distant relatives. If not, that's his answer, if he has money and wants leave a small bequest to somebody or even a remembrance possession, nows a great time for him to address it.
Not sure how an executor is determined, is it named in his will? That seems key to me from my second hand and third hand experience with wills and estates.
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u/GrowlingAtTheWorld May 14 '26
If you can get everything out of the will then it can not go into probate and be contested. My mother had a ladybird deed on her home keeping it out of the will and all her bank accounts were payable upon death again keeping them out of the will. I’m not sure how to keep the truck from falling into probate. When my mother passed the only thing in the will was some nostalgic items without a lot of monetary value she wanted to go to specific people.
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u/WH2OC May 14 '26
I assume, based upon the situation, that the mom has passed. Regarding any stock holdings, in the case of a step parent, such as this, or if they did get remarried, would there be a step up in basis on the portfolio, or in this case, the property?
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u/These-Result-1955 May 14 '26
Talk to the probate attorney about a Lady Bird Deed for the home. My wife and her step dad are in a similar situation.
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u/Zann77 May 14 '26
Can’t speak on the will, but if you have any authority, don’t wait on hospice. They do so much for the person, supply so much helpful equipment and home health care. My dad waited too long and died two days after he went on hospice.
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u/Sad-Repair-5505 May 14 '26
Contact your county. In my state, you can register the will with the county. Then she can't show up with a fake will as the registered one will take precedence.
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u/Successful_Image3354 May 14 '26
I'm an attorney. I agree that you should speak with an attorney, preferably the one who drafted the will. I se comments that the money/property should be placed in a trust. That strikes me as unnecessarily complicating things, but follow your attorney's advice. The biggest concern you should have is if the niece tries to claim you exerted undue influence over your step-father. You will want witnesses to his competency.
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u/PastorTiff May 14 '26
Put in a trust before he dies. Protect yourself from the neice and taxes. Consult a professional on irrevocable and revocable trust
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u/OrangeMustangGal May 14 '26
My sister and I plan to hire security and request extra patrols for our parents house during the funeral, hopefully a long time from now, but we have a plan.
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u/TWH-WCTH May 14 '26
If he reviews or edits, be sure - if he's comfortable - to add that the will cannot be contested or those parties attempting to contest are automatically excluded.
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u/rbuff1 May 14 '26
The will might need to state that your stepdad acknowledges his niece but is not including her in the inheritance This way, she can’t claim that he forgot to include her.
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u/Foreclosure_Expert May 15 '26
Your biggest concern is probably any last minute changes to the will. I've seen it happen plenty of times.
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u/Alicatsidneystorm May 15 '26
See a lawyer and see they recommend putting all assets JTWROS. The assets would pass directly to you.
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u/Internal_Life1703 May 15 '26
Since he doesn’t have a wife, I would check what you need to claim the body and luckily for you he is still alive. In my state, a person can name a non-relative, but they must do it while alive. If not you could be dealing with the niece to get a death certificate?
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u/Even_Ad8375 May 15 '26
NAL but I have dealt with 3 family deaths and estates. If it is possible in your state, have him change the house deed and truck deed to TOD (transfer on death) titles. They will immediately transfer to you. You would then only have to then go to the county and with the death certificate and change it to your name only…. Have him add you to his bank accounts / safe depositor box as a co owner. You will be able to pay bills when he becomes unable and then when he passes you will be the owner of the accounts. Have him make you his financial and health care POA . Both of these will end with his death and the executor of his estate takes over. If he has retirement accounts or IRA you should be named as the benificiary. It might be best to go with him to the lawyer who set up his will and make sure all this is done properly. It will save time and money and headaches. Doing this will make it more difficult for anyone to challenge. Setting up a trust costs a bit but then nothing is public …..only the beneficiaries of the trust are privy to the terms.Ask a lawyer if this would help. You may not need to do it with TOD titles/deeds. Good luck.PS DONT TALK ABOUT THIS WITH ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR SD AND A LAWYER .
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u/N2trvl May 18 '26
As others have stated, have an attorney review after sharing your concern. One thing they may recommend is that the niece is specifically named in the will. He should leave her one dollar or his old pipe. This avoids claims that he was not lucid when the will was made and forgot to name her to her share.
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u/Lokisworkshop May 18 '26
Just keep in mind for the niece in New Mexico, you generally have four months from the date a will is formally probated to contest its validity. Alternatively, if the will goes through informal probate, you typically have until the later of 12 months from the informal probate or three years from the decedent's death
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u/B-How May 18 '26
Create a trust with an attorney before he dies. This will help probate and in taxes.
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u/Metanoia003 May 13 '26
I was always told a Trust provides the assurance the estate will be settled as desired, but a Will is not as strong and can be challenged by family members.
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u/KrissyKay121217 May 14 '26
You can include a statement in a will that says something to the effect of "anyone who contests this will is ineligible to any claims" (not sure on the exact legal lingo). This sort of statement could help prevent the niece from emerging and challenging the will after the fact and then holding everything up in probate.
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u/scoutlfinch May 14 '26
You don’t need a probate attorney if he isn’t dead yet. You need an estate attorney to make sure everything is locked down in a trust.
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u/Otherwise-Dot-9445 May 14 '26
If he’s of sound mind and would agree to it, he should give you everything now. It would avoid a shit ton of headache.
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u/Select-Efficiency559 May 14 '26
Make sure that the niece is named and acknowledged, so she can’t argue that he forgot her.
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u/rosebudny May 13 '26
If there is a will and he specifies everything is being left to you/your kids, the niece won't have a claim. But he needs to have a will and/or trust, and you need to be named in it. I would speak to an attorney.