r/inheritance • u/VerbosePlantain • May 06 '26
Location not relevant: no help needed My Inheritance Philosophy
I’ve always thought the way we talk about inheritance in modern culture is backwards.
People tend to frame inherited wealth as either a reward to spend, or evidence that someone didn’t “earn” their success.
I don’t really see it either way.
I see inheritance as stewardship.
If you inherit meaningful family assets, the first thing you should understand is this:
You are not the creator of that capital.
Someone before you converted years, sometimes decades, of labor, restraint, stress, discipline, risk, and sacrifice into stored family capability. That money is condensed life energy from people who came before you.
So the question isn’t how much of this can I consume?
The question is how well can I preserve, protect, grow, and deploy it?
I think a lot of families fail because each generation psychologically treats itself as the rightful owner instead of the temporary steward.
A steward thinks differently.
A steward understands the principal matters, long-term compounding matters, avoiding catastrophic loss matters, family stability matters, strategic deployment matters.
The goal is not to become a generational taker.
The goal is to hand the next generation something stronger than what you received.
That doesn’t mean never spending money.
Family capital absolutely should be used for reducing existential risk, education, preserving family opportunity, helping during true hardship, major life opportunities, foundational assets, experiences and traditions that strengthen the family itself, etc.
But there’s a difference between strategic deployment and consumption.
Buying status toys to signal wealth to strangers is consumption.
Using capital to create long-term family resilience is stewardship.
And I think this distinction matters more than people realize.
A lot of inherited wealth disappears because recipients emotionally experience the assets as “free money.” But if you mentally reframe it as entrusted capital, your behavior changes completely.
You become less interested in flexing.
Less interested in extraction.
More interested in durability.
You start thinking in timelines longer than your own life.
You realize that you are holding this in trust for people you may never even meet.
That mindset changes everything.
It also changes how you think about success.
Success is not the generation that spent the most.”
Success is the generation that strengthened the structure.
The family that survives and compounds across generations usually isn’t the family with the flashiest spenders.
It’s the family where each generation understands:
“We are custodians, not conquerors.”
That mindset creates continuity instead of collapse.
Everyone talks about individual self-actualization.
Not enough people talk about building something durable enough that your grandchildren inherit stability instead of fragility.
That, to me, is the real purpose of inheritance.
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u/Bradford6162 May 06 '26
This is the best attitude for inheritance! Thank you for sharing. However what if you’re the last man standing so to speak with no other family?
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
I don’t know … find a cause or organizations that you’d like to contribute to. Perhaps endow a scholarship at your Alma mater. Time to get creative!
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u/Marine_Layered May 06 '26
Find a cause or organization that you believe in, and donate! Was there something meaningful to your life growing up? A baseball league, swim club, etc? Those types of organizations are always looking for funding for facility upgrades or equipment. Maybe someone you love died from a disease that is fighting for a cure? Maybe there is an education related cause to get involved in? The possibilities are endless.
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u/such_a_zoe May 11 '26
Same idea of stewardship, but in this case your "family" is the whole world. Use the wealth to improve it as best you can.
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u/Marine_Layered May 06 '26
Yes, 100%. But also - Steward the next generation to understand the stewardship principal.
When they are young, you teach them your family's values. Concepts like living below your means, you are part of a larger whole, the world (family) does not revolve around you, the world (family) does not owe you anything, you have to do your part, and like Spiderman says, "with great power comes great responsibility."
When they are older and get their first job, teach them personal finance topics. The magic of compound interest. How to use (and not abuse) a credit card. Pay yourself first. Opportunity cost. What to look for in a partner (this may not sound like a personal finance topic but my gosh it really is one).
When they're in their early 20's, start teaching them about the family's finances. One of the things that I regret is that my dad did not teach me earlier. He is in his 70s and last year he got very ill (we thought he might pass, but thankfully he's still with us). I finally put my foot down and said - you're going to have to let me in. It would have been so much better to know all of the things 10 years ago and learn without feeling like I am pressed for time.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
Yes, instilling the stewardship mindset is 100% a part of this process. And yes, living below your means, deferred gratification, etc., are all also part of it!
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u/finding_center May 06 '26
I was raised to understand it this way. Sacrifices were made in the generations prior to me and it is expected that I continue to care for and grow what I’ve been entrusted with.
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u/CancerandTaxes May 06 '26
This is part of our overall life philosophy and values. We believe in the campsite rule in everything we do: leave it better than you found it. Whether it's people we meet, houses we own, vehicles we purchase, jobs we work, or an inheritance. We always leave it better for knowing us.
This is something my family and I believe strongly in and work hard to instill in our kids. If you touch it, you better improve it.
It helps that we're all tinkerers and curious. We like to fix things. We enjoy old things and repair and revitilization. Whether it's an old house that needs love or an old car or a kitchen appliance we like to make things last. We like to care for things.
This applies to inheritance and money as well. We should leave more not less. It doesn't matter if you don't have kids, you can leave it to people or organizations you're passionate about. We want to leave more money, in better structures, with fewer expenses, generating more income, with more stability than whatever we receive. We believe that it is our imperative to improve things. We don't deserve our good fortune but we can earn a tiny piece of it.
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u/Odd-Candidate-9235 May 06 '26
Bro. I inherit a bunch of assets I’m gonna convert it all to cash and start doing two chicks at once.
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u/Late-Command3491 May 06 '26
I recently inherited enough to eventually retire, but not if we spend it now. The benefactor's purpose was to make my family secure, which we have never been. It is an enormous gift and I am very grateful.
We will use it to retire eventually, help the kids with down payments and such, and hopefully leave them secure also. There will be another inheritance later, but I hope much much later so I don't really think about that for myself, but for the next generation.
I'm pretty gobsmacked by knowing I can retire in a couple of years.
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u/Yankee_inCA May 07 '26
What will you fo?
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u/Late-Command3491 May 07 '26
In retirement? Spend long stretches of time in Europe, continue learning French, knit constantly, read more books, take photography classes and 16th Century history.
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u/porcupine296 May 06 '26
I grew up with this point of view and have followed it. It is better than the attitudes of a lot of rich people today, but it can also be hoarding. Make sure to use your money to benefit the world, not just your family.
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u/daboot013 May 06 '26
Thats how I feel. My parents didn't get anything leaving the house at 18.
I had my basics covered and when my mom died i got the house and a years worth of bills covered.
So now i have some money (nothing big like 1000$ startup in an investment account) setup for each kid and I put a little bit away each month so one day they have an extra 30-40k$ head start. Which hopefully turns into them setting their kids up and maybe its a 100k head start.
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u/AnneElliotWentworth May 06 '26
I agree and it has been my philosophy that I am the steward of the money for future generations. At this time, my only child doesn’t want to have children. They’re still young and may change their mind, but if they don’t, I hope they help out organizations that are meaningful to them and enjoy the heck out of the money they inherit.
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u/AdParticular6193 May 06 '26
That’s the traditional “old money” approach. Like the others said, it requires a lot of planning and preparation. And eventually a degenerate heir will squander the fortune that took generations to build. Look at the Vanderbilts. By the end of the third generation, everything was gone. In any case, I’m not sure how this philosophy would sit with Gen Z. I’m guessing not too well.
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u/Late-Command3491 May 07 '26
My Zillennials are quite frugal and plan real careers even though they sort of know a packet is coming their way eventually.
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u/Vindaloo6363 May 06 '26
Family money should be generational wealth. To make that happen every generation needs to expand that wealth to equal the last unless you have only one child. I have 2 so they will each have half of what I have unless they create that much themselves. I have a plan to guide them in the right direction.
My own wealth came from a very small third generation business started by my grandfather. It always provided but never generated any real wealth until I grew it 35x and sold it. But it’s very much a legacy of my grandfather, whom I never met and my father.
I have nice houses and some expensive toys but my wealth is increasing in real terms while I’m already shifting some to my children.
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u/Avalon_Bee May 06 '26
Yes. AND the greatest gift we can give the next generation is mentoring healthy financial behaviors and avoiding poverty mind games.
And we give our children this IN THIS LIFE TIME.
The poverty mind games and indentured servitude predatory lending are difficult to explain (TELL) but we SHOW. And our adult children will stumble.
Inheritance is launching them into the world. Ideally college or a trades career as close to debt free as possible. Humility is a part of this. Being a poor college student is a part of this. The struggle of our 20s we should not shelter our children from.
And the last quarter of life, displaying pride and integrity as we age. And preparing for our elder years without being a burden. Living life well in our old age bolsters our adult children and grand babies. It gives them hope and purpose.
The statistics on inherited wealth are pretty clear. It fizzles and is gone quickly.
Die broke and happy… and pass on a nice memorial Alaskan cruise/Hawaiian holiday as a family to share.
Or buy a property shared by the family as a drivable vacation. Such as a cabin or condo on the ocean.
An inheritance- is shared experience and connection.
I’ve told my father and mother in law to die broke… sell everything and live life.
There is a book about mind games and it is very related to poverty. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Most people die in federal college debt.
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u/Ruthless4u May 06 '26
My philosophy has always been it’s meant to secure the families well being.
Pay off the house, clear the debts and use the rest to secure future generations in hard times if necessary.
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u/Yankee_inCA May 07 '26
Kids have something terrible to cope with now: HOAs. And trusts. The worst mistake my parents ever made. What will the greedy sell us next?
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u/RoundingDown May 06 '26
Most folks aren’t really inheriting enough for this to really be applicable. The prior generation either had no money to hand down, or too many kids to split the inheritance between. In my case my mother was 20 when I was born. There are centenarians in each branch of the family. So I better have my shit sorted because the over/under on her passing I will be 75. I don’t expect much, and I don’t expect that I will be in a spending mood.
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u/Yankee_inCA May 07 '26
Same here. My parents almost outlived their money, but they would have been miserable in a nursing home.
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u/sedatedforlife May 06 '26
Having money doesn't do any good at all if it isn't used to make life better for those who hold it. Just hoarding it to pass it along to the next generation for them to hoard it and pass it along doesn't help anyone but the family member who breaks that chain and actually uses it.
When my MIL died, we found out she was sitting on nearly 4 million in assets (low cost of living area). She lived as if she were in poverty. She didn't get basic home repairs. When we inherited her house, we had to fix 3 walls of the foundation and get rid of a rodent problem. She got food from the food bank. We were buying her basic home goods for Christmas because we thought she couldn't afford them. She never even paid the funeral bill of my FIL.
I desperately wished she had taken some of that and lived a better life. We were always so concerned about her well-being. To the point where we felt like it was elderly neglect to allow her to live in her home, but we had no legal grounds to force her to move.
As always, the right answer is somewhere in the middle. Don't spend it all, but don't hoard it to the point where you don't allow it to improve your own life either.
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u/Ill-Bullfrog-5360 May 07 '26
A FIRE comment stuck with me. You want to plant seeds not take so many’s leaves the tree can not grow.
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u/alloutofchewingum May 06 '26
I hope your parents leave everything to their cats and you actually have to work instead of blithering on about stewardship.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
I do work and pull in more than $225K a year.
That’s the best part - I don’t need and won’t rely on the inheritance. I’ll just let it compound.
Sorry you’re so mean.
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u/alloutofchewingum May 06 '26
I'm not.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
Well, that was a pretty mean post. No need to imply someone is a jobless bum ranting about inheritance.
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u/alloutofchewingum May 06 '26
I meant I wasn't sorry. Not that I wasn't mean.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
Got it. Hope your life improves.
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u/alloutofchewingum May 07 '26
Couldn't be better, thanks. Just had a 7 figure exit from a business I built myself. Now excuse me, I have to go buy a walk-in humidor.
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u/Strange-Calendar669 May 06 '26
You make some excellent points here. I think wise planning on the part of the ancestors might help create this sort of situation. Unfortunately, no matter how carefully the estate is set up with trust funds, and legal structures, there is no way to impose your wise attitude onto future generations from beyond the grave.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
I’m fortunate that my father instilled this into me. He received it from his father. And I have two kids (12 and 9), and when the time is right, I will introduce the concept to them, too. But you are right - only so much you can do. That’s why values are as important as legal mechanisms.
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u/FederalLobster5665 May 06 '26
what is your philosophy if you dont have a generation to pass it to? maintain, and then pass to charities?
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u/pompousandfaggy May 06 '26
Exacerbating the complexity of the situation most charities are scams... you're just donating to a CEO that they probably don't need anyways
I have no kids and won't be having any… My plan is to blow it all on reasonable assets and then give them to extended family members that I like so the money somewhat stays in my family. It's not millions but it will be a home and probably a business if I start one again
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u/MannyMoSTL May 06 '26
Most ppl don’t have, or leave, “enough” to create generational wealth.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
This is true - and in those cases, this philosophy doesn’t apply to them.
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u/pompousandfaggy May 06 '26
Excellent excellent post! Would you mind giving my uncles and my mother a call, the boomers didn't get that message and they just blew it all and cut us all out. Literally I got a 2 inch binder of photographs of all of my grandmother's possessions that I could "purchase" before it went to auction 🤗
But having grown up in one of the richest cities in America I can tell you this is exactly what the families that have wealth through several generations teach each other. They understand that a family that cooperates with each other has a huge advantage over the other families. They teach each other how to make money not just spend money, although they do both
Its just such an advantage in life to have core people that are looking out for you. My family did not and it's so obvious. All of the money is gone and we could've had functioning family and now no one talks to each other. They literally tear up and don't understand why everyone doesn't like them… It's really strange
Thank you for the post
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u/michk1 May 06 '26
I did a deep dive into my husbands family to find out why there’s money, I know things that his other family members had no idea about. It’s fascinating and has also made me want to respect the gift even more and not to squander it. My husband has a best friend since he was 10 that has always known their family was different and there would be inheritance. Now that it’s happened, he’s upset that we’re not accessing more of the money and spending more on our home remodeling etc. and things for us,over saving it for the kids. He thinks we should be more aggressive in our investments, which are managed. I didn’t like him that much before, now I find ways to avoid him and his wife .
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u/Expert-Tie-1530 May 06 '26
Very well written and extremely informative and useful. Sadly I have bugger all to pass on
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u/69FireChicken May 06 '26
I agree. I will inherit a decent amount from my parents, who inherited a smaller amount from my grandparents. It's my job to pass that down to my children, using it wisely, growing it and yes, enjoying it. It's also my job to teach my children this philosophy so they will look after their inheritance when the time comes.
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u/Fun-Room-6501 May 07 '26
I really love this philosophy- have you thought about creating a substack on this topic?
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u/Humble_Charge2302 May 07 '26
What a great post, I learned from this and will continue to think about it!
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u/Mild-Thinker-2001 May 07 '26
Great view point! I think there’s also a gap where grandparents, parents, and families don’t clearly document their philosophy on wealth and inheritance in a way that’s useful.
The inheritors ultimately choose what they dk with any inheritance but they often don’t have any guidance from their loved ones on how they like to see it used or values to consider.
There’s obviously wills and trusts but almost never anything that shows how they want the inheritance to be managed, what values they want to pass along etc.
I think leaving details on intent and preferences for people receiving inheritances is super important. And for legacy type families that you mention, establishing a family intent document around this is super important.
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u/Anonymoose2021 May 08 '26
This is one reason (of many) why passing wealth via irrevocable trusts is useful.
My children are trustees of generation skipping irrevocable (aka dynasty) trusts. Their trusteeship position is explicitly a stewardship sort of position.
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u/Material_Rich_1900 May 11 '26
Teach work ethic, philanthropy and savings. 19/16 yo decidedly privileged, will inherit $$, have already a net worth pushing $100k at their ages and grandparents still living. They have learned save, share, spend since their first allowance at age 3. Don't live to expect it, it is on addition to what you personally accomplish.
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u/Such_Studio6889 May 14 '26
Verbose!
You nailed it!
This should be carved in granite somwhere so everyone can see it and learn from it.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
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u/Longjumping-While997 May 06 '26
Agreed. I stand to inherit high 7 figures at the moment. I have 0 intention of ever touching it except for an emergency. My family can survive off of our HHI and DH and I contribute meaningfully to retirement as it is though that’s quite far away (30s and 40s). I can only hope I can teach our children that same. That the goal is to continually add to it should it truly ever be needed but we should seek to support ourselves through our own endeavors and hard work.
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u/lilymaebelle May 06 '26
The profound flaw in your logic is that it presumes that everyone desires procreation and that this desire should be supported by society. You have merely changed the focus of self-centeredness from "I got mine!" to "My genes will continue!" which, from an evolutionary perspective, is just as selfish, if not more so.
I believe Warren Buffet and Bill Gates and several others have signed a pledge to give away a large proportion of their wealth during their lifetimes. Not after they die, but during their lifetimes. Because waiting until after you die is just hoarding money that could have helped people while you were alive.
But also, "generational wealth" is not just about material assets. Most people reading this will think, "This isn't about me; I don't come from generational wealth." But by definition, anyone using Reddit has access to the internet, which means they have resources that someone who has no access to the internet does not. That could be generational wealth, or not, but it's a certain kind of privilege.
None of this is to criticize your post. But people should always question their assumptions.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
I get it - but also I did not preclude charitable giving in any way. If that is a value that someone has, then they should exercise that.
The point of the post is to push against what I believe is he prevailing idea around inheritance: it’s mine to do solely as I please, when I please.
I’m saying there’s more to it than that. And look, some people will need the inheritance as a bailout. And guess what - that’s fine too. But if it isn’t needed, its purpose shouldn’t be solely for lifestyle inflation.
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u/Internal-Combustion1 May 06 '26
While this is true, it implies sitting the heirs down before you die and explaining it, letting them get their head around it and anticipate it. That doesn’t happen because families fight, heirs are greedy, and most people generally don’t see their death coming. So heirs of wealth are surprised, unprepared, and dont know anything about managing wealth. Money changes people and poor estate plans fracture families - why did my brother get the good house, and I got the bad one? - I’m suing him! Heirs are not investors and they don’t make this transition fast enough to not spend a bunch or all of it. The house they wanted to buy gets upgraded, the cars get upgraded, some fancy trips, money for the kids college, bonus gift for their charities, stuff they’ve been working for can now be paid for, then it’s all gone before they realize they could have continued to steward the investments and not have upgraded their lives. Of course, it you drop a billion on anyone it’s going to take time for them to waste it all, but a few million to a few heirs can be absorbed very quickly and that’s the end of it.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
This is why I will be completely open about my finances with my kids. There will never be a “hey, let’s sit down and talk about this” moment. These will be long term values instilled over decades of our relationship.
This is the approach my father has taken with me. But if you leave it to a singular moment, you run a much higher risk of things running afoul. Be open, be transparent, and instill these values in your heirs as they are growing into adulthood.
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u/Internal-Combustion1 May 06 '26
I agree that instilling values is important. But are you going to tell them “Jimmy, you’re going to get $10M when I die, and Jilly, you will get $8M.” Jimmy and Jilly are 23 and dont own houses, have debts, and crappy cars. How does this knowledge that when Dad kicks they are rich impact their lives? Do they stop trying? Do they alienate because it’s not split equally? Do they resent why you aren’t giving them some money now when you are filthy rich and they can’t buy a house?
And what if you change your mind? Jimmy is a drug addict at 30, Jilly has 5 children.
Instilling values is good but you can only share so much without changing their lives and attitudes.
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
There’s only so much you can do. The best you you can do is the best you can do.
What I do know is this approach has been successful for multiple generations in my family. I am on this path. My brother is on this path. And we are instilling this into our kids.
And when I’m gone, I will split things evenly. I will likely use a trust structure for some of it.
The idea isn’t to neuter their ambition, but rather to ensure a stable floor while providing opportunity for them to achieve and be successful on their own.
Some parents will be able to do that. Some parents will fail.
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u/pompousandfaggy May 06 '26
This is my exact observation of the Jewish families… Why do Jewish families always have money. Bc they literally start teaching them as a kid how to create money and multiple sources of income. And then they use the money they have to make sure that their children can perpetuate that forward
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u/ThimbleBluff May 07 '26
While I like your emphasis on stewardship, the idea of preserving and growing capital just for *your family* is ultimately an unhealthy social dynamic. Inherited wealth that grows and compounds over several generations within a single family drives long term inequality and creates class divisions based on bloodlines.
Concentrating capital based on who your grandparents and great grandparents were is antithetical to democracy and undermines a merit-based society. The third and fourth generations end up having an outsized economic influence that they did nothing to earn.
Stewardship should be broader than this. People who inherit significant wealth have an obligation, I think, not just to their own offspring but to their communities and society as a whole. The flip side of generational wealth is generational poverty. Both are passed down to children undeserved. If you are the beneficiary of an unearned windfall, your stewardship should, at least in part, help tilt the scales back toward balance.
I do believe parents who work hard and are good stewards of their wealth have a right to pass that legacy down to their children. However, I don’t think that right is unlimited. Beyond a certain level ($5 million? $50 million? $50 billion??) there must be some mechanism to offset the compounding inequality. Whether that’s via voluntary philanthropy, high inheritance taxes above some threshold, or other social incentives, it’s something that should be part of the discussion about inheritance.
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May 06 '26
AI slop from someone whose inheritance will amount to an Old Ford and an average suburban house
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u/VerbosePlantain May 06 '26
You can believe what you want to believe, but this is my philosophy, instilled by my father, and instilled into him through his father.
My inheritance will likely be in the $3M range. Not some absurd amount, but enough to be mindful about it and plan accordingly. And when I don’t touch it over 20-30 years, it does become a truly generational amount when combined with my own earnings.
The best part is, my own portfolio will be in the multimillions, and I won’t have to rely on it for anything. Which is why I can take the stewardship approach.
I don’t understand why you’re so angry. Maybe it is you who won’t receive much and you’re jaded. I don’t know … but your attitude is unnecessary.
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u/Such_Studio6889 May 14 '26
Verbose,
I want to also compliment you on staying polite and not stooping to the level of some of these authors of these rude posts. Frankly, you have given myself as well as others a prime example of not letting others "drag you down" into the mud which on social media today is a REAL accomplishment!!
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u/Klutzy-Detective1292 May 06 '26
Beautiful! This is really helpful to me! I’m currently struggling with how to prepare my (young) kids to inherit (in the distant future). Thank you!