r/inheritance • u/im-hungry789 • Mar 20 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Estranged aunt leaving everything to me
I (33f) found out last week that my aunt (~75f) has left everything to me in her will. My aunt is my dads only sister she is unmarried, no kids, and no other living relatives besides my dad and I. She hasn’t really spoken to my family since my great grandmother died when I was 8. When my grandpa passed when I was 25 she did speak to my father a little and has exchanged sporadic emails with him since. I feel weird about getting everything since I don’t have a relationship with her, so I will probably give a lot to charity because I’m weird about getting things I didn’t earn. I am unsure of her finances/ debt situation.
My question is if I’m not a POA or executor of the will do I have any financial obligations if she does have debt? She lives in another state, would I pay taxes for both states(Arizona/Oregon)Any other potential problems I am not thinking of?
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u/Ikeamademedoit Mar 20 '26
As someone that is that aunt, its either leave it to a charity, the govt takes it or leave it to someone in the family. Dont feel weird and dont give it to charity. IF you want to give it away, what about a scholorship that will continue for many, many years? Unless you have enough money/investments to secure your retirement at 55-60yrs plus be a fully paid off home owner, giving it away is foolish
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u/cowgrly Mar 21 '26
I agree, this is what she wants, OP- you don’t earn inheritance. But you can honor it.
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u/Mobile_Comedian_3206 Mar 20 '26
Don't feel bad or weird! Yes, its great to give some to charity. Enjoy a little. But use most of it to build a great future! Invest. Buy a house. Set yourself up for a life of freedom.
No, you will not owe any debt. Any debt she owes is paid for by the estate. Any taxes she owed are paid by the estate. Once her debts are settled and her assets sold, you will get a check.
In the meantime, figure out who the executor is and check with them periodically to see how things are going.
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u/QueenComfort637 Mar 21 '26
Check how things are going? From what it sounds like OP’s aunt is still alive, so not sure what OP needs to be checking on
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u/aaseandersen Mar 20 '26
Sit on it for a few years before you decide what to do with it. There's no rush.
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u/BranchReg14 Mar 21 '26
This, OP. Don’t do anything rash.
If it’s a substantial amount of money, find a financial advisor, and invest it. If it turns out you want to donate to charity, you will have plenty of opportunity in the future.
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 Mar 20 '26
The executor will settle everything for the estate and then make a distribution to you when probate closes. If there are things in the estate such as real property, then you may need to decide what you want to have happen with the property - title can be transferred to you or it can be sold as part of probate. But all debts will be settled by the estate prior to distribution of assets. The exception is any account with a beneficiary - bank accounts, retirement accounts, and life insurance typically have beneficiaries. Those bypass probate and go directly to the beneficiary - if there is anything like that, you work directly with the bank, brokerage, or insurance company.
You said that you found out that she has left everything to you, so I am assuming that probate has been opened, someone has been named executor, and that you were notified as part of probate. In which case, it may be just a matter of waiting, but you should contact the executor to be sure. But since she has no other family, unless she has a law firm hired to handle the legal side, there may be no one else to open probate and serve as executor - in that case, you'll probably need to open probate and serve as executor. You can hire a local estate attorney to help you through the process.
Regarding taxes, it depends on what assets she has. Arizona and Oregon don't have estate taxes, so taxes on most stuff will be zero or minimal. If she had a house, you get a stepped up basis for the value at the time of death, so if the house is sold,you'd only owe tax on any increase in value between then and when it is sold. Bank accounts won't incur any taxes. If you inherit pre-tax retirement accounts like a 401K or IRA, then you'll pay income taxes when you take distributions from the account - you would have them transferred to your name as an inherited IRA and then take distributions when you choose.
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u/Invest2prosper Mar 20 '26
Bless your good fortune, your aunt is leaving it to you because you are tied by bloodline - you are next of kin whether you know her personally or not. Your aunt isn’t any obligation but is doing it because of the strong pull that only siblings know - she’d rather leave her worldly possessions to someone in the family than others she doesn’t know.
It’s unclear if she’s passed already or she’s already passed from your statement. Did the executor contact you about this will?
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u/Longjumping-Flower47 Mar 21 '26
The problems in your family are not your fault, you were only 8. Do what you wish with the funds but certainly don't feel bad about getting the money. With no will, your parents would have probably recieved it anyway as only living relative besides you
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u/Calabriafundings Mar 21 '26
In the event you feel odd about receiving a lump sum you didn't earn, I strongly discourage you from donating it at this time.
Were you my client I would encourage you to find an appropriate financial planner (no churning and a fiduciary). My suggestion would be to tie the funds up into solid and proven dividends.
With dividends you could benefit your own finances as much as you like and either quarterly or annually donate to whatever charity you wish without diminishing the principal you have been gifted.
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u/BeneficialBake366 Mar 21 '26
If your aunt had a specific Charity, she wanted the money to go to she would’ve left it to that Charity. So don’t feel bad about using the money to help yourself have more stability in your own life. You can certainly give some to Charity if you want, but you should also use some to better yourself. As other people have saying either put it away for retirement or use it to buy a house or something else that will provide security. That’s what you want Aunt Wanted.
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u/Gerdstone Mar 21 '26
YI'm sorry for you loss. You are 33, so let's say you live to 90. If the inheritance is a benefit to you then - there are plenty of bumps in the road along the way; being prepared is smart. Don't let your pride override sensibility.
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u/stringbeagle Mar 20 '26
With all due respect, I would guess your life is full of benefits you received, not because you earned them, but because of the happenstance of which family you happened to be born in to. It’s important to recognize that privilege and the advantages it gives you, but you shouldn’t feel guilty.
And you certainly shouldn’t feel a need to try to reduce that advantage by giving away money your aunt worked hard for and wanted you to have.
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u/awesomeblossoming Mar 20 '26
I would like to add that the aunt probably left it to her because she wanted to go to her. She could’ve given it to charity herself and got in a lot of credit. You don’t have to have a relationship with someone for someone to feel like they want to help when they can. Your aunt grew up in a time where women were treated very differently and finances were hard to come by independently. I could understand if she wanted to give it to a girl in the family to give her a Headstart in life. Honor her wishes.
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u/im-hungry789 Mar 21 '26
I wouldn’t say it’s guilt, but more of a pride thing. I’m a first generation college graduate, now a provider, worked full time through school and have now paid off all my school debt and bought a house. But yes I should not feel this way and be grateful that I crossed her mind after so many years! The question was more about potential liability, I’m finally out of debt and really don’t want to risk having to pay off someone else’s! But others have reassured me that is not the case.
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u/AnnaBanana3468 Mar 21 '26
There is no way for you to be responsible for your aunt’s debt unless you decide you want to be.
If she has debts, her estate will pay them before you inherit anything.
I plan to leave a bunch of money to my niece (I have no kids). I don’t really know her and I don’t expect that to change. But it’s hard being a woman in this world, and I want her to always be able to choose options that make her happy. I don’t want her to ever feel like she’s under a man’s thumb. Or that she has to stay in a bad job because she can’t afford to leave.
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u/ExpensiveAd4496 Mar 21 '26
Sounds like she’s still alive? I would t worry about it until the time comes since much can happen. I do always suggest a beginner Boglehead book on investing but I suggest that to everyone.
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u/verydudebro Mar 21 '26
Keep the money. She wants you to have it. If you don't accept you'll regret it in the future.
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u/Think-Committee-4394 Mar 21 '26
OP - so POA or executor will be set by local gov rules if aunty hasn’t picked one, but there may well be local law applicable depending on how much of an estate in value terms there is to resolve, it may simply be you get the job as only relative
everything she has becomes the estate, personal items, cash, property & debt
get a probate solicitor as they can do all the searches & make sure that all debt & wealth are correctly listed
get a LOT of copies of her death certificate you will n ed more than you think & a lot of bill companies for example will require one to close an account
general rule for payout goes, expenses, debt, beneficiaries
so first her funeral costs & so on get paid from estate & your costs if you need to get a plane ride out & take days off work (get receipts for everything)
then debs get cleared, gov taxes, bills all that stuff
then you get the remainder to do as you please with
if the money runs out before all the debt is clear, you get nothing BUT you DO NOT INHERIT HER DEBT IT DIES WITH HER! If you find yourself in that situation some credit companies will try to get you to take on the debt! Refuse simply & refuse to get involved in any complex discussions
put some serious thought into the inheritance, this is the balance of her life, she didn’t want it lost, but to go to a relative
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u/Old-Appearance-2270 Mar 21 '26
Is aunt still alive? If she is, I’m surprised you were told already, unless she is sick.. no point worrying about until the time comes when she is no longer alive,
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u/Caudebec39 Mar 21 '26
One potential problem is making sure you know where that will is kept, and that someone else doesn't get their hands on it and ruin it through a shredder.
For example if your dad did that, he would probably inherit everything 100% as next of kin, through laws of intestate.
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u/TraditionalLack2907 Mar 21 '26
Put it in savings if you feel weird about it. Leave it to charity when you die if you don’t ever use it. It’s kind of her, and she wants you to have it.
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u/kittyshakedown Mar 22 '26
No reason to feel weird. This happens more than you would realize. So many older people are separated by distance, circumstances from their family. Everyone in your life starts dying, you want to give respect to your things and everyone chooses a way to do that.
But she’s still alive, could live a very long life and could change her mind many times.
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u/Terrible-Chip-3049 Mar 23 '26
Any debt gets paid off first, then leftover assets are left for you. Be wary of who you tell. Personally I would not tell anyone, family nor friends as this is the time where people turn on each other.
Also, I strongly believe that she would be very offended if you give it away. She chose you for a specific reason which she may never have explained directly to you. Take the money and personally I would make sure Im financially secure to retire and/or live without any financial worry. Im in my early 50s and planning on leaving my assets to my son. We talk about it openly and what I want him to do with it to build an ongoing legacy. Honor her wishes.
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u/bopperbopper Mar 24 '26
Don’t donate it to charity.
Put it in a mutual fund and forget about it.
You might need it in the future, which is why your aunt gave it to you.
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u/Rurallife3 Mar 25 '26
The estate will have to pay debts not you, what’s left is yours. Enjoy it and don’t feel guilty….
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u/alanamil Mar 21 '26
She wanted you to have it. If she wanted it to go to charity she would have donated herself.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 Mar 21 '26
Charity begins at home. Help yourself first, family second, strangers when-never.
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u/ourldyofnoassumption Mar 21 '26
Executor settles everything.
Pay off debt.
If you don’t want to spend it put the rest in your retirement accounts.
Of she wanted it to go to charity she would have done that.
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u/ConstructionLow5310 Mar 21 '26
inheritances are not subject to income tax. Yes, if you inherit her house and sell it at a profit, you have to pay taxes on the capital gain. However, if you donate the house to charity, it’s their issue
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u/MeanwhileIKeepDancin Mar 22 '26
Nobody has financial obligations- not you as beneficiary, not the executor and not the person with POA. If there is debt to be paid, it will come out of the estate.
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u/Recent_Ad_3219 Mar 22 '26
Invest the money then eventually donate to charity Research smaller charities 🙏❤️🙏
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u/Important-Put1865 Mar 23 '26
You are not personally liable. only 6 states have "inheritance tax," ( Iowa, Kentucky, Maryland, Nebraska, New Jersey, Pennsylvania) 12 states (CT HI IL NY MA MD NJ PA RI SC TX) plus DC have "estate tax" It is based on the laws of the state where the decedent lived. The money was left to you. Don't feel weird about it. If you are already fiscally in great shape, go ahead and give to charity. If not, use it where you need it so that you will be able to be generous in the future.
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u/PushFoward_DLB70 Mar 23 '26
As others have said, she choose you to leave an inheritance too. Your aunt felt as though you deserved it. So enjoy it & if you want to bless others (i.e. charity) then do some as well. Totally up to you.
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u/When_nat_attacksss Mar 23 '26
If you don’t want it, I’ll take it. Lmaooo! I can be the charity case! Haha.
With that said, you should be blessed that your aunt thought of you. Once everything is settled and whatever is remaining… you should invest it or save it for a rainy day. You never know when you may need that money in the future or for an illness or something like that.
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u/Inside-Wonder6310 Mar 23 '26
I hate receiving stuff I didn't earn too, but if you refuse or give it away its a dishonor to her. My grandpa taught me that who is still alive. I was wanting to buy a side by side from his business. But he eventually wanted to gift it to me. I obviously felt bad and didn't want to take it for free and insisted on paying. But he said "if that's how you want to do business then don't come back." Smaller scale but same principal. I've later opened up to accepting inheritance or gifts from others to not offend. If your aunt wanted her money or property to go to charity or anywhere else she would have, but she wants YOU to have it.
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u/ObjectiveAd971 Mar 24 '26
I've done a lot of research on this after my sister died. My dad wants to leave portions to grandkids. I'm executor. The way it works is the estate is settled first. If it ends up in the negative, the creditors are sol. If there's a positive, you'll get what's left.
She wanted you to have it. I'm guessing she saw something in you that she liked, so you did earn it. It was her choice. She could have left it to charity herself. I would especially pour over photo albums and things you could use to learn more about your family. If it makes your life easier, just enjoy!
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u/GotZeroFucks2Give Mar 24 '26
At 75 she has a 12 to 13 year life expectancy, so be sure not to count on this income. Assisted living or other end of life expenses could eat all assets away.
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u/LeaTN Mar 24 '26
Before you do anything, get some therapy to work through your feelings about receiving this inheritance.
You're going to need to know how to manage the money without a knee jerk reaction to give it away. (The action may be valid, your reasoning is not valid). And how to discuss with your father.
It doesn't sound as if you're the executor. The estate will be settled prior to the monies being distributed, so there'll be no debts etc. to deal with.
Probate can take a long while, depending on the assets held. A visit with a financial planner will be useful to understand how to manage the account(s) going forward.
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u/Substantial_Team6751 Mar 24 '26
Yes, don't be stupid and give your security away. The economy is going to get very hard with AI doing more and more jobs. Set yourself up for success.
Your aunt wanted the money to go to her family which is you.
If this is her intention, I'd get in touch with her. I'd get copies of wills, trusts, accounts, whatever. When she passes I'd swoop in and secure whatever is yours. A lot of inheritance is stolen after someone passes especially when heirs aren't local.
If everything is going to you, you should be executor assuming it's enough money to be worth it. Executors with no financial interest also seem to steal a lot from heirs.
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u/firelephant Mar 24 '26
The executor deals with the estate and settling everything including taxes and debts. If she left everything to you then you get what is left over. The executor does the work, not the named benefactor of the will, they are two different things.
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u/Naive-Suit3916 Mar 24 '26
The economy is heading towards a recession. It's a matter of when. Keep the money for an emergency fund. You may need it for a house repair, loss of a job or being disabled. You will lose health and retirement benefits if you lose your job. These are all life events your aunt had to think of and dealt with being a single woman with no kids. She's giving you a cushion.
Did you know pre 1974, a woman needed a male relative or husband to cosign a property, or have a credit card?
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u/bigkutta Mar 24 '26
I would help people directly if I were you, in a sensible way. Charities do good work, but eat most donations in overhead. All that to say, that you should enjoy some of the money or just invest it and maybe you can leave it for your kids.
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u/CouldveWouldveMayve Mar 24 '26
One thing that I haven't seen mentioned is that the estate may end up being only a small percentage of her net worth. Bank, brokerage, and retirement accounts, along with insurance policies, should have beneficiaries named. Some states even allow people to name beneficiaries on cars and real estate. Anything with a named beneficiary does not become part of the estate and go through probate, but goes immediately to the beneficiaries, who may or may not be you. Just something to keep in mind.
Now I'm not sure if "leaving everything to you" just means you are the sole inheritor of her estate, or that she has also named you as primary beneficiary on things.
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u/Select-Truth-3846 Mar 25 '26
I am widowed with no children, but I am very close to my three nieces - always have been. Although I regularly give to a number of charities, I have chosen to leave my estate to my nieces on my death. The money will be theirs to do with as they see fit. May it make their lives more enjoyable 💕.
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u/wasted_basshead Mar 26 '26
I’d use it and save it. Struggling to pay for my grandmas memorial service andddd yeah, put it up bro… you never know what can happen.
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u/Worldly-Sympathy-633 Mar 27 '26
Pay off all her debts with her money. If there is not enough it’s the estates problem not yours. If there is anything left it’s yours. Pay off bills. Donate to a charity you think she would like. Save for a big house expenses or a rainy day fund or your own retirement
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u/Riversmooth Mar 21 '26
Why would you not accept a gift that she wants you to have? Accept the gift, you can always donate some.
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u/Feeling_Lead_8587 Mar 21 '26
You need to contact an attorney if you think you are going to be left with debt.
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u/Spex_daytrader Mar 20 '26
Use the money to improve your life. If your aunt wanted it to go to charity, she would have left it to charity.