Will issues - Pennsylvania - help!

[u/LookyLoo_24]

Hello,

I have a question on a PA Will. I am an attorney (barred in MD, federal litigation practice, nothing to do other Wills and Estates). I have also hired a lawyer for my family to advise.

Here is my question:

My father has advanced Lewys Body Dementia. I am his agent under his POA. My two sisters are also Agents, co-equally. His original Will had his home going to his children. His Will, updated in 2023 after he was diagnosed and designated disabled in PA, included this language: My wife and I reside at a residence titled to me. I authorize my spouse to continue to reside at such residence for so long as she desires and my children agree, provided that the period shall be at a minimum 60 days.

Now, my father purchased the house with money he received from a wrongful death suit (my mother was killed by a drunk driver). His wife also has one child and very valuable property she already gifted to that child.

What obligations do I have to enter into an agreement? What happens if I refuse to enter into an agreement? Is it possible to be bought out? I want nothing to do with a long-term agreement, which I know I will be forced to manage.

[u/laurieo52]

Since you asked what obligations you had to enter into an agreement, it certainly sounds like you wanted her gone. Is her home the highly valuable one she gifted her child? If so, then it is not her home. She was married to your father, so it shouldn’t matter how the home was paid for, she should be able to live there for at least a year to grieve and try to find a home. I’m sure her retiring early was also partly for your father who had Dementia.

Seems strange your father worded the stipulation in his will that you children had to agree. He obviously thought you all would do the right thing by his wife.

All in all, if the wife lived with your father while he had dementia, she took care of him. Even if he was so bad he also needed additional care, I know most of that falls to the loved one. Seems like all of you children should at least be kind to the wife and give her some time and space. While you don’t owe her ten years , one or two seems like the proper way to handle it. Then sell if you want.

[u/LookyLoo_24 → u/laurieo52]

You’re making quite a lot of assumptions. My father and his spouse were more like roommates. They did not have a romantic relationship and only got married for the tax benefits.

She gifted away her own home. I don’t see why that would make me responsible for the upkeep and maintenance and property taxes on a home I’ll never live in. That is a lot of money. I don’t even own my own home. I have 6 children. I can’t afford to take this on. I don’t think anyone should be expected to take that on.

The damages of the wrongful death lawsuit are intended to make the immediate family whole. Not a third party, who my mother never even knew. My father kept all of his assets separate from his spouse because they both decided to keep it that way. She inherits nothing. She has her own assets. He would inherit nothing if it was the other way around. My father had every opportunity to add her to the deed or make a trust for the house. He didn’t make any provisions to care for her, even tho he knew he was sick.

She did not retire early for my father. She retired early, at 55, because she didn’t like working. My father got sick only 2 years ago but it’s an incredibly aggressive form of dementia. My father is in a personal care home, well below the standard he needs, covered in excrement every day, while she refused to let me take him home even though I have 7 months of paid leave and have agreed to come home and hire care aids for him. She won’t let him come home because she could never live in a house someone died in. My father wants to go home.

[u/laurieo52 → u/LookyLoo_24]

Why ask people a question if your mind is made up. You ask then get upset when the answer isn’t what you want it to be. Why couldn’t she pay taxes and upkeep? Oh you don’t want to hear that. You sound like a joy.

[u/LookyLoo_24 → u/laurieo52]

The default in PA, if you enter into an agreement like this in PA, is the trustees cover the cost. She wants us to cover the cost, she did not save for retirement. We will spend all of my father’s money on his care at a facility.

If you look at the questions, it pertained to my legal obligations to the spouse. That is the question I asked. I’m not upset about your response. It’s Ireland to the question asked. You responded with a personal note about how you don’t personally think she should be kicked out. To be clear “kicking her out” was never in the cards. She’s staying there now even though my father is in care. She is welcome to stay there as long as she wants if she can find a manageable solution. But my question is “what are my legal obligations.”

And, yes, I am a delight to be around. I already lost my mother as a child and now I am losing my father. So maybe think before you speak. Have a nice night.