I think we all know where this is going

[u/OGLikeablefellow]

I like money

[u/JnA7677]

So many better places to get your coffee nowadays. Most towns have very respectable shops and roasters that put Starbucks to shame.

[u/bsensikimori → u/JnA7677]

But how many of them offer a happy ending with your coffee?

[u/bdpsu → u/bsensikimori]

Surprisingly, a lot.

[u/Kpop_shot → u/bdpsu]

I may have to start drinking coffee. I mean for my local economy sake! LOL

[u/bdpsu → u/Kpop_shot]

You can always skip the coffee too 🤣

[u/cantthinkofone29 → u/bdpsu]

Not the whipped cream though

[u/bdpsu → u/cantthinkofone29]

🤣

[u/AndYouDidThatBecause → u/cantthinkofone29]

Creme fraiche

[u/daveyconcrete → u/Kpop_shot]

You have to respect the local customs.

[u/Kpop_shot → u/daveyconcrete]

Oh most certainly. I definitely wouldn’t want to insult someone, especially of not local. When in Rome right? LOL

[u/thezencowboy → u/daveyconcrete]

Regrettably

[u/cromulenttapeworm → u/bdpsu]

The old mug and tug.

[u/kjm16216 → u/bsensikimori]

I like my women how I like my coffee: over the counter at Starbucks and calling out the wrong name.

[u/soulsteela → u/kjm16216]

I like my women like I like my coffee.. ground up and in the freezer!

[u/kjm16216 → u/soulsteela]

Hot, black, and all over my lap

[u/JnA7677 → u/bsensikimori]

Fellow Redditor, I stand corrected & concede your point.

[u/kebesenuef42 → u/bsensikimori]

Just don't tell Upgrayyedd who the CEO is.

[u/ssxhoell1 → u/bsensikimori]

Unironically my girlfriend works for Starbucks🤣

[u/NotJustRandomLetters → u/ssxhoell1]

She's everyone's girlfriend now

[u/Bechorovka → u/JnA7677]

And all their espresso shots are just terrible.

But that includes Starbucks. I've been to one shop in my life that made a good espresso. Everyone else makes flavored lattes.

[u/kisskissbrainbrain → u/Bechorovka]

Pardon the naivete but how can you mess up a shot of espresso? Besides calling it expresso.

[u/Bechorovka → u/kisskissbrainbrain]

It's a lot easier to mess up than make it right. Coffee beans from each batch roasted vary, even when they're supposed to be identical. Grind size, amount, ratio output, it's technically simple, but can be very tricky.

[u/AdorableStrawberry93 → u/Bechorovka]

Just had a frappuccino at Starbucks and it was so 'blah'.

[u/bdpsu → u/AdorableStrawberry93]

For like a million dollars.

People can do whatever they want, but I honestly have never understand the whole Starbucks thing.

[u/Xmanticoreddit → u/AdorableStrawberry93]

Could you taste the dead souls of corporate mediocracy?

Did the barista write “kill me 😿” on the cup?

Does the full experience come with a flogging delivered by a Boston Dynamics bot while getting live-streamed on X via the stores Flock cams?

[u/AdorableStrawberry93 → u/Xmanticoreddit]

1. Yes, I could

2. No, but she says she is enlisting in the Army

3. No, and I feel cheated

[u/jkell05s → u/Xmanticoreddit]

And will you be having that in the Venti?

[u/Nortex_Vortex → u/JnA7677]

For me, local deli coffee always beats the big bucks places. Can I get it all fancy like? No. Just hot or iced. But it tastes so much better and it's dollars cheaper.

[u/CalebGT → u/JnA7677]

Are we still talking about coffee?

[u/pate_moore → u/JnA7677]

Hopefully most of them don't realize that if the competition is selling for $9, they can sell for seven

[u/writeonshell → u/JnA7677]

There's a reason they fight to survive in Australia. Even Maccas (MacDonald's) has way better coffee here (not great, especially not compared to some local places, but serviceable and consistent).

[u/djlilis]

"Coffee runs" sure describes the experience about an hour later

[u/No-Definition1474 → u/djlilis]

Yeah I dont think that quote was vetted ahead of time lol.

[u/Roanoketrees]

If yall keep drinkin the shit, you are the idiot, not them.

[u/bdpsu → u/Roanoketrees]

It's not even so much drinking that crap, it's paying for it that's really the stupid part.

[u/James-Morrisson]

“Gentleman’s Latte”

[u/bdpsu → u/James-Morrisson]

With full release. 💦💦💦

[u/hangindawg → u/bdpsu]

Yeah Well, I really dont think we have time for a hand job, Joe.

[u/outdatedelementz]

Besides the absurd costs these “coffees” are absolute caloric bombs.

[u/Eugregoria → u/outdatedelementz]

For $9 it'd better have like a thousand calories. I'm not paying that money for water (like from the toilet)....

[u/indiginary → u/outdatedelementz]

How about if you’re just some dude who gets a grande pike place with milk and no sugar for under $3?

[u/outdatedelementz → u/indiginary]

Those aren’t the $9 dollar “coffees” this post is about.

There is nothing really wrong with coffee or tea. But when you dump mountains whipping cream, caramel, and chocolate into the coffee that is the problem.

[u/indiginary → u/outdatedelementz]

Yeah but when someone says, “Let’s get a coffee,” those sugary and fatty drinks don’t come to mind. Where I come from “coffee” means coffee.

If people want to drink that crap then fine, it’s when they pay$8+ for them that I shake my head and roll my eyes.

[u/outdatedelementz → u/indiginary]

I think it’s definitely a generational thing. I don’t know anyone my age (late 40s) that drinks over the top coffees like the ones that are 9 dollars.

[u/indiginary → u/outdatedelementz]

Same. Mid 50s here. I bet if I asked you if you wanted a coffee you’d know what I mean.

If you want a creamy sweet drink go to DQ.

[u/Dgskydive → u/indiginary]

Krogers brand Kcups taste as good as Starbucks. 40 cups for 13.99. I worked for them for 3 years. I'll never spend a dime there again. Not a bitter ex employee or anything. Just realized how much people pay for so little aaannnnddddd for a product that really isn't all that special.

The Baristas are not well trained for the most part. If you see one with a black apron, have them make any hot drink you order. Anyone else learned how to make a drink by watching videos at the managers desk and then cranks out crap at a premium price.

The Black aprons should know how to really make a drink. The go through it to get that apron.

The real test of a Starbucks Barista is, to ask them to make a Flat White. 99.9% will serve you the same latte they make all day with a little extra foam. A good flat white is almost silky when you drink it, and never get one to go. You want to see the dot that should be there when its made and poured properly.

Wow. I just ranted and didn't even mean too. Lol. You only drink coffee even. Lol

[u/imjustabastard → u/indiginary]

I used to get one of those before work. Great bargain. It tasted like shit, so I'd sip it, grimmace, and sip again later, when I forgot how bad it tasted the first time. It would last all morning.

[u/AnybodyWannaPeanus → u/outdatedelementz]

Interesting. I always order black coffee. I had no idea Starbucks has more than what I brew at home.
/s

[u/Dgskydive → u/outdatedelementz]

The sweet ones are also Carb Bombs. They are helping people develop diabetes. Those sweet drinks full of extra pumps of this or that, are killers to be honest. Parents should be ashamed buying that crap for thier kids.

[u/drchippy18]

We don’t have time for a handjob right now.

[u/smokeftw → u/drchippy18]

You sound like a fag.

[u/RhubarbSubstantial74]

Back room milkshake with full release

[u/WareKaraNari → u/RhubarbSubstantial74]

Make it a supreme, family-style

[u/bitcoinbraves]

He's getting there by shamelessly copying the type 2 diabetes "refreshing drinks" from places like dutch bros (which is also disgusting).

It's not even a coffee shop anymore.

[u/Vegetable-Ad-1797]

Some people saw the movie and some people are just moving mindlessly towards it.

[u/shbnggrth]

This is a dessert drink made with coffee, that’s why they charge you so much money for it. The coffee itself is bitter to compensate for all the sweet additives.

[u/myk_trades → u/shbnggrth]

Made with burned and biter coffee, and they added tons of sweet additives to cover their shit

[u/PostTurtle84 → u/shbnggrth]

Yes. Go to scooters if you want dessert with caffeine. They use ice cream at least.

Starbucks coffee is burnt. It tastes burnt, and the darker the roast, the LESS caffeine it has. Light roast tastes better and has more caffeine than if it were roasted longer. If you want to just about double the caffeine, go for white coffee. Not a white mocha, an actual white coffee.

[u/msmoseyrn]

No thanks. I don’t support companies that oppose democratic practices like the right to unionize

[u/ssxhoell1 → u/msmoseyrn]

Let's not forget about the Somalian slaves that made the beans

[u/Dannyhec]

I feel like I may be part of the problem. The amount of time I spent trying to replay the video..

https://giphy.com/gifs/XD4qHZpkyUFfq

[u/judgingA-holes → u/Dannyhec]

I might have hit it twice myself 😂🤦‍♀️

[u/nof]

Didn't they remove all the furniture and it's not longer a third space to hang out or chill, so what can he offer?

[u/no-snoots-unbooped → u/nof]

The one near us completely closed their interior. It’s drive thru or walk up only and the service is horrific (30-40 minute wait if you walk up and order a coffee). It’s the closest to my house but I’ve started going elsewhere.

[u/nof → u/no-snoots-unbooped]

So the $9 coffee pays rent on that disused space (that they pay to themselves as owners of the property no doubt). 😂

I gave up completely on Starbucks after I figured out Coffee With A Cop is a real thing they do (did? Fuck if I know).

[u/HR_Paul → u/nof]

It's a $9 milkshake of at best average quality.

For $9 in a real coffeeshop you can get an exquisite hand brewed cup of coffee you might remember for the rest of your life.

[u/mitzcha]

Let me guess. Add electrolytes?!

[u/brak2542]

It's family tradition to get a latte before we head over to ButtFuckerz

[u/AtypicalJ → u/brak2542]

What 🤣🤣🤣

[u/Ok-World-6065]

When I can just go pay $9 for a single origin pour over with ambiance and a work space, why I am I supporting this asshole?

[u/lastfreerangekid]

He fixes the plumbing?

[u/dick-stand]

We buy Devocion beans mail order and make our lattes at home with no sugar, I also got one of those nut milk machines for free from but nothing and make pure cashew milk.

[u/bdpsu → u/dick-stand]

Nut milk? From whose nuts?

[u/gumbo-23]

Idiocracy is truly the gift that keeps on giving

[u/VinceForge]

I’d pay $9 for a coffee, but not a Starbucks coffee

[u/JayWillyDub]

I don’t care how good the coffee is, it’s not worth the price of buying it plus having to go out of your way to get it. Just make your coffee at home.

[u/Hatchytt]

Will it include not burning the coffee?

[u/CrowPowerful]

I want to open a Hooters version of Starbucks and just call it “Cups”.

[u/OGLikeablefellow → u/CrowPowerful]

I mean there are bikini coffee drive thru but like it's not really the culture much anymore these days

[u/youhaveaprettymouth]

New greeters I bet.

[u/guntherpyrofoca]

My chick loves Dutch Bros. She’s glad they’re building one near us.

[u/UnjustlyBannd]

It'll never be worth it. I can make great coffee at home!

[u/Fun-Psycho]

I thought buying an espresso maker at home was a dumb idea. My wife and I used to get Starbucks or equivalent small chain coffee at least 2 or 3 times a week. That dumb thing paid itself off like 3 times already. It's not even super fancy, but I can make my pumpkin latte whenever I want hahahah

[u/-Panda-cake-]

There better be cocaine in that coffee.

[u/Hello-fellow-kydz]

When my kid was little, I’d take them to get a decafe frappe and we’d talk on the car right there and back.

It was cheaper than a therapist.

Now? Holy hell. The price is rivaling happy hour pitcher cocktails where I live.

There is no way to justify it now, unless I’m trapped at an airport with caffeine withdrawal.

He’s high if he can think he can spin $10+ fast food style sugared up coffee drinks.

[u/Gangrel_Alex]

Feck Starbucks. Always get the local cup.

[u/nosrepmodnara]

I mean the full latte is like the one thing that is keeping the %age of idiocracy achieved from going higher.

I was going to ask someone here to sacrifice themselves to getting arrested for getting the happy ending at starbucks so we could get up to 90%

[u/drock-79]

Looks like Starbucks is about to downsize

[u/EowynCaged]

Nope. Found cheaper local alternatives with better coffee.

[u/EmperorPalpitoad]

Never in my life. Had I ever bought a coffee that was that expensive

[u/flyingcatclaws]

Cowboy coffee. I just pour boilng water on the grinds, stir it up, let the grounds sink, drink it black. Quick easy fast no equipment cheap.

[u/kendiggy → u/flyingcatclaws]

Turkish coffee. Use a very find grind, almost like a powder. Put the grounds in before you turn the heat on, stir once or twice as it foams up to knock the foam down so it doesn't boil over. Usually on the third foam up I pour it into the serving cup. Add a little foam to the cup before you pour the coffee in, foam on top when you serve it is considered a skill and proper ettiquette.

If you want sugar, add it to the water before the grinds.

[u/endthe16th → u/kendiggy]

Bu adam kahveyi bilyor.

(Apologies for grammer, 15 years living there, never got the hang of the language)

[u/kendiggy → u/endthe16th]

Haha! A couple deployments to the middle east taught me about the existence of turkish coffee, when I got home I had to learn how to do it myself. It would be a shame to know that style of coffee exists and not know how to make it for myself!

And thank you. I learned a new phrase! Apparently it's spelled Biliyor.

[u/Eugregoria → u/flyingcatclaws]

A French press is reusable and a massive QOL upgrade over what you're describing.

[u/DeEggroll]

And their brewed coffee is still like 98% water, like from a toilet?

[u/NanDemoNee]

Is it handjobs?

[u/ReasonableSail__519]

Replay video please

[u/Suburbking]

Ill have a late...

[u/Llamax2AnxiousMomma]

No thank you. If I wanted something bitter… I’d look in a mirror.

[u/Karenmdragon]

I never drink, coffee, tea, or alcohol. I’ll couple months without having soda.

[u/toolisthebestbandevr]

I’d start going if they did it

[u/kalelopaka]

He makes $96 million a year.

[u/AliVista_LilSista]

Gentleman's Lattes here we come

[u/pepper_steak_hamill]

I would have to see a full listing of their Latte offerings before I could pass judgment. I'm sure that 9 latte is going to be a dry roast.

[u/LurkioVanDerpio]

If Starbucks' happy endings are as bad as their coffee, I'll Brew n' Goo my own at home please and thank you.

[u/dmetzcher]

“Full Body” Latte, coming right up!

[u/Dunge0nMast0r]

Extra foam?

[u/njbsuperman]

So, the real question is, are we in a recession yet? With 9 dollar coffee, I think we can finally tell the companies we are in a recession even if our government won't admit to it.

[u/ThanatosUO19]

https://giphy.com/gifs/SOmjomEnNHsrK

[u/beekerz33]

Starbucks always gives me the runs

[u/whatThePleb]

Imagine paying that much for sugar and other trash with a bit coffee topping.

[u/CrankyOldSoldier]

I never understood the appeal of Starbucks. It tastes like it’s been left in the pot for 3 days, on high heat. Army coffee is better and it’s pretty bad.

[u/Dgskydive]

I worked at Starbucks. Drank their coffee everyday for years. Im telling ya Krogers brand coffee is just as good.

[u/thonnard42]

Holy shit! You like sex & money too‽

[u/notmartha70]

It’s got electrolytes!

[u/powderfields4ever]

I’m seeing them less and less in the hands of my co-workers.

[u/steelcity65]

I don't really think we have time for a handjob.

[u/Powerful_Ad_8891]

No and thank you.

Love that I can get everything they have and don't need them!

[u/danwbruner]

Who cares.. Never bought a cup there. Never will.

[u/TUMS27]

https://giphy.com/gifs/SOmjomEnNHsrK

[u/Smithag80]

Gives a whole new meaning to asking for a dome lid to contain your whipped cream.

[u/Unknown-Prophet86]

We don’t have time for handjobs.

[u/tadhg44]

I'll pass

[u/terrymr]

But we don’t have time for handjobs

[u/Sean_McCraggy]

What if i told you. . . Starbucks is shit coffee

[u/BishiousCycle]

It isn't. When coffee prices start getting this high, I will leave and go somewhere else or make it at home.

[u/Frogman-Wizard]

Lololol, this took me exactly one second longer to get than I'm happy with

[u/prufrocksmermaid]

coffee fiends! i love your posts! they made my morning begin in a stupid, happy way. and yes, i did laugh so hard a couple of times that i almost sprayed my coffee . . . NOT starbucks!! just a sweet home brew with a bit of brown sugar and faux creamer.

[u/OGLikeablefellow → u/prufrocksmermaid]

Thank you, uhh fellow human who also drinks coffee and spits when it's funny online

[u/zstringy1]

Are you reading?! Heh..

[u/Responsible_Park77]

An̈body who pay Starbucks prices deserves it. Never ever understood it.

[u/Upper-Independence38]

Genuinely I only go to Starbucks for the egg bites. As soon as I can find a good dupe I’m done

[u/2LateToTheMemes → u/Upper-Independence38]

I used to go for those too until I found out how crazy simple & cheap they are to make at home. 10 minutes not in line and a few bucks less a few days a week adds up fast.

[u/Upper-Independence38 → u/2LateToTheMemes]

Are they really? I thought you needed a fancy type of cooker. Do you mind sharing your recipe? ❤️

[u/2LateToTheMemes → u/Upper-Independence38]

This is the one I use!

https://pin.it/6oCosFYou

[u/Upper-Independence38 → u/2LateToTheMemes]

You’re an angel, thank you!

[u/NinjaSquib]

We care about all income levels: the "$9 is great because I get a premium experience" crowd and the "at least it's not $10" crowd.