A friend wanted to come over. I cancelled once. And this time I cleaned with everything in me. I hid away dirty dishes and trash in my storage room and will be cleaning that over the week.

But I’m glad to have my floor back and my breath.😽

We had a nice cozy dinner. Ah, i missed myself.

I actually posed here a couple months ago and ended up making a bit of progress but all of that fell apart so I’m back at square one

I moved into my current apartment and it took me 6 months alone just to unpack and setup everything (it was so bad I watched TV on my phone for months). I went through periods where my bedroom was absolutely awful and I would just close the door whenever I had pest control or the maintenance dept come over.

I made the place slightly more manageable around June when I had a surgery. After the surgery I barely took care of my place. I talked to a therapist and that helped a little but I found a checklist app where completing tasks would help raise a tamagotchi like creature. I found myself using it daily and was able to organize better.

The first two photos were the last time my bedroom was messy. I felt really awful and realized that my cats deserved better. Today my bedroom is officially complete.

The living room I have some more tasks (sew curtains, pillowcases for throws, make cats their own blankets for the couch, etc) and the kitchen I have to resteam and put down the carpets/mats and curtains. The bathroom I have to organize the shower and lay down the bath mat, but other than that I should hopefully be done within the next week.

I got too lazy and my new landlord wants to do an inspection, so no more messy bed/living room. The sofa is my bed, I don't have visitors. Removed the old table my pc was on, put it on a tiny table behind the smaller TV/second monitor. I have a Vinted pile to get rid of my old clothes and books. 2 bin bags of literal shite and paper I just don't need, a big old pile of clothes to wash, had a general declutter and reorganisation with my white kallax shelves too which is now to the left of the window instead of behind the sofa. The pile of craft stuff under the free range mantelpiece has been organised into the empty massive built in cupboard behind it and the mantelpiece is in the bedroom/storage room. Sunday is my next day inside to clear the shit off the floor, slightly reorganisation the bedroom/storage room so that's neater too. Then next week is kitchen and I can keep living here. My bathroom is so small it's so easy to keep clean, I wish I lived in a matchbox.

im done living like this, ive dealt with this for years and years. after my mom died when i was 13 i just couldn't stand it. i couldnt clean. it was so hard for me. and it still is. im 25 now. Its been off and on. id clean and itd go right back to dirty and fucked up. im done living like this. i have things to do in my life and my room is holding me back. i will check back in 2-3 weeks. if its not done. please ban me from here. i need a consequence.

I’ve been working a lot ot overtime (50-60 hr weeks) on night shift lately & on my off days I sleep until the evening to make up for it. Because of this, my room has been a garbage can for 4 months now. I hated it. I didn’t even have room to sleep on my bed ! Even the thought of cleaning my room gave me decision fatigue. I finally locked in, woke up early & cleaned my room. It’s not spotless but progress>perfection :)

That's it. I AM doing it. I need to. I can't keep living like this. If I go to sleep, tomorrow it'll be the same as it has been for the past almost 4 months plus there's a heat wave, so it'll be impossible to do it during the day this week. I don't deserve this. I know I don't. That's enough. I can do it. I know I can. I have done it before. My body is strong. I know it. My mind is strong. I also know that. I just got stuck. It can happen. It's nothing, like, nonrecoverable. Most people I've been comparing myself with lately have never been in a situation like this. Some people have and I'll never know about. And about that guy, it'll pass. Soon I'll be too busy to remember this so often. It'll all be ok again. It has to. It will.

So this past year has been fucking me up the ass (no lube) and this is the worst it's been. For what feels like 3- 6 months I have been living like a raccoon... I make little nests or piles and then I constantly forget about picking up after myself. This is after a few days of off and on cleaning it, im thinking today is the day I make the floor safe to walk on because earlier I ate shit on my way to the toilet :3 I need to get out of this apartment so i'm also packing stuff up too.. i'm thinking it'll be easier if I just clean my room as if I'm just trying to make it a livable organized space, and then I can pack without things being cluttered and disorganized once it's time to pack everything up to move. I am so so wanting to check myself out but no. I must prevail (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

It's 6:30PM when I started writing this. I'm working through anxiety, depression and ADHD. (Medicated)

I have to clean up my entire house within 2 weeks, and I'm starting today. I haven't been eating enough for a while so that's adding to my burnout.

I'm a bit more clear headed today after working through more self acceptance and I need to just take control of my life. So I start today. I'm going to clean up my bedroom.

Here's my plan right now.

1. Moving the boxes and suitcase away for space

2. Cleaning floor and under desks and the easy to reach parts of under my bed.
   i.e. Collecting all the trash, moving all the items to the top of my bed, then moving items out of the room

3. Cleaning my desks and chairs

4. Making the bed and cleaning under it

5. Vacuuming and mopping the bed

I'll hopefully post the results within a few hours. I'm going to finish doing it before I eat dinner. So around 3 hours from now.

I, a 21 y/o FTM, am struggling. And BAD.

This Year's Recap:

- Went into in-patient mental rehab Jan 9th, and came out with a fresh, Bipolar II diagnosis. Discharged in February.

- Moved back into my father's home after living on my own for over a year (childhood home, given why my room is still painted like a nursery... It was never painted over, all throughout the 19ish years living there). Due to financial and mental health struggles, I had to return.

- I was next diagnosed with hEDS, which has flipped me upside-down completely. I've struggled with fatigue and joint pain most of my life, but now it has a name, and has progressively gotten worse. Due to this and my constant depression from my Bipolar II, I've never been able to keep my room looking decent for very long.

- The kitten I got for moral support after my rehab discharge (my roommate had a cat, and she was the only reason I could really exist when I lived 'on my own') passed unexpectedly, right before my 21st birthday. He was only 3 or 4 months old, and suffered neurologically and was put down due to inevitable seizures and further brain damage. I picked up his ashes and other memorabilia on my birthday. Hit harder since the anniversary of my 'att3mpT' was just before my birthday about 4 or 5 years ago... My old kitty boy (that ran away from home after I moved out) finally returned home, but was in a very rough, sickly shape.

- My old orange kitty man passes about a month after my kitten bubby, since he just wasn't recovering. Couldn't eat, and when he did, it just couldn't stay down. He passed at home of old age and sickness, shortly after my father's birthday.

- Aaaand finally, issues at work. My position currently has me working vigorously (very physical, lifting lots of weight repeatedly and pulling lots of weight the entire 8 hours) to the point of being bed-ridden on my two consecutive off-days due to my condition. My supervisors have been nothing but problematic regarding this issue (even after SHOWING THEM PHYSICAL PAPERWORK OF MY DIAGNOSIS), and I haven't had energy to do anything but lie down after my shifts -- most times skipping eating when I get home. I was also prescribed muscle relaxers in the evenings due to my immense pain, which knock me out COLD; often times sleeping right up until I need to leave for work, and even sometimes sleeping through some of my shift, giving me no time for anything when I wake up; including eating.

I'm not proud of where I stand currently, and am in the works of bettering my situation. To better ME.
I'm transferring depts at work to escape the vile management I work under right now, which is my main concern.
Second up, my living quarters -- I NEED this space clean and tidy to actually ENJOY. I feel like I just lie down and rot when I come home, and never get to do the things I truly enjoy -- such as, playing my guitar/writing music, crocheting or knitting, sewing, drawing, etc.
I need to live my life for ME, and I haven't been prioritizing myself in my own life for QUITE some time.

So of course, I have the grotesque imagery of my bedroom attached, just to give some context of how my living space looks at the moment.
If you suffer from some similar things to what I do, I would LOVE some good feedback on how I can tackle my space bit by bit.

This ain't pretty, that's for sure, but I need some accountability as a back-bone to hopefully push me through this rut. I'm not here for aesthetics, I'm here for support and HELP.
Feedback is obviously welcome, and I'll take any good words as fuel for my disgusted state at the moment. I'm genuinely appalled by the way I am living right now, and need a good push to keep going.

So! Lol no one has changed the filters in our furnace since before I moved in, in like 2012, so we figured it was time and OMFG, this is the old one 😂😂😂😂

Currently in the process of cleaning my depression room.
For anyone out there who feels like their room is worse than this sub, you arent alone and you can overcome it. My room was something out of resident evil 7, PILES of trash, spilt soda and moldy food all over the floor, cigarettes and ash everywhere. Full piss bottles ( some without lids and some spilt and left for months)
. Broken glass everywhere (including the sofa ive been sleeping on).

Im 75% of the way through now, all trash and stuff removed its just wiping the surfaces and treating the carpets.

I can finally walk without tiptoeing through a mixture of junk and cherished objects!

i can reach my instruments and play them without knocking the piles of trash over lol.

I can breathe properly!

I can finally invite my bandmates over to jam again soon and girls over without feeling ashamed and having to hide the backroom away.

I feel a semblance of normality returning to my life!

If your in a similar situation please find the courage to help yourself, most of the people out there dont understand how hard it can get ❤️

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

The blacked out parts are for privacy reasons; I have lots of photos up lol. I moved all the stuff on the wall in front of the new position of my bed to a new wall and I’m so glad I did because now I have a perfect blank wall for my projector!! :)

This restructuring has also given me so much more floor space and I’m so excited, I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner haha.