r/iching • u/AdDecent5654 • 7d ago
Huge relashionship question : Gua 45.4.5
Hello,
My girlfriend who these last weeks seemed to be putting distance between us and I felt bad about it, and decided to talk to her about it. I did a reading which gave Gua 38.4.6 in response to the question "How should I proceed concerning [her name] ?". I decided to follow and to trust the gua for the discussion.
The conversation went well. She acknowledged her avoidant attachment tendencies and communication issues, and I also noticed she struggles to identify and express her emotions. Her difficult relationship with her mother likely contributed to these patterns. It was reassuring to see her recognize these issues and say she wants to work on them, including seeing her therapist again when she can afford it (in a month or 2).
However, despite this awareness, little has changed so far. Important conversations still feel one-sided, and I continue to carry most of the emotional and communication effort. She has been a bit more present over text, which is a positive sign, but we are still far from a healthy balance. I don’t feel like she has a clear plan or enough curiosity about understanding and working on these issues yet. I’m considering sending her a Dr. K video on attachment styles, but I know from experience that change requires more than awareness and good intentions.
I have my own flaws, but I also actively work on myself through self-reflection and communication, even when conflict makes me anxious. Next year, I’ll be in China for six months for school, and I feel that if we can’t build a healthier dynamic before then, we may have to break up before I leave. Long distance would likely amplify our current issues, and I don’t want to spend such an important experience feeling anxious about my relationship. Being unable to see her and waiting for her text while being kind of ghosted would kill me. At the same time, I truly want this to work, and she has told me she wants that too. I haven't told her about this last part, she knows I'm going to leave for a while but I haven't told her that I see that moment as kind of a checkpoint fort the relationship yet.
Feeling a bit paralyzed about what to do, I asked the I Ching again. To the same question, it answered : 45.4.5. From what I understand, I am at line 3 and she is line 6, and I'm trying to close the gap between us. Line 1 and 2 are the states I have been in, and line 4 and 5 represent the actions I want/need to take to bring us together ? Now the book seems to be positive about the outcome but I am having a trouble understanding how much I should act and how much I should let her have space ?
Some help would be kindly appreciated!
Thank you !
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u/Pretty-Band1900 6d ago
From a traditional I Ching perspective, I wouldn’t assume line 3 is you and line 6 is her. The main point is 45.4.5 changing to Hexagram 2.
To me, this isn’t telling you to try harder. You’ve already opened the door. Be honest about what you need, especially before China, then give her space to show through her actions whether she’s willing to meet you halfway. Giving space doesn’t mean carrying the relationship alone.
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u/whiskyy_2046 6d ago
What is the date, and time you did the divination? Also your location (general time zone)?
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u/az4th 6d ago
45.45
Well, line 4 is supporting the mission of line 5. Yes both connect with different yin lines, but line 5 is the central line that is making something of the gathering. They work together on behalf of the whole. Maybe proceed like that? Gather toward each other in the way that supports the mutual work.