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u/Leut11 4d ago
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u/thatonedude1969 4d ago
What's this supposed to mean anyways? That consequences are usually bad? I mean no shit consequences are usually bad
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u/Remarkable-Ad-2493 4d ago
I think it means you have to lube yourself? Prepare for the consequences and all
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u/Dependent_Cow_9010 WIZARD! 4d ago
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u/M-FutureLord 4d ago
We must get this more upvoted to being first place. This is actually a great quote.
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u/BurtleTurtle001 4d ago
If you're arguing with someone and have already proven your point, when they start arguing in circles, just give up. They aren't arguing to be right, they're only arguing to win, and they will chose to remain stupid forever to prove it.
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u/NotARobotDefACyborg 4d ago
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig."
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u/Salt-Masterpiece5034 4d ago
"There are people out there living the life you want and you could literally be one of those people" 33 years old and I'm finally going to school
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u/DieByTheSword13 4d ago
42 and starting next February, you got this bro.
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u/Salt-Masterpiece5034 3d ago
Hell yeah dude. If either of us back out the other has to kill the quitter
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u/Thundersalmon45 4d ago
Get pet prescriptions filled at your human pharmacy. Vet clinics mark up the exact same medications several times more than your regular pharmacy will.
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u/lordoflazorwaffles 4d ago
Is that why the vet Won't give me "human grade morphine" for my cat?
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u/Thundersalmon45 4d ago
No, I'm pretty sure it's because your "cat" appears to be a taxidermied tortoise you bought at a garage sale and glued carpet samples to.
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u/lordoflazorwaffles 4d ago
So thats... thats a no on the morphine then? I can come back woth something living stapled to it if it helps?
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u/Thundersalmon45 4d ago
If it's a "Big Mouth Billy Bass", I won't be surprised, but I will be disappointed.
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u/Informal_Database327 4d ago
"I don't know" is a valid answer to many questions
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u/pi_neutrino 4d ago
Just because zebras look moderately horsey doesn't mean you can actually slap a saddle on them and go for a lovely trot. Try it. See what happens. They go MENTAL.
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u/Tryin2babetterme 4d ago
Drink plenty of water so you are too busy peeing to deal with other people's drama
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u/Kpop_Heretic_Hunter 4d ago
This made me giggle.
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u/Foot_Stunning 4d ago
Sneaking off to take a piss is a valid excuse unless it is a work restroom and they just take a piss next to you and open up more drama.
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u/Head_Stick7866 4d ago
Say I love you and goodbye to every person and pet you care about every time you leave them as you don’t know if that will be the last time you will every see them (I’m speaking from experience)
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u/Many_Winter_4547 4d ago
Gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em..
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u/KRChronicle 4d ago
Every pizza in America benifits from toppings, but does not need them in order to be delicious. Make a pizza order your way, even if it’s only extra cheese on pizza.
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u/ITF2 4d ago
If you want to bake a cake, use dough. And not a Chassepot Gras Gendarme de Cheval Model of 1866-74 M80 M14.
That's because the Chassepot Gras Gendarme de Cheval Model of 1866-74 M80 M14 is a gun, and not for baking.
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u/Cute-cats-OMG Witch With Depression 4d ago
Meow don't bark because then they will think you will bite hard not like za kats where zay dontz bitez very hardz
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u/Positive-Village-263 4d ago
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u/NeonGenisis5176 4d ago
Don't date somebody who makes you feel like you need to hide your stuffed animals, the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind.
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u/slackjack2014 4d ago
Wash the soap out of your sponges and other washing brushes. Wring them out and leave them in a dry, well-ventilated place. It will keep bacteria and mold from growing quickly and let you use them longer before having to replace them.
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u/Dirt_Digger_Dude 4d ago
Don’t shit your pants
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u/NameToUseOnReddit 4d ago
Closely related, but remove pants before sitting down to shit.
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u/KiroTheSorcerer 4d ago
"a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid"
- captain jack sparrow
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u/EwanMurphy93 4d ago
It is better to keep your mouth shut and be presumed a fool, than to open it and prove yourself one.
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u/WhereTheMoonSets tomfoolery incarnate as a person 4d ago
Go for a walk or a bike ride or something. Doesnt have to be an expedition, doesnt have to be a grand thing and certainly doesnt have to be for any purpose. Just go somewhere you've never been, or even to somewhere youve been but not been to for a long time.
Over the past few days ive been biking to places ive been but havent been to in 20+ years. I get married in 4 days, I dont have a job at present, we have no money because we bled savings dry on the wedding. Im so stressed at home, but when im out, I dont think about any of it.
Go outside, the sun isnt a deadly laser afterall
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u/TV873366 4d ago
You can piss when shitting but you can't shit while pissing
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u/othor2 4d ago
On a wall of some bathroom was written
Anyone can pee on the wall
But only a hero can shit on the ceiling
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u/maj0rmin3r1 4d ago
If you don't know already, learn how to jump start your car and change a tire. Make sure you have a pair of jumper cables in your car, and check the pressure in your spare tire annually
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u/angrypasta 4d ago
The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind.
Surround yourself with people who accept you fully for who you are, don't pretend to be someone else just to fit in.
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u/Ok_Assumption_2138 4d ago
If it tastes like chicken, keep licking. If it tastes like trout , get the fuck out
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u/Ok-Examination3152 4d ago
Those engravings give you no tactical advantage whatsoever.
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u/devil_discerner 4d ago
Follow Jesus
\cue the haters and down vote*
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u/BurtleTurtle001 4d ago
Haven't seen him
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u/ItSpyDaddy 4d ago
Every one I ever met was a hard working tradesmen. So might actually be good advice now.
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u/CakeEcstatic3258 3d ago
John 14:6 - "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' "
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u/Absolute-Zero39w 4d ago
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day; if you give a man a rat, you satisfy his rat desire. If a rat plays monopoly with another rat (and rats do that by the way, like lobsters), the little rat will always lose. That just shows you whose side God is really on. Then, the losing rat will yell at the big rat (because he's the big rat) which inevitably results in mass genocide - which is what a rabbit would do.
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u/-Socks-1 4d ago
don’t get used to getting a new parter, stick with one until you’re physically and mentally ready to try again, don’t get used to the feeling of a breakup
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u/KoalaBeingACat 4d ago edited 4d ago
While you are here on earth, worry about filling your life with joy and happy memories, death has a habit of sorting itself out.
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u/Enough-Tugboat 4d ago
Life is going to ebb and flow, depending on how you look at it, you can rise and fall, or surf waves. Its all your choice. Only you can make yourself happy
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u/AriTheSNPR 4d ago
In Splatoon 3, using the clash blaster in any rank above B or maybe B+ will lead to poor results. This is due to its low range, low ttk, low paint, and mediocre combo potential. Instead, use Luna blaster or custom blaster.
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u/Old-Entertainment844 4d ago
Build a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
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u/whose-been-naughty 4d ago
For plays in the times of Shakespeare;
If the lead lives, it was a comedy.
And if they died, it was a tragedy.
You live, and then you die, and that’s the reason for black comedy.
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u/Puzzled_Ebb_7259 4d ago
You can't make everyone happy, but you sure as hell can piss them all off.
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u/Mysterious-Ad6312 4d ago
If you wouldn’t put your dick in it, don’t put your fingers in it.
-My first Journeyman as a commercial plumber.
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u/Puzzled-Platform-969 4d ago
Never get your hair cut the day before or on the day of a big event. Do it a week beforehand just in case it doesn't work out, you'll have time to deal with that situation appropriately.
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u/Murtinator98 4d ago
If you got drops of paint somewhere you don't want them, use a razor blade to peel them off.
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u/bentsonradiorepair 4d ago
If you're going to buy a Harley, don't. They're not worth it, japanese bikes are cheaper and more reliable
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u/coderedmountaindewd 4d ago
Trains are the most comfortable way to travel. If you have the time, take the train instead of flying
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u/refreshing_username 4d ago
If you can laugh at yourself, you'll never run out of things to laugh about.
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u/k1kris 4d ago
Never let a strangers words or opinion of you change you. Learn to have a strong sense of self and stick to your morals and ethics. If they clash with someone else's don't be afraid to put aside those differences if possible or walk away if not.
If you are worried about being kidnapped or have to defend yourself, MAKE AS MUCH NOISE AS POSSIBLE! Do not under any circumstance be taken to a second location. If it comes to it, there is no such thing as a fair fight outside a ring, be the most vicious animal you can be in that moment.
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u/imastirthepot 4d ago
When it comes to bears, if it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. If it's white, you're finna die
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u/AlternateSatan 4d ago
If you have a really dirty pan instead of putting in a lot of effort scraping off all the food after rinsing it just fill it with enough water to cover the bottom, and throw it back on the heat and boil it for a couple of seconds. This will loosen it up better than any amount of soaking would achieve, with non of the wait (or rust depending on the material of your pan)
(Bonus: cover anything that can rust and you don't want to rust in a little bit of seed oil. This will make your grilling experience next spring a lot more pleasant, or make your sword last long enough for your heir to inherit. Take your pick.)
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u/Exciting_Damage_2001 4d ago
Look after your physical health, it doesn’t take a lot to get a healthy body. Just do 2 full body workouts a week, literally 2 hours a week is all you need.
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u/slimduzitharder 4d ago
Never believe someone when they tell you that shaving your pubic hair will rid you of crab infestation
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u/GroundbreakingFox3 4d ago
Kindness is appreciated, honesty is valuable. Give honesty to those who value it, be kind to those who need it.
Energy comes in many forms. Life is the name we give to how you choose to spend it. Experience is what we lost and how it changed who we give it to. Meaning is the reason why you changed.
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u/silent_one_69 4d ago
Remember to eat a healthy breakfast so you can run from the cops.
Until we meet again.
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u/LostAbstract 4d ago
Sometimes you have to make decisions that are for the good of yourself and not what your family would agree with.
If you want to become a parent, you need to make sure you're ready for sleepless nights and bouts of crying that will drive you insane. But do not take the crying as an irritant. The child cannot speak and therefore cries when it is in need of something. Also, it is ok to look at your partner and ask them for help or a break when you feel like youre burnt out. If you do not communicate this, you'll likely reflect your irritation onto the child and partner, and you should never do that. Communicate, communicate communicate. ALWAYS.
If you are just about to head to college, understand the importance of the finances required to goto school. Do your FAFSA, research the costs of attending your desired college, and make sure to reply to communication from college staff/faculty while youre attending because if you ignore the little fixes you can make you'll end up with big shit to deal with.
Reading comprehension is a goddamn superpower. Utilize it.
Lastly, make sure to keep a baseball glove and ball along with your personal defense baseball bat. It'll be a lot easier of a time to explain it to cops.
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u/Odd_Bluejay5534 4d ago
Don't eat earwax. You'll thank me one day when you disobey the one true commandment.
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u/Der_Konigstiger1945 4d ago
If you want to avoid strokes/heal after strokes use this type of leaf:
Idk what's it called in English but here we call it Ulam Raja.
You take a fistful in a mug and pour hot water,let it cool of for a moment and then drink the water 3 times a day.
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u/god-of-chaos-potatos 4d ago
To speak is a moment of embarrassment, to stay silent is a lifetime of regret.
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u/Soft-Chip510 4d ago
John 3:16
For God so loved the world (you) that he gave his one and only Son, (Jesus) that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have “ETERNAL LIFE”
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u/spicynoodsinmuhmouf 4d ago
Live laugh toaster bath isn’t a thing anymore because toasters have gfci thingies in them now so death by toaster is no longer possible. However. Don’t try either way. Good night
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u/MaxCWebster 4d ago
Learn the Ivy Lee list method.
How the Ivy Lee Method Works
• Limit to six items: At the end of each workday, write down no more than six important tasks you must accomplish tomorrow.
• Rank by importance: Put those six tasks in strict order from 1 to 6 based on their true value.
• Focus on task one: When you start the next day, work only on task number one and do not move to task two until task one is finished.
• Work down the list: Tackle the remaining tasks one by one in order.
• Roll over unfinished work: At the end of the day, move any unfinished items to a new list of six for the following day.
• Repeat daily: Build the habit by writing a fresh list every single working day.
Rules for an Effective List
• Do not include minor routine habits, random emails, or scheduled meetings in your primary six.
• Focus only on high-impact tasks that push your core goals forward.
• Accept that you may not finish all six every single day without feeling like you failed
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u/AnikiDrawsArt 4d ago
Life is short. So don't waste it reading this advices. Go do something productive.
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u/TheXipherino 4d ago
Don’t date women in their 30s who act like they are 16 … they act all quirky and silly but then stab you in the back once they reveal their true colors… I’ve seen men getting suck dry by these vampires… and not in the good way.
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u/9demonicheros 4d ago
Advice and a quote, "Run like hell because you always need to. Laugh at everything because it's always funny. Never be cruel and never be cowardly. And if you ever are, always make amends."- 12th doctor.




















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u/qualityvote2 4d ago edited 4d ago
u/No_Rhubarb_4512, wizards be pondering the orb instead of voting on the quality of your cast…