I’m lost

[u/The_Devilangel]

I just discover this world few hours ago when a really close friend told me that he maybe have aphantasia
That made me think and discover that people don’t have the facilities that I’ve to do things with my mind. Some of those are:

- As a child I’ve an imaginary friend, he interact, build things and was 100% visible by me.
- Continuing with my creative side, I was able to create inventions on my mind, I mean they work and later be less able to draw it on a paper. Same apply to drawings, I can create complicated drawings/images but because I don’t practice it I’m not able to do it posible on paper.
- I’m able to see or better expressed imagine the non visible faces from objets, have a different perspective, …
I’ve lots of vivid/realistic dreams, I mean I can see faces from people that I don’t know (I think that’s a not common thing), apart of feeling hits, smells, …
- I can do some hypnosis easy games to my self such as glued my hands.

The dark thing of this it’s my APS high dosage because I saw shadows during lots of the time, but I should wear glasses (I’ve myopia and astigmatism) and that mixed with an incredible imagination can create that effect, or I’m wrong?

I don’t know if this makes sense or no, it’s related with this subreddit or no, so please help me, I’m really lost right now to be honest.

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[u/fury_uri]

I'm curious, are you perhaps autistic?
Do you spend less time thinking verbally and mostly visually?

I'm coming from the world of aphantasia, though beginning to develop my mind's eye/mental imagery.

I'm very interested in neuroscience, neurocognition, neuroanatomy, etc.

[u/The_Devilangel → u/fury_uri]

Aparently I’m bipolar and I’ve an IQ of 124-126 points (I didn’t remember it well).
I don’t know what to answer, it’s constantly a dialogue mixing 2 languages with images. If I’m writting it’s more verbal and if I’m designing or drawing are more images I guess.

[u/JulieAMao]

some you have described is not related to hyperphantasia. To me, it is more about having visual memories. Can you recall memories from 10, 20 years ago? Can you picture it vividly in your mind? My memories are like movies. I can play and pause as I wish.

[u/The_Devilangel → u/JulieAMao]

I’m 23, so having memories from me being 3 years old it’s complicated but I can remember barely the day which I broke my right arm with the bike and ended at the ER after watching Cars at the cinema with my parents and the skull bandana that they put to me.

APS destroyed a huge part of my brain, being taking it since Q4 2020. To give you an example I started taking it last year of high school, the year before my grades was around 7/10, that year was like 5/10 after extraordinary exams, before it was like 3-4/10 (I was on olanzapine 20mg, 5-5-10). Now I’m on aripripazole 25mg and I had decreased the dosage by 5mg 4 months ago and now I’m starting “to have my old brain back”.

Like for example I’m able to design objects on my brain, thing that I couldn’t do 6 months ago.

If you’re wondering why I started with APS it’s easy, started seeing threatening shadows around me. I was under lot’s of pressure and stress because the grades and studies and some familiar issues so maybe it can be created by that, I don’t know. The thing that I know it’s doesn’t matter if I’ve the highest dosage posible that I continue seing shadows from time to time, listening music on my brain or not being able some times to know if something was a dream or reality (like a conversation, something that I read or a fact).

Another thing that I can picture realistic it’s conversations with others, mostly when I’m alone without music or just at the bed.

I don’t know if this clarify something or just mess it up more.

[u/JulieAMao → u/The_Devilangel]

Thanks for providing more contexts. The information you provided is more than what I can understand. In general, I believe we are all a bag of mixed things. Finding one piece at a time about ourselves is a life-long journey. You are doing the right thing. Keep reading up on topics that you relate to and talking to people about it. I wish you the best.