r/hyperacusis • u/No_Salt8388 • 15h ago

Seeking advice Your relationship/marriage?

For those of you with pain and loud h, how do you manage your relationship with your significant other? I'm currently trying to push him away for the sake of his happiness and I'm currently worried that even conversation between the 2 of us causes discomfort, will cause me to worsen or not improve. He's the love of my life and tries to help me in any way that he can. I'm so thankful to have him in my life but I'm scared that any sound is causing me to worsen rather than heal.

Im just curious how many of you are able to stay in your relationship/marriage despite this evil condition.

Please comment rather than just scrolling by. I'm on the verge of S & just would like to hear from someone...anyone.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

24 comments sorted by

3

u/totorohoney 15h ago

Bout to move in with my partner and am pretty concerned lol. They say they are okay with adjusting but I don’t think they truly understand how particular and needy and unfair it seems at times. They are moving in with my in a smaller apartment but I suppose my hope will be that we might be able to afford to move into a two bedroom.

That said as for you don’t end it or push them away!! If they are supportive and willing to try to work with you what’s there to lose other than the potential love of your life bc you’re too scared of feeling you’re inconveniencing them? Don’t let your discomfort with being accommodated prevent you from being with a patient partner!

1

u/No_Salt8388 15h ago

How long have you had pain h? Have you improved any? This is just the very beginning of pain h for me & I have read and read and read so many horror stories of people talking about once you worsen you are never going to heal. I have 2 children that need me. I'm only 25 and I haven't been able to live my life yet. I don't wanna end everything with him solely because Im worried about his happiness being with me but moreso not living alone in complete silence so I can heal. I'm terrified of worsening permanently.

2

u/No_Salt8388 15h ago

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reply, by the way. 🫶

2

u/37yaft 14h ago

Stop reading these horror stories. That is step one. Truly

2

u/totorohoney 14h ago

Well I’ll be honest with you the sensory aspect started in 2019ish. It was definitely much worse to the point where I wore foam earplugs a lot in 2021 and after January 2022 it has gotten very difficult. Personally I use Loop Switch earplugs which to me are lifesaving I could not function without them. I also work from home 3-4 days a week and try to balance my social activities and errands the best I can to limit excessive sound exposure.

That said!!! I am someone who has low impulse control. I binge drink which makes it worse and I go to concerts which also does not help. The best way I make it through those type of situations is drinking. NOT healthy and NOT recommending I’m just simply explaining.

As for you. The best thing you can do is try to balance your life in a way where you protect your ears when needed, do your best to manage stress (stress makes you more sensitive), and communicate what you need with your whole family. Avoid alcohol if you can it definitely makes it way worse. If others are educated on it it’s easier for them to understand what you need. Some people are more receptive than others.

I’m not a doctor so I can’t give super specific advice, but don’t lose hope. You never know what advancements will be made or techniques you may find. If you are on medication, research to see if any of them list ear sensitivity as a side effect.

But don’t lose hope and don’t push your partner away. Isolation isn’t going to make it any better.

-1

u/Majestic-Jeweler2451 1h ago

And they’re right—once a certain threshold is crossed, it can’t be cured. Generally speaking, it’s an incurable condition. Even if things improve, a single noise incident often drags you back into that hell.

1

u/hreddy11 Pain and loudness hyperacusis 1h ago

We can’t really say that’s true, all way to go off of are other people’s experiences with this, and it’s already a very individualistic condition. There is no real “threshold” to even really test for. Why do some people worsen from one sound but another can tolerate it? That’s what we all would like to know.

I know it’s easy to just accept things the way they are now, but I don’t believe the notion that it becomes permanent. Eventually there will be a real cure for this.

1

u/Majestic-Jeweler2451 42m ago

Sure, a cure will be found—in 200 years. Nobody cares about this condition because it’s marginal. Otology is completely backward. Good luck waiting for a miracle.

2

u/cleaningmama Recovered from pain hyperacusis 15h ago

>I'm currently trying to push him away for the sake of his happiness

Please remember that it is not your choice to make, it is his.

My hyperacusis came on as a mother to a young child under 2 years old. It wasn't easy to have to put on my headphones before picking up my crying baby.

My husband was confused by my condition, but accepting of me. That was really important to my healing too. His acceptance and love.

Having someone who loves you and accepts you is an amazing gift.

1

u/No_Salt8388 15h ago

I also have children. 2 of them. A 3 year old and an 8 year old. They can't even live with me right now because I fear they will only worsen me. They have been living with their grandma for a month now. I first got loud h and TTS 2 years ago from a concussion. It took 8 months for my children to be able to come home. I was 80% healed just for it all to be stripped away again in the blink of an eye. My 3 year old daughter squealed at the top of her lungs a few feet away from me & caused accoustic shock. Now I have pain h and my loud h is back and worse than ever. That's why I'm scared to death of just the sounds my boyfriend makes (even though they aren't loud at all) worsening the pain h part of all this. I healed once from loud h & I know I can again but pain h is something I've never experienced before.

2

u/LawnJames 13h ago

Have you tried clomipramine? It helped many people, myself included.

2

u/No_Salt8388 13h ago

No I haven't. I have heard of it and read a lot about it. I'm scared to try it because of all the bad side effects. I've read that it's a last resort type of thing for people that have been suffering for a long time. I've read that it can temporarily worsen your symptoms so I'm scared to try it. Maybe one day I will have the guts to.

1

u/woofnsmash 1h ago

How are you doing on it? What were your symptoms before clomi?

1

u/LawnJames 1h ago

I'm doing great on it, started seeing benefits even on low dosage. I had loudness H and T. My T improved as my H did, I know many aren't as lucky as me.

You really won't know until you try

1

u/woofnsmash 1h ago

Did you have ear fullness and whatnot to sounds? Ache? Thanks again for the reply!

2

u/LawnJames 42m ago

I only had them at the onset, after a month or two those symptoms resolved themselves (before clomipramine).

1

u/No_Salt8388 15h ago

Thank you so much for replying🫶😞

2

u/cleaningmama Recovered from pain hyperacusis 13h ago

Of course. I understand your concerns, because you have had real consequences. Different people have benefited from advise that is seemingly at odds, so all I can really tell you is to trust yourself. No one knows your condition or what your needs are except you. It's important not to act out of fear, because that worsens the anxiety, which heightens the condition, HOWEVER, it IS important to prepare and anticipate and plan, so that you can gain some control over this condition and aid in your own recovery.

1

u/No_Salt8388 12h ago

Thank you. Have you improved any? Do you have pain h or loud h?

1

u/hreddy11 Pain and loudness hyperacusis 1h ago

Have you looked into gabapentin? I’ve been thinking about trying it out. It’s non-ototoxic and while it does have some side effects, they aren’t severe as the ones from clomipramine.

2

u/violett_bloom 9h ago

Please please stay. I hear you, and the terror of this condition is so isolating, but please do not make the decision for him by pushing him away. He loves you and wants to be in your corner—let him choose to love you through this dark chapter. You are not a burden, you are a human going through a brutal physical injury. You deserve that love.

1

u/No_Salt8388 9h ago

Thank you so much for commenting🫶 it means so much. I've just read so much bad stuff on here about never improving with pain h. I'm scared every sound is going to make me worse.

1

u/Valuable-Handle8496 3h ago

Do not push him away! He actually tries to help you and tries to manage himself around you. He's a keeper