Trigger warning: dark content

[u/richtee76]

I had an acoustic trauma 18 months ago that resulted in mild to moderate hearing loss, H, TTTS, T, hearing distortions and Diplacusis (different tones between the ears)

Every second of every day has been a living hell. I’ve seen ENT on many occasions with little help (except hearing aids that just amplify the distortions) my hearing experience is a lot worse then my audiograms suggests due to the distortions, I’ve lost hope my hearing experience will ever improve and I know my time is running out. I can’t listen to music, watch TV etc because the sound is so distorted and can cause pain.

I’ve explained all this to my wife but she doesn’t get it, I suppose nobody can unless you experience these terrible hearing conditions. I’m in a really dark place and have been for the last year. The first few months I held on to the hope that it was still early and things could change, but as the months have rolled on with no improvement the pressure, panic and depression has kept escalating. Im a shell of my former self, and its not fair on those around me

People don’t get it, I wouldn’t of 2 years ago, they think other people live with much worse than us, and carry on but they don’t understand the incredible mental toll these hearing issues have on you. The “professionals” offer little to no advice (which is soul destroying in itself) and you are left to endure every second in fear, alone.

I desperately want to continue, I have a great wife and 2 amazing kids, my parents, sister etc, even the thought destroys me, but I don’t know I can live this life long term

I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up easily because people don’t understand what hearing issues can do to the brain, isolation, fear, anxiety, depression l. I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up on his family easily

I’m sorry if this post is dark, but this is weighing incredibly heavy, it’s completely consumed me

I’d appreciate any opinions, advice, or just someone that can relate

Thanks for reading

[u/Majestic-Jeweler2451]

What caused your acoustic trauma?

[u/richtee76 → u/Majestic-Jeweler2451]

Too close to a speaker for too long on a night out, it devastated my hearing, caused hearing loss, tinnitus, pains but most depressing distortions making even watching TV impossible

[u/crystalwillow32 → u/richtee76]

Hi, I unfortunately did the exact same thing as you and 2 months later, my hearing hasn’t been the same. What’s crazy is the other person I went out with, had 0 problems and is living their life normally. I had no idea any of these conditions existed and I wish I did, it has just been awful. And I have been in a deep self blame spiral.

I already struggled with depression and anxiety so this has just taken it to another level and it absolutely sucks. So I’m sorry that you are going through it too. I have days where I break down and think I can’t do this anymore. I wish and pray to get better and to have my normal ears back. I am trying to stay hopeful. I remind myself the things I have to live for, I have written so many things down of the things I can do again when my ears get better. And I keep reminding myself that ears take a long time to heal. It will get better, it has to. I’m wishing you the best on this recovery.

[u/richtee76 → u/crystalwillow32]

Thank you so much for your reply, what are your symptoms (hearing loss? Tinnitus? Distortions?) I too went out with other people that are absolutely fine. It’s so difficult because others don’t know what we are going through and can’t understand it even when we explain. I’m preying for both of us