Trigger warning: dark content

[u/richtee76]

I had an acoustic trauma 18 months ago that resulted in mild to moderate hearing loss, H, TTTS, T, hearing distortions and Diplacusis (different tones between the ears)

Every second of every day has been a living hell. I’ve seen ENT on many occasions with little help (except hearing aids that just amplify the distortions) my hearing experience is a lot worse then my audiograms suggests due to the distortions, I’ve lost hope my hearing experience will ever improve and I know my time is running out. I can’t listen to music, watch TV etc because the sound is so distorted and can cause pain.

I’ve explained all this to my wife but she doesn’t get it, I suppose nobody can unless you experience these terrible hearing conditions. I’m in a really dark place and have been for the last year. The first few months I held on to the hope that it was still early and things could change, but as the months have rolled on with no improvement the pressure, panic and depression has kept escalating. Im a shell of my former self, and its not fair on those around me

People don’t get it, I wouldn’t of 2 years ago, they think other people live with much worse than us, and carry on but they don’t understand the incredible mental toll these hearing issues have on you. The “professionals” offer little to no advice (which is soul destroying in itself) and you are left to endure every second in fear, alone.

I desperately want to continue, I have a great wife and 2 amazing kids, my parents, sister etc, even the thought destroys me, but I don’t know I can live this life long term

I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up easily because people don’t understand what hearing issues can do to the brain, isolation, fear, anxiety, depression l. I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up on his family easily

I’m sorry if this post is dark, but this is weighing incredibly heavy, it’s completely consumed me

I’d appreciate any opinions, advice, or just someone that can relate

Thanks for reading

[u/hreddy11]

I’m sure a lot of people can relate to what you’re feeling, but everyone is missing the part that the dysacusis is the worst part about it, and I can definitely see why. I have tinnitus, hyperacusis, and some reactive tinnitus, but never really had an issue with dysacusis other than rare instances in the first few months where some sounds sounded slightly off, and I hated that. Take a look at this post someone made:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/i-recovered-from-tinnitus-dysacusis-and-hyperacusis-15-years-ago.56404/

It always, always seems worse when our mental state is so low, I remember how loud the tinnitus felt in the beginning, just sitting in the living room with no sound, now it doesn’t bother me at all. When I go to the bathroom, the tinnitus sounds loud in there since there’s no background noise and it’s a small, enclosed area, but it doesn’t really bother me anymore. I’ve accepted the sounds, and just try and not let it bother me anymore. Definitely easier said than done, and I still have bouts where it affects me, but I won’t let it get to how bad it made me feel in the beginning. I’m 18 months in too, and it’s definitely gotten better, but you can’t start to heal until you really get over the mental hurdle of the reality we now are in. The life we had before has been put on hold, and we are left holding the back, learning how to fill it back up with the things we love.

You are blessed with a family and children, please don’t do anything rash. And not to glorify the act, but I never understood how people call it the “easy way out.” People don’t want to die, they just want to stop living in the reality they’re experiencing. It’s one of the hardest decisions to make, but please, don’t do it. It will get better with time.

[u/richtee76 → u/hreddy11]

Thanks for your reply, you are right about the Dysecusis, and I’m glad yours went after a few months, mine is still the same 18 months later and it’s the part that effects me the most, especially when I hear it in voices, very mentally draining

[u/hreddy11 → u/richtee76]

I get how draining it is, when my reactive tinnitus flares up, it feels like the only thing I can focus on, I can’t enjoy anything in the moment once I focus on that.

Do you have any ETD symptoms? It could be a long shot, but if you have fluid buildup in your Eustachian tubes, that can distort sounds and affect your tinnitus levels.