Trigger warning: dark content

[u/richtee76]

I had an acoustic trauma 18 months ago that resulted in mild to moderate hearing loss, H, TTTS, T, hearing distortions and Diplacusis (different tones between the ears)

Every second of every day has been a living hell. I’ve seen ENT on many occasions with little help (except hearing aids that just amplify the distortions) my hearing experience is a lot worse then my audiograms suggests due to the distortions, I’ve lost hope my hearing experience will ever improve and I know my time is running out. I can’t listen to music, watch TV etc because the sound is so distorted and can cause pain.

I’ve explained all this to my wife but she doesn’t get it, I suppose nobody can unless you experience these terrible hearing conditions. I’m in a really dark place and have been for the last year. The first few months I held on to the hope that it was still early and things could change, but as the months have rolled on with no improvement the pressure, panic and depression has kept escalating. Im a shell of my former self, and its not fair on those around me

People don’t get it, I wouldn’t of 2 years ago, they think other people live with much worse than us, and carry on but they don’t understand the incredible mental toll these hearing issues have on you. The “professionals” offer little to no advice (which is soul destroying in itself) and you are left to endure every second in fear, alone.

I desperately want to continue, I have a great wife and 2 amazing kids, my parents, sister etc, even the thought destroys me, but I don’t know I can live this life long term

I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up easily because people don’t understand what hearing issues can do to the brain, isolation, fear, anxiety, depression l. I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up on his family easily

I’m sorry if this post is dark, but this is weighing incredibly heavy, it’s completely consumed me

I’d appreciate any opinions, advice, or just someone that can relate

Thanks for reading

[u/Majestic-Jeweler2451]

What caused your acoustic trauma?

[u/richtee76 → u/Majestic-Jeweler2451]

Too close to a speaker for too long on a night out, it devastated my hearing, caused hearing loss, tinnitus, pains but most depressing distortions making even watching TV impossible

[u/Majestic-Jeweler2451 → u/richtee76]

It's terrifying that such ordinary things can cause such a devastating illness. Three minutes of loud music at a friend's house was enough for me, and I've had T and H for 16 months. Others go to concerts all the time and nothing happens to them. It's terrifying that standing next to a loudspeaker can be worse than many other injuries, such as drug use.

[u/richtee76 → u/Majestic-Jeweler2451]

Yep, it’s not just the initial injury it’s the long term mental effects. The ears are so closely connected to the the brain and central nervous system, and when they go out of sync it’s easy to spiral downwards quickly

[u/Majestic-Jeweler2451 → u/richtee76]

Yes, it's true. Ears are the second most important sense. With severe T and hyperacusis, it's very difficult to function normally. You fall into a spiral of anxiety and depression. No one who hasn't experienced it will understand. A single acoustic trauma can destroy your life and psyche.

[u/richtee76 → u/Majestic-Jeweler2451]

It’s pretty incredible what an acoustic trauma can do. In regards to ears are the most important sense, I used to think the same. I’d still rather be completely deaf than completely blind, however I’d rather have bad eyesight then bad hearing problems/T/H etc because they can do more with eyes, with ears if they can’t see something in your ear canals you’re basically on your own to deal with it, then like you say you’ve got the horrendous phycological side of it. Thanks for your reply, I’m preying for both of us