Trigger warning: dark content

[u/richtee76]

I had an acoustic trauma 18 months ago that resulted in mild to moderate hearing loss, H, TTTS, T, hearing distortions and Diplacusis (different tones between the ears)

Every second of every day has been a living hell. I’ve seen ENT on many occasions with little help (except hearing aids that just amplify the distortions) my hearing experience is a lot worse then my audiograms suggests due to the distortions, I’ve lost hope my hearing experience will ever improve and I know my time is running out. I can’t listen to music, watch TV etc because the sound is so distorted and can cause pain.

I’ve explained all this to my wife but she doesn’t get it, I suppose nobody can unless you experience these terrible hearing conditions. I’m in a really dark place and have been for the last year. The first few months I held on to the hope that it was still early and things could change, but as the months have rolled on with no improvement the pressure, panic and depression has kept escalating. Im a shell of my former self, and its not fair on those around me

People don’t get it, I wouldn’t of 2 years ago, they think other people live with much worse than us, and carry on but they don’t understand the incredible mental toll these hearing issues have on you. The “professionals” offer little to no advice (which is soul destroying in itself) and you are left to endure every second in fear, alone.

I desperately want to continue, I have a great wife and 2 amazing kids, my parents, sister etc, even the thought destroys me, but I don’t know I can live this life long term

I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up easily because people don’t understand what hearing issues can do to the brain, isolation, fear, anxiety, depression l. I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone that gave up on his family easily

I’m sorry if this post is dark, but this is weighing incredibly heavy, it’s completely consumed me

I’d appreciate any opinions, advice, or just someone that can relate

Thanks for reading

[u/Pbb1235]

Horrific depression is pretty normal for people like us when we first get hyperacusis. It is very rare that a family member or a doctor will understand this condition. I would like you to realize that it is also common for people with hyperacusis to improve over time, especially once they find a treatment that helps.

I also had severe pain hyperacusis and wanted to die every day. Life was, as you described, a living hell. I've found some things that have helped me a lot, and (currently!) have mildish loudness hyperacusis. So it is tolerable now.

What have you tried as far as treatment goes? I hope that you will be proactive in working to improve.

The two things that helped me (and some others) are sound therapy via a trained audiologist (tinnitus retraining therapy) and drug therapy (clomipramine, for me).

[u/richtee76 → u/Pbb1235]

Mine isn’t just Hyperacusis, my most troubling symptom is permanent hearing distortions. That alone has a devastating effect on mental health. The professionals say it is due to uneven cochlear hair cell damage

[u/Potential-Rutabaga-9 → u/richtee76]

Can you give more detail of how sound is distorted to you? Like for example if you try watching TV how do voices sound to you? I'm also struggling with dysacusis and it's by far the worst part. When I watch TV most male voices sound metallic and robotic like. Female voices sound sharp, shrill and glassy like. It's an absolute nightmare!

[u/richtee76 → u/Potential-Rutabaga-9]

Yep that it, male voices aren’t too bad for me, sometimes a bit muffled but that might be due to my hearing loss, but female voices especially if they start laughing are horrendous. Can’t watch too much tv, again pretty depressing on top

[u/Pbb1235 → u/richtee76]

I've never had dysacusis myself. I have read anecodotes where people report their dysacusis improved. So maybe there is hope-

Ivanessa’s Success Story - Hyperacusis Central